Unconditional Love
by Gweneth Galaxy
Summary: I just had one more year of university, and then I could graduate and move far, far away from stupid, lonely cities and coffee shops and school and my little sister, who seems to have shown up out of the blue simply to plague me in this final year. The only question was… Would I be able to survive that long? Rated T for language and mild dark themes
1. Prologue

I'm going to make one thing blatantly, _painfully_ obvious to you right off the bat to avoid some confusion, and I really hope you listen, because otherwise, you're not going to have a very good time here, and I suggest you move on.

This is not a story about romance.

It's not.

If that's what you were looking for, please, excuse yourself out the nearest door. Romance is not what I'm here for, so if it's what you're here for, you're gonna wanna find another girl. I'm just not that girl.

Are we clear? No romance, right? Right. Good. Now that that's out of the way…

My name is Elsa Eira Voll. I was born and raised in Arendal, Norway with my younger sister. When I was twelve and she nine, we hadn't seen each other in four years (for reasons I dare not mention right now) and our parents died. As per their will, a family friend took us to America and left us with our aunt, who promptly died a year later. My sister and I were separated in the American foster system, where she got quickly adopted, and I drifted around a bit before aging out of it.

But… I wouldn't exactly call this a story about tragedy, either. There might be some tragedy in it, but what story would be complete without a bit here and there?

Yes, I've had a rough start – and so has this story.

After all, when did I ever claim for it to be a good story? In fact, I'd call it quite horrible. Maybe it's best you do leave now – escape before it's too late.

Are you still here? Really? Well, then, I suppose you've just about had it with my rambling, haven't you? I suppose, without further ado, I shall begin this awful, non-romantic, mildly tragic story…

It was a dark and stormy night when the horse galloped bravely across the tundra. The man riding atop was breathing heavily, his puffing visible in the frigid air. He had to get to his wife. He had to get there on time. He hadn't meant to be gone so long – in fact, he had only left to find the herbs to dull her pain before the baby came. He didn't know how he knew that she had gone into labor, but he did, and he was determined to make sure she wasn't alone in her time of need.

Minutes felt like hours to his weary body as his horse trudged forth, obediently keeping up the speed every time he flicked the reins. Although the man was panting from the adrenaline, his breaths were shallow. The first time he was really able to get enough oxygen in his lungs to function was when his home came into view. He rushed forth, but the house was deathly silent.

What he wasn't expecting was to be holding his dead wife and son in his arms as the blood from their slit throats pooled around him. He knew who did it, though, and with an icy glare into the cold night, he vowed to seek the revenge he deserved…

Kidding.

Oh man, are you still here? After all of that? After that terrible, terrible introduction? You're pretty unshakable, huh?

…I just sighed, just now, in case you didn't hear it. I suppose I'll stop joking around and get to the point. Just… Are you sure? Are you really sure? Because I don't think… Okay! Okay, I get it! Tell the story! Sheesh, what does a girl gotta do to get a little respect around here? Yelling at the storyteller… Real mature.

Fine. If you _really_ want to hear my story… I suppose… Here goes nothing!


	2. Chapter 1: Morning Rush

I was twenty-one years old and living the glamorous life. Partying every night and living in a constant state of drunkenness after winning the lottery. Er, so I wished. Actually, no, I hate parties… And losing control. But winning the lottery? That certainly would have been welcome.

As I said, though, I was living the glamorous twenty-one year-old life – work early in the morning, class during the day, homework at night. Where did I work, you ask? Only at a coffee shop.

Yup. Typical, isn't it?

Anyway, at this point, I didn't really have any friends. Nor did I know what the word really meant. I had coworkers, and people I interacted with in university, but beyond that, I wouldn't call anyone a friend.

_But, Elsa! What about your sister that you mentioned!?_

Very astute! Not astute enough, though, to remember the fact that I said we were separated, I suppose. I hadn't interacted with my sister in thirteen years. It was for her own good, believe me.

I hadn't even thought about her for at least three years when the day started. I had woken up at three in the morning, and I'd needed to be at work by four-thirty. Since I didn't fancy getting terminally ill from all of the shit in the coffee we have at work, I made my own, by hand, at home.

I have always had quite the sweet tooth, but I prefer to drink coffee on the more bitter side. Like normal, I put in my dash of hazelnut creamer that morning and stirred it up. It was far too hot to drink at first, but because of how long I had stayed in bed after my alarm at three, I didn't really have time to wait for it to cool down. To speed things up, I cooled it down with my ice powers.

…Did I forget to mention those?

Yeah. That's kind of why I got isolated from the whole world at age eight. The cold doesn't bother me, mind, but I'm told it does have an effect on other people. In fact, would you believe it? I could _hurt_ people with my ice powers. I had to learn that the hard way by almost freezing my sister to death when we were young, but hey, that's a different story. Maybe, if you buy me a bottle of vodka, I'll tell you.

Anyway, back on track. The morning started like any other. School wasn't in session at the moment, instead starting two weeks from then, but that just meant that I got to spend more time at my (least) favorite place in the world – Morning Rush. Because what else would you name a coffee shop?

Before leaving, I took my various medicines that allowed me to function, and had to struggle with my beat-up old truck for at least five minutes to get it to work. When it decided to actually do its job, it was about a ten minute drive to Morning Rush.

My manager (and also one of my only acquaintances, for lack of better terminology), Abbie, was already present.

"You're late," she said as she opened the doors and let me in, locking the door behind me so that we could prep before opening in an hour.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance as I went to clock in. "By five minutes," I countered, and she didn't press on the subject any longer.

Before wasting any more time, I started prepping the machines, also taking care of everything that the closing crew the previous night was apparently too lazy to do. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence – except, of course, for when I closed. I never left when there was still stuff to be done. Or maybe I just didn't have anything better to do than to stay and make sure everything was done. The main reasoning wasn't really important.

I had been working at Morning Rush since I first started university, three years prior to where I was when this story takes place. Needless to say, I was kind of one of the best employees there – the best crew member, anyhow.

"Is it just us to open with?" I asked. It was a Tuesday, and we didn't usually get very busy on Tuesdays, so I wouldn't have been surprised if it really was just Abbie and I until seven. _But, wouldn't mornings be busy at a coffee shop?_ You ask.

Yeah, and they are – during classes. Crewsbury's population drops significantly when Mountain Spring University isn't in session.

"We're training up a new girl today. She worked yesterday morning, too, so she's not brand new. She comes in at five."

I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Is she any good?"

"Well, it's a little early for me to tell, but she was really impressive in her interview. A bit shy, maybe, but overall, one of my most hopeful hires."

"Not like Johnson?"

Abbie rolled her eyes and lightly poked me in the arm. "I've already admitted that hiring Johnson was a bad idea," she said, and then shuddered as she returned to setting up the register. "Dude was a fucking creep."

"A sixteen year-old fucking creep," I added helpfully.

She cringed at that. "Right. I think that _firing_ him was perhaps the best thing I've ever done for the sake of this store."

"Making amends," I teased her, stepping away before she could poke me again, something that frustrated her. She knew I was just messing with her, though.

That was the thing about Abbie. She wasn't a friend – remember, I didn't have any of those – but she was someone that I could still joke around with. We loved working together because we could banter playfully whenever there wasn't customers present. The reason why I wouldn't call her a friend is because you're supposed to interact with friends outside of what you have in common (to my understanding, at least), and never once had Abbie or I tried to hang out outside of work.

We just kept each other as our saving graces during stupid, boring mornings and hours spent bending to the will of privileged, snobbish, self-important people who wanted _1%_ milk in their drink, not 2%.

Now, Abbie was a fantastic manager. She knew what she was doing. She was kind of like me, though, in the way that neither of us necessarily liked _people_. The difference between us was that she actually had ones that she cared about, who cared about her in return.

"Something seemed familiar about the new girl when I was hiring her," Abbie said pensively as she fixed the amount of cash in the registers and then proceeded to turn the system on.

"Yeah?" I responded noncommittedly, focusing on setting up one of the machines that took longer to prepare.

"I don't know what it is. Then again, I've never been very good with faces. It could be that she was a regular customer at the pizza place I worked at five years ago and I just forgot her completely. Or maybe she worked at a salon I went to. It happens to me too much, I think. Not knowing where I recognize someone from."

I didn't respond for a long while, letting her ramble. After I finished with the machine, I turned and leaned against the counter, holding a hand to my forehead. I surreptitiously created some ice in my palm to try to cool myself down. I really hated that place.

A couple more times, Abbie attempted to start up a conversation, but I was mostly unresponsive, feeling for some odd reason out of sorts that day. It didn't make sense, of course – as I said, it was a pretty average morning.

I ran through my morning routine, trying to figure if I had done something wrong that would make my anxiety act up. Did I forget to take my anxiety medicine? No, no, I told myself – I remembered specifically taking it.

It wasn't until the new hire walked through the door that I realized that apparently, ice powers came with a strange, animalistic sort of premonition, for the moment I laid eyes on that girl, I knew that a storm had brewed out of nowhere. I only wished I listened to my premonition and gotten the hell out of dodge before it started to rain.

The girl didn't see me before I saw her. That gave me time to rush to the back and start breaking down boxes and getting ready to take the trash out, if only to give myself something to do. My blood was rushing in my ears, but I could still make out Abbie talking to the girl.

"So, it's Anna, right?"

"_An_na, actually. Ah-nuh. It's, uh, it's Norwegian."

"Sorry, yes, I remember. Norwegian? We have another Norwegian worker here. She's in the back. Once she takes out the trash, you can meet her."

You guessed it. My new coworker? She's the sister that I haven't talked to in thirteen years (after not seeing for about eight). Funny, isn't it?

_But Elsa! If it's really been that long, how can you be sure it's her?_

Well, her responses to Abbie kind of gives it away, but you're right – I ran away before even hearing the conversation. Maybe I should describe my sister, and it would make more sense.

Anna is, to this day, the most bubbly and positive person I think I've ever met in my life. Her hair is an enviably beautiful strawberry blonde, and her eyes are blue, like mine, only a bit darker. She has this white streak on the right side of her head, though, caused by yours truly, of course. I mentioned almost freezing her to death, didn't I? Yeah. It's a rather distinctive skunk stripe, and that, my dear audience, is how I knew, upon first glance, that my new coworker is the younger sister I abandoned.

I delayed the inevitable by taking out the trash much slower than I ever had before, but at some point, I'd have to face her, and no matter how hard I tried, taking out the trash wouldn't consume the entirety of an eight-hour shift.

It was with my eyes narrowed and head low that I started shuffling back to the front, where Abbie was showing Anna how to work the register.

"Oh, there she is now! Anna, I'd like you to meet – "

"…Elsa?"

I cringed at hearing the shocked voice of my sister as she finally looked at me. I gave her a small wave and then quickly ducked my head and slipped past them to refill the cup stacks (since, you know, they didn't do it last night).

Abbie glanced between us in confusion. "Wait, you two know each other? Did you, like, meet in Norway or something?"

"Elsa, is that really you?" Anna asked then with a hesitant step forward, ignoring her boss for once.

"I mean, I think so," I answered in faux disinterest, hoping she'd leave it be for once. But, of course, Anna was never one to leave anything alone, even as a child.

"I just… Wow. Won't you… Won't you look at me?"

I shrugged.

"Wait, what am I missing here?" Abbie tried again, finally drawing Anna's attention.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Anna's face flush bright red as she realized her blunder. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to ignore you, Miss Patil!"

Abbie waved her hand, wrinkling her nose a little. "Please, just Abbie."

"O-okay… I still didn't mean to seem rude, Abbie. I'm so sorry – I just – I'm just…" Anna sighed and looked back to me. "I didn't know I'd be working with my older sister…"

Abbie furrowed her brows, the wheels turning in her head. She came to the realization that Anna meant me and gasped. "Elsa is your sister!? No wonder you looked so familiar! I was wracking my brain about it. I just couldn't put two and two together."

That's when Anna made the mistake of stepping too close to me. "Elsa, don't you remember me? I mean, I know it's been a while, but surely you'd remember… We're sisters, aren't we?"

"Right now, Anna, we're coworkers," I snapped at her, shuffling away to put enough distance between us that I could find oxygen again. "In the vicinity of this building, we are going to be _nothing_ _but_ coworkers. Do you understand?"

Hurt, Anna nodded and took a step away from me.

"Harsh," Abbie commented with a raised eyebrow and then beckoned Anna over. "Come on, Anna. I think Elsa needs to _cool down_," she sent me a pointed look. "I'll show you how to ring up custom orders."

Taking the hint, I dropped what I was doing and went out the back of the store, casually leaning up against the side of the dumpster. I found that I wasn't breathing right, so I closed my eyes and slowly tried to force air in and out of my lungs at a semi-normal rate. Even with my eyes closed, though, all I was able to see was the pained look in my little sister's eyes, and all I could hear was her cry when I hit her in the head with my ice powers. She had only been five years old…

Fuck.

I knew today was gonna suck.

Letting out a breath, I rubbed my hand over my face. The only course of action I could see, going forward, would be to quit my job, drop out of university, steal a bunch of shit, change my name, flee the country, and live in hiding from her for the rest of my life. I mean, it was clearly the only logical path that I could take. Anything else would surely result in me actually having to talk to her at some point, and heaven knows I couldn't do _that_.

Don't laugh at me! It's not my fault that the most intimately I've ever interacted with anyone over the past eight years was asking, "Would you like some whipped cream on that?" and then taking bills from people and giving back change.

I mean, maybe it would have been morally wrong to steal stuff and flee the country just to avoid my sister, but that didn't make the option any less enticing. Of course, it'd never actually happen – I'm far too much of an agoraphobic coward to ever do it. I liked fancying the thought, though.

I nervously twisted the black ring resting on my right middle finger – the only piece of jewelry I was allowed to wear in the store. Of course, I wouldn't wear it when corporate came by, because technically, I wouldn't be allowed to, but Abbie knew its significance (the only one to know, by the way) and never minded me wearing it.

After a moment, I cursed under my breath again. If I couldn't change my name and leave the country, then the only option was to…

…To face my sister.

Sighing heavily, I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to get my courage up. When I opened my eyes again, I noticed the ice that had formed around my feet and moved the dumpster so it was covered up, at least.

'Control it. Conceal. Don't feel.'

Yeah, right…

Twenty-one years, and I still had no idea how to fully control my curse.

Anyway…

Still with far too little courage to be facing my sister, I opened the back door and slipped back inside, quickly making my way up to the front and setting up the last of the machines. We would be opening in ten minutes, so I needed to make sure it was ready.

Although I could feel Anna's stares, I didn't bother to say anything to her, fearing that I'd say the wrong thing, or perhaps just let my emotions get away from me. No one wanted the store to freeze, that was for certain.

For what it's worth, she seemed to leave it well enough alone. I wondered if Abbie had said anything to her but didn't want to find out. The thought of people talking about me behind my back made me want to throw up.

When the store opened, it wasn't very busy, as I had expected. Anna was put on register, and in between taking orders, Abbie showed her how to make certain drinks. How to put caramel in one. How to make mint-flavored hot chocolate. What to do when a customer wanted skim milk. The right ratio of whipped cream to drink.

I'm sure Abbie had been intending to have me teach her some of these things, but given the predicament, had decided against it.

It was still our first hour of being open, and Abbie had to run to the bank to put in our deposit for yesterday, leaving Anna and I alone. For a while, we didn't say anything, instead tending to the customers and doing our own work. I even saw Anna grabbing a rag and cleaning off countertops when there was simply nothing else to do.

When I wasn't preparing the orders that she took, I was doing similar things – making unnecessary checks on the machines just in case one was having issues, walking around our dining area and cleaning it up, pretty much anything I could to keep myself busy.

It was while I was wiping down one of the tables that a conversation from the register caught my attention.

"What do you mean, $9.86? I always come here, and it's always $8.20! That's all I brought, you know."

"I-I'm sorry, sir – my machine says $9.86."

"Well, I want to speak to your manager!"

"My manager i-isn't here r-right now…"

"What, are you stupid or something? It shouldn't be hard to ring up a simple order! These fucking places always employing dumbass high school dropouts…"

…Okay. I very, _very_ quickly became pissed as I heard this conversation transpire.

Clenching the rag to keep the ice out of the open, I stalked back behind the counter wordlessly and stepped behind the register, Anna immediately scooting aside.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" I asked with the best 'customer service' smile I could muster in spite of how angry he'd made me already.

The man glowered at Anna before turning his attention back to me. "This moron rang my order up wrong!" he insisted.

I noticed Anna shrink away out of the corner of my eye and saw red at the edges of my vision as I focused my gaze on the man. I cleared the order that was currently up on the screen. "What was your order, sir?"

He told it to me, and I entered it into my machine exactly as he said. "That will be $9.86," I told him matter-of-factly.

Immediately, his face screwed up with rage. "No, it's always $8.20! Neither of you fucking immigrants are doing your jobs right! Is there any educated people working here!?"

Part of me wanted to mention my IQ of 150, but I knew that that would only make the situation worse. "The prices on the americanas went up about three weeks ago, sir, as well as the sales tax in Crewsbury. I'm sorry if this inconveniences you, but the price of your order is $9.86. If you have an issue, feel free to take it up with our corporate office," I said, and then took out a strip of blank receipt paper and a pen and scribbled the number down.

"I very well might!" he scoffed as he took the paper and stuffed it into the pocket of his coat. He then pointed at Anna and I. "I want the store manager's name, and I want to know your names, because when I call them up and they say that _I_ was right, I'm going to get the both of you bitches fired."

I sensed how red Anna's face was as she opened her mouth to give him her name, but I quickly interrupted her before she could. "My name is Elsa Voll. I'm the senior worker here at this moment. Please, by all means, call our corporate headquarters and complain about the price changes, but if you are going to speak like that to me and my coworkers, I'm going to have to ask you to _leave the premises_," I told him, my voice icy, all with that cheery customer service smile as I handed him Abbie's card, pressing it a bit too forcefully into his palm.

His nose wrinkled in disgust and contempt as he took the card and stormed out of the store. I located the vehicle that he was headed towards and clenched my fist under the counter, promptly sending a small but deadly icicle into each of his tires and watching with satisfaction as they began draining.

It was then that I noticed Anna staring at me, eyes wide with wonder and fear and perhaps something else that I couldn't name off the bat. I didn't bother to try.

"You… You just…" Anna stammered, and I raised an eyebrow at her. "…Thank you."

I risked a glance towards the dining area, where there were two people sitting at a table together. When they saw my gaze, they looked away, pretending they hadn't just been paying rapt attention to the drama caused by the man.

I heard him curse from outside as he examined his flat tires, and almost genuinely smiled, but the rush of happiness was small enough that I didn't quite get there. Instead, I turned to Anna with a sigh.

"People get cranky before their coffee, and people have bad days. Don't let customers like that get to you."

She nodded wordlessly, her mouth hanging open in shock, and I turned, heading back out to the dining area to wipe down another table as if nothing had happened.

Abbie returned soon after, and I took a few minutes to bring her to the back and explain (very simply) what had occurred. She was infuriated, I could tell, but she was very good at hiding it. Perhaps that's what made her so good as a manager. She was able to handle people's BS.

That's why I knew I would never make a good manager. Even if I already did managerial work every day, I had a breaking point.

I didn't say another word to Anna throughout the day, and she was off three or so hours before I was. When my shift finally did end, I left Morning Rush and went back to my loyal, beaten-up truck and let my head hit my steering wheel.

One day, and I already had my emotions running wild, and ice filling my veins. I wasn't about to quit my only job – not with the raises I had managed to get over the years, and certainly not without some sort of backup plan.

I just had one more year of university, and then I could graduate and move far, far away from stupid, lonely cities and coffee shops and school and my little sister, who seems to have shown up out of the blue simply to plague me in this final year.

The only question was… Would I be able to survive that long?


	3. Chapter 2: Scheduling Conflicts

Since Anna was a new employee, she didn't necessarily have a lot of hours on the schedule for her first week. That was completely fine by me, because that meant that I didn't see her again that week.

At Morning Rush, our work week started on Monday, so the schedule for each upcoming week was usually posted on Saturday. When Saturday came, and I saw the schedule, I thought that it was a good thing that Abbie wasn't working at the same time I was that day, because I might have just bypassed all of my personal rules and froze her on the spot if I saw her.

_Why would you do that, Elsa?_

Well, mysterious other half of this conversation, you see, Abbie scheduled us so that I was there for every single one of Anna's shifts that week. It wasn't all of my shifts, of course, because I was working five days of the week and Anna only three, but yeah, I was scheduled to be there for every single one of the seventeen hours she was supposed to be there.

In short: Abbie's a dick.

Whoops, haha, that's a bad word, isn't it? Abbie's a mean person. Is that better? In case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not really afraid to curse. I mean… You can do (or not do) whatever you want, but I'm not going to be afraid of language.

Full respect to those who don't curse, but I'm just not going to limit my vocabulary because some things are mean. Life's mean. I learned long ago that I just gotta deal with it however I can, and sometimes, saying some rather untasteful words helps. I'm not saying that it's technically right, but yeah, I'll sometimes use some choice words, so… Here's your official warning. You can't sue me now.

(Not that I have any money anyway!)

Rambling aside, I was kind of screwed this week. I did the only thing I could think to do…

…I fled the country. After stealing a bunch and changing my name.

Kidding.

(Or am I?)

I didn't see Abbie at work until Sunday morning, and oh boy, I still almost froze her. Sunday's a busier day, with church and everything, so we had three people opening every Sunday. Poor Henry could only stand there after he let me in, an hour before open, and I immediately stormed over to Abbie and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Are you going to explain yourself?" I asked her.

She glanced up at me from over her paperwork, clearly unimpressed. "Is there something I need to explain myself for doing?" she shot back.

I snorted (rather unladylike, but I couldn't care less) and rolled my eyes. "You know exactly what I'm upset about – don't act like you don't!"

Abbie bypassed me easily and went to the register to begin prepping her bank deposit. "I haven't the foggiest clue," she said, only succeeding in irritating me further.

"The schedule, Abbie," I deadpanned.

"Haven't you seen it? It was up yesterday, I swear. I always try to get it up by Saturday at the latest – you know that, Elsa."

In the meantime, Henry had shuffled to the back of the store and was peering at the schedule. "Elle, you upset because she paired you with the new girl?" he called up. "Because I mean, I personally love training newbies."

I sent a pointed look at Abbie. "Yes, but not for the reason you'd think."

"Spill the tea, love," Henry grinned as he came back up to the front.

"There's no tea to be spilt," Abbie said sharply. "Elsa just doesn't want to work with the new girl because she knows her already."

"I thought I told you I _didn't_ want to be scheduled shifts with her."

"You did," Abbie hummed, and Henry looked on in shock as she stepped away from me again. "Aren't you going to do any work?"

Scoffing, I shook my head, tugged at my braid in stress, and went to clock in after realizing I hadn't done so yet. I was so preoccupied with my anger at Abbie that I hadn't even thought to. I could feel ice prickling at my fingertips, but I refused to let any of it out, trying to focus on helping Henry set up the dining area, putting chairs back on the ground and making sure there was packets of sugar and creamer at each table.

I could feel him eyeing me every now and then, as if debating saying something, but I did my best to be more standoffish than usual to try to discourage that. It worked, to a degree, and we opened without further incident, but I could feel the cold threatening to escape the whole time.

I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if you told me that there was a radius of cold emanating from me with how upset I felt. I also wouldn't have cared.

Eventually, after the initial church rush died down, Henry seemed to have worked up the courage to say something to me.

"So, how do you know the new girl? Anna, right?"

"_Ah_na," I corrected his pronunciation without even thinking about it, and then felt my cheeks heat up a little.

"Right, Anna," he said, pronouncing it correctly this time. Then, realization dawned on his features and he gasped. "Wait, do you have a crush on her? My God, you totally do! I always knew you were secretly into girls! It's kinda hot, you know."

I'm just going to say that it took an insane amount of willpower not to vomit on the spot at what he was unknowingly implying.

"Disgusting," I told him bluntly. "That notion is disgusting. She's, well…" I sighed and ran a hand over my messy braid. "She's my younger sister."

Henry's mouth formed a perfect 'o'. "I didn't know you had a sister," he admitted.

"I don't mention her. In fact, before Tuesday morning, we hadn't interacted in thirteen years. I kind of abandoned her – for good reason, I might add – so I'm not necessarily thrilled that she's back."

"Maybe Abbie didn't know you were related?"

"Oh, she knows. She was there when Anna and I first saw each other again. She's just being a… Ah… Something I should probably not say with customers around," I lowered my voice considerably. I caught Abbie's gaze and glared at her.

Pursing her lips, she merely returned to making a customer's latte, not engaging with me.

That was fine.

The rest of the shift was spent with Henry trying to get more information about my sister out of me, and me skillfully avoiding talking to him by taking every customer that came up, and again, Sundays were busy.

When Abbie commented that labor was high from earlier in the week being slow and someone had to go home early, I was more than happy to volunteer.

"Elsa," Abbie called out to me before I left. She hesitated, biting her lip, and ten shook her head. "Family is important. Just don't forget that."

Not waiting to be lectured more, I left.

When school wasn't in session, I didn't really have a life outside of work, but now that my sister was working there and I simply couldn't stand to be there anymore, I had even less of a life. Truth be told, I never had much of a life – school and work didn't qualify, and I've mentioned not having any friends?

I might've lied. Just a little. I have one friend. One. Singular.

He's got these giant, sweet gold eyes, he's super flexible, he likes to sleep all day… He's my cat. My cat is my singular friend.

In fact, I look forward to coming home to him every day.

That day was no different, as I got home earlier than usual. My cat, Olaf, is a sweet guy. He's mostly white with patches of black, and he's a bit on the heavier side, but most cats are, anyway. When I got home that day, upset from dealing with Abbie's vague attempts at sage advice and Henry's prodding, Olaf was more than happy to cuddle up with me, completely oblivious and unaware of my dangerous magic, and purr contentedly.

That was the great thing about cats, I thought to myself. They didn't care if you were weird or different or antisocial or cold.

Cats liked cuddling up to cold things. And warm things. Strange creatures. I figured they just liked extremes. Olaf, for one, definitely liked the cold, and that's how I knew he was the cat for me when I woke up one morning and he had somehow entered my apartment. And my room. And my bed.

It was quite the fright.

I remember sitting up and staring at this furry little animal in confusion because _I didn't have a cat_, but I suppose he decided I was going to. I had looked everywhere if he had an owner already, but after finding no pre-existing owner and no one who wanted him, he ended up staying. I filed the paperwork and fees with my landlord, and two months after he waltzed into my life, he was officially mine.

I smiled to myself as Olaf saw me come in and immediately began purring, rubbing up against me and almost tripping me about five times.

Family is important. I didn't believe in such a thing. The closest thing I had to family was Olaf. Olaf was a stubborn cat, and I admired that. Even when I tried to toss him back outside, which occurred more than once, he always made his way back home.

Seeking a distraction from the horrendous work shift, I laid back on my couch, letting him jump up on top of me and begin kneading my stomach.

"See, you're not going to be giving me sad looks for screwing up, are you?" I mused to him. "Because I do that a lot. You just get mad when I forget to feed you, so heaven knows I don't forget often. Besides that, I could theoretically disappear for days on end, and when I come back, you just love me unconditionally."

I looked around at my empty apartment as I stroked him behind the ears and then leaned my head closer to whisper to him conspiratorially.

"If we're being honest here, you're the only one. But hey, I never needed much in life anyway. Abbie says that I'm lonely all the time. People naturally just assume that when you're alone, you're lonely, but that's not always how it works."

With a sigh, I let my head lean back against the armrest of the couch again.

"Sometimes, people just want to be alone. Sometimes, that's better. Sometimes, being alone isn't always a bad thing. If I wasn't alone, I'd just hurt people, Olaf. Even if I wouldn't directly hurt them via frostbite, I'd certainly do so through my severe lack of social skills. But you don't care about social skills, do you, buddy?"

Still purring, Olaf butted his head against my hand, his eyes closed in contentment.

"Of course not," I laughed, obediently scratching his head. "All you care about is being pet and fed. Eat, sleep, cuddle. What a life."

With a smile still on my face, I let my eyes fall shut and drifted off into slumber.

* * *

I know you might be thinking to yourself, like, _sheesh, Elsa! 90% of this story has taken place in that coffee shop! If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this is a story about coffee_ and, I mean, it kind of is. But that's only because that's how Anna and I met again!

I promise, the entirety of the story will not take place in Morning Rush.

That being said, this next scene happens at Morning Rush.

Oops, spoiler alert?

Anyway, at this point, Anna and I had had three shifts together. I had almost made it through the entirety of 'Hell Week', as I've dubbed it. The next week would be easier, you see, because that's when school started back up, and my schedule would simply be too busy for Abbie to get away with scheduling me with Anna all the time… right?

Pushing that aside, this was my fourth shift with Anna. We managed to get through two more without interacting with each other beyond how we would interact with anyone we worked with, but I didn't miss the pained looks she'd wear when she thought I wasn't paying attention. I did, however, ignore them.

I did have to say, and this is kind of off-topic, but Anna was getting to be very, very good at the job. The customers loved her energy (which she would somehow possess even at six in the morning, despite her having never been a morning person to my memory), and she made a few mistakes, sure, here and there, when it came to making drinks, but overall, she was doing a lot better than some other new people I've seen be hired and trained here.

It was a Friday night, which were slower than you might expect. After all, usually people are off partying rather than getting coffee.

Remember how I mentioned I sometimes would do managerial duties, even though I wasn't technically a manager? I was kind of a pseudo-manager. Meaning, I didn't have really have the title or pay and benefits, but even corporate recognized me as a fill-in manager. So, I could open and close and the like, but I normally only did it without an actual manager present when we were understaffed, or a manager called off. Like I said, I was kind of a fill-in.

I didn't think either of those were the reason why I was closing that night. No. I was closing that night because Anna was closing that night, and Abbie still apparently hated my guts enough to punish me with a close, alone, with my younger sister. As if she was forcing us to interact.

'You may be able to bypass talking to each other when there's others present, but I'll bet the farm you can't completely avoid talking when you're alone together for two-to-three hours straight!'

I really, _really_ wanted to make Abbie into a popsicle, in a way I'd never wanted to do to someone before.

Childish? I'm not being childish. I have plenty of good reasons to be this upset! I'm just… I'm just not going to say them because… You know… I already have… Yeah… Wouldn't want to repeat myself, now would I?

Ahem. Regardless.

Anna and I had been alone for about an hour when she spoke up. One hour since Beverly went home. Just one quiet, blissful hour of ignoring everything.

"So… Is this, you know, allowed?"

I glanced at her but didn't say anything.

Her face instantly flushed as I looked at her. "I-I mean… Are you allowed to close? I didn't really think you were a manager – I'm so sorry if I was wrong! I'm not always the smartest one, so it's totally plausible that I've just misunderstood once again!"

"No, I'm not," I answered simply, idly running my finger down the countertop. We hadn't had a customer in fifteen minutes, at least, and the store still didn't even close for another hour. When I heard Anna shift uncomfortably, I sighed. "I mean, I'm kind of like a manager, except I'm not. I don't get paid like one, but I can fill in for them."

Anna's nose scrunched up in thought. "That kinda sucks. More work without more pay? You're, like, being screwed here," she pointed out.

"Trust me. I know."

"Why don't you say anything about it?"

"There's not really a point, I guess? They wouldn't actually promote me if I asked. Besides, I like to avoid interacting with people as much as possible."

Anna bit her lip, but she didn't say anything more about it, much to my relief. She began fiddling with one of her braids absently, staring out the window at the cars passing on the highway in the distance.

It took a tremendous amount of effort to keep my eyes from wandering to her. If I was being totally honest, some deep, long-forgotten part of me _did_ care about her. Part of me actually wanted to reconnect with her.

The only issue was, I couldn't risk hurting her again.

So, I swallowed my tongue and focused on wiping down one of the countertops where one of our machines had spurted earlier. I noticed her open her mouth again to say something else, but then the front door opened and a customer stepped in, and I silently thanked whatever god was looking down on me for once in my life.

Anna closed her mouth and went to take the order of the customer. Without wasting any time, I began making it, standing at the espresso machine and waiting for it to function.

Unfortunately, one cup of coffee didn't take an exceptionally long time, and the customer had taken it to go, so my reprieve was shorter than I'd have liked.

"It's… It's been some time, hasn't it?" Anna asked quietly.

Rather than give her a straight answer (for I simply could not make my tongue work, and it felt like my throat was swelling closed with fear), I shrugged noncommittedly and began focusing on wiping down an already-clean table.

She sighed, and the tension in the air was thick enough to be cut with a knife. Or an icicle. (I'm funny, aren't I?)

"I've really missed you, Elsa."

My shriveled up old excuse for a heart tightened in my chest at the soft, sad tone of her voice, and I narrowed my eyes. What on earth was I supposed to say to _that_? Biting my tongue, I pretended, at first, not to hear her, but it quickly became harder to do so as she opened her mouth again and gave it another try.

"I wrote you letters when we were separated in the system, after Aunt Gerda died… I just couldn't send them, because I never knew where you went. My adoptive parents were really supportive, but the foster system kind of eats people alive, it seems… We could never find you, no matter how much we might have tried – a-and I swear we did! I was wondering if maybe, you know, I could even convince them to adopt you, if you hadn't been adopted already… Were you?"

I gave a wry laugh and shook my head but didn't respond any further. I felt heat creeping onto my cheeks, and I kept my face resolutely away from Anna so that she might not notice it.

For the record, _no_, I was not adopted. Anna was a lovable, sweet ball of energy. I was a standoffish, quiet ball of anxiety. Which of us was the more desirable child?

It was probably for the better, I had told myself as a child. With no one I cared about, and no one that cared about me, I was far less likely to hurt people. I shut myself off from everyone, and it worked. When I aged out of the system, I even made the bold move to stop wearing gloves, because I had mastered making myself numb to the world.

But now, as Anna talked, I could feel the ice sparking under my skin, threatening to escape.

When I didn't respond, she tried something else.

"I like your ring, by the way."

Okay, _that_ caught my attention. I looked at her sharply, searching her gaze for any hint of understanding. Self-consciously, I drew my right hand closer to me and twisted the simple black ring a few times.

Under my gaze, Anna's face quickly grew red and she cleared her throat. "It's, um… It's okay. I'm not aphobic or anything. I'm not gonna judge you for being asexual. I actually think it's kinda cool."

I was absolutely shocked, my eyes wide as I stared at her and tried to figure out if she was playing at some sort of game. She seemed to realize she had genuinely surprised me, and she smiled real big, the way she used to when we were little and she had made me happy.

"…How do you know about that?" was all I managed in return.

"Well, my adoptive brother is ace, too. He tries to hide it, but he would always tell me how he wanted to get a black ring on his right middle finger, because that's how aces can show pride. I was one of the only people he confided in about it."

"And did he?"

"Get a ring? Yeah," Anna beamed, though whether it was about her adoptive brother (by the way, the thought of my younger sister having a brother highly disturbed me) or the fact that I was talking to her, I wasn't sure. "I actually saved up babysitting money that year and got him one for Christmas. Our parents were really sweet and not at all exclusive, but he was just shy."

I could certainly relate. After all, Abbie was the only person (besides my therapist) who knew about my asexuality… And now Anna, of course.

Finally tearing my gaze away from her and returning to work, I cleared my throat a little. "Not many people share your opinion. I've found it's best to lay low about certain things."

"I disagree," Anna said lightly. "I think people should have a right to… be who they are, without worrying about what others would think. That's the philosophy I try to stick to."

"Words can very quickly turn to fists," I muttered without meaning to. I heard Anna gasp and I ducked my head, pretending to be focusing very hard on getting out a coffee stain. I definitely didn't want her to respond to that, so I changed the subject before she could. "Can you start cleaning underneath the register?"

She pursed her lips and nodded, and I tried my best to ignore the sad look in her eyes.

Running out of things to do (for it was so slow when school wasn't in session), I let out a sigh and leaned against the counter.

"Is it normally this slow at night?"

I gave a little start as Anna rebooted the conversation. "I mean… Once MSU opens back up next week, it'll get a lot busier. College students live off of coffee. Mornings _and_ nights will get busier, as well as afternoons. More hours distributed, too, and a constant state of being understaffed."

Anna exhaled noisily as she swept out the fallen wads of paper from under the register. "There's hardly anything to do. We're pretty much cleaning stuff that we've already cleaned four times before."

"Perhaps Morning Rush is actually a graveyard in disguise, and us the walking corpses. Sorry about your death – may you rest in peace," I joked, actually managing to crack a grin. When my eyes flicked to her face, though, it swiftly disappeared again as I noticed the lack of amusement.

Stupid Elsa…

"Sorry," I muttered. Anna wasn't laughing, but there was something strange about her expression, if she were dissecting me.

I cleared my throat, suddenly uncomfortable, and moved behind the counter again to refill the cups. Just thirty more minutes until close… I prayed I wouldn't royally screw everything up. Actually, if neither of us spoke for the last thirty minutes, that would be ideal.

The door opened, its bell jingling happily, and I didn't bother glancing up, letting Anna take the customer. I wasn't planning on looking up until I heard her let out a delighted squeal.

A very tall, very strong blond man had stepped into the shop, and Anna was currently trying to hug him over the counter.

"You came!" she yelped happily.

The man laughed and ran a hand through his messy hair, his face reddening slightly as she pulled back. "Of course I did, Feistypants. You asked me to come visit sometime, remember?"

"Of course I remember! Look, it's my first job. I'm all official and whatever!"

He leaned in slightly as she showed off the nametag on her uniform. "Wow, I almost feel the urge to call you ma'am," he laughed.

A light blush spread over her freckled cheeks. "I wasn't actually expecting you to come visit," she admitted.

"What can I say? You've got a way of bending people to your will. I am but your humble conquest, Princess. How do you like it here, anyway?"

"There are ups and downs," Anna answered good-naturedly, but the blush didn't leave either of their faces as they smiled at each other.

I tried to ignore their conversation and instead focus on refilling the cups, which was taking much longer than usual due to the distractions. I also felt like I couldn't breathe, so that certainly wasn't helping. Forcing air into my lungs, I moved to put another stack of cups up, but my hands shook so badly that I ended up dropping them.

…I also squeaked. Kind of. I'm not proud to admit it, but… Yeah. I let out a tiny squeak.

They both looked to me, but my eyes were glued to the man. He cleared his throat. "Oh. Uh. Hi. My name's Kristoff," he moved to extend a hand over the counter to me.

…Heavens, he was so big. Not around his midriff – no, he was actually rather slim in that regards. He was just… Muscly. _Very_ muscly. And very broad-shouldered. And his hand must have been twice the size of mine. And… And all I could think about was similar hands raising to strike me.

I ducked away from him, kneeling down and gathering the fallen cups before skirting around Anna to the back of the store. I locked myself in the walk-in freezer, breathing deeply and trying to get the cold air to soothe my anxieties.

I rather liked to refer to myself as the cold. I called it a joke. My therapist called it an 'unhealthy coping mechanism'. Let it be known that my therapist never found out about my ice powers, so she was always unaware of _why_ I called myself that.

From inside the walk-in, I heard the front door open and close again, and I prayed that it was the man, Kristoff, leaving.

Just to be safe, I waited a few minutes before heading back up to the front. We weren't far from close, now, so after making sure Anna's friend was, indeed, gone, I set to work cleaning up a few of the machines.

I could feel Anna's eyes on me, but I ignored it. I was used to ignoring people looking at me. And talking to me. Half of the time, people don't care about what I have to say, so I don't bother.

"Are you alright?"

Just like that. I ignored that. Well, maybe not ignored – I felt bad, ignoring my younger sister, so I offered a small shrug, and then a nod.

For the last fifteen minutes or so until close, neither of us said anything else about it. I did show her how to close down the machines that I hadn't done yet, but even then, my speech was minimal, and hers was limited to asking questions and clarifications.

We parted ways that night with an awkward wave.

All I could think about, though, was how hard it was to be around her. She was my sister. My _sister_. Shouldn't I be able to communicate with her, more than anyone else? Why was it harder? Once upon a time, Anna had been the easiest person in the world to talk to. She _always_ understood me, even when I didn't always understand myself. How had we both changed so significantly?

**A/N: For those curious, I am 100% writing Elsa with high-functioning autism.**

**Please leave a review below!**


	4. Chapter 3: Born to Plague Me

**A/N: Quick note here - some of your reviews aren't showing up on the fic, however, I do get to read them still through emails sends me, and I still very much appreciate them!**

Monday morning, I woke up to my first alarm and immediately let out a groan. Olaf, who had been curled up on my legs, stretched and let out a small meow. Seconds later, he was in my face, purring loud enough to feasibly pass for a motor engine if I didn't already know where it was coming from.

"Class time," I sighed, my voice rough from sleep.

My only comfort was the fact that this was my second to last semester of university. It wasn't that I hated school, per se – actually, I rather liked being in the school of music. It just got rather annoying sometimes, being around so many people.

As I'm sure you've figured out by now, I don't really interact with people, and I never have since I was eight and The Incident™ occurred. I'm not really going to beat you over the head with a dead horse about it.

…That's the expression, right? Nevermind.

I got out of bed and started my morning routine – brushing and braiding my thick hair, doing my makeup, making and drinking my cup of coffee, taking my meds, etc. When I was finally ready to leave the apartment, I planted a kiss upon my cat's head, grabbed my keys, and headed towards the music building for my 9:30 class.

"Back for another year of Hell, right?"

I hadn't even planted my rear in my seat when I heard the voice of one of my closer 'acquaintances', for lack of a better word, Graham. He was a thin, lanky sort of guy – not nearly as intimidating as some others, hence why I was comfortable around him.

Graham was a music education and piano performance double major, which meant that, even though we were the same age, he had to stay for a fifth year, simply not having enough time for all of his required classes in four.

"I don't know how you do it, Graham," I responded, rolling my eyes coolly. He and I had agreed to take this class together, since neither of us had yet. 'Music in America'. It counted as part of our general requirements for the university and was open to non-music majors. You mostly saw freshmen taking this class to get it out of the way, but Graham and I had both put it off as long as possible, mostly because we both already knew everything we could about music in America.

He shrugged and ran a hand through his floppy brown hair. "With a forced smile and broken fingers," he answered dryly, causing me to chuckle. That was one of the reasons why he and I got along – we had similar senses of humor.

Freshmen filed into the class anxiously, taking up the open spots. I didn't pay them much attention – each one was just like the last, nerves clear on their young, innocent faces. Instead, I flexed my fingers and examined them closely.

Graham, on the other hand, was staring at each individual freshman, sometimes making low comments to me that I would either grunt to or ignore.

"Look, there's a freshman making eyes at you, Else. She's totally into you. You've practically stunned her."

I wrinkled my nose slightly at the lazy nickname he still used for me, but didn't bother looking up, even if I did feel a bit of heat fill my cheeks. "I don't really care if some freshman likes me," I reminded him.

The professor, Dr. Rockingham, entered the class, and I spared her little more than a glance before pulling out a notebook and sketching on an empty page, for lack of something better to do. Again, I knew I wouldn't be struggling at all in this class.

"Welcome to MUS203. My name is Dr. Bulda Rockingham. I'm having my TA pass around the syllabus right now. When you get one, you can find my email, office, and office hours at the top. You can also find the email of my TA, James McElroy."

Although I wasn't looking at her, I heard every word she said as she went over the syllabus. I gave it a once-over on my own terms and, seeing nothing particularly outstanding, I went back to my sketch and allowed her to explain it verbally.

"Now, we're going to do an icebreaker of sorts."

Shit. I hated those words. I was just barely able to hold in a groan, and I shoved Graham when I noticed him suppressing a smile.

"This is the smallest of the MUS203 classes, since most people wanted to take the later ones, I'm assuming. So, with twenty-five students in here, we can get away with an icebreaker. What we're going to do is go around and introduce ourselves. When it gets to your turn, I want you to give your name, year, major, and one fun fact about yourself."

Rolling my eyes again, I pursed my lips. I'd done a million of these, of course. However, as you got farther into your major, they tended to be less common, since most of you knew each other, or knew of each other already – or the professors just didn't try anymore.

The introductions started on the other side of the room, much to my relief – I hated starting them. Unfortunately, I always tended to stick out like a sore thumb, no matter where I was, due to my very pale hair, very pale skin, and icy blue eyes (I even looked like the physical embodiment of the cold, so take that, Dr. Morrison).

Again, I didn't look at the speaker, instead staring at my paper, but I heard every single word. What stood out more than anything else was that Graham and I weren't the only upperclassmen taking this course. That was good, I supposed.

Giving my head a quick shake, I slouched further, still working intently on my sketch. I figured Graham would let me know when it was my turn to speak – or I'd figure it out from where the voices were sounding – and until then, I could simply listen and promptly forget most of the information. After all, there would be no one else in this class that I knew besides Graham, and there was certainly no one besides him that I would possibly even care about, so why should I –

"…Uh, my name is Anna Blackwood. I'm a freshman music education major, and, uh… I was born and raised in Norway."

My eyes immediately snapped up and my mouth fell open. No way.

No _fucking_ way.

Not only was my little sister working in the same place that I was, she was also attending the same university. In the school of music. In my _class_. What kind of rotten luck did I have?

"Were you born to plague me?" I moaned dramatically under my breath.

I noticed Graham shoot me an odd look. "That's the one who was eyeing you," he admitted quietly, but it didn't make me feel any better. Of course, she was shocked to see me.

…Why did I have to put this class off so long?

Ice was cracking under my skin, threatening to escape, so I focused more fully on my drawing, urging my suddenly racing heart to slow down to a normal rate. I was vaguely aware of Graham introducing himself, the noises in my head suddenly too loud for me to make out what he said, and then he nudged me, indicating that it was my turn.

I planted my gaze on the front board so I wouldn't have to deal with the twenty-odd sets of eyes on me. I hated talking about myself in general with a passion, so these icebreakers had long since become the bane of my college career.

"Um. Elsa Voll. Senior. Musical theater." I paused, blanking. Usually I claimed Norwegian origins as _my_ 'fun fact', since it wasn't overly personal, but… But Anna had already said that. Seconds felt like minutes as the weight of everyone's gazes and expectations crashed down on me and my throat tightened. I could feel Graham gently tap my foot with his, bringing me back into focus.

I cleared my throat and blinked hard. "…I have a cat."

And that was that. The next person spoke up to introduce himself. The attention was off of me, and I could breathe again. I felt Anna's eyes flicker back to me, but I trained my eyes on my unfinished sketch and didn't look at her.

"Are you gonna tell me what's up with you?" Graham whispered, leaning over as Dr. Rockingham began recapping the syllabus again. I wouldn't have been surprised if she released us early – many professors did on syllabus day.

I raised an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You totally do. Don't deny it, Else – I can see it written all over your face. Something about that freshman spooks you. And something about you clearly spooks her. I don't think she's been able to take her eyes off of you, and I no longer suspect mutual pining – however hot that might be. So, hit me. What's up?"

With a sigh, I gave up, suddenly very tired of fighting it. Ignoring the fact that she was my sister certainly wouldn't change it. Just like when I gave in and told Henry, I did the same to Graham.

"She's my younger sister, who's recently reappeared in my life and is _everywhere_." Graham started laughing, and I shot him an icy glare. "I'm not kidding. My job. My uni. My school of music. My class. I wonder if it's on purpose. If I'm being punished for something."

I ended the conversation there and didn't respond to any of his attempts to restart it. When Dr. Rockingham released us five minutes early, I wasted no time in grabbing my bag and leaving the room.

I made it a respectable distance further into the music building before leaning against the wall with a sigh. Anna, thank God, didn't try to find me, and merely went on to her next class or whatever.

Since I had a break before my next class, I went to the basement and found an empty practice room to practice my singing. Of course, I had practiced almost every day during break, but… Well, I had auditions for ensembles coming up the next day, so extra work never hurt anyone.

It wasn't until far later in the day that I saw Anna again.

I had just gotten out of my last class of the day, which was on the second floor of the music building, and was heading to the stairwell so that I may escape MSU altogether and maybe take a quick nap in my apartment with my cat before having to go to work later for a closing shift.

On that note, Anna and I shared fewer shifts this week, but it was still obvious that Abbie was trying to schedule us together. Regardless, she wasn't working today, so that was some sort of relief. I was hoping that maybe I could escape without having to see her again at all. I just had to get down to the first floor and leave the building, and you know what? Since she was a freshman, she likely had a lot more general requirement classes, so there was very little chance she'd still be in the music building anyway, which meant very little chance we'd see each other and –

Shit.

She was sitting on a couch, surrounded by a junior French horn performance major named Zachary, a senior music industry major named Maria, and a couple other freshman music majors that I hadn't met. The seating area just happened to be right between me and the stairwell.

I vaguely made out one of the nameless freshmen asking about me and pointing to me as I made my way down the hallway, my eyes facing resolutely forward, but I tried not to focus on it.

Step, step, step.

"Oh, her?" Zachary responded with a smirk. "That's the Snow Queen."

"But that's not her actual name, is it?"

Step, step.

"Of course not. It's just something I call her. She'll wear a t-shirt and shorts in the dead of winter, I'm telling you."

"What's she like?"

So close…

"Ruthless, and distant. She doesn't really seem to care about anyone. She's also sarcastic and cynical as fuck. And, obviously, gorgeous. I wouldn't waste your time with her. She doesn't give anyone the time of day."

…Okay, he was baiting me now, knowing that I wouldn't engage. I had made it to the stairwell, but I hesitated, my hand resting on the doorknob that would lead me into it. I bit my lip, my shoulders lifting.

Fuck it.

He was feeding these negative opinions to my _little sister_. I couldn't stand that.

I turned around abruptly and approached him, my steps quick. I purposefully let the temperature around me drop a few degrees.

"I certainly don't give _you_ the time of day, Zachary," I told him icily as I leaned in slightly. He was sitting and I was standing. I had the power for once, and I was going to use it to make sure he didn't hurt my sister.

Zachary's eyes were wide with shock, and he had shrunk back from me, which admittedly gave me a small amount of pleasure. "O-oh! Elle!" he exclaimed. God, I hated _that_ stupid nickname, too… My name had two syllables. Two! Was it so hard to say? "I was just…" he began to defend himself.

"Talking shit?" I interrupted him, raising an eyebrow accusatorily. "I'm not surprised." I became acutely aware of Anna staring at me with big, teal-blue eyes, and I inhaled sharply, drawing back.

She was sitting right next to Zachary. Getting close to him also meant getting close to her, and I didn't rather like 'close' in general. My face had been no more than a foot from hers, and I registered that that was the closest we'd been in thirteen years.

I looked at her, my gaze locking with hers. She seemed mildly terrified but also awed, in a way. When she registered my attention, something akin to annoyance flickered over her expression, and she scowled.

"Elsa, I'm _trying_," she muttered. "Why aren't you?"

Everyone else in the seating area was staring at me, but for once, I didn't notice them, instead only seeing my sister. I didn't say anything, only pulled back and crossed my arms over my chest. It was a challenge, and she rose to it, standing up before me.

"You said we couldn't talk about it at Morning Rush, because there, we're 'coworkers' and 'nothing but'. What about here? We're not coworkers here. I was so happy to see you again, that morning, you know that? When are you going to actually face me?"

Zachary let out a catcall, and I almost smacked him. If I had the courage to resort to violence, I very well might have.

Instead, I met Anna's glare blankly. She wore her heart so plainly on her sleeve…

"Not here," I said simply. "Not now."

It was the hurt look on her face that really got me. Just like I'd done my whole life, though, I blocked it out. I concealed it. I certainly didn't feel it, because feeling it would mean it was real, and maybe, just maybe, if I didn't feel it, then it wouldn't be real. That's the logic I'd lived by for as long as I could remember.

"You mean 'nowhere'. 'Never'."

Without saying another word, I turned around and marched over to the stairwell and left through it. Next thing I knew, I was outside and beside my beat-up old truck, withdrawing the key from my pocket and fiddling with it. I dropped it at least five times, cursing twice as many.

Part of me expected – dreaded – that Anna had come after me, and would be calling my name any time now, so rather than wait around for it to happen, I got in my truck and began driving off. If there was one thing I truly hated, after all, it was unwanted confrontation.

* * *

"How are you doing today, Elsa?"

I rolled my eyes as I plopped down into the familiar beige armchair of my therapist's office. "Not much different than every other Tuesday," I responded flippantly. Quite frankly, I found the whole 'therapy' thing to be really, really stupid and unnecessary.

Dr. Morrison frowned at me, resettling her clipboard on her lap. "Would you mind elaborating?"

"Yeah, I would," I answered with a small smirk.

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

Dr. Morrison let her frown dissolve and smiled understandingly instead. "Something happened, didn't it? Something with the sister you mentioned last week."

I groaned and let a hand fall over my eyes. Did I really mention Anna? …Yeah, in retrospect, I did. Something about the voodoo that Dr. Morrison would do sometimes made me just _talk_, and I hated it perhaps most of all, because no one else could make me talk like that.

"I'll take that as an affirmative," Dr. Morrison laughed lightly. "Is it work? I know you said last week was going to be rough because your boss scheduled you both together a lot."

I worked my jaw, removing my hand and glaring up at the ceiling, not giving her a response.

"Have you seen her outside of work?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, suddenly sitting up straight. "She's everywhere! She's at work, she's at school! She's in one of my fucking classes! Today, she actually confronted me in the music building, because guess what? She's a music major, too! It's like, my one escape from everything, and she's just _there_ all the time!"

"Okay, I understand," Dr. Morrison said slowly. "Have you stopped to consider why it is that you don't want to see her?" I didn't deign to give that a response. "Do you think you hate her? I know she's your sister, but do you think, deep down, you hate her?"

With a wince, I shook my head, staring up at the ceiling again because it was easier than meeting her watchful gaze. "I don't hate her… Like you said, she's my sister. Part of me… I mean, part of me actually _wants_ to know more about her, but…"

"Then why is it that you don't want to see her?"

I hesitated, worrying my lower lip between my teeth. That was perhaps a better question than I was willing to give Dr. Morrison credit for. Why didn't I want to see Anna? The answer seemed obvious, and yet, I couldn't get it to my lips. With a sigh, I let my gaze fall from the ceiling to the floor. I felt suddenly very vulnerable, and my arms automatically went around me.

Realizing that she wasn't going to get a direct answer from me, Dr. Morrison tried another avenue. "How did last week end up going, when you were scheduled with her?"

"Fine, I guess," I muttered, and then sighed again. "The first two, at least. The third… Well, we had to close together. It was fine. She, uh, she recognized what my ring meant."

"How did that make you feel?"

God, I hated that question. I rolled my eyes. "Well, it was actually kind of cool. We talked a tiny bit about it – about her adoptive brother, who's also asexual. But… That just reminded me of where I might've been if I was more social. If I maybe would have been adopted if I'd just been a bit more friendly as a child…"

_Of course, no one wants a 'broken' child,_ I thought to myself, but didn't dare voice it.

"Unfortunately, that's the sort of thing that you never know about. It's always hard to deal with tragedy," she said softly.

I jerked my head – I never liked that word. "A-and then, later," I continued. "She had a friend come to visit, and… My _God_, Dr. Morrison, this guy was huge! Like. If you'd told me he was a famous quarterback, I wouldn't have been at all surprised. Just being close to him scared me. I, like, couldn't breathe, and I couldn't talk. I ended up dropping a bunch of cups and then running to the freezer. After I came back, Anna asked me about it, but I didn't answer."

"Why didn't you answer?"

"Maybe because I didn't want to admit that I'm a coward?" I scoffed. "'Oh yeah! You're big, muscly friend scared me out of my wits so I ran!' That would go over well."

"Do you think you can escape reality by not speaking?"

"It's worked so far!"

Dr. Morrison smiled softly. "Do you want to escape reality, Elsa?"

For the record, I really hated when she'd say my name.

"Of course, I do."

"Why do you want to escape reality?"

"Maybe because reality fucking sucks?"

Dr. Morrison nodded slowly and made a few notes on her clipboard. "Okay. Tell me more about your history with your sister. You glossed over it last week. All you said was that you hadn't seen her in a while."

I groaned and rubbed at my eyes irritably. She had already gotten so much out of me. I was exhausted, and for some reason, I couldn't stop myself now that I'd started opening up.

"I… Well… When Anna was five and I was eight, I kind of… I hurt her on accident. That's why my parents isolated me, so I wouldn't hurt her again."

"Why did that affect you so much? Siblings hurt each other all the time," Dr. Morrison reasoned.

Cringing, I bit my bottom lip again. "Maybe because she almost died? I was… Reckless. My parents loved me, I think, but after I almost k-killed her, they thought it best if I closed myself off and started hiding my feelings, because my recklessness was tied directly with my feelings. They were right, of course. I haven't hurt anyone since – not physically, anyway."

"Anyway," I continued with a shake of my head. "As you know, our parents died with she was nine and I was twelve. After a year with our aunt, we were put into the foster system here, and… I kind of… I didn't contact her, for years. Even when I aged out of the system, I didn't try to contact her."

"Why not?"

"Because I was afraid? I think? I don't know – I didn't even really think about her. I just kind of tried to go on with life as best I could, and I thought that the distance would help her rather than hurt her."

"Does it hurt you to have her back?"

That was the million-dollar question, I suppose. I shot Dr. Morrison an unamused look to let her know of such. I couldn't bring myself to answer, though, my tongue suddenly very heavy in my mouth. I wasn't able to keep my gaze on Dr. Morrison for too long, her expression too encouraging, so I let it fall back to the ground and pursed my lips.

I really hated her. She always knew just how to pick and pick and _pick_ at me until I said stuff that I didn't want to say.

If you asked me, I didn't think I needed therapy at all. In fact, I considered skipping every single session – and sometimes, I actually did. Dr. Morrison always chastised me for it the next time I would show up. The only reason why I did show up was because it was sort of a requirement.

Missing too many sessions, in light of past events, meant that they'd come get me and take me back to the loony bin, and I simply didn't belong with all of the crazies there. So, if I had to humor some high and mighty people with doctoral degrees to keep myself from being locked up against my will, then that's what I did.

Dr. Morrison tried a couple more times to get me to open up again, but I refused to say another word. Eventually, she gave up, and time was running out anyway.

"…I think that should be it for it today, Elsa. I want you to do me a favor before next week, though. Can you do me a favor?"

I glanced at her and quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"I want you to try to reach out to your sister. You don't have to open up to her, but just talk to her. Give her the time of day. Let's just see what happens when you do, okay?"

**A/N: Thanks for reading - make sure to leave a review and let me know how I'm doing/what you think!**


	5. Chapter 4: Burning

**A/N: Alright my lovelies, here's chapter four! Thank you all so much for your reviews - they really make me happy to read! This chapter is a bit heavier than some of the others, but idk, I really like it, so I hope you guys do, too.**

_There was so much heat. I couldn't move – the very pressure of the heat all around was crushing me. The cold didn't do well when subjected to extreme heat, and since I was the cold, I was slowly melting alive._

_I'd had this dream before, but I couldn't think about that. I couldn't think lucidly at all – the only thing I was aware of was the fire surrounding me, threatening to close in on me._

_I was trapped in a bedroom – I didn't know whose – trying to escape from the flames. They were everywhere, leaving no escape, and all I could do was curl up against the wall and scream and hope that someone found me, or that maybe my screams would drive the fire away. I didn't care what happened. I was too scared to think logically, or at all._

_Tears were leaking out of my eyes, but they were evaporated on the spot by the heat. It got to the point where I couldn't even scream anymore because of the soot building in my throat. There was no air – no _air_ – just smoke. Just smoke and ash, filling my throat and lungs._

_The flames were lapping at my skin, and I sobbed, raking my fingernails down my face, trying to keep the fire at bay. The walls burned, the bed burned, the floor burned, _I_ burned._

_I tore my hair out and scratched my skin off to try to protect myself from the heat, but nothing helped. Nothing was helping. I tried to encase myself in ice, but my cold wasn't working. I was melting, and there was nothing I could do to stop it._

_Desperately, I tried to scream again even as blood filled my mouth from nowhere, and it ended up coming out more as a gargled cry. Blood was streaming down my face now – my fingers were soaked in the thick, sticky liquid, the sight of it making me want to vomit._

_"__ELSA!"_

_I started at the sound of my name, rough and frantic, as if being torn from someone's throat. Through the flames, I could make out the shape of a figure, standing in the doorway. I gave screaming another attempt, but my voice had completely abandoned me._

_In a bizarre moment of clarity, I recognized the figure as Anna. My eyes widened and I tried to cry out for her again, planting my hands on the wall behind me to push myself up. My fingers were too wet, though, and the blood was pooling around me, and there was no escape – no way out except through the flames._

_I sobbed dryly as Anna called for me again and tried to get through the flames. No way out except through the flames. I could reach her, but I had to go through the _flames_._

_I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it._

_A burning plank from the ceiling fell onto Anna, and she collapsed to the ground with a shriek, immediately engulfed in the fire. I screamed to her, but I couldn't get to her. There was no way except to go through the flames, and I couldn't do that, even as I heard her moan my name over and over again._

_"__Elsa… Elsa… It hurts… Elsa, help me… I'm so scared… Please… Please don't leave me, Elsa… Please don't leave me again…"_

_I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it._

_There was no way out except through the flames._

_I couldn't do it, and in lieu of my fear, the fire finally closed in on me, melting me down to my bones._

I woke up in a cold sweat, shivering from fear. I'd had the dream before, but never… Never with Anna in it… That was new. And fucking terrifying.

Unable to do anything more, I curled up into a tight ball on the couch, knocking Olaf off of me completely, and sobbed, my face buried in my hands. I felt sick to my stomach, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was helpless. Useless.

Part of me knew that I'd have to get up at some point anyway for work, but I was too scared to move. All I could do was hold myself tight and try to ignore the painful, horrifying images and emotions left over from that recurring dream.

Eventually, I did end up getting myself off of the couch and getting ready in time for work that morning. I was working 5-12 and Anna (since, of course, she was working on my Saturday opening shift) was working 7-12.

Part of me wondered if Abbie had planned for us to get off at the same time as part of her strange encouragement. _Family is important_. Yeah, right. I hadn't had a family since I was eight years old, and I turned out perfectly fine.

As I looked in the mirror, I let out a small groan. I looked like absolute hell. My eyes were puffy and red and my cheeks were even a bit paler than normal (shocking, I know). I splashed water on my face and desperately tried to cover the fact that I'd spent the last two and a half hours crying and shivering in fear.

In truth, it had actually been over a year since I'd last had that dream. I still remembered it vividly, even yesterday, mind you – heaven knows I suffered through it almost every night at my worst. It had gone away when I officially moved out of my bedroom and onto the couch.

After thoroughly washing my face, I glared into the mirror again and felt a strange desire to punch it, as if to shatter the face looking back at me. The one who would abandon her sister and then make no attempts to reconnect. The one who would recklessly freeze her sister's head. The one who would rather let her sister burn than be burned herself.

My hand twitched, but it remained clutching the side of the sink. One thing was for absolutely certain.

I could not tell Dr. Morrison about the dream returning.

She'd definitely try to get all 'shrinky' about it, and I _hated_ when she got 'shrinky' on me. Which, unfortunately, since she was a shrink, happened quite often. I don't think I disliked Dr. Morrison in general – in fact, she was a nice person. I just didn't like being analyzed, and it was practically her job to analyze me.

With a sigh, I let go of the sink and started up my morning routine as normal, because even when the world was crashing in around me, at least I could have some form of normalcy.

Olaf seemed to be aware of my tension, for he hardly left me alone all morning (if the unholy hour of 3 am could be called that). He meowed endlessly and weaved between my legs, constantly tripping me. It got to the point where I had to nudge him away with my foot with almost every step I took so that I wouldn't show up to work with two black eyes and a broken nose from faceplanting into things.

I didn't say anything when I got to work that day, merely clocking in and beginning to take care of the things they had missed the previous night. I was aware of Abbie sending me glances, but I did my best to ignore them. She also tried to start up conversation more than once, but I was far too upset still from my dream to engage.

With university students back on campus, we were considerably busier once we opened, but it was nothing that Abbie and I couldn't handle, of course. She'd been working at Morning Rush for close to five years now, which meant she was pretty fantastic at it.

"Look, Elsa," she sighed at one point when the lobby was clear. "Something's clearly up with you today. Is it because of the scheduling? Are you really that upset that I have you working with Anna?"

I let out an unamused snort as I restocked our cups. "You could always stop," I told her earnestly, my voice hoarse from not having been used all day.

"Or I could just continue scheduling my employees. Would you like to change your availability? I could give you less hours if you want."

Heat filled my cheeks and I bit my lip, unable to meet her gaze. I already felt shaky that day, and I desperately tried to blink back the tears that threatened to spill. I hadn't cried in front of someone besides my cat in years, and I refused to break that record now.

Abbie sighed. "I'm sorry, that was unnecessarily harsh." She stepped closer to me and reached out, but I jerked away, not sure I could handle being touched. She saw my face and immediately stopped, her eyes widening. "Hey, whoa, you're really not okay today, are you?"

I clenched my jaw, absolutely loathing the pity in her voice. "I'm fine," I muttered, turning around and heading to the walk-in freezer before she could press anymore.

The walk-in freezer wasn't necessarily very big – it was where we kept our milk, whipped cream, caramel, etc., but it didn't take too much space to store those, so the freezer was only about two or three steps deep.

Still, it was my favorite place perhaps of all time. It was cold 24/7, year-round. The cold was soothing to me. It had never bothered me – I felt the cold, of course, but I just didn't feel any ill effects from it.

I knew I couldn't stay there long, and when I heard the bell above the front door, I made my way back to the front to take the customer's order. Of course, it was just Anna. As if I was strong enough to deal with that.

With a sigh, I ignored both her and Abbie completely. At least Anna didn't try to say anything to me.

We received another rush of customers, which succeeded in occupying us and keeping the conversation away for a while, but unfortunately, the rush wouldn't last forever.

"So, you go to MSU, don't you?"

My hand twitched irritably, but I quickly realized that Abbie had been talking to Anna, and I almost immediately calmed down.

"Yeah. This is my first year," Anna answered with a shaky laugh.

"What's your major?"

"Music education with concentration on the flute."

"So, you want to teach music?" Abbie clarified, sounding genuinely interested.

"Yeah. My end goal is high school band, but I mean, I'll take what I can get fresh out of college, you know? It'll probably take some time to get there."

"How long have you been playing the flute?"

"Six years. Not as long as some others, I know, but I really like it."

"So, can I ask why you wanted a job? I mean, most first-year college students don't get jobs, especially with an availability like yours."

"Well, my availability is so shoddy mostly because of marching band," Anna admitted with an awkward laugh. "My adopted parents wouldn't ever let me get a job before because they didn't want me to get 'overwhelmed', but I really wanted to be able to work for my money. That's why I refused to let them pay for my college, which is, in turn, why I needed a job immediately and couldn't take a year off."

"Wow, that's pretty admirable, actually. I wanted to go to college, but then I got pregnant, and… The father was kind of absent. I had a kid to provide for, you know?"

Anna gasped. "I love kids! Can I see a picture?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Abbie pull out her phone and scroll through it before handing it to Anna. Of course, I'd seen a million pictures of her son, but that didn't mean I didn't want to see more… I managed to not peek over, despite the desire to do so.

"His name is Thomas. He's six years old, and very rambunctious," Abbie chuckled as she let Anna scroll through the camera roll. "He's kind of my life. Like, I hadn't ever planned on having kids, but I wouldn't change a thing."

"I've always been a bit of a hopeless romantic."

"Are you with anyone?" Abbie asked with a smirk.

Immediately, Anna's face turned redder. "I, uh… N-no. No one… I mean, there's this guy I like, but I'm fairly certain he doesn't like me back, so it's not really a big deal."

It took some effort to keep my jaw from dropping. If the guy she liked was the one who had visited the other day – the scary, muscly guy – then there was no way he didn't like her back. I had very, very low social skills and awareness, but even I was able to see that he wasn't just visiting someone he thought of as a friend.

"Oh come on – any guy would be lucky to have you," Abbie insisted. "What's his name?"

"It's… Kristoff."

Hah. So I was right! 10 points to Elsa.

Abbie suddenly gestured to the machines. "Do you want anything? I don't mind if employees take one cup a shift. Of course, if you listen to Elsa, there's too much 'shit' in our coffee, but it's not that bad."

"I-I'm good – I don't really drink caffeine, actually. Though I might take you up on the offer for hot chocolate later."

A customer came in, and Anna was quick to take his order, Abbie and I wordlessly tag-teaming the making of it. It seemed that Abbie's questioning of Anna wasn't over, though, which I felt oddly relieved about.

"Chocolate fan, huh?" Abbie grinned knowingly. I noticed her glance towards me and felt heat fill my own cheeks.

Of course Anna was a chocolate fan. So was I. It was kind of my weakness. When we were little, Anna and I would constantly sneak into the kitchen in the middle of the night and raid the pantry of all of the chocolate inside. Our parents would try to keep them high up so we couldn't get to them, but we always managed, whether it was through my magic, step stools, or plain old climbing and scraping our knees.

We would be gently chastised in the morning and sometimes put in time-out, but overall, the punishment was never bad enough to keep us from doing it again.

"Yeah," Anna answered with a grin. "It's kind of my weakness."

I narrowed my eyes as she repeated the exact terminology that I had used in my head.

"I'm constantly craving chocolate. I thought it might die down when I got older, but it didn't," she added.

"So, when did you realize you wanted to teach band? Was it something you always knew, or did you have a profound realization?"

"Kind of both," Anna admitted. "I always really enjoyed band, and I took private lessons on my flute from my sophomore year on. There was one day that I was at a lesson and – "

She cut herself off abruptly, and I could see her cheeks growing redder as she suddenly looked at me. Shaking her head, she turned to one of the machines and began idly cleaning up where it had spurted earlier.

"Don't stop," I said quietly, then had to clear my throat because of how rough my voice was – I had said less than ten words the entire day, after all. I didn't have the courage to repeat it or elaborate, so I hoped she understood.

Her mouth hung open as she stared at me in shock. I kept my gaze resolutely on the task at hand – whatever it was I was doing, anyway. Anna opened and closed her mouth a few times, her blush still furiously present.

"Okay…" she said after some time, and then shook her head again. "Well, my lesson teacher, one day," she explained to Abbie, "had pointed out that I really enjoy the 'band setting'. And I was kind of like… Yeah! I do! I felt kind of stupid for not having noticed what I wanted to do before. It was like…" she made an explosion sound with her mouth. "You know?"

For the rest of my and Anna's shifts, Abbie continued to ask Anna questions about herself, and every time, no matter what I was doing, I found myself listening raptly to her answer.

Shortly before Anna and I were off, both Beverly and Emma came in to replace us. Abbie mouthed 'you're welcome' to me after I clocked out, but what that meant, I had absolutely no idea. I tried to stagger it so that Anna and I wouldn't be walking out together, but of course, I had no such luck.

Anna and I walked side by side, neither of us saying anything as we headed out into the parking lot. Of course, since the universe _really_ hated me, our cars happened to be parked right next to each other.

I allowed myself a moment to eye hers – a nice silver car. It was definitely used before she got it, but it looked like it had been taken pretty good care of. She was also scrutinizing my burnt orange piece of garbage, but her face was void of any reaction.

We both hesitated outside of our respective vehicles. I could feel her gaze on me and heat crept up the back of my neck as I waited for her to say something.

"What did you mean back there?" she finally asked. "When you said not to stop. I-I mean… I just kind of assumed… You know, that you didn't wanna hear what I had to say. Since…"

"What made you think that?" I asked tenderly, not looking at her.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "It's just… Well… You haven't really talked to me much. And… And we kind of parted on bad terms on Monday. I assumed that maybe, you know, you just really don't care anymore." I looked at her sharply, and she flushed, rushing to recover. "I-I didn't mean! I just meant that… You know, since y-you… And I… and then with certain events, I just – hoo! I really am not making any sense right now, am I?"

"Of course, I care."

Once again, she gaped at me, stunned. She worked her mouth, trying to find something to say. Her shoulders fell in confusion as she gave up.

Smiling softly, I rounded her car to get closer to her and carefully reached out, tucking a lock of hair that had come loose from her braids behind her ear. She shivered at my touch and I quickly pulled away, holding my hands together in front of me.

I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted her to understand. For once in my life, I wanted to actually choose my own path… And why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I let my sister in?

My mind went back to what Dr. Morrison said, and it took a great amount of willpower not to groan at the fact that she might've, just _maybe_ been a little bit right about some things. I wanted to say so much to Anna, but I couldn't make my tongue work. Distressed, I ran my hand up over my forehead and then down my braid.

"You're my baby sister," was all I managed to say.

She hesitated, her gaze unreadable, and then let a smile spread slowly over her features. "I suppose there are some things that even separation can't change, huh?" she asked.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I looked away and grabbed my braid with one of my hands, the other one coming to rest over one of my eyes.

"You do that a lot, don't you?" she said quietly, catching my attention again. "You touch your face and hair when you're stressed."

Suddenly hyperaware of where my hands were, I dropped them back to their position in front of me and tried to hide the blush creeping onto my cheeks. "Sometimes," I began tentatively, "when I get stressed, it feels like my tongue won't work, o-or the world is closing in on me. It sounds _really_ stupid, I know, but I sometimes have to… to make sure I'm still here, I guess. I have to make sure I'm still functioning when I feel like I'm not."

"It's not stupid," was her immediate answer, and in spite of myself, I couldn't help but smile at her. She returned it happily, leaning against her car. "This is nice…"

Although I didn't say anything, I was pretty sure she knew that I agreed. I took in a deep breath and allowed myself to actually look at her for once. She was so different than the little girl I had known. She had grown up, and she had grown up well.

As children, I always thought she were the cuter of the two of us. Or maybe I was just so enamored by my baby sister that she automatically seemed cuter. It never bugged me. Ever since I first laid eyes on her, I had decided that she was going to be my best friend, and I would do anything in the world to make her happy.

"…Would you like to go eat somewhere? It is lunchtime."

I blinked, having been caught off guard by Anna's request. My arms automatically went around myself as I weighed the options. Biting my lip, I nodded, hearing in my head the last words Dr. Morrison had said to me on Tuesday.

Relief flooded Anna's face. "Great! Do you want me to drive?"

Glancing at my truck, I nodded again. "That's probably best. My passenger-side door only works a rough percentage of the time."

We both entered her car, and I immediately tucked my hands in my lap and looked out the window, not quite believing that I had actually agreed to get lunch with the little sister that I abandoned.

I briefly remembered my dream, seeing her lying on the floor, burning, and I clenched my jaw to try to calm myself down. I couldn't let her burn.

"Are you alright?" Anna questioned a few minutes into the drive.

That was one of my leave favorite questions, and I looked down, examining my hands. The truth was, today, I really wasn't alright. I was still shaken up from that dream, and now, I had begun letting my sister in, and it was _terrifying_ because I just knew that she was going to hate me. She was going to yell at me for shutting her out.

Suddenly, the car felt very suffocating. The walls surrounding me were going to crush me in with Anna. I was going to reach for the door, and it wasn't going to open. I was going to be forced to face what I struggled so desperately with. I was going to be infiltrated – violated. I was going to be beaten. I was going to be shot. I was going to be wounded. I was going to be torn apart and put back together over and over. I was going to be _burned_. I was going to –

"Hey, hey, breathe," Anna cut in. "You're not breathing right, Elsa. Just try to calm down. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. Do you want me to turn back?"

I shook my head violently, covering my face with my hands. "You hate me," I whispered.

She cast a glance at me out of the corner of her eye, frowning. "What did you say?"

"You hate me!" I shouted, beginning to tremble. I couldn't be doing this. This couldn't be happening. Not here. Not now.

Anna quickly pulled into a parking lot and turned the car off. She got out, rounded the car, and opened the door. Her hand reached in and grasped my wrist. I tried to jerk away from her, but she was determined, and she gently tugged me out of the car. I refused to take my hands away from my face, but she didn't seem to care – she had something else in mind, but what it was, I had no idea. All I could do was shake and try to hide my face…

And then she hugged me.

It was… my first hug in thirteen years.

I cried for the second time that day, stepping closer to my little sister but still keeping my face covered.

"It's alright," Anna was cooing softly as she rubbed my back. It was so strange, and so overwhelming, and so scary, and so wonderful at the same time. "I don't hate you, Elsa. I don't."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I pulled back the slightest bit. I separated my fingers slightly and peeked at her through them. "How can you not?" I choked out.

"You're my big sister," she said with a smile, mimicking me from earlier. She then pulled me back into the hug, and I managed to take my hands away from my face and cautiously place them on her shoulders.

This was my second hug in thirteen years, and it was no less amazing than the first. I had spent so long isolating myself because I didn't want to hurt them, but not a single snowflake had escaped me while I was in her car. I didn't understand why, but even when I was panicking in the closed vehicle, my cold was under control.

When I felt stable enough, I pulled back again and sniffled, rubbing at my nose and wiping at my eyes. I couldn't meet Anna's gaze, but I did notice her beaming encouragingly.

"Now, c'mon. I'm starving half to death here, so let's go get some food."

**A/N: Please make sure to leave a review below! Thanks so much for reading!**


	6. Chapter 5: Leap of Faith

**A/N: Just a quick, but _important_ note today! I like updating every two days for you guys, but in the future, there may come times where I can't update for three or four days. I'm a full-time university student taking seven classes (which is a lot), but I'm definitely gonna try my best to keep up with the every other day posting schedule**

Anna drove me to Harvey's, one of the most popular fast food places in Crewsbury. It wasn't a very big business, but it was cheap and decent, so it was quite the attraction for broke college students.

I hadn't said much since the hugs – which I still partially couldn't believe happened at all – but Anna didn't press. In fact, she filled the space by talking about her 'best friend', Kristoff. In spite of how the size of the man scared me, when he wasn't present, I was able to remain calm about it, and I had my eyes closed serenely as I listened to her ramble.

I couldn't help but smile. She was the same old Anna. She'd hardly changed.

We placed our orders at the register of Harvey's and then grabbed a booth, Anna still talking about her crush.

"Oh man, you should hear him talk about his adventures! He loves mountain climbing, and he's climbed at least ten different mountains. He's never been one for a lot of words, but when you ask him about his mountains… And he has a dog, Sven, and Sven is the sweetest mutt I think I've ever met – and I've met a lot! In fact, back home in Tourrence, I volunteer at a dog rescue regularly. I've met a lot of amazing dogs, but Sven is really spectacular. I… I'm rambling."

She laughed awkwardly and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, her cheeks coloring lightly.

"I don't mind," I told her earnestly.

Her eyes lit back up with that energy that was so prevalent when she was a child – the energy that had been so absent in my presence since we'd ended up near each other again, as if she were afraid to be herself around me.

Our order numbers were called, and she got up to grab them, sitting right back down in her seat and continuing her happy chatter as I began picking at my own food.

"You know Dr. Rockingham? Our professor for Music in America? She's actually Kristoff's adopted mom, so her and I kind of know each other already. She's totally unbiased, but I've been really looking forward to being in her class, if only to have some kind of familiarity."

I felt like I'd been struck, but I tried not to let it show. Of course, I knew that I had no reason to feel hurt. Anna hadn't known I'd be at MSU, and besides that, I hadn't exactly been a very good sister to her since we'd met again…

Anna kept talking, but the blood had begun pounding in my ears again as I remembered all of the horrible things I'd said to her. She'd come back into my life, seeking acceptance and reunion, and all I'd given her was distance and disdain. What kind of a sister was I? Could I claim to be one at all?

"Elsa, you're not breathing right."

I snapped back to focus, blinking a few times and meeting Anna's concerned gaze. She'd reached a hand out and was hesitantly inching it towards mine, which lay on the table between us. Instinctively, I drew mine away from her touch, but smiled softly anyway.

"You still remember that," I murmured, toying lightly with the end of my braid. "'You're not breathing right, Elsa.' You used to say that to me when you were too little to understand what was happening. All you would know was that I wasn't breathing right."

"And I'd do everything in my power to fix it," Anna finished, bringing her hand back to her side of the table. "Things don't have to be different now. Do you want to tell me what you were thinking about?"

I cleared my throat and studied the table. "Not really. Just stupid stuff. My mind never stops going, and sometimes, I can't stop it. I don't mean to interrupt you, go on."

Anna hesitated. "Are you sure? I feel like I've been kind of commandeering the conversation, and I don't mean to silence you or anything, I just kind of thought that you didn't want to talk, b-but I didn't mean to assume… I mean, you can speak up anytime you want, I don't want you to feel like you can't! I-I just…"

"Please," I said quietly, my eyes imploring her to understand. "Please go on."

She swallowed nervously and nodded. "S-so then, I ended up with chocolate pudding all over my face, and Kristoff just sat there and laughed at me, and oh boy, I was blushing so hard! I was almost grateful for the chocolate. He did end up going to get me some paper towels after that, but he never really let me live it down."

I narrowed my eyes at her in thought. "He is that one guy that came to visit you, right?"

"Yeah."

I grinned and leaned back, shaking my head. "He's into you. He's totally into you."

Her face immediately reddened and she bit her lip. "N-no, he just thinks of me as a friend. He calls me his best friend, and I like being that!"

"Anna. I have the social skills of a two-headed turtle with chronic anxiety. If I'm able to see that he likes you, then it's pretty obvious."

Anna blinked at me once, twice. And then she burst into laughter.

I was mildly offended at first, afraid that she was laughing at me, but as she rocked back in her seat and clutched her sides, I couldn't help but join in a little, giggling lightly along with her. I covered my mouth with my hand and shook my head at my sister's mirth.

As her giggles died down, she beamed widely at me. "Really, Elsa? A two-headed turtle with chronic anxiety?"

I grinned and shrugged shyly.

"Where did that even _come_ from?" Anna demanded, her laughter threatening to return.

My hands idly rubbed up my arms as I remained quiet, my gaze focusing on my food as Anna continued to chuckle at the joke. It was an odd sensation, and I found that I didn't really know how to react.

Anna, being the astute socialite she was, quickly caught on. "Wait, wait, are you alright? Did I offend you?" she asked worriedly.

Quickly, I shook my head and smiled encouragingly at her. "No, no, I'm just… I'm just not really used to people laughing at my jokes. I have a… somewhat dry sense of humor. It's not for everyone, I've learned."

She broke into a grin, her posture immediately relaxing. "Well, I found it funny. I don't care what anyone else thinks. As far as I'm concerned, my sister is a professional comedian if she wants to be."

"Which sister is that?" I asked in genuine confusion before it dawned on me. "_Oh._" Anna rolled her eyes and giggled. "Yes, but I don't really want to be a comedian."

"Then you can be whatever you want," Anna said, her teal eyes twinkling. "You're in musical theater, right? Do you prefer to act, dance, or be behind the production?"

Ah. She remembered that.

I chewed on my lip and looked away, studying my hands as if they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. Normally, I wouldn't have responded at all, but this was Anna, and she was _trying_, and part of me said that I should try, too.

"I-I want to act," I admitted quietly. I took a bite of my sandwich, hoping she'd continue the conversation like she had been before, but it soon became apparent that she wasn't planning on saying more until I did. I sighed. "I don't normally like being watched, but it's so much _easier_ with a script. I don't have to worry about who sees me and what they see because they're not seeing _me_, they're seeing the _character_."

"That makes sense," Anna said around a bite of her burger, and then she smiled and nodded for me to continue.

Anxiously, I ran my hand over my braid, holding onto it even as I cleared my throat to talk again. "I had a foster mother once who encouraged me to… get out of the house. She had me try out for a bunch of different things. I was cast as the baker's wife for _Into the Woods_, and… I really, really loved it. More than I ever thought I would. I got to play a couple other roles in high school and here at MSU over the years, like Eva from _Evita_, Eponine from _Les Miserables_, and Mrs. Lovett from _Sweeney Todd_."

"Really?" Anna asked, her jaw dropping. "I _love_ musicals! Are you auditioning for anything this semester? I'd love to come see you live!"

Heat filled my cheeks and I looked away with a small smile. Truth be told, no one had really ever shown much on an interest in my acting. Even the foster mother who'd encouraged me to audition truly only wanted me out of the house.

"I-I auditioned on Tuesday for the role of Elphaba in _Wicked_, but I'm not optimistic about it."

"Ooh, I bet you're gonna get it!" Anna squealed and clapped her hands together. "When do you find out?"

"Monday afternoon. I've been a bit anxious about it all week. It's one of those roles that I've always kind of wanted to play, you know? I mean, it's… It's kind of my dream role…"

I swallowed hard and looked away then, and Anna quickly caught onto my discomfort. "Are you alright?" she asked.

It felt like I was being asked that a whole lot nowadays.

"Y-yeah," I answered with a nod. "I'm just… I'm not used to talking about myself. I don't usually… like it. That's why I don't mind when you ramble. I like hearing you talk."

"Oh," Anna said, biting her lip. "Can I… Can I ask you just one more thing, then?" I nodded. "You don't have to answer, but… Were you afraid of Kristoff? You kind of… You kind of ran when he tried to shake your hand. Y-you don't have to answer, I promise! I-if it would make you too uncomfortable… Oh, really, I shouldn't have asked at all. Just forget that I asked – sometimes I put my foot in my mouth, you know, and it's a wonder anyone continues to talk to me – "

"Yes."

She stopped abruptly at my answer, her mouth clamping shut. She stared at me, and after a minute, I sighed.

"Yes, I was afraid of him. It's nothing personal. I just… I had a few bad foster parents through the years. Can we… not talk about it, though?"

Anna nodded and smiled gently. "Of course. If you ever do want to talk, though, I'm here. I don't plan on going away anytime soon."

Unsure of how to respond to that, I picked up a fry from my plate and studied it. A semi-awkward silence descended over us as we both actually tried to focus on eating our food, which had gone mostly forgotten.

After a while, Anna looked like she wanted to say something again. I purposefully directed my gaze elsewhere, almost afraid of what she'd even say. I wasn't certain I could handle much more connecting – I already felt exhausted, and it was only the afternoon.

I decided that I was definitely going to be taking a nap when I got back home. Besides, I had accidentally tossed Olaf off of me that morning, and I had to make it up to him.

…Why did I toss him off of me?

_The only way out is through the fire_, my mind supplied helpfully.

…Right. The dream. Was that really this morning? It felt like so much had happened in such a short timespan, and I was having difficulty stringing it all together. The day had been very overwhelming, and I needed time alone to process all of it.

The dream. Everything I'd learned about Anna. Whatever it was that Abbie was doing. Breaking down in front of my sister. Being _hugged_. My sister not hating me. My sister understanding. My sister in general.

"I'd like you to meet my adopted family sometime," Anna finally said, startling me. "As I said before, they were willing to adopt you, if… If we were able to find you… I know it's 'too little, too late' now, but… I mean. I'd still like you to meet them."

I stared, wide-eyed, at a spot on the table and then shrugged noncommittedly. My tongue was too heavy to work, and I didn't know if I'd be able to talk anymore that day. Anna seemed to pick up on this, for she cleared her throat and reached for her purse.

"I-I suppose I should take you back to your truck, shouldn't I?" she asked, to which I gave a slow nod. "Today has been, like… Whoosh! It's been a lot," she laughed.

We both stood up and disposed of our trash before getting back into her car.

I had a million things running through my mind as I tried to evaluate the coming week. There was a lot that would be happening, and a lot that I had to do. I was unnecessarily anxious about my lessons starting back up.

Dr. Jacobs had been my mezzo-soprano instructor for all four of my years here, and she was very supportive and understanding. Of course, I practiced daily, too, so I really had no reason to be anxious. Why I still was, I had no idea.

My hands twitched in my lap and I yearned, suddenly, for some blank paper and a pen, if only to give them something to do. Since none was available, I occupied them by unbraiding and re-braiding my hair. I almost forgot Anna was present, instead focusing my gaze outside the window and humming lightly to myself.

It was only when she pulled the car to a stop right outside of Morning Rush that I remembered where I was. I gave my head a small shake and looked around, having been far too lost in my own head.

I reached out to the door to leave but hesitated as I noticed the tension in the air. I saw Anna bite her lip out of the corner of my eye as she twisted her hands together. I knew that I should say something, but I could not, for the life of me, figure out what would possibly be appropriate in this situation. Once again, my tongue felt too heavy for me to do anything with anyway.

Not for the first time, I silently cursed my disability. I cursed my disability and the thirteen years that separated Anna and I. She was the only one who ever understood me when we were younger.

_God, Elsa, you've already mentioned that! We get it!_

I'm sorry, but it's _true_! And it meant a lot to me back then. Even when I couldn't communicate with anyone else, I could always communicate with Anna. She was my constant. My best friend. She knew exactly what I was thinking at all times. It's a wonder I wasn't diagnosed earlier than I was with how prevalent some of my symptoms were.

Now, granted, I have 'high-functioning' autism. That means that my day-to-day life isn't totally impaired by the disorder. I don't need to have someone standing by and helping me. As far as the disorder itself goes, I don't normally complain about it, but it sure does suck sometimes when I can't connect with other people because I can't communicate with them.

I wouldn't have mentioned it at all to you, but you've been listening for some time now, and I realize that you would have found out at some point or another.

I remained frozen in my seat, my hand clutching the door handle. I heard Anna sigh, and then she spoke softly.

"…Are we going to be okay? I mean… I just… I need to know that this all won't go away Monday morning…"

She sounded so vulnerable, it just about broke my rotting, icy heart. I sighed and let go of the door handle, finally turning to face her. Her eyes were so wide, and she looked so sad… So hopeful, too. And terrified. She was sad, and hopeful, and terrified – all because of me.

My chest hurt all of a sudden and I followed my instincts. I leaned over and planted a very gentle kiss to her cheek, my lips barely grazing her skin. My own face burned at the bold action, but I was certain mine wasn't nearly as red as hers.

"What does that mean?" Anna whispered, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

I smiled awkwardly and shrugged. "It means I'm gonna try," I promised.

She beamed at me, and I offered a small wave before leaving her car and getting into my own.

Later that day, I laid on my couch, staring up at the ceiling, and in spite of myself, I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.

* * *

Monday morning, I had to do my customary 'awkward shuffle', as I would jokingly call it, where I would go up to the professor before class and hand in my documents from the Office of Disability Services. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, the ones closest muttering to each other, surely also about me.

Dr. Rockingham, however, was very quick to understand, and didn't make a big fuss of it in order to preserve my privacy. I appreciated that. Not all of the professors on campus were so discreet.

With a sigh, I took my seat next to Graham. He was oddly quiet, and I shot him a mildly curious look. It wasn't my business, so I didn't ask. As people filed in, though, he reverted back to his old, charismatic, sarcastic self. I tried to pretend I wasn't secretly watching the door for Anna's arrival.

"So, my brass tech professor gave us a quiz over the weekend," he began. "And I shit you not, one of the questions was what his favorite dinosaur was. Like. I'm being one hundred percent serious here."

I smirked and shook my head, withdrawing my sketchpad from my bag so that I could distract myself from watching the other students enter. I wondered, briefly, why I came so ungodly early.

"I love professors that just expect you to know things," I remarked dryly.

"I looked everywhere, you know. I get it when they put stuff like that on their syllabus to ensure people read it, but his favorite dinosaur was nowhere."

Chuckling, I glanced up at him. "So, what _is_ his favorite dinosaur, all-knowing Graham?"

He shot me a deadpan look.

"Dracorex Hogwartsia."

I burst into laughter, covering my mouth with my hand as I completely lost it. Fucking Harry Potter nerds. "That's an actual dinosaur?" I asked through my giggles.

Graham inhaled deeply and stared into the distance, and he seemed, at that moment, like a wise old monk bemoaning all of the world's sins. "Yes," he breathed, closing his eyes grimly.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the laughter because we were getting dangerously close to the start of class. Graham dropped his act and grinned at me.

"Can I sit here?"

I started at the sudden voice beside me, my mirth gone in an instant. I stared up with wide eyes at Anna, who stood next to the desk beside mine. She was clutching the strap of her satchel nervously and she had a small smile on her face.

My immediate reaction was to say no, but I had promised her I'd try. Had she been planning to try to sit beside me today? Or… Did that just come out of nowhere? Is that why she'd come in later than she did last week? Because she didn't want to face me?

As I studied her anxious expression, my heart sped up. Why was she leaving the decision up to me? Why was she making me decide?

Graham elbowed me in the ribs and I winced, shooting him a quick glare. Jerk.

Anna cleared her throat and I looked back to her. My mouth was far too dry for me to be able to form coherent words, so I just nodded and gestured to the seat.

Relief flooded her face and she smiled widely before sitting down, placing her bag on the ground near her and taking a notebook and pencil out of it. Color flooded her cheeks as she stared down at her paper and Dr. Rockingham started the lecture.

My mind briefly flashed to what Anna had said about knowing the professor. That was interesting. I hadn't ever known any of my professors prior to being in their classes. I wondered if it was nice, or simply awkward. Dr. Rockingham was her crush's mother. There had to be some sort of strangeness there. It certainly wasn't a situation I would have desired.

Familiarity. That's what she'd called it. That made sense.

Never one to be forgotten, Graham leaned closer to me without me noticing, too focused on my new sketch. "So, what's the deets?" he whispered, causing me to jump.

Letting out a small growl, I threw my pencil at him. I could feel Anna watching us as Graham laughed quietly and tried to catch the pencil before it fell to the ground. He flung it back at me, and I dodged, letting the thing fly across the room.

Part of me at least had the thought to be grateful that it didn't hit Anna.

Luckily, Dr. Rockingham didn't notice – and if she did, she didn't stop the lecture. I shot Graham a look of annoyance since I was now pencil-less. Anna stifled a giggle and I turned to glare at her instead.

'Not cool', I mouthed.

She rolled her eyes, grinning, and dipped back into her satchel, withdrawing from it another pencil and placing it on my desk in front of me.

I pursed my lips and raised an eyebrow, though for some reason, I hesitated before taking the replacement, as if it being owned by Anna made it volatile. I shook my head to rid it of that ridiculous thought and took the thing, quickly returning to my sketch.

"You didn't answer me, Else," Graham muttered. "Give me the deets. Are you two, like, reunited or something? Long-lost sisters?"

Anna and I shared a look, and I held up a hand, indicating for her to let me handle it. Before I could, however, Dr. Rockingham's voice rang out over the classroom.

"Perhaps, Mr. O'Connor, you'd like to give us an example."

Graham immediately straightened, his eyes wide as he stared at our professor. He stumbled over an answer without even knowing what he was giving an example to, and Anna and I both tried to hide our snickering.

"Shut up," he hissed to me after the attention was off of him.

I just smiled innocently, as if I had no idea to what he was referring.

* * *

My anxiety for that afternoon had continued to mount all through the morning. The cast list was being posted, but I couldn't see it until after my last class of the day.

I had practically frozen my entire apartment the previous night from nerves. I normally didn't even get _this_ anxious about cast postings. I mean, a normal amount, yeah, but… I mentioned that this was my dream role, right?

I was on the verge of a panic attack as I walked from my last class to the performing arts center. Anna was skipping besides me, rambling on about her adopted brother. I didn't even know why I had let her come with me. I didn't even know if I did. She had just tagged along of her own volition.

Either way, I was somewhat glad for it. I kept my right hand in my pocket to stop it from visibly shaking, and my left one was being clutched tightly by Anna.

All day, she'd been taking little risks, making little advances. They were a bit uncomfortable, but I had told her I'd try, so I was. It was a bit much, though. I just hoped I'd be able to get used to it quickly enough and I wouldn't screw everything up.

We crossed the road to the performing arts center once it was clear, and her chattering stopped. She stopped me and made me face her, her hands on my shoulders.

"Elsa," she said. "You need to breathe. Remember that no matter what that piece of paper says, you're a fantastic actress, okay?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together and scrutinized her. "You haven't even seen me act, or heard me sing," I reminded her.

"Doesn't matter," she declared with a grin. "Some things, you just know. And I just know. Sister intuition. Sis-tuition."

Scoffing, I shook my head. "I must have drawn the short straw on that one," I muttered under my breath as she took my hand again and led me inside. She did help distract me from the cast posting, at least, and I was grateful for that.

When the director's office door was in sight, I stopped abruptly and slammed my eyes shut. I couldn't look. I couldn't do it. Not this.

I felt Anna's hand leave my grasp and my hand twitched, suddenly lonely. I convinced myself that if I just stood there and didn't move or breathe, I wouldn't have to face the decision. I wouldn't have to face not being cast in my dream role, or worse, being an understudy for my dream role.

Normally, I really didn't care about being an understudy – they had a very important role in theater. But, well… I wasn't going to repeat myself about it again.

Anna returned, and her hands covered mine. She gently tugged, pulling me forward, and I tried to resist, but it was to little avail.

"Open your eyes," she commanded gently. I shook my head vigorously, refusing to face reality. Her thumbs rubbed the backs of my hands encouragingly. "Open your eyes, Elsa."

Reluctantly, I did.

I promptly forgot how to breathe as I saw my name listed as 'Lead Elphaba'.

My jaw dropped, and Anna, unable to contain it any longer, squealed and enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug that I was, at first, completely unaware of. When it hit me that I was being hugged again for the third time now in less than a week, I almost forgot all about being cast as lead Elphaba.

Instead, I did what I'd wanted to do for a long time.

I smiled and held my little sister close.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please make sure to leave a review below!**


	7. Chapter 6: Mounting Chaos

"How are you doing today, Elsa?"

"Not much different than every other Tuesday," I gave my signature remark to Dr. Morrison as I took up my usual seat. There was a lot weighing on my mind, truthfully – a lot that had happened in the last week. As you well know by now, though, I don't like being analyzed, so I had absolutely no intention of telling Dr. Morrison anything.

She pursed her lips and studied me. "I suppose it could be worse, then, couldn't it?" she suggested, prompting no more than a shrug from me. "How have your classes been going? Anything out of the ordinary?"

I shook my head, staring at my nails in boredom.

"How about productions and ensembles? Last week was audition week, wasn't it? Did you hear back about any of them yet?"

I nodded, not wanting to tell her. The news was still fresh and exciting, though, so against my better judgment, I mentioned being cast as Lead Elphaba in MSU's _Wicked_ production that semester.

She smiled. "That's great, Elsa. I know that's a role you always said you wanted to play."

My cheeks suddenly burned and I furrowed my brow, muttering under my breath about nosy therapists that just happened to remember every little word I said. I didn't bother to offer her any response beyond that.

"How have things been with your sister?" she asked, and I quirked an eyebrow, but didn't otherwise react. "You said that the two of you aren't being scheduled together as much. Saturday morning was the longest shift you'd had together all week. How did that go?"

Part of me hoped that if I didn't respond at all, then she'd just give up. I could block out reality by not acknowledging it. I'd done it for a long time now. However, the fatal flaw in my plan was that Dr. Morrison was specifically trained for this kind of thing and had more patience than your average music major had mental breakdowns, which was definitely saying something.

Dr. Morrison tried a couple more times to get me to talk about Anna, but when I didn't, she employed another tactic. "You know, my daughter's been writing this book. I think you'd like it. It's about people with the powers of the four elements – water, earth, fire, and air."

Against my will, I twitched at the mention of the fire, my fingers curling uselessly.

_The only way out is through the flames._

The twitch did not go unnoticed by Dr. Morrison, and I wondered if it had been the goal she'd had in mind. "I wonder whether you've moved back into your bedroom. Have you?"

"No," I said resolutely, with as much a tone of finality as I could muster.

"It's just a room, Elsa. Why are you afraid of the room?"

"Because that's where the fire is."

Dr. Morrison was quiet for a moment. "Have you been having the dream again?" she asked.

I winced and looked away, running my hands down my braid in distress. "Just once," I admitted. "I just had it once. I-it's not back yet. Just once…"

"Have you ever sat before a fireplace in the cold, Elsa?"

I nodded numbly. When Anna and I were little, we'd do it all the time, cuddled up with mugs of hot chocolate. Of course, the cold didn't bother me, but I used to be quite a fan of the warmth.

"Were you afraid of it then?"

I shook my head.

"Why are you afraid of the fire now, Elsa?" she questioned in a gentle tone of voice.

"Because it's everywhere!" I insisted desperately. "I-it's all over the room! And it's so _suffocating_! I-I can't breathe when there's f-fire everywhere!"

Dr. Morrison nodded in understanding and waited until I calmed down before pressing on. "Have you ever been burned by the fire in your dream? Has it ever burned you?"

My shoulders slumped as I let out a sigh. "No… It mostly just melts me when I sit there, but it's never physically burned me in the dream. It's like I'm an ice cube and simply being near the heat causes me to dissolve. It touches me, but it doesn't burn me."

"Theoretically, then, you could go through the fire, couldn't you?"

_No way out except through the flames_.

"Yes," I agreed, though my throat was tight. "Yes, I could, but… In the moment, in the dream, I never have the courage to do it. It's like I know that I have to go through the fire to escape, but I _can't_ because I'm too scared, and then when I'm screaming and destroying myself, I'm letting Anna sit there and just _burn_ because there's nothing I can do and I'm just too much of a – "

I stopped abruptly and gaped at myself, at how quickly and easily Dr. Morrison had gotten that out of me. The fact that Anna was there. The only difference between the dream now and the dream a year ago.

"Anna's in the dream?" Dr. Morrison prompted, lowering her head a little and looking at me with an encouraging smile.

Swallowing hard, I placed the palms of my hands over my eyes. "Yes…" I admitted. "Anna was there in this last one. I-I don't know. She came in as if she were trying to rescue me, and she tried to come through the flames to me, but then some piece of fallen ceiling hit her and she fell to the ground and was engulfed. I couldn't bring myself to go through the flames to save her."

Dr. Morrison considered this carefully, her fingers locked together in front of her. "Thank you for telling me that, Elsa. Do you think the fire represents your vulnerability? The fire could be a way you cope with being unwilling to open up to your sister. New ceremony with an old skin. Have you considered what I said about reaching out to her?"

"I… I did," I sighed. "I went to Harvey's with her after work on Saturday, and then… She was kind of attached to me almost all day yesterday, when we weren't in respective classes."

That seemed to genuinely surprise Dr. Morrison. "I'm proud of you," she said with a smile, and I quickly ducked my head to hide the blush forming on my cheeks. "That's a big step. Have things been doing well, at least?"

The more stubborn part of me refused to give her a straight answer. Why should I? Was there really any incentive? Unfortunately, I was already too far gone and open for that logic to win out.

"Better than I had expected. She… She hugged me. It was my first hug in thirteen years, and I hadn't even realized until her arms were around me. She was so weirdly supportive, and I keep thinking that it must be a trick – she must have some sort of ulterior motive, but she knows me better than I know myself."

"What do you mean by that?"

"She always has known me better than I've known myself," I sighed and ran a hand down my braid, eyes now completely uncovered. "When I was little, she knew how I thought. This was before I was diagnosed, mind you, so she doesn't know about the diagnosis."

"You haven't told her."

"I don't really like telling anyone. It's hard enough that my professors have to know. But in spite of her not knowing, it's like part of her does. She sees through me. What's more, I can usually figure out what _she's_ thinking, and I can't do that for many people. My mind just doesn't work that way, but I feel pretty confident when I'm trying to guess how she feels. A lot of times, she's very scared around me, though it's gotten better since Saturday."

Dr. Morrison let out a low hum and nodded. "What would you call that? Knowing each other even after thirteen years?" she asked.

I hesitated, thinking about it. In spite of myself, I smiled a little. "Well, Anna called it 'sister intuition', or 'sis-tuition', if you will. I don't really have a name for it, personally. Maybe just innate knowledge left over from when we were little."

"So, the two of you aren't having any issues?"

Biting my lip, I looked away, fixing my narrowed gaze on the ground. That wasn't entirely truthful. The hug yesterday had been nice, but then she just kept _touching_ me, and… I wasn't really used to it. I had gone home very quickly after finding out about the casting results and tried to isolate myself in the bathroom for as long as I could before heading to work.

Even if I wanted to say anything else, my mouth simply wouldn't allow it. Dr. Morrison tried a couple more times to get me to talk again, but it was all in vain.

Tuesdays were so exhausting just because of my therapy. I didn't have class until the afternoon, but I was always completely beat by eleven. Dr. Morrison just had a way of getting me to open up, and I couldn't stand it.

Regardless, I knew that I wouldn't be saying anything else to her today, letting my eyes close and blocking it all out so I could focus on my breathing. _You're not breathing right_. She always knew…

With luck, I wouldn't see Anna at all today. She worked this morning (having, it seems, also left her Tuesday and Thursday mornings open for the sake of having a job). I didn't know her schedule completely, but I really, sincerely hoped that I wouldn't run into her on accident.

I realized how that sounded and winced, wanting to smack myself. My therapy session officially ended, Dr. Morrison releasing me with some sage words of advice that my mind was buzzing too loud to let me hear anyway.

I didn't dislike Anna. She was my baby sister. I cared about her more than I was even able to describe or comprehend. I just needed her to slow down, and I had no idea how to communicate that.

Even if I didn't see her today, I'd inevitably have to face her tomorrow morning for MUS203. All I could do was focus on getting through today and leave the rest for later.

* * *

I had been persuaded, the next day, to go to the dining hall with Anna after MUS203. Graham tagged along, as well as one of his friends that he saw in the hall, a vocal major named Christy. Normally, I would've shied away from such a large group, but I needed Graham to temper Anna, and Christy was cast as Lead Glinda in _Wicked_ so her and I would have to rehearse together a lot anyway.

Of course, we'd acted together before, but I'd never spoken with her outside of rehearsal, so I was a bit nervous about it when Graham first invited her to eat.

As it turned out, Christy was actually pretty okay. She was easily amused, but super sweet. She had tried engaging me in conversation at first but had clearly realized my discomfort and backed off.

"So, let me get this right," Anna was laughing. "This guy actually showed up outside your apartment and sang Whitney Houston to you at three in the morning?"

"Precisely," Christy grinned. "He was, like, right outside my bedroom window. He had flowers and a stereo blasting the karaoke version as he sang along to it. Everyone else in the building was pretty pissed."

"What ended up happening?" Graham pressed, since Anna was giggling too hard to be able to coherently form anymore words.

Christy bit her lip to keep her own laughter at the memory down. "Well, my girlfriend came up to the window and… I'll leave the rest to imagination."

Even I managed to crack a smile as I poked at my chicken with a fork. My left hand was being clutched tightly in Anna's right, and I doubted she was even aware of it. She was just absently holding it. As if that was a thing people did.

…Maybe it was. I wrinkled my nose a little and dipped my head lower as I thought about it. Maybe touch really was a normal thing for other people. I'd seen others holding hands, but before Anna, I'd never done it myself.

When the laughter around the table died down, Graham reached over and poked my shoulder. I scowled and jerked away.

"Are you angsting?" he teased.

"Oh, honey," Christy giggled. "I could _show_ you angsting."

"No. I'm _thinking_. There's a difference."

Anna bumped my shoulder lightly and I bit my lip, trying to keep enough control not to move away. "What are you thinking about?"

I shrugged, cutting off a piece of my chicken and putting it in my mouth, if only to have an excuse not to answer. This seemed to work as a 'get-out-of-jail-free' pass as the conversation moved on past my thoughts.

"I always practice the piano early in the morning – rip my sleep, I know – and when I went to the practice rooms this morning, there was an alto sax player in one of them who was, I kid you not, playing P.D.Q. Bach from his phone in the vending machine area."

In spite of myself, I couldn't help a grin at that as I shot a glance at Graham.

"We love that," Christy commented, trying to hold in her laughter.

"Wait, who's P.D.Q. Bach?"

We all gaped at Anna, and her cheeks quickly turned red. She ducked her head, and her grasp on my hand tightened a little. There was a pause, and then the table erupted.

"The outrage – "

"The scandal – "

"How dare – "

"Don't know P.D.Q. Bach – "

"How does one even – "

"You poor thing – "

Anna's eyes widened as we all tripped over each other verbally. She held up her free hand, successfully stopping us. "Are you guys going to tell me who he is or just berate me for not knowing?" she deadpanned.

"How does one describe P.D.Q Bach?" Christy mused. "The man."

"The myth," Graham added helpfully.

"The legend," I finished.

"Peter Schickele's alter ego," Graham tried. "Peter Schickele is, like, crazy satirical or something I don't know, and he created this persona – "

"P.D.Q. Bach?" Anna guessed.

Graham nodded in confirmation. "P.D.Q. Bach, which, if we're being technical, stands for 'Pretty Damned Quick Bach'. Basically, Schickele took a lot of famous works and such and made parodies of them, claiming they were written by P.D.Q. Bach, who is Johann Sebastian Bach's long-lost twenty-first child."

"He is the twenty-first of Bach's twenty children," Christy explained.

Anna's jaw dropped, her shoulders slumping in defeat as she glanced around the table. "Are you for real? I love satirical music. Man, how have I never heard of him before?"

"He doesn't only do parodies," I pointed out. "He's written originals, too. He's just very well-known for his parodies."

With a wistful sigh, Anna leaned her head against my shoulder. "I gotta look this guy up, Elsa," she declared.

When her head touched my shoulder, I tensed slightly, but I don't think she noticed. I nodded and smiled encouragingly, but my throat was too constricted for any words to come out. The touch was so unnatural, so different. I could feel the weight of her head against me, and I feared suddenly and irrationally that I would freeze her, like I almost did when we were children.

My hand that was holding hers twitched lightly, and I withdrew it. I could feel Anna watching me, and I put on a show of using both hands to dig through my bag for something. Her head didn't move. She was still touching me.

I wasn't against the idea of touch in general – I just wasn't at all used to it, and it was getting to the point where I was dreading being around her because I never knew when she was going to reach for me, and I had only just gotten to the point where I allowed myself to enjoy her company.

I sighed inwardly – when had everything gotten so complicated?

A couple icicles slipped out of my hands involuntarily as I was bent down and I quickly slipped them into a side pocket of the bag so that no one would see. When I sat back up, Anna was talking animatedly to the others, seemingly having forgotten about holding my hand.

Or so I thought.

Automatically, when my hand was back within reach, hers snaked out to grab mine. I had to bite my tongue and fix my gaze on my food and try to forget about the sudden, overwhelming contact.

I shut myself off for the rest of the meal.

* * *

My lesson with Dr. Jacobs was scheduled for Thursday at 12:00, since I didn't have any classes until the afternoon and I worked a small shift (with Anna) in the morning.

"Hello, Elsa," she greeted me pleasantly as I entered her office. "How was your summer? Anything exciting happen?"

"Hello, Dr. Jacobs," I returned the greeting rather than give a snarky remark, as I would to most others who would address me so. "Mostly just work and practice," I answered her questions, deigning not to mention Anna.

She smiled as she sorted through one of her file cabinets. "I saw that you were cast as Elphaba in _Wicked_. Congratulations – that's a difficult role, but I can't think of any of my students better suited for it."

I blushed and looked away, focusing on taking my music binder out of my backpack.

"As you know, Sally graduated last year with her master's degree, and she's decided to pursue her doctoral at Carrington. My new graduate student should be coming by later in the lesson. She's been observing all of the lessons of the others in the mezzo-soprano studio to get a feel of how things work here. I believe she's been quite anxious to meet you."

"Me?" I gaped. "Why?"

Dr. Jacobs chuckled as she began flipping through pieces of music. "Because of your casting, I presume. How about we begin the lesson?"

I nodded numbly, still shocked by the idea of someone being anxious to meet me.

We started with the basics, of course – warm-ups in major and minor, scales, arpeggios. A good chunk of the lesson was spent on it so that Dr. Jacobs could get a feel for where my voice was at after the long summer break.

One thing that I had always liked about my lessons was the fact that they were one-on-one. I had always been better working with professors one-on-one or being able to approach them one-on-one. It was part of how my mind worked – _yes_, my autism – and because of it, the Office of Disability Services pulled strings so that I was never in a class with more than thirty or so people in it.

There were, of course, lectures with four hundred or more students in them, particularly for some of the general requirements, like psychology, but I was always placed into a restricted version of those classes taught for people _like me_, which is a phrase I absolutely loathed.

When I was younger, my parents would say that I had a 'different way of thinking'. The professionals said I had a 'cognitive disorder'. I, at nine years old, failed to see the difference. I still do, in a way, except I don't dwell on it as much.

"Did you audition for any ensembles as well?" Dr. Jacobs asked after we finished our warm-ups and scales.

"Yeah, University Treble-Bass Chorus and Spring Singers. I got in for both."

Dr. Jacobs smiled and grabbed some of the music she had pulled out before. "I'm sure you're also looking forward to your senior recital this year?"

I wrinkled my nose a little and planted my gaze on a certificate on the wall of her office. "I'm nervous," I admitted.

"I might be worried if you weren't," she gave a small laugh. "I have a few pieces selected here for you to look at for your senior recital. You don't have to choose one of these, but they're just a few suggestions that I had on hand."

I took one of them and flipped it open, humming lightly through it and tapping one of my toes to the beat. I only went through the first thirty measures or so before taking another one and repeating the process. After that one, I did it to the third piece.

They were all very difficult – that was expected. A senior recital was nothing like any other performance a music major would ever have, and it was one thing that I'd been anxious about all four years of my undergraduate degree.

As Dr. Jacobs had said, I _was_ excited for it, in a way. Performing your senior recital meant that the finish line was in sight. The past four years of school of music bullshit wasn't all for nothing. Crying in practice rooms, losing sleep, stressing over nothing – it all lead up to your senior recital.

"I like the second one," I told her, handing the first and third back. "I don't know if it's the one I want to perform. I have to look around a bit."

"That's understandable," Dr. Jacobs nodded. "After all, a senior recital is not a small thing."

As I just finished telling you all.

There was a knock on the door, and Dr. Jacobs called for them to enter.

"I'm very sorry I'm late, Dr. Jacobs. My last class ended at 12:10, and it was on the other side of campus. I came as soon as I could."

I stopped to look at the newcomer – her new graduate student, I presumed. Something about her seemed very, _very_ familiar, but I couldn't seem to put my finger on it. I chewed on the inside of my lip as I tried to imagine where I could possibly know her from. Her name was on the tip of my tongue, and it was really bugging me that I couldn't remember it, as I had a fantastic memory when it came to names. If you asked me to name everyone in my Music in America class, just from that one icebreaker last Monday, I guarantee I'd get most of them right, and yet, I couldn't seem to recall this one person's name.

"Don't worry about it – we had discussed your class, so I'm not concerned at all about it. This is Elsa Voll, one of my students. Elsa, this is my new graduate assistant, Maggie Hart."

Everything clicked in my mind, and I had to struggle to keep my jaw from dropping open.

She laid her eyes on me and I managed to catch a small smirk, though it was well-hidden. Perhaps I only saw it because I was looking for it, and she knew I'd be looking for it.

Maggie Hart.

The girl who would command her friends to dump me into a trash can daily when I was younger because I was too scared and small to fight back. The girl who would throw every insult in the book my way. She would call me retarded. _Broken_. Just plain stupid sometimes. The girl who would shove me into a locker and leave me in there for hours on end, or until someone heard my cries for help and would let me out (which was sometimes hours on end). The girl who…

I think you get the picture.

To make a long story short, Maggie Hart was the girl who'd had it out for me all throughout middle and high school and did everything in her power to make my life as absolutely miserable as she could.

She was smart, beautiful, strong. She had a voice that could call down the angels from heaven. Even though she was the same age as me, I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd graduated early from Carrington and came here for her master studies just to terrorize me.

"Elsa was just looking at pieces for her senior recital," Dr. Jacobs explained, totally oblivious to the history between Maggie and I. "She was interested in this one," she took the second one from me and handed it to Maggie.

She flipped through it, one eyebrow raised, and then gave it back to Dr. Jacobs rather than me. "That's a very difficult piece," she commented.

"Yes, well, Elsa is one of my more advanced and dedicated students."

"Are you sure she's up to it?" Maggie asked, looking straight at me. "I've seen other mezzo-sopranos try to perform it for their senior recital, and almost every single one choked."

In spite of myself, I flinched a little, staring at the ground and trying to keep the scowl off of my face. She was baiting me. I knew she was baiting me. She knew I wouldn't engage. I never did before.

Dr. Jacobs let out a low hum as she glanced at the piece again. "I'm quite sure Elsa could handle it," she declared with a nod, and I felt a small rush of warmth. "However, I'm afraid our lesson time is up for now. I'll see you next week, Elsa."

I nodded and quickly moved to start putting my stuff away. I left the office, and it _just so happened_ that Maggie left at the exact same time, walking right in step with me all the way out of the music building.

It was when we'd reached the parking lot that I finally got irritated enough to speak up. I sighed and stopped abruptly, Maggie stopping as well. I whirled to face her, running my hand over my braid.

"What do you want, Maggie?"

She smirked and grabbed my braid from me, causing me to tense up. "I've only ever wanted one thing regarding you," she purred, and then leaned close, so that I could feel her uncomfortable, hot breath on my face.

"_To make your life as awful as I could, you weird, weak little orphan."_

With that, she let go of my braid and walked off in the direction we came, laughing to herself.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave a review below! :)**


	8. Chapter 7: Early Morning

**A/N: Got another intense one here... Definitely enjoyed writing it though, so y'all might enjoy reading it?**

_"…__86.4…Keeps dropping…Heating pad…Might lose her…"_

_"…__cog in the machine…"_

_"…__stronger than this…"_

_"…__through the flames…"_

_"__...Elsa, no!...can't lose you again…"_

I woke up abruptly, breathing heavily. It took me a minute to recover myself and realize that I was just in my apartment, on my couch. Olaf meowed and I sat up, putting my head in my hands. I knew those voices, but I couldn't place them. They'd been haunting my dreams for a while now – especially the fire one, which was cropping up more and more nowadays.

It had been a little over a week since my first lesson of the school year, and I was quickly becoming tightly-wound.

Anna was still being quite clingy and I didn't know how to tell her that I needed some space. Granted, I _was_ becoming a bit used to the hand-holding, but anything beyond that and the occasional hug still made me uncomfortable. I needed to take it slow, and her insistent touching was getting to me.

Maggie had also showed up in my second lesson, and while we hadn't had any confrontations since my first, she was constantly trying her best to sneakily undermine me. It was as if she had matured since her days of shoving me into lockers and forcing my head into toilets and was now using the power of her position as a grad student to hurt me.

Graham had continued to grow quieter and less lively, which was disconcerting in and of itself, more so when I couldn't bring myself to actually try to talk to him about it, leading to a not-insignificant amount of self-hatred.

Abbie was still doing everything in her power to schedule Anna and I together whenever she could and wouldn't answer any questions about it.

Everyone and everything were just becoming so overwhelming that I couldn't keep it in any longer. I bit my lip and glanced up at the walls, where ice was beginning to form. _You're not breathing right_. I closed my eyes and tried to steady myself before I froze my apartment and quite possibly my cat.

Tears began to slip out of my eyes and Olaf let out a confused meow. I ignored him, my shoulders shaking. I couldn't keep up with it. I couldn't keep up with everyone.

Suddenly, my phone rang, and I jumped, staring at it. It was so rare that I actually got contacted by anyone – I had maybe five contacts – that it always scared me. I swallowed hard and reached out, expecting it to be a scam caller.

When I read the contact name – _Anna_ – I clenched my jaw and breathed out through my nose. I vaguely remembered exchanging numbers with her.

It was two in the morning. What did Anna want at two in the morning on a Sunday? I took a moment to focus on my breathing, and the call ended up going to voicemail before I was ready to answer it. I kept my gaze on my phone, as if something else would happen, guilt gnawing at my insides.

Whatever it was she wanted at two in the morning, I doubted it was small talk. When she tried again, I picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice even.

"…Elsa?" came Anna's voice, and it sounded a bit strained.

I immediately sat up straighter, furrowing my brow. "Why are you calling me at two a.m., Anna?" I questioned, my tone gentle. I wasn't usually good with social cues, but I knew Anna, and something definitely didn't seem right.

"Hey," she said, and then laughed a little. I heard her swallow. "I… I was wondering if… Maybe, you know… I could stay over there tonight?"

Taken aback, I shook my head, trying to wrap it around her request. "Here?" I asked incredulously. "Like, with me? Why?"

There was a pause. "I… Could I explain once I'm there? I really don't want to talk about it here."

I shifted, uncomfortable with the idea of her being at my apartment. I hadn't had visitors in at least a year or two. As I've mentioned many, many times before, I don't have _friends_. No one would want to come over in the first place.

Besides that, I'd been isolated most of my life. After the first few years of confinement in my room, after almost freezing Anna's head, I'd hardly even let my parents come in to see me. I had become so scared of myself that I only allowed them to bring me my meals. I think I broke their hearts over and over, but they were the ones that put me into confinement in the first place.

It was when we came to America, after our parents died, that I had to learn to put myself aside. There was a real world, and Aunt Gerda wouldn't pay for me to take online classes like Mama and Papa had. I had to learn how to function.

In spite of that, though, I'd never really let others in. When I got my apartment, I was so happy because it was a place that was truly just my own. I didn't have to let people in.

Anna misinterpreted my silence and tried to backtrack. "A-actually, you know what? It's… It's not really a big deal. D-don't worry about it. I can just… I can just sleep in the tv lounge."

I winced, my eyebrows twitching in confusion. "What's wrong with your dorm room?" I asked.

"There's nothing wrong with it," she said in a weird tone of voice.

Hesitantly, I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. I didn't know what she meant. Olaf meowed and jumped back up onto my lap. I pet him absently. "Why can't you sleep there, then?"

"My roommate," she sighed. "I just… I don't want to talk about it here."

"Well… Okay." One thing was for certain. My sister was upset. That alone was enough for me to be able to put myself aside. "Do you want my address?"

She cleared her throat. "I, uh, I can't drive right now…"

"…Okay. What dorm are you in? I can come pick you up."

"Weaver."

"Alright, I'll be there in a bit. I'll text you."

"…Thank you."

With that, I ended the call and sighed. I hung my head in my hands for a moment, staring down at Olaf, who was sitting contentedly on my lap. I glanced back up at the walls, seeing the ice caking them. What had I just _done_?

I couldn't handle having Anna there. I was going to _freeze_ her. With how frazzled my emotions were lately, I was going to hurt her. I couldn't shake the memory of almost freezing her when we were younger – why had I agreed? Why hadn't I just let her sleep in the tv lounge of her dorm?

_Because you love her_.

That's what it came down to, isn't it?

I took a deep breath to steady myself and then pushed Olaf off of me. He grumbled, but I ignored it. I grabbed my keys and set off in my truck towards MSU campus.

Most of the drive, I was numb, my mind blank as I tried not to think about how absolutely horribly this could go. How awful of an idea it was to agree to it.

The roads were mostly empty, except for, of course, college students coming back from parties. I was very careful driving just in case any of them were stupid and intoxicated. It was always rough driving out in the middle of the night around a college campus.

Far too soon, I thought, I pulled into a parking spot behind Weaver Hall. I bit my lip and stared down at my phone, sending off a text to Anna before I could talk myself out of it. Anxiety gripped me as I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I wasn't making a huge mistake.

After a couple minutes, Anna came out the back door and approached my truck. I reached over and managed to get the passenger side door open by giving it a solid pound after a few failed attempts. I then took the books that were in the passenger seat and shoved them into the back so that Anna could get in.

She looked really quite tired. There were dark circles under her eyes – which were red and puffy – and her hair was very messily thrown into her signature braids, as if she had done it as a quick afterthought. My heart ached as I studied her. She didn't say anything at all as I put my truck in reverse and began driving back to my apartment.

Part of me wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I couldn't figure out how to. Instead, I remained quiet as I drove, listening to her sniffling every few seconds.

When we reached my complex, I parked and got out first. Anna was clearly struggling with the door, so I went around to her side and worked with it, getting it open on the fourth attempt. She mumbled a thank you and got out, her arms wrapped around herself.

I led her up to my apartment and opened the door, letting her step in first lest I lose the nerve and lock her out again. The first thing I noticed after I entered was that the ice on the walls had disappeared.

That was confusing, but I didn't have time to think about it yet.

My apartment was spotless (as I did have a thing about keeping it clean) but part of me worried that Anna would find something to critique about it anyway. She didn't, of course, merely crossing over to the couch and perching delicately on it, very unlike herself.

I took the other side of the couch, facing her with my legs tucked underneath me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, my throat suddenly very dry so my voice came out as little more than a croak.

She sighed and hung her head. "Well… My roommate kind of doesn't like me," she admitted. "I don't know what it is. She just… She just decided she hates me or something, I don't know. She's, like, put soap in my water bottle and left food in my laundry basket before."

"Have you talked to your RA?"

"No… I don't have any proof. Besides, I don't really want to cause a fuss."

"What happened tonight?"

Anna bit her lip, twisting her hands together in her lap. "She… Well, I don't have proof, again, but I was hanging out with some friends, and when I got back, she was asleep and there was garlic all in my pillowcase and sheets, and she knows I'm mildly allergic to garlic. I was going to go to a hotel for the night, but then my front tires were slashed…"

I clenched my jaw, feeling ice burn under my skin. Someone was terrorizing my sister. I wouldn't stand for it. "What's her name?" I asked, closing my eyes. "I just want to talk."

"Elsa, no," Anna said immediately. "I-I don't want you to get involved."

"Maybe you shouldn't have asked to come here, then," I bit, but quickly realized that it was harsher than I intended. I opened my eyes and saw Anna blinking back tears. "I-I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry… I just meant…" I trailed off, wrapping my arms around my torso and looking away.

She swallowed audibly and moved closer to me. She reached out hesitantly and placed a hand on my arm, causing me to twitch. After a moment or so, she scooted even closer and put her other hand on my other arm.

I was finding it harder and harder to breathe. It was only when she tried to go in for a hug that I lost it, though.

"Slutt å berøre meg!" I shouted, accidentally slipping back into our native tongue. I opened my eyes and saw Anna withdraw in shock. "Stop touching me," I repeated in English.

She looked hurt, her hands landing in her lap. She mumbled something under her breath, and it was too quiet for me to discern whether it was English or Norwegian, much less what she was saying.

I furrowed my brow and glared at her. "What? What did you just say?"

"I said you're shutting me out again!" she shot back, a certain fire in her eyes that hadn't been there before. "Just like before. Why should I be surprised? I knew that it wouldn't last long. I told myself that. I told myself. I said, 'don't get too attached because she's too temperamental for it to last long'. I was just hoping it would be longer than two weeks."

I winced, my shoulders tense. "What do you know about me?" I muttered, not intending for her to hear it, but of course, she did anyway.

"You're right," she remarked. "All I know is how you go back and forth. You're too _cold_ to let anyone in. You're too scared. All I know is that, when we were young, you were my best friend, and out of nowhere, you shut me out. You didn't say anything to me. I don't know what I did wrong, but you just decided, all of a sudden, that you hated me."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I shouted and stood up, pacing and running my hand over my braid, desperate to keep the ice in.

Anna stood as well, thirteen years' worth of resentment finally coming out into the open. "I know that I spent _years_ outside your door and you wouldn't even give me the time of day! Do you know how much that hurt, Elsa? You were my _best friend_! You destroyed my confidence! It took so long to build back up, do you know that?"

I scoffed and stopped, crossing my arms over my chest. "You speak of matters you know nothing about. Don't talk to me about confidence."

"And then… And then we end up together again somehow, by some strange turn of fate, and after a rough start, you actually start to make me think that things could be okay again. It only took so long for your temper to turn and decide you hated me again, I suppose!"

I stumbled back, struck by her words. "Shut up, shut up!" I hissed, pressing my hands over my ears. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't _breathe_. I was shaking, but so was she.

When tears began slipping out of my eyes, she hesitated, finally taking a breath. There was so much pain on her face – pain that I'd caused…

She bit her lip and look away. "I just don't understand why you'd lead me on, I guess," she confessed with a sigh, her voice hoarse. "Why you'd make me think you might care when you didn't. Whether you get some sort of perverse satisfaction out of hurting me, I don't know…"

That did it. That broke me.

"Everything I have _ever_ done was to protect you!" I cried out desperately. "I was the one locked away, don't forget that! It wasn't a choice; it was a necessity! I isolated myself for the _sole_ reason that it meant I wouldn't hurt you. It hurt _so much_ to shut you out, Anna, don't you understand that?"

"No," she said quietly, her expression unreadable – maybe a little sad, maybe a little guilty, maybe a little hurt or angry still. "I don't."

"Every day… Every day, Anna, I could go on only with the sound of your voice in my ears, reminding me just why it was so important I was in there. 'You're not breathing right'. I adopted that because it helped me remember _why_ I was breathing – you, Anna. It was always you. I breathed for you. I ate for you. I tried for you. My heart beat away miserably in my chest, and every time it would, it said your name, over and over. Anna. Anna. Anna. I left you, not because I hated you – not because I wanted to – not because I wanted you to get hurt. I left you because it was the only way you'd be okay. Even if it broke my heart every day, even if every single day I had to learn how to live without my other half, completely numbing myself and urging myself not to think about you because it hurt so _fucking_ much, it was all worth it because you would be safe, and that was the _only_ thing I cared about."

By the time my voice broke and I stopped to breathe, Anna was sobbing and holding herself. I looked at her imploringly, silently begging her to fix the situation because I didn't know how to.

"I don't understand…" she moaned, shaking her head slowly.

"I can't explain it," I responded with a whimper. "I just… It was all for you. Everything. Every last thing."

She visibly swallowed and looked away, staring at a spot on the wall. I sent a quick, panicked glance around the room to make sure that no ice had formed without my knowing Somehow, it was almost easier to control around Anna, though that made no sense.

"…Why can't I touch you, then?"

I bit my lip and pressed a hand to my forehead, trying to keep myself functioning when I felt so desperately like I wanted to fall apart. My tears had abated slightly and I had slipped into a state of strange lucidity.

"It's because of the isolation," I offered up, but quickly realized how little sense I made. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, my shoulders dropping as I gave in. What else did I have to lose at this point? "It… It's because of the autism, actually…"

Anna's whole demeanor changed, her eyes popping open and her jaw dropping. "The… The autism?" she whispered. "I didn't… I didn't know you were autistic…"

I winced and wrinkled my nose, glaring at the ground. "It was always kind of prevalent… You actually seemed to understand, when we were little. You knew that I didn't think like you and I didn't do well socially. I only got diagnosed after we separated, though… I didn't think Mama and Papa would tell you."

"They didn't… Why didn't you mention it before? I would have been more understanding…" she was beginning to cry again, and my chest ached.

"I don't like telling people," I admitted, and then irritably ran a hand over my braid. "People associate 'autistic' with 'broken' and I'm _not_ broken… Maybe… Maybe just a little bent, I don't know."

"No," she said softly. "You're not broken."

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I wrapped my arms around myself and kept my gaze away from her.

She let out a noise akin to a whimper and shook her head again. "Does that mean I've been hurting you every time I… When I… And you…" she choked out, her hands covering her mouth.

"No, no!" I said quickly, meeting her eyes desperately. "I… I like it sometimes. It just… It just becomes overwhelming and I'm not used to it. Wh-when you first hugged me, it was the most amazing thing that happened to me in a long time. It was my first hug in thirteen years… A-and I'm getting used to the hand-holding… I just need to be warned before… before you do anything else… It'll just take some time… If you don't mind waiting?"

"I've waited thirteen years – what's a little more?" she tried to joke, but it fell flat. I flinched, scowling at the ground, and she let out a small gasp. "I-I didn't mean! I just meant – I… I'm sorry," she murmured, her eyes falling shut in defeat.

Biting my lip, I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. _Anna_, it said. _Anna, Anna, Anna._ Th-thump. _Anna_. I took a deep breath and stepped forward, putting my arms around her.

She jerked in surprise at first, and then quickly fell against me, sobbing. "Oh, Elsa… I… I've screwed up so much, haven't I?" she hiccupped.

"No, Anna. You haven't screwed up a thing."

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?" she sniffled.

I smiled and pulled back a little, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I should be asking you that," I pointed out. "I just want you to understand that that I am completely and utterly _devoted_ to you. I'm not very good when it comes to words and talking, and my mind doesn't work the same way as yours, but one thing that I know for certain is that I love you. You're my baby sister."

"I love you," she whispered. We stayed like that, holding each other quietly. After a while, she drew back, wiping at her nose with her arm and sniffing. "Do you… Maybe, can we sleep?" she asked feebly.

"Of course," I answered, turning back towards the couch. I hesitated, not quite knowing how this would work. I went to the hallway closet and grabbed two blankets and a pillow from within. When I got back, Anna had already laid down on the couch, taking the blanket that always lay on it.

She watched me with confusion as I set up a makeshift bed. "You… You're not going to sleep there, are you?"

I hesitated, holding the pillow. "…I don't really use my bedroom. I sleep on the couch."

She immediately sat up, moving to get off of the couch. "O-oh… I'm sorry, I just assumed – "

"No, no, stay," I said, and she did, staring at me guiltily. "Really, it's alright. I'd prefer if you were on the couch. You've had a rough night."

"So have you."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I've had worse ones," I replied before I could think about it. An awkward silence fell over us and I cleared my throat. "Please. Take the couch, Anna. I don't mind sleeping down here."

"If… If you're sure…"

"I am."

We were quiet again as I turned the light off and laid down on my blanket. I felt small pressures over my stomach and let out a small grunt. Olaf leaned down and sniffed at me in confusion before climbing off and jumping onto the couch, if Anna's 'oof' was any indication.

She gave a laugh. "I'm guessing this is your cat?" she asked softly.

"The one and only," I chuckled. "He's a big boy, but he's also a total lovebug. If you let him, he'll spend the whole night laying on you. He really likes people, though I'm probably one of the only ones he's ever known."

"Did you just decide you wanted a cat one day?"

"No, it wasn't up to me. Rather, it was Olaf that decided he wanted an owner one day. He somehow made it into my apartment while I was asleep one night, about two years ago. I woke up with him on top of me and I was thoroughly confused. I tried to find where he came from, and I tried kicking him out or finding him a home more than once, but he was pretty determined to stay. It's probably one of the best things that's happened to me, I think. It's nice having someone to come home to – someone who cares about me but doesn't care about my social skills or my cold skin."

That had slipped out, but Anna didn't mention it. I wondered briefly if she'd fallen asleep. I held my breath, trying to listen to her breathing, but all I could hear was the distinct sound of Olaf's purring.

When Anna did speak, her voice was gentle and breathy, hardly more than a whisper.

"…You named your cat Olaf?"

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, having to force air back into my lungs. "I named my cat Olaf," I parroted, partially because I didn't know what else to say.

"Oh, Elsa…" she sighed, and then let out a small, choked noise. "Olaf. You didn't forget."

In spite of myself, I smiled, staring up into the darkness. "Of course, I didn't forget."

She paused, and then spoke softly.

"Do you want to build a snowman?"

I let out a small giggle, shaking my head at the familiarity of it all. The words she would say outside my door to try to get me to come out, over and over. The words we would whisper to each other as children, causing our parents to wonder just what we found so enchanting and amusing. The words of happiness and fear and empty promises and love. The words that had become our little secret, our own phrase.

There was so much meaning behind those seven words. I remembered spending years locked in my room, desperately wishing I could tell her the truth, wishing I could say anything more than 'go away'.

I didn't know what today would bring. I didn't know what the week would bring. I could die tomorrow, I didn't know. I could lose it. I could go insane. I could have a manic episode and run away. I didn't know.

The one thing that I did know, however, was that I loved my little sister, so for the first time, I gave voice to the only answer I ever should have given for that one meaningful question.

"Always, Anna. Always."

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it - please leave a review down below!**


	9. Chapter 8: Boundaries

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you all so much for reviewing! Reviews make me really happy to read :)**

**I'm gonna give a brief look into the future here, so y'all are prepared. After this chapter, it looks like I'll have one more and then we'll skip ahead a couple of months. In maybe 2-4 chapters (I'm not certain when exactly it'll take place), we're gonna have a _really_ intense chapter, and I definitely apologize in advance for it.**

**Except I don't apologize at all for it now that I've given you fair warning haha. _(Evil Gweneth? Maybe! Maybe...)_**

**Enjoy chapter 8 in the meantime!**

Abbie was confused when Anna and I showed up to work together for our overlapping 4-close shifts. Understandably so, I'd say. If you'd told me a day ago that, over the course of a day, Anna and I would both become so much closer and more comfortable with each other, I would have laughed in your face.

We had bared our souls to each other in the small hours of the morning, and when we woke up in the early afternoon, we'd sat down and talked.

One of the decisions that we'd came to was that Anna would be staying with me for a few days, at least until she was able to get things with her roommate sorted out. We'd stopped by her dorm and picked up some of her clothing and necessities, and her roommate was lucky she wasn't present, or else I might've seriously caused some damage.

It was strange – I could never defend myself, but the moment it came to Anna, I was perpetually ready to defend her.

After picking up some of her necessities, we'd gone to the store and paid for a blow-up mattress. Even though I insisted that I was fine sleeping on the blanket, Anna was having none of it. She said that if I was going to make her take the couch, then she was going to make me use an actual mattress, blow-up or not.

We had also bought two new tires for her car but didn't have time to put them on before our shifts would start. Our schedules through the week, though, were so different that we'd have to get them put on before class tomorrow.

That was a problem for later, we had decided. We didn't have to focus on that yet.

…This is a quick aside, but do you know how happy it makes me to be able to say 'we'? I had always, always been just 'me'. 'I'. Anna and I were trying to understand each other, and for once, it felt like I was actually part of a 'we'. I wasn't so alone anymore.

"Carpooling?"

Anna and I shot a quick, knowing grin to each other at Abbie's confused guess. We didn't say anything at first as we clocked in and immediately set to work. We didn't acknowledge Abbie – only exchanged amused glances every time she asked a question.

It was hilarious, how Abbie was becoming so befuddled. "Did something happen? Was it something good?"

Silence.

"Was it something bad? Both?"

Silence.

"Are you two going to tell me at all?"

At that, Anna accidentally let out a small giggle and Abbie decided to take another tactic.

"You don't normally ignore me, Anna. I am your boss, if you remember. It's considered terribly rude to ignore a direct question from your boss."

I saw a brief look of fear cross Anna's face, and the smile dropped from her lips. I walked past her, making sure to brush her shoulder with my arm to remind her that I was there. It seemed to work, and she regained the confidence to remain quiet.

Abbie let out an exasperated sigh. "What about you, Elsa? I'm used to you ignoring me, but putting your sister up to it, as well? Making her part of your ignorant quest?"

I clenched my jaw, narrowing my eyes as I refilled the cups at the register. Abbie was right. I was expected to be obtuse and difficult – Anna, on the other hand… I was putting her into trouble, and she didn't deserve that. Our plan to irritate Abbie could have unintended consequences. As she'd pointed out, she _was_ our boss.

Defeated, I was about to break down and give in, but then I heard Anna humming lightly – humming a lullaby our mother used to sing to us, and it gave me the confidence to keep it up. I gave Abbie a defiant look and smirked, and then gently bumped Anna's shoulder to thank her.

"Okay, that's _so_ not fair," Abbie growled, and then let out a small gasp. "Oh, Elsa! Did I tell you Thomas got new glasses? I'd show you pictures, but you don't seem to be talking to me…"

I let out a small growl – she knew my weak spot. I _loved_ children – I didn't trust myself around them for long periods of time, but I'd always had a soft spot for them. I always assumed it had something to do with Anna. Watching her grow up from a newborn to a healthy, beautiful five year-old girl. My parents would show me pictures of her in the following years after our separation, and I would dream about being able to actually watch her grow.

Of course, I had had to stop that – it was dangerous to dream, after all.

Anna saw my frustration and smiled. "Hold det oppe," she murmured to me, surprising me with her sudden Norwegian. I grinned at her.

Since I'm assuming you all don't speak Norwegian, I'm more than happy to translate the next part of the conversation for you, since it was actually spoken in Norwegian. Also, what Anna had said to me above was 'keep it up'.

"It's hard," I responded quietly. "I love kids."

"I know. I want to see if we can get her to break, though."

"I'm sure we can."

"She's looking at us."

"Good. Let her be confused."

"Do you think that'll do it?"

"I'm certain of it."

Abbie let out a frustrated noise. "Okay, the Norwegian thing _really_ sucks," she complained. "What is it that you're not telling me? Don't make me get on my knees and beg. You two are completely cryptic today, and I'm not okay with it."

Anna and I both giggled and I shot her a pointed look. "That sounds like a broken woman to me, Anna, how about you?" I asked in English now.

She snickered and nodded. "Definitely," she answered, also in English again.

"You two are your own, special brand of evil, you know that?" Abbie scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. "Did it work? Are you two close again?"

"I mean, you annoyed us more than anything with your scheduling," I told her earnestly. "But yes, you did help us, minimal though it was."

Abbie laughed at that and shook her head. "I suppose I'll have to live with that. Can I ask what changed?"

"You just did," Anna muttered under her breath, and I chuckled at that. Then she beamed at me, her eyes bright. "We're setting some boundaries for both of us," she answered regardless.

I didn't know what to add, so I didn't add anything, merely smiling and averting my gaze. I felt Abbie's eyes on me and my cheeks burned slightly, but I did my best not to acknowledge it, hoping the blush would merely go away.

A group of customers came in, and Anna went to take their orders as Abbie and I prepared to start their drinks.

"I'm proud of you," Abbie murmured to me, too quietly for Anna to hear.

Part of me was a bit irritated since I was a grown woman and I didn't need her approval, but another part of me was glad to have it. I could count on one hand the amount of times my parents said that to me – not because they _weren't_ proud of me, but because after a certain point, I simply wouldn't allow it. It hurt to think about them, especially since I knew that the anniversary of their deaths was coming up.

It was scary, opening up. Letting Anna in. But… For the first time, I was beginning to wonder if maybe my parents were wrong in isolating me. Maybe there were better ways of fixing the situation and teaching me to control the ice.

After all, I didn't have as many outbursts or unexpected icicles when Anna was around. I didn't know what it was, but the cold was actually somewhat submissive around her. As if she were just a pure source of warmth. Even when we'd opened up to each other early this morning, the ice had been nowhere to be found.

I'd only accidentally formed ice around her when it was about me. When it was her touching me and me being unable to tell her not to. When it was my self-loathing acting up.

When it was about her, and how much I loved her, it was so different. It was so much easier.

I didn't know what the future would bring, but for once, I was ready to face it.

* * *

After work, Anna and I got into my truck and started back towards her dorm so that, hopefully, we could get the two new tires in my truck onto it.

"Why don't you get that door fixed?" she complained, shooting a dirty look at my passenger side door.

I gave a small laugh and shook my head. "I never use it. Why would I pay money to get it fixed when I never use it? You're literally the first passenger that's been in my truck in over a year. The last time was when Graham needed a ride to pick up his car from the shop."

She glanced at the torn walls, dash, and center console of my vehicle, and then at the stained carpeting. She wrinkled her nose. "Your whole truck looks like it could use an overhaul," she said bluntly.

I narrowed my eyes slightly and patted the dash. "She's maybe a bit worse for the wear, but she runs," I defended my poor truck.

"Was she a hand-me-down?" Anna asked.

"Nope – I saved up and bought her all on my own," I answered with a sense of pride. "I've had her since I was sixteen."

"Was she in this condition when you got her?"

I nodded. "I was very, very broke, Anna. My first job was… quite awful, and my foster parents at the time demanded 'rent' the moment I was old enough to get a job. Again, she isn't the prettiest, but she was still my first car. It's a big milestone, getting a car."

"I like it when you open up to me, even about little things," she mused with a smile. "Mine means a lot to me, too. Granted, I didn't save up and buy it on my own, but my adopted parents bought it for me on a 'loan', which was my idea. I wanted to be able to pay them back over time."

"You didn't let them pay for your college, either," I recalled.

Anna sighed and glanced out of her window. "I've kind of had to learn to fight my own battles, you know?"

I swallowed hard and readjusted my grip on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry," I told her earnestly.

"No, no, it's not your fault!" she insisted, and then let out another sigh. She fiddled with her hands idly in her lap. "I just mean that I learned not to be too dependent. I actually prefer it that way – I don't like feeling helpless."

"Is that why you won't do anything about your roommate?"

She bit her lip. "Partially, yeah… I'm trying to figure it out on my own, but I know to involve outside help if it does get too bad for me to handle."

"Why'd you contact me?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I just needed my sister, I guess."

I didn't know at all how to respond to _that_, so I let the conversation drop. The streetlamps would briefly illuminate the inside of the truck every few seconds, and it took an insane amount of willpower to keep my gaze on the road.

It was nearing midnight by the time I pulled up in the parking lot behind Weaver. Wordlessly, I got out and then helped Anna open up her door so that she, too, could come outside.

It was a chilly night, considering it was still summer – not that it bothered me in the slightest. I saw Anna give a small shiver and felt a bit of guilt gnaw at me, as if I had anything to do with the cold evening (which I didn't think I did).

"So, what's this girl's deal?" I asked as I took carjack from the back of my truck and approached her car. I set to work getting it underneath and cranking it. "Why did she feel the need to fill your bed with garlic and slash your tires?"

"I don't know," Anna groaned, rubbing at one of her eyes tiredly.

"Have you had any bad interactions that you know of?"

"I mean… No, not really. We haven't interacted much at all. We were randomly assigned as roommates. I tried to get to know her during orientation week – which was, you know, also band camp – but she didn't seem really receptive, so I didn't push it. I just figured she was a loner."

"What's her name?"

"Trish – I don't want you to do anything, though. Again, I want to fight my own battles. Maybe I can talk to her or something."

I paused, finishing lifting her car up and going to grab one of the tires and my toolkit. I sent her a look, raising an eyebrow pointedly. "Anna, this girl put a known allergen in your bed. I'd say just be lucky you're not _more_ allergic to garlic. She put you in a really bad situation."

"I know that," Anna muttered, wincing. "I've dealt with bullies before. It's not a big deal."

Scoffing, I shook my head. "What would you say if I said that to you?" I asked, my tone slightly accusatory. Of course, Anna didn't know about Maggie, but that was besides the fact. It wasn't like Maggie was _still_ shoving me into lockers. She had found new ways of hurting me that were more mature, it seemed.

What Trish was doing, though? That was immature.

And quite possibly felonious. I'd have to do some research.

"That's not fair, Elsa," she argued, and I shook my head in amusement. "You're, like, my older sister."

"Glad I'm 'like' your older sister. Would be a shame to _be_ your older sister while not being like her."

"You know what I mean! I love you because you're my sister. You've always been so strong and graceful and beautiful – you don't deserve to get hurt, and it really sucks that you have been. You're all these things, and I'm – well, I'm just… me…"

I stopped, dropping the wrench in my hand. I stood abruptly and faced Anna, placing my hands on her shoulders. "And what's so wrong with that?" I murmured, smiling. In spite of herself, she couldn't help but reciprocate it. I gently brushed my knuckles against her chin in an attempt to comfort her before turning back to the car and finishing up with the first tire, undoing the carjack and bringing it around to the other side to get to work propping it up that way.

Anna was quiet for a minute, and then she cleared her throat. "How do you know how to do this so well?" she questioned.

"That sucky first job I mentioned was as an assistant to a car mechanic. It wasn't where I saw myself, but it paid, even though my boss mostly made eyes at me and tried to hide his constant – oof!"

Anna roughly elbowed me in the ribs and I coughed as the air suddenly whooshed out of my lungs. When I recovered, I laughed and stuck my tongue out at her childishly.

"Elsa, that story was far too inappropriate and uncomfortable to be said in this manner of setting!" she declared.

"I thought you liked it when I opened up, even about the little things," I mockingly repeated her words from earlier. "I will open up or remain closed, but you're gonna have to choose which one you want."

She sighed dramatically and shook her head. "I didn't know being your sister again would require this much," she joked.

"Again?" I nitpicked mischievously. "What is this 'again'? Did your blood change? Did mine? That would be very disconcerting, you know – what a strange thought."

"_Elsa_," Anna stressed, sending me a look.

I grinned at her. I was really feeling quite devilish tonight, and although it was strange, it was not altogether unwelcome. I was so happy to be comfortable around my sister again that I was verging on elation.

Anna could be a little tactless and clumsy and forgetful at the best of times, but I loved her, and I trusted her when she said she would try to set boundaries with me.

There was still the issue of my ice and how much longer I would be able to keep it under wraps, but for now, I allowed myself to enjoy having my sister back – enjoy talking and joking with her as I put new tires on her car.

"Is that how your truck still runs? You know how to fix it?"

I flashed her a small grin. "You caught me. The job sucked ass, but I can't disregard the important skills I learned in it. Knowing stuff helps." I finished fixing her second new tire on and stood, wiping my hands on my jeans. "There. All better."

She let out a relieved sigh and immediately went to open the door to the car and make sure everything else was in place as I took the very flat tires and tossed them, along with the tools and carjack, into the back of my truck to be sorted out later.

I turned back from my car and was taken by surprise as Anna's arms came around me and she crushed me in a hug. I panicked briefly in confusion before it registered what had happened.

"Is this okay?" Anna asked, her voice muffled by my shoulder.

After a moment, I returned the hug, and then pushed her back. "It is," I said slowly. "But I need some more warning next time. You scared me."

"Sorry," she said sheepishly and took a step back.

"It's alright. Just maybe wait until I'm facing you next time? I like your hugs – I just panic when I don't expect them."

"Boundaries, right?"

I returned her smile. "Boundaries," I agreed.

* * *

I was restless.

Anna had gotten to sleep within minutes of falling onto the couch, her snores filling the room. She had always had that ability to fall asleep wherever and whenever – I envied that a bit.

I tossed and turned on my blow-up mattress, but there was some sort of energy lurking deep within me that refused to rest. I let out a tiny groan and sat up, slumping my shoulders angrily at whatever it was that was keeping me awake, though what it was, I didn't know.

Getting to my feet, I paused to glance over at Olaf, who seemed to have taken an instant liking to Anna. I smiled softly before slipping my shoes on.

I was still in my thin nightgown, but I didn't care. After all, it wasn't like the cold would bother me. I exhaled deeply and grabbed my car keys, sparing one last look at Anna before leaving the apartment and locking it securely behind me.

Outside now, I located my truck and got in, unsure of where I was going or what I was doing. I let the energy guide me as I went through the motions of starting up the motor and pulling out of the complex.

Although I'd lived in Crewsbury for years now, I'd never explored much of it. I didn't have any clue as to where I was headed, but I was very sure of the direction. I felt quite alive, in a way that I hadn't in a long time.

Was it a crime to be this happy? I couldn't help but wonder. Today had been one of the best of my life, and that both thrilled and terrified me. A small shudder of excitement ran through me and I grinned, my grip on the steering wheel tightening.

On some strange, manic urge, I rolled down my window and let the wind whip my braid across my face. I accelerated, breathing in the fresh air. It was so nice, and I didn't understand it, and I didn't _want_ to understand it for once. If I picked it apart and tried to analyze it, then maybe it would all go away, and I didn't want it to go away.

After a while, I realized I was getting close to my vague destination. I let the energy guide me to what appeared to be a half-finished construction site. I got out of my truck and looked around, practically buzzing.

There was a painted, abandoned parking lot and a rather large building – or, it would be if it had been finished. It looked almost like an outlet mall that had been abandoned. I stared up at the structure and began walking towards it, unsure of what the energy wanted me to do. I stopped after only a few steps, though, my hands feeling strange.

I saw icicles dropping from my palms, and I stumbled back a step, raising my hands to look at them. The ice stopped, but I could feel it under my skin still. That was the energy, wasn't it?

I let out a breath and looked up at the unfinished structure and the wide expanse of a parking lot. Completely abandoned.

If I let it go, who would see me?

A shudder ran down my spine – though certainly not from the chilly air – and I wrapped my arms around myself, tucking my hands into my armpits. Fear coursed through me.

_"__Do the magic! Do the magic!"_

I winced and let out a small hiss as icicles fell from my hands again, hitting the floor with dull thuds.

_"__Catch me! Again!"_

_"__Wait! Slow down! ANNA!"_

The air around me was slowly becoming colder and I let out a small sob, shaking my head as the events from that night began to plague me again out of nowhere. I stumbled until my back hit my truck and I whimpered.

My hands fisted and came to cover my face, and the icicles promptly stopped. My powers weren't satiated, though, and began to sprout impatiently from my feet, frosting the asphalt around me.

_"__You must learn to control it, or fear will be your enemy."_

Letting out a moan, I slowly slid to the ground, pulling my knees up to my chest. I didn't understand what was happening, but my magic was angry, and I desperately tried to keep it in. I didn't know what I was capable of, but it had only grown over the years.

Fear will be my enemy.

I began to sob, not sure of what else I could do. The temperature around me continued to drop as my magic lashed out. I didn't open my eyes to watch it, afraid of what I'd see if I did. I was dangerous. Dangerous.

How could I forget that?

_You silly, silly person. Why are you letting her get close? You'll only hurt her. You're a monster, didn't you know that? A non-functional, heartless monster. Why get close? Why let someone in? You don't deserve it._

The voices were becoming so loud and I cried out, putting my fists over my ears. In spite of the awful words my mind was saying, I desperately wished Anna was there. The world was crashing down on me, and I didn't understand why or how it was happening. I didn't understand what brought me here. I didn't understand why my powers were so out of control.

I didn't _understand_.

And I hated when I didn't understand things. When other kids would naturally pick up on social cues and mathematics and I didn't. When they knew how to talk to the lunch ladies. When they would be hugging someone within minutes of meeting them.

I never understood any of it, and it just made me feel so much more alone. It was almost ironic – I was determined not to figure out energy before, but now that I knew what it was, I wished I _could_ figure out why it was doing this.

I couldn't count on my two hands how many autistic slurs had been thrown at me – I was so excited to come to university because it was hours away from the high school I came from, and I could get a fresh start.

It hurt badly enough that Maggie was back to torture me and remind me of awful memories I'd rather not be reminded of – this state of confusion over what was going on with my powers just made it all worse.

They'd never been submissive around _anyone_ before, so the fact that they were suddenly so shy (if that was the right word) around Anna was bewildering. I had never considered my powers having their own mind before.

The idea was absurd.

I took a deep breath, forcing my eyes open. I stared at the stars and forced myself to think about it. My magic did _not_ have a mind of its own. Rather… It was tied in directly with my emotions. That was one thing that I knew for certain.

However, since Anna had come back into my life, my emotions had been a fucking rollercoaster. It felt like every day was something new with her.

With how out of whack my emotions had been, there was absolutely no reason why I hadn't frozen Anna by now – or anything around her, really. It made no sense. Something about her was keeping my magic at bay.

I groaned and finally unfurled my fists to massage my temples. There was something I was missing. There had to be. There just had to be some sort of piece I wasn't considering.

Did Anna have powers?

I shook my head quickly. No, she didn't. That was impossible. I was sneezing snowflakes since before I could walk – if Anna had any sort of magic, she certainly would have shown it by now. I had known her since she was born. No. I would have known.

What was it, then?

I was quickly growing frustrated and I wrinkled my nose, keeping my gaze on the stars so I wouldn't have to face what I had done to the parking lot. I understood very, very few things about everything that had happened tonight. In fact, I understood precisely _two_ things from tonight.

One, I was extremely confused.

Two, my magic was restless.

I feared what would happen as a result of the second one, but I told myself that I'd just have to try harder to keep it in. I'd had a wonderful day with Anna, and if I was going to be able to be around her, then I was going to have to keep my magic at bay, at whatever cost. If I could ignore what happened here completely, ignore the implications…

Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to face the reality of it.

After all, that had worked for me so far.

**A/N: Please, please, please leave a review down below! I read them and love them; reviews are my fuel!**


	10. Chapter 9: No Ice in Sight

**A/N: Thanks so much again for your reviews! Several of you were quite sarcastic towards Elsa, which amused me to no end, let me tell you haha**

**Tw for racism in this chapter - if this will trigger you, skip over what our least favorite bully in this story says**

I was amazed by how well the morning went once Anna and I were getting prepared to head back to campus. We took turns with the shower and Anna had deigned to whip us up a breakfast of cereal that we'd bought yesterday (like a real chef, I'd teased her) as I worked on my makeup.

There was a small thud from the kitchen and I rushed out, eyeshadow brush in head. "What happened?" I demanded as I took in the sight of Anna lying on the floor, blinking dazedly.

She let out an awkward giggle. "Your cereal is high up," she answered in a murmur, her eyes narrowed in embarrassment.

I laughed at that and grabbed the step stool from the closet in the hallway, handing it to her. "You could have just asked," I pointed out.

I returned to my makeup and finished up, for once unable to keep a smile off of my face. I put a scoop of food into Olaf's bowl and he meowed in gratitude. I was almost giddy as I went back out to eat breakfast with Anna. I didn't normally eat breakfast at all, but Anna wanted to and I wasn't going to tell her no.

So far, I was doing a pretty good job at ignoring what had occurred in the parking lot of an abandoned, half-constructed mall just last night. It was almost easy when I had my Anna close.

She caught me grinning at her and chuckled. "What? Are you still laughing at me about earlier?"

"No," I said honestly. "I was just thinking how unreal this feels."

"Oh… I thought that a lot yesterday, too," she admitted, and then took a spoonful of cereal up to her mouth.

We talked about small, unimportant things over breakfast that, when I was with Anna, felt like the most important things in the world. She didn't question it when I took my medications, something that I had feared she'd mention.

She helped me clean up the dishes and gave a kiss to Olaf before we headed out to drive individually to campus for our shared MUS203 class. It was as if she'd lived there for years, how easily things were working together.

I had been so frightened, two nights ago, when she asked to come to my apartment. I had been certain that I wouldn't be able to handle it. Clearly, I had too little faith in my sister – or myself, it was hard to tell.

"So, do you know what's going on with Graham?" Anna asked as we met up after parking our respective vehicles. She hesitantly took my hand and sent me a questioning glance, asking if it was okay.

I squeezed her hand in return, offering her a small smile before turning my gaze back out to the campus and walking beside her towards the music building. "I don't know. I've noticed it, too. I don't know how to ask him, though."

Anna nodded and gently brushed my shoulder with hers – an action that made me flinch a little in surprise. "Sorry, sorry, I – sorry…" she cleared her throat. "Boundaries. Right. Gotta get used to some things. Anyway… I could ask him. I was waiting to see if you would since you've known him longer, that's all."

"It's alright," I told her earnestly. "I'd appreciate it if you asked him. It's been weighing on my mind a bit – I've never seen him like this, and I've known him for almost four years."

"How'd you two meet?"

"In freshman music theory. He didn't seem put off at all by my difference. In fact, I think some of the first words he said to me were that he dug my 'albino goth look'," I giggled, shaking my head.

"Oh gosh," Anna laughed. "I bet that went over well."

"I didn't really know how to respond. He introduced himself and sat next to me before I'd even said anything to him at all. He calls me 'Else', and I hate that. Just like how Zachary calls me 'Elle'. My name has two syllables. Two!"

Anna giggled and held the front door to the music building open for me. "At least people know how to pronounce your name," she teased.

"You know what, Anna? If we ever go back to Norway, everyone will be pronouncing yours right," I told her with a smirk.

"Are you inviting me back to Norway, Elsa? Why, if you're going to pay, then I'd be delighted to – "

"Please. Like I have any money."

"Well, you have been affording school _and_ that apartment on your own…"

"That doesn't mean anything," I scoffed. "I have a music scholarship as well as grants from the Office of Disability Services." I paused, thinking. "We should totally do it sometime, though. Go visit Norway again. See the house we grew up in."

Anna sighed as we entered the classroom for MUS203. "That would be so amazing… And so emotional…"

"Oh, yes. I am predicting a 100% chance of tears."

Graham was already sitting in our usual spot, staring quietly at his notebook. He noticed Anna and I approaching and immediately put a grin on his face. "Oh, no. Double Trouble approaches," he joked.

"Cut the act," Anna said, crossing her arms over her chest before sitting down. I stopped beside her, giving her a curious look. She was going into this now? I had assumed she'd confront him after class…

"I'm sorry?" Graham asked in confusion.

Well, I supposed we still had six or so minutes until class started, so Anna had some time to try to weasel an answer out of him. I just didn't know if she would be able to. After all, Graham was like me in some ways. We both liked to use humor to deflect our emotions, for example. It certainly didn't hurt that we had very similar senses of humor. We cultivated the other's bad habits, and if it weren't for Anna, I was sure that whatever was going on with Graham would've only continued to fester.

Speaking up and asking him was a nice idea, but it simply wasn't a conversation that I was able to navigate. I was socially inept. Something this delicate and perhaps even awkward needed Anna's touch – she seemed to be afraid of nothing when it came to conversation.

_Except you, Elsa._

Hush. Shh. Shh. Don't talk about that. Don't think about that.

I gave a small shake of my head to clear the poisonous thoughts from it.

"You know what I mean, Graham. You've been all distant and moody, and you haven't been as attentive. My piano major friend said that in studio, you haven't been performing as well, either," Anna said, her tone gentler now. I couldn't help but admire her empathy.

Graham adopted his signature smirk. "That's what she said."

In spite of myself, I chuckled at that, and received a rough elbow from Anna for my troubles. I winced and stopped immediately, forcing the smile off of my face and giving Anna a resolute nod to confirm that I was, indeed, on her side.

"We're worried about you," Anna sighed. "Aren't we, Elsa?"

My eyes widened as I was addressed, and I swallowed hard before nodding my affirmation, unable to find any words.

"She's vigorously agreeing with me on the inside," Anna told him.

Graham scoffed and raised an eyebrow at me. "Really, Else? You're ganging up on me now with your sister? After everything?"

"I'm not doing anything," I said with an innocent shrug, averting my gaze and scuffing my shoe against the leg of his desk.

With a defeated sigh, Graham gave in. "Fine. Whatever… Something has been going on." Anna shot me a triumphant look as we sat in our normal seats and gave Graham our full attention. "Well, you see, my… My parents weren't exactly good people. You already know this, Else. I was raised by my grandparents, and they're fantastic people. Except… My grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's recently, and I'm… I'm not really able to come to grips with it."

My mouth dropped open in shock, and then it closed again in pity. "Oh, no…" Anna whispered, reaching her hand and placing it comfortingly on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Graham. I can't imagine how that must be."

I hesitated, and then extended my own hand and let it cover his. Anna shot me a brief reassuring smile before returning her attention to Graham.

"It's alright," he said, clearing his throat. "Well, no, it's not, but… I'm okay. I promise." He flashed us a quick smile. "Thanks, girls. You're maybe not _all_ trouble."

I huffed at that. "I like to think I'm ninety percent trouble, thank you very much," I joked, and it elicited grins all around.

"What's the other ten percent?"

"Sarcasm."

Anna rolled her eyes with an amused grin. "No way. The other ten percent is totally warm hugs, and I will accept no other answer."

Heat crawled up the back of my neck and I willed it not to reach my cheeks. "I have a low natural body temperature. Maybe the other ten percent is cold," I muttered.

"What's that? You want a hug? Well, since you give the _warmest_, I'm happy to oblige!"

Having been given fair warning, I wasn't able to protest as Anna practically crushed me in a hug. I could hear Graham laughing at us and I shot him a glare but was unable to hold it and smiled in spite of myself.

Anna had to detach as Dr. Rockingham began the lecture. She kept my nondominant hand securely in hers for almost the entirety of it, though, and I found that it wasn't uncomfortable. She would shoot me questioning glances every now and then, but I think she came to understand that, if I had an issue with it, I would have told her. Or, I'd try to.

After class, the three of us each had a break before our next one so we decided to head to the dining hall together. Graham texted Christy to invite her, as well, but she was meeting with a professor soon and thus unable to make it.

Unfortunately, luck never was on our side, and we weren't able to make it out of the music building without _some_ kind of incident. You guessed it. Maggie.

She was sitting in the hallway, talking avidly with another graduate student. I had not met this one yet, I was certain. I rarely ever forgot names, you know, and forgive me for my bluntness, but he vaguely resembled a pig, and I doubt I would have forgotten him.

It occurred to me that Anna and Maggie had not met, and I made a personal goal out of making sure that they never would. I gripped her hand and walked faster, switching sides so she was in the middle and I was closer to Maggie in hopes that they wouldn't notice each other.

Of course, Maggie's big mouth assured that my goal was quickly crushed.

"…And I mean, I'm a huge fan of _Wicked_. Maybe not everyone's as evil as they seem, you know? But the casting for MSU's production makes it not even worth going to."

Anna stopped abruptly, her mouth set in a firm line. I tried to tug her forth, but she wouldn't budge, and when she looked at me, her wide teal eyes were blazing.

"Did you see who they cast as Elphaba?"

"I did – I've heard of her. People say she's pretty good," the other graduate student replied.

"Oh yeah, her voice is decent, I guess," Maggie shrugged. "I went to school with her, though. She's autistic. Fucking retarded seems more accurate, though."

I rolled my eyes at the immature insults, but Anna only seemed to get more pissed off, her eyes glazed over. Her hand clutching mine tightened and her other one balled itself into a fist. Graham sent me an uneasy look. He knew that I didn't like confrontation. He gently grabbed Anna's arm and tried to get her to budge, but her face had grown red with determination.

"Elsa, you can't seriously walk away from that," Anna whispered furiously.

"It's alright, Anna," I murmured, stepping in front of her. "She's not worth it. Let's just go."

"I can't walk away from that…"

"And did you see who was cast as Glinda?" Maggie was saying now. "I'm not racist or anything, but a black woman should _not_ be playing Glinda. Literally the description of Glinda is that she's blonde with blue eyes."

My jaw dropped open and I felt a certain fire in my own belly at the absolute racism Maggie was showing towards Christy.

The other graduate student shifted uncomfortably, seeming not at all to agree with her, at least. "Well, I suppose it's more important that the role is filled by someone with good acting skills and voice, isn't it?"

"I mean, sure, but there's a million and one _white_ girls who would be perfect for it, too, and they just try to be 'edgy' and 'different' and 'diverse' and shit by casting someone who – "

"Has a fantastic voice," Anna called out, although she was still standing in the middle of the hallway and looking at me. She tore her hands from mine and marched over to Maggie, her jaw set.

Maggie was surprised by the sudden intrusion, but she hid it well. "Are you deaf or something, ginger? I just said that other people have good voices, too."

"'I'm not racist', she says as she criticizes a production for casting someone not like her," Anna mocked, and I stared at her in shock. "Have you heard Christy sing? Because _man_, that woman can belt!"

"It's not about her voice," Maggie repeated.

"You're right," Anna said with a nod. "Except I've read every single book in the _Wicked_ series, and I've watched the musical more than once, and the _only_ thing they mention about Glinda's appearance is that she is blonde, and you know, dark-skinned people can, indeed, have blonde hair. Your entire argument is invalid."

Maggie narrowed her eyes, the gears in her mind turning as she tried to think of an appropriate comeback.

I was desperate to get Anna away from Maggie, so I worked up the courage to step closer and grabbed Anna's arm with both of my hands, trying to pull her away. "Come on, Anna. She wants you to be upset. Don't give her what she wants."

At first, Maggie glanced between us in confusion as Anna stayed put, but then something dawned on her. "Why, Elsa, is this your little sister?" she breathed.

I bit my lip, unable to meet Maggie's gaze. I tried again with Anna, but she swatted at me with her free hand, glaring still at the graduate student before us. I winced and pulled back, hurt. Anna was too caught up in the conversation to notice, it seemed, but that was fine. I didn't know what I'd do if she did notice.

"I didn't know you had a little sister. What a pity you do," Maggie was saying. She took a step closer to Anna. "Tell me, are you retarded, too?"

In spite of myself, I dipped my head a little at the slur. I hated that slur, and it stung, even after all of the times I'd been called that. Again, I wanted to point out my IQ of 150 (something that Maggie was aware of), but I couldn't make my tongue work.

Anna tensed next to me. "She's _not_ retarded," she said, obviously struggling to keep her temper under control. Her hands balled into fists by her sides, and I knew that if she threw a punch, it would not go over well.

I wanted to reach out and grab her hands, but I found myself suddenly paralyzed by fear. _It's just Anna,_ I tried to tell myself. _It's just your Anna_. I couldn't force my body to work, though, scared by the mere anger rolling off of her in waves. _You're not breathing right._

"Sure, she is," Maggie said flippantly. "And a coward, too. Look at her now. She's even afraid of you."

That seemed to strike something in Anna and she finally looked at me, her mouth agape. "Elsa…?" she whispered, distraught.

"It's fine," I murmured, but when she tried to grab my hands, I instinctively flinched away. "It's fine. Just give me a minute…"

With that, I turned and shuffled out of the music building, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. I vaguely noticed Graham standing awkwardly in the hallway, but he moved aside as I went past.

Once outside, the air became a little clearer. I sighed and slid down one of the walls, my face in my hands. Anna had scared me. I didn't even think that was _possible_. What a fucking coward I was.

My blood grew colder as my ice tried to escape, but I held my hands resolutely against my face and tried not to think about it. My hands frosted lightly and I swallowed hard, trying my best to keep the cold inside and the heat outside.

"Elsa?"

I heard the anxious voice of Anna and vigorously shook my head in my hands, my breathing growing more erratic. I couldn't let her see me like this. Not when the ice was so close to the surface.

"Elsa, you're not breathing right."

That was it. _You're not breathing right._ Of course, I wasn't. I felt Anna sit down next to me, and she hesitated before placing a hand on my knee. I jerked but didn't pull away, finding some sort of comfort in the gesture in spite of how upset I was already.

"…Did I scare you?"

I shook my head.

"Are you lying?"

I hesitated, and then nodded in shame.

"I'm sorry I scared you… I didn't mean to," she sighed, and I shook my head again, unable to find any words. "I just got a bit carried away, I think. She made me so mad. Who was she?"

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. "Maggie," I answered quietly. "She's no one."

Giving a small chuckle, Anna nodded and hesitantly leaned a little closer to me. "You're not wrong about that." She was quiet for a moment. "Won't you look at me, Elsa?"

The truth was, I was scared to, but I felt her hand slowly begin to rub my knee and it helped. I parted my fingers a bit and peeked at her through them.

"There," she said with a smile. "There's my sister. Are you okay?"

Slowly, I nodded, actually believing myself for a minute or so. She opened her arms and I managed a weak smile before accepting the hug, surprising both of us. My breathing soon regulated itself again and I shook my head against her shoulder.

"How'd you know how to do that?" I murmured.

Anna pulled back just enough to beam at me. "I might've done some research because I love my big sister," she admitted.

Since there was no way in hell I'd be able to formulate a response to that, I looked away. After a minute, I smiled sheepishly at her. "Can we hug some more?"

"As long as you want," she giggled as she closed the distance again and rested her chin on my shoulder.

When we finally had to separate later, there was no ice in sight.

* * *

"Won't you at least tell me where we're going if I've been kidnapped?"

It was after class and before Anna had to go to band rehearsal on Thursday of that same week. We had carpooled together to and from work and then school, since our schedules were more alike than we had expected. In fact, my last class of the day ended only an hour before her last one. It made things very convenient, as I'm sure you can imagine.

When she'd missed a turn that one would normally take when headed back to my apartment, I pointed it out to her, and she replied by telling me vaguely that we weren't going to my apartment. What must have only been a few minutes felt like hours as I sat hostage in the passenger seat of her car.

"Oh, stop being dramatic," Anna teased with a grin.

I shot her a look. "I'm literally a musical theater major, Anna. I live to be dramatic."

"We're going to Harvey's. Happy?"

"Why are we going to Harvey's? Why couldn't you tell me before?"

"Just shush."

Wrinkling my nose in irritation, I focused my gaze on my hands to try to distract myself from the curiosity. With my newfound comfort around Anna, I wanted to ask more and figure out why she was taking me there, but I didn't want to cross any lines.

We eventually pulled up to Harvey's and got out. Anna took my hand and pulled me closer to her before going in. I immediately sobered up as I noticed the serious look on her face.

"Kristoff is in there," she said. "I want you to meet him."

My eyes widened as I remembered seeing the big, muscly explorer before. My shoulders tensed up and Anna gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

"I just want you to give him a shot. You can say no. He's just… He's important to me, Elsa. He… He asked me out yesterday," she announced, and then let out a squeal, taking her hands away to cover her mouth as she bounced in her spot.

Forcing air into my lungs, I smiled at Anna. "That's great, Anna. I _told_ you he was into you, didn't I?"

"Really, Elsa? 'I told you so.' Real mature," she giggled.

"I want to meet him," I decided then. "He's important to you, like you said. It might be tough, but I want to meet him. For you."

"Are you sure?"

"Completely," I smiled reassuringly.

In spite of my outward confidence, I was terrified inside. I tried my best not to let it show as I once again intertwined our fingers and walked with her towards the fast food restaurant. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I just reminded myself of the word that it always said and it helped me to enter the building.

Anna looked around and quickly spotted the bulky guy. "There he is! Kristoff!" she called, gently tugging me forward.

My eyes rested on him, sitting at a booth, and I swallowed hard. I could do this. I could _do_ this. He wasn't even that scary, you know. His blond hair was long and almost goofy-looking, and he had a big nose, and – _oh_ _fuck, oh fuck, he's standing up_.

I jerked back, and Anna looked at me worriedly. "Please have him sit down," I pleaded quietly, and she nodded in understanding, gesturing for him to sit back down. He nodded, his eyes wide.

"Come on, Elsa. I'm here," Anna murmured reassuringly, bringing me towards the booth. She and I both sat down beside him, and I kept my gaze resolutely on the table, retreating back into myself against my will.

_Come on, you coward. He's Anna's friend. No, boyfriend. He's not going to hurt you. Just get over it. Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show._

Taking in a deep breath, I met his eyes. He smiled warmly and I managed a small one in return before I lost my nerve and glared at the table again.

"I don't think we were properly introduced," he said then, his tone gentle. "I'm Kristoff."

I glanced at Anna, and she grabbed my hand, holding it comfortingly in both of hers.

"Elsa," I managed, and then cleared my throat to get the hoarseness out. "M-my name is Elsa."

"Anna can't stop talking about you, you know," Kristoff pointed out with a laugh.

Instantly, Anna's face turned red. "Nothing personal!" she reassured me, but I was grinning in spite of it.

"Only your deepest, darkest secrets," he joked.

I giggled at that, shaking my head but still not meeting his gaze. "I might even believe you if she actually knew those, with the way she rambles on," I teased.

"Precisely. Sometimes, I think it's a miracle if I get three words into a conversation with her. She can switch topics like there's no tomorrow."

"Okay, not funny, guys," Anna mumbled, and I nudged her with a grin.

"We're bonding, isn't that what you wanted?"

She heaved a sigh but couldn't keep the smile off of her own face. "I didn't know it would be at my expense."

I glanced at Kristoff and found that it was surprisingly easy. We shared an amused look, and then he spoke up again. "Oh, I've been meaning to ask you because I'm dying to know. Did she always have this energy, even when she was little?"

"Oh my god," I rolled my eyes. "She'd wake me up in the middle of the night _just_ to play. In the middle of the night! 'Elsa, the sky's awake, so _I'm_ awake, so we have to _play!_" I said in a rather perfect imitation of Anna, if I do say so myself (and I do).

"I lost that excuse for being up in the middle of the night when we moved here," Anna giggled. "I loved the Northern Lights. They're the best part of living so far north."

Something occurred to me and I gasped, digging into my pocket and fetching my wallet. "I almost forgot! I keep a picture of Little Anna in here," I said, pulling out said picture and handing it over to him.

"Aww, you were so cute, Feistypants," Kristoff laughed.

"Do I really talk too much?" Anna asked.

Kristoff extended his hand over the table and I didn't even think about the fact that he could easily smack me upside the head with that giant thing. Anna didn't even hesitate before putting one of her hands in his.

"You talk the perfect amount."

"Anna," I said. "Why don't you go place our order?"

She smiled and nodded, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze before sliding out of the booth and heading up to the register, leaving me alone with Kristoff.

"So. What are your intentions with my sister?"

Kristoff furrowed his thick brow, confused for a moment. It quickly dawned on him what I was trying to do and he nodded nervously. "Well… I want to date her. Maybe more, in the future, but we haven't talked about that yet. I don't want to make any plans without her knowing."

"When did you meet?"

"Four years ago. I had a massive crush on her all throughout high school. She was such a spunky little spitfire, and she has this aura about her that just… You know? It kills me that her roommate is so awful. I don't understand how anyone can be that mean to someone so wonderful."

"What do you like about her?"

This took him by surprise, clearly. "Well, a lot. She's beautiful, of course, but that's not why I fell so hard for her, and so fast. Again, she has that aura about her that you just _can't_ dislike. She's such an amazing girl, and she loves everybody until they give her a reason not to. She has such a big heart. I worry that people will take advantage of that… She's been hurt in the past, but she doesn't let it stop her from experiencing and loving the world."

I was taken aback by the heartfelt response. Of course, I knew how beautiful my sister was. I had always known she would be, and I had always feared that that would be an issue when it came to her love life. Men that wanted her for her looks and nothing more. The way Kristoff spoke about her, though…

I smiled at him in admiration. "I think that's the best answer you possibly could have given," I told him, causing him to beam goofily.

Before long, Anna returned with the food in hand. We sat there for another hour, laughing and joking and getting used to each other before Anna had to get ready for rehearsal. My fear of Kristoff due to his size dissipated rather quickly as I realized how much of an absolute dork he was. The best part, though, was the fact that throughout it all, Anna simply couldn't stop smiling.

I was proud of myself for being able to talk to Kristoff and get used to him. I was proud of myself for being able to hold my own when he eventually stood up to walk out with us. I was proud of myself for contributing to the conversation as much as I could despite the fact that no one was pressuring me to do so.

Most of all, though, I was proud of myself for making my little sister so happy.

**A/N: Thanks for reading - I hope you all enjoyed! Again, we will be skipping a couple months after this chapter, and pretty soon, we have a _very_ intense chapter coming up.**

**Please go ahead and leave a review below - I love reading your thoughts!**


	11. Chapter 10: Nine Years

I could give you a play-by-play account of every single day, telling you every single thing Anna and I said to each other and every single rough patch or happy moment we shared. I could write a three hundred thousand word count book on my day-to-day life. I could be talking for days on end about it.

However, I don't believe that either of us has the time or patience for that. I consider myself to be a decently patient person, but there's always a threshold.

So, instead of doing that, I'm gonna skip ahead six weeks, mostly because these six weeks were somewhat uneventful. Don't get me wrong – I have an exciting life, as you could see thus far, but I mean, for the sake of not sounding like a broken record, it's best to call these months uneventful.

Of course, there were rough patches, as I mentioned before. Anna and I still worked on setting boundaries and we still make mistakes. Maggie still tried to undermine everyone's opinion of me. Graham still struggled with his grandfather's condition. Busy days at work. Nightmares. The whole shebang, everything that makes life… Well, life.

There were also good parts that I'm sure you'd love to hear about, but again, there's only so many times I can mention smiles, hand-holding, and hugs.

Over the months, I had become more accustomed to Anna's touching, and she was able to do more things that she wasn't able to do before, like press up against me. I had also come to expect certain things when she was around so she wouldn't surprise me as much. It became normal behavior for her to be always touching, and for me to be always receptive to it.

Additionally, Kristoff hung out with Anna, Graham, Christy and I more. I learned that he actually attended MSU, and he was a business major. Anna admitted to having tried to keep us separated while I was still shy around him. It took time, still, for me to become used to him, but that day in Harvey's was a huge step, and things were able to smooth out afterwards.

I had stopped attending my therapy sessions, and I had also done away with most of my medications. I did, however, keep the ones that allowed me to feel confident enough to leave my apartment, as things would be rather difficult without them.

My rehearsals for _Wicked_ were going well, in addition to my lessons over the past two months. I had chosen a piece for my senior recital, and I really liked it. For the sake of the dramatics, I was unwilling to let Anna hear it until my recital in two weeks.

Currently, Anna and I were taking a walk. We had fallen into a routine, of sorts. Both of our work schedules got moved around as football games started up on Saturdays and she had to attend them with MSU's marching band.

Per her request, I also attended the games, though I often sat in a corner by myself and left after halftime because the noise levels could be absolutely terrifying at times when my anxiety would act up. Anna didn't seem to mind – she only wanted me to watch the band anyway. I would tease her afterwards and say that I could spot her through the entirety of it, and she'd blush and respond that with 250 people in the band, that was very unlikely.

These walks became a regular part of our Saturday evenings. Today's game had been an away one, so Anna hadn't had to go to it. We had opened at Morning Rush and then had the rest of the day to ourselves, which was a rare treat considering our respective schedules.

Anna swung our hands, humming to herself as we walked side-by-side in silence. I couldn't keep the smile off of my own face as I wondered, certainly not for the first time in the last couple of months, if it was a crime to be this happy.

"Elsa?" she asked suddenly, drawing me from my thoughts.

"Hm?"

She pursed her lips in contemplation. "Are we doing anything for Halloween? I mean, it is on Friday."

"Oh," I said, glancing to my right at the trees we were passing. They were a beautiful orange-red and were in the process of dropping their leaves, though it would be a while before we'd see completely bare ones. "I don't normally do anything. Just sit at the apartment with a bowl of candy for the trick-or-treaters."

"You don't go trick-or-treating?" Anna gasped, looking at me with a near-scandalized expression.

"I haven't since I was eight, Anna, you know this."

She shook her head, opening and closing her mouth a few times.

"You look like a fish," I giggled.

"We _have_ to go trick-or-treating now!" Anna insisted, ignoring my tease. "Haven't been since – I mean – the blasphemy! – the outrage! – truly, Elsa, we have to go!"

I twisted my mouth and raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. "I'm almost twenty-two years old, Anna. I really _shouldn't_ be going trick-or-treating. What would people think?"

"It doesn't matter what people think," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Elsa, _really_, you've been deproved of the most basic childhood funs!"

"Deprived," I corrected gently.

"Yeah, that! It might be hard to find a costume for you on such short notice… But I bet we could, if we really tried. Maybe we could go to a thrift store – those usually have pretty good things! We could find something for you, I'm sure of it."

I rolled my eyes. "What about _your_ costume, silly?"

"I already have one. I got the materials for it, like, months ago, and since then, my mom has been – "

She cut herself off abruptly as we both halted immediately. I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes. I heard her let out a small whimper and I knew that she'd had the same realization that I had. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her.

Of course. How had we forgotten?

Today marked the ninth anniversary of our parents' deaths.

Anna gave a strangled sob and buried her face in my shoulder. I could feel her tears soak through my worn old t-shirt as the grief struck her and she began to cry openly. My heart clenched at the memory of our parents, but I refused to let myself cry. I hadn't shed tears over them since they'd died – so numb I had become that I wouldn't allow it.

"Oh, Elsa…" she whispered, her grip on me tightening. "How did we forget?"

"Shh… Shh… It's alright…" I cooed softly as I rubbed her back. "You're okay. I've got you." I knew it hurt. I felt the hurt, but I knew that Anna always felt so much more. She was just that type of person – she felt so strongly, and so much.

After a while, her sobs died down to sniffles and hiccups, prompting me to pulling back and offering her a small smile. "Let's keep walking," I suggested gently, and she nodded.

I made sure to walk closer to her, letting our upper arms brush as we continued, both of us feeling far heavier than we had been when we started the stroll. Part of me wanted to suggest we turn back to my apartment – after all, the sun _was_ going to start descending soon. Usually, we took our strolls in the dark, but if it was avoidable…

When I finally worked up the courage to ask her if she wanted to turn back, she gasped and tugged on my hand, pulling me forward as she broke off into a run.

"Anna!" I cried out at the unexpected momentum, stumbling and almost falling onto my face. I managed to catch myself and tried to keep up with her pace. "Anna, what is it?"

She stopped abruptly, and I crashed into her, both of us ending on the cement ground. We both groaned and I rolled off of her. "Anna, _what_ are you – "

"Shh!"

I wrinkled my nose as she hushed me, standing up and crossing my arms over my chest. Anna remained on the ground, propping herself on her hands and knees and staring into a bush a couple of feet away.

She glanced at me and held up a finger for me to remain quiet, and then crawled forwards. She accidentally placed her hand on a rock and quickly withdrew it with a wince, glaring at the rock as if she could make it explode for hurting her.

Her hand reached forward, down into the bush. There was a low growling noise, but she was persistent. The growling stopped as she reached her hand further into the plant. I couldn't, for the life of me, see what she was doing.

At least, not until she grabbed whatever had caught her attention and pulled it out.

Then, I saw _exactly_ what had caught her attention.

"Anna…" I groaned as I took in the sight of her, sitting back on her butt and cradling what must have been the largest cat I had seen in my life – or maybe a medium-small dog. It was hard to tell.

Teal eyes met mine and I looked away quickly so as to not register the sadness and hope in them. "Elsa, he's all alone out here! Would you want to be all alone?"

A retort about the fact that I _had_ been all alone for several years was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. It seemed a bit harsh, and, well… It was a rough day. "Anna, what are you doing with that thing?" I asked.

She bit her lip and shrugged, looking down at the creature. It was _huge_ and brownish-gray – or maybe just dirty. "Look at him – he's a big sweetheart," Anna insisted. "Come on, Elsa. Come pet him. You like cats. Come pet him."

I eyed her carefully, very much aware of what she was trying to do. She stuck out her lower lip, though, and I couldn't resist. With a sigh, I knelt down beside her and extended my hand to the cat.

He growled again as my hand reached him, but then he leaned into it, contradicting himself. He looked perpetually grumpy, his face somewhat pushed in. He also had very long fur that was matted and only made him look bigger. I bit my tongue. I already had a cat. I'd already been tricked into getting one cat. I certainly wasn't going to allow myself to be tricked into getting another.

"Anna, no," I said, bringing my hand back to my side.

"But, _Elsa_…" she whined, her wide eyes staring at me. "Look at him – really look at him. He's so grumpy on the outside, but he's a big softie on the inside… Like you!"

I raised an eyebrow and shot her an unamused look. Being compared to a giant feline with a resting bitch face. That certainly wasn't something that happened every day.

"It could be a her," I said, if only to delay what was surely to be the inevitable.

Anna turned the cat around in her arms so she could peek at its rear, and then shook her head. "Nope. Definitely a male."

I sighed and looked away, running my hand up over my forehead and down my braid. I didn't necessarily want another cat, but Anna seemed like she wouldn't be giving this up. I wondered what could possibly have been going through her head when she laid eyes on the cat. Surely not anything sane, I thought.

"Anna…" I said cautiously, meeting her gaze again and feeling strangely nervous. "A cat won't fill the hole left by Mama and Papa…"

She flinched and hugged the cat closer to her, staring down at him. He grumbled unhappily but allowed her to hug him. When her fingers scratched behind his ears, he purred and leaned into it, still somehow managing to look upset about it.

I could tell that what I'd said had really hurt Anna, and I felt bad, but part of me argued that it needed to be said. I know that I had only isolated myself further after their deaths – I didn't know what Anna did. I hadn't paid attention. I had forced myself not to, because I couldn't risk letting either of us get hurt if I did.

"That's not fair…"

Wincing, I tried to swallow the sour taste that had filled my mouth. "It's true, though, isn't it? I don't need another cat, Anna. You don't need one. You couldn't even keep him at your dorm room, if you do indeed ever go back there. He's a stray. He probably has all sorts of diseases and everything."

"But look at him," Anna cried, holding the large, dirty thing out to me. "Hold him. Please, Elsa. Just hold him. He's so calm."

I groaned and gave in, taking the creature and hoisting him up onto my lap. He, again, let himself be held and only grumbled about it. I noticed that his claws didn't even come out. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes and I tried my hardest not to fall in love.

"I don't need another cat," I repeated, but whether it was more towards myself or Anna, I was unsure.

She rubbed his cheek, causing his eyes to close. "Come on, Elsa. He's so loving. A cat this sweet doesn't deserve to be out here, especially with the weather getting colder."

"A cat this big has certainly survived many winters beforehand," I pointed out, but it was something of a moot point, and I knew it. "Plus, you never know. He could already have a home."

"But he's so dirty! And he's thin!"

I raised an eyebrow critically. "He's not thin, Anna – he's at least twice the size of Olaf."

"He's got a big structure! Look at his stomach, though, it's all caved or whatever. I don't think he has an owner."

"Anna…"

"Please?" she begged, and I regretted meeting her gaze when I saw the look on her face. It was full-blown puppy dog eyes – she had really pulled out all the stops.

With yet another sigh, I tore my eyes from her and looked back down at the dirty thing in my lap, who seemed content just to remain in my lap for all eternity. He looked simultaneously happy and pissed off, and I had to admit that it did amuse me.

"…Fine," I gave in, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Anna squealed and hugged me tightly, crushing _our new cat_ between us. "Yes, yes, yes! You're gonna come home with us, buddy! You're gonna meet your brother and you guys are going to have so much fun together! You know, Elsa, I get worried about Olaf when he's home alone. Now, he'll actually have someone to hang out with when we're not there."

"He's a cat, Anna, he doesn't get _that_ lonely. Cats are independent. That's why I like them. My only thing with taking in this stray is we're going to look to see if he has an owner already. He could just be far from home. It's unlikely that a cat this docile has lived outside his whole life."

I handed the over-large feline back to Anna, and she managed to stand up with him in her arms. I stood up, as well, making sure to walk ahead of Anna to let her know that I still wasn't entirely pleased with being manipulated into adopting another cat.

Still, I was a bit excited at the prospect, in spite of the rather unconventional situation. I did really love Olaf, and this new cat was… Definitely a sweetheart. He almost tried to hide it with that grumpy face and the growling, but the truth of the matter was that he loved being cuddled. I hoped Olaf would be okay with him…

Even as that thought crossed my mind, I realized how dumb it was. Olaf liked everyone. It would be very, very remiss if Olaf disliked this new cat.

"What are we going to call him?" Anna asked in between cooing softly to him.

I picked up the pace a little bit once my complex was in sight, feeling a bit anxious about it all. "I don't know. Let's just get him cleaned up first."

We made it back to my apartment without further incident and the moment she stepped inside, Anna tried to put the cat down on the ground. I shot her a look and quickly snatched him back up, taking him into the bathroom and locking him in there.

"What was that for?" she complained. "Why'd you lock him up?"

I winced at the terminology but stood by my decision regardless. "He was outside, Anna. He could have all sorts of diseases that I'd rather not expose Olaf to. Until we're able to take him to a vet this week and he comes back with a clean bill of health, he's going to stay in the bathroom. You can go in there and visit him but wash your hands thoroughly afterwards. If my Olaf gets sick because of that mangy creature, so help me God, he will be outside again faster than you can say 'snowman'."

Anna was staring at me with wide, shocked eyes. She quickly nodded her understanding. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt so strongly about it."

"It's fine. Olaf's just very important to me."

She nodded again. "Can we go wash the new one? I'm dying to know what he looks like. Oh! Maybe, after we wash him, we can give him a name!"

Apparently, as we found out later, the cat was pure white without all of the dirt. It took some time to wash it out and then brush the matts out of his fur, but it overall could've gone a lot worse than it did. He grumbled and growled the whole time, but never once tried to scratch or bite either of us.

In fact, he never even extended his claws. I knew he had them because I had been massaging the dirt out of his paws and I definitely saw them. He just seemed to never want to use them. He was like Anna had said. A big softie.

His fur was also very long, and very soft once it dried. Anna couldn't stop hugging him and stroking him and telling him that he was such a good kitty.

"Do any names stick out to you?"

I glanced at Anna. I really wasn't good at naming things. Names were very important to me, you see, but I'd never trust myself to actually name something. Olaf was, as you know, named after the snowman she and I used to build as children.

"I don't know, Anna," I sighed. "How about you name him?"

She thought about it, scratching her head pensively. The cat was currently walking around the bathroom and exploring every nook and cranny, though he was slow and leisurely about it.

"He's a big fluffball. He may look grumpy, but he never once lashed out at either of us. He needs a name that shows just how gentle he is. Maybe…" She gasped. "Marshmallow!"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Marshmallow? You want to name the cat Marshmallow?"

She pouted. "You said I could name him! I want to name him Marshmallow. He shall be Marshmallow, the sweetest grump in the world."

In spite of my uncertainties regarding the cat, I couldn't help but chuckle. That was it, then. Marshmallow and Olaf.

Eventually, Anna and I went back out to the living room, leaving Marshmallow in the bathroom for his temporary quarantine. I started making us a dinner of chicken and rice as Anna put on Netflix and started watching her show again.

The weight of our parents' deaths still weighed heavily over us, especially since we hadn't really talked about it, and I got the feeling that Anna wasn't truly watching her show.

I sighed and turned my gaze to the ceiling. I liked the routine that Anna and I adopted, but I still struggled to start conversations with her sometimes. Becoming closer with her didn't mean I suddenly was able to _talk_ to her whenever I wanted and about whatever I wanted to talk about.

Instead, I focused on getting dinner ready. It was interesting – prior to Anna coming to live with me, my meals had mostly been pizza and takeout. I hadn't eaten well at all, and there were days where I would only eat one meal, or not at all. It just didn't cross my mind. I hadn't even realized how little I'd been taking care of myself.

With Anna, though, I made sure there was enough food for three meals a day if she wanted, and I would actually cook something rather than make a peanut butter sandwich and call it dinner. In turn, I was eating much better and healthier and didn't look so awkwardly thin anymore.

Anna and I ate dinner in silence once it was ready. She hardly looked at me, and I could only guess what was going through her head. While I was very good at ignoring my pain and not thinking about it, Anna wore her heart on her sleeve. She let herself feel in a way that I wasn't allowed to when I was younger.

If I felt, I would surely freeze the country.

I watched Anna as she took up her position on the couch again, her head dipped too low for her to be actually paying attention to the screen. I bit my lip, thinking about what I could possibly do to cheer her up – and then it hit me.

I gasped and immediately headed down the hall, ignoring Anna's questions as to where I was going. I hesitated outside of my bedroom, not having been in there for at least a year. _This is for Anna_, I reminded myself, and it gave me the courage I needed to go in.

My bedroom was just as I remembered, if a bit dustier. My heart leapt into my throat, but I clenched my jaw and forced my legs to function as they were supposed to. Thank God Anna had never asked about why I didn't go in here. I didn't know I'd have the courage to tell her. I was sure she wondered about it.

I traveled to the near-empty closet in the bedroom, shuffling through the few boxes inside before I found the one I wanted.

Box acquired, I quickly escaped the room and practically ran back to the living room and knelt in front of the tv to fiddle with the dvd player.

"Elsa, what are you doing?" Anna asked, but I didn't respond. I just focused on the task at hand, putting in one of the discs and bouncing back to the couch. I watched as the video player buffered for a few minutes and continued to ignore Anna's confused questions. She'd see soon enough.

The screen finally changed from the loading sign, revealing a dining table. The camera moved shakily and landed on the face of a woman, talking avidly as she cut up carrots, unaware of the camera on her.

"Agnar!" she cried when she noticed and tried to smack the camera away, causing a deep, rumbling laughter from behind it.

I heard Anna inhale sharply and I glanced at her, chewing on the inside of my cheek nervously. Her eyes were wide and glossed over with tears.

On the screen, the camera was placed to the side, where it caught the man laughing and sweeping the woman up in his arms, kissing her.

I wasn't surprised that Anna had begun to cry. I almost did the same. After all, what we were staring at was a video of our long-dead parents.

"Elsa…" Anna whispered, blindly reaching her hand out for mine. I grasped hers and then pulled her close so she was leaning up against me. "That's…"

"I know," I said with a smile, tenderly wiping away some of the tears that escaped her.

A couple screams erupted from the video and two small blurs – one a light blonde and the other ginger – ran in front of the camera. Young Anna shrieked as Young Elsa tickled her. She was gasping for air, but Young Elsa had refused to relent.

"Girls," our father chuckled (conveniently translated to English by yours truly) as he let go of our mother and crossed over to us. "What are you two troublemakers up to?"

"Elsa was reading and I told her that reading was _boring_ and she told me that reading was good and then we kept going and then she started tickling me so I started tickling her so she put on her dragon gloves and tickled me harder so I started running and she started chasing me and – " Little Anna finally stopped for breath.

"Is this true, Elsa?" our mother asked.

Young Elsa dipped her head in shame before becoming defensive of her actions and lifting it again. "Yeah! She was tickling me so I was tickling her!"

"Well, there seems to only be one course of action we could take here…" our father said, sharing a look with our mother.

"Only one punishment that would befit these two rascals…" Mama continued.

"TICKLE FIGHT!"

With that, they both pounced on Young Anna and Young Elsa and caused them to scream with laughter until tears were running down all of their faces.

In present time, Anna hastily took the remote and paused it. I looked at her, and her cheeks were very wet. She let out a small sob and turned her head so it was buried in my chest. I let her, resting my chin atop her hair. We'd done this more and more over the months – cuddled. It was nice. I actually liked it.

I was surprised to find that there were tears on my own face.

"Thank you," Anna murmured against me, and I responded by stroking her hair and holding her close.

We watched more of the videos that night – there were ones about Christmas, Halloween, performances in the local children's choir, days at the festival, etc. We laughed and we cried and we held each other close.

**A/N: Thanks for reading - I hope everyone enjoyed chapter 10! Please leave a review below - I love reading them! :D**


	12. Chapter 11: Doors

**A/N: Quick note - I only got one review last chapter, which was _very_ disheartening. I am very thankful for the person that did review, but it was a lot harder than usual to get this chapter out for you guys on time.**

**As I've mentioned before, I am very busy. I am a uni student taking 7 classes. I am also a music major, which requires 6+ hours of practice a week. On top of that, I'm in a couple clubs, I have a chainmail-making hobby, and I volunteer my weekends at a cat rescue. It pretty much takes a miracle for me to pump out 4k-4.5k word chapters within two days. The reason I've been able to do it is because of my lovely reviews. I lose confidence otherwise, and I've been known, in the past, to abandon fanfics because of a lack of reviews, especially when I'm used to more, because I really get saddened by it.**

**I don't want to abandon this fanfic, because I really love doing it, but you guys are my bond for why I get these chapters done. If it becomes less of a priority because no one seems to want to read it in my mind, I'll completely drop off writing it as everything else comes first.**

**That being said, I have three huge exams tomorrow, so chapter twelve will likely not be up until Friday.**

"No… No… No… Too big… Too _brown_… Usually, thrift stores have pretty good stuff!"

I rolled my eyes irritably as Anna reappeared from the racks of the cluttered thrift store. She had a look of disappointment on her face as she returned to my side. "Really, Anna, I don't need a costume. I can just come out walking with you while you trick-or-treat. It's not a big deal."

"But _Elsa_," she complained, grabbing my hands. "You haven't gone since you were eight. Eight! That's, like, thirteen years without going! It's awful, Elsa. I simply won't stand for it. I won't. I know we can find a costume for you here – just give me some time!"

With that, she delved back into the racks, leaving me standing awkwardly against the wall. I liked the cheapness of thrift stores, but I rather didn't like how stuffy they could be. There was too much stuff they were trying to sell and not enough room in the building.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing and not the other people in the store. I trusted Anna. I really did. I knew that, if things got out of hand, she'd find me within seconds. Before Anna, I hadn't trusted anyone in many years, but that didn't matter anymore. What mattered was that I trusted her now.

A small yelp sounded beside me and I felt something hit my foot. My eyes snapped open and I took in the sight of a young woman lying on the ground beside me, trying to gather the books that she had been carrying.

"Sorry!" she squeaked as she stood up again, situating her armfuls of books as much as possible. "I didn't mean to – holy shit," she breathed as she looked at me. She cleared her throat. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trip over you."

I stared at her with a blank expression for a moment, trying to get back into the blissful ignorance I had exhibited just a minute ago. "It's alright. I should have kept my feet closer, I suppose," I told her coolly.

"No, you're fine!" she insisted, her lightly tanned cheeks sporting a furious reddish tint. "I mean, it's just clumsy me, tripping over everyone," she added with an awkward laugh.

She reminded me vaguely of Anna in personality, but certainly not in looks. She had giant green eyes and short brown hair that she ran a hand through as she waited for me to respond. I had no intention of doing so. Instead, I looked back to the racks, trying to locate any sign of red hair.

"I'm Delilah," the girl said, causing me to look back at her. She held out her hand to me and I took it hesitantly, giving it a small shake before withdrawing my hand back to its former position, crossed over my chest and tucked into my armpit. "May I… May I know your name?"

"Elsa," I said quietly, trying to find my sister again and willing the girl to leave.

The blush had not left Delilah's face as she tried to readjust her books again. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but she instead just stood there, obviously trying not to stare at me.

I shot her another quick glance. "Perhaps a cart would work," I suggested, hoping she left to go get one and gave me room to breathe.

"What? Oh! No, no, I'm fine," she insisted, smiling wide. "Are you here all alone?"

"No."

"Oh… Is your boyfriend or something here?"

Once again, I found my gaze being drawn to her. It dawned on me what she was thinking and I tightened my arms around myself. "My sister," I forced out through the thickness of my throat. "There she is now," I added as I noticed Anna returning with an armful of materials. I don't think I'd ever felt more relieved to see her.

"So!" Anna announced as she placed the materials she was carrying on a shelf beside me. "I found a bunch of potential stuff – I don't know, really, what you want since, when I asked you, you said, and I quote, 'I don't care'. I just grabbed some different things and I figured, if something jumps out at us, then we can – oh!" she stopped as she noticed Delilah standing beside me. "Hello."

"Hi," Delilah said shyly.

Anna grinned. "Elsa, did you make a friend?"

I raised an eyebrow at her after shooting an unimpressed glance at her haul. "Friend? What is this 'friend'? I have none of those," I responded flippantly, despite the fact that it was becoming harder to force air into my lungs.

"You don't have any friends?" Delilah asked with wide eyes.

"No, she does," Anna said before I could reply. "She's just being difficult."

"Guilty as charged. That's my middle name, you know."

Anna deigned to ignore that and turn back to Delilah. "I'm Anna. Was she bugging you?"

"I'm Delilah. She wasn't bugging me at all."

"Really? That's a first."

"Haha, very funny," I muttered with a roll of my eyes and then looked back to Delilah. She was making me very uncomfortable. I didn't like it when people developed crushes on me, especially within the first hour of meeting me. "Why are you still here?" I asked her.

Anna gasped and elbowed me in the ribs. "Elsa! That's terribly rude!" She turned to Delilah. "I'm so sorry. She's not a fan of busy places." She seemed to sense my discomfort then and hesitated, stepping closer and lowering her voice. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied, batting away the hand that she reached towards me. I didn't know if I could stand to be touched right then. She tried to grab my hands and I pulled back, stepping closer to the shelf where the materials she gathered were.

Anna bit her lip, realizing that I was shutting down. She glanced at Delilah. "I'm so sorry," she said again. "Would you mind?"

Delilah was stunned by what was going on, but she quickly nodded and stepped back, allowing me a bit more room. Anna moved in front of me and made it so she was all I saw. I tried to dip my head and stare at the ground, wrinkling my nose in agitation and frustration.

Anna didn't seem to like this. "Look at me, Elsa," she said, her tone gentle. I shook my head furiously, feeling heat begin to press in on me as my breaths became shallower. "You're not breathing right. Look at me. Please."

I did, though my vision was becoming blurry with tears. The walls were closing in, and I could hear every word that every person in the whole store was saying. I knew that people were beginning to look at me and that only made it worse. I was suffocating, so suddenly, and there was simply no air to be found. I tried to squeeze myself into the corner by the shelf with Anna's stuff so that no one could see me, but there was simply not enough room in the store. Anna was cooing lightly to me, but everything else was too loud and I couldn't hear her, my eyes darting around.

After a minute, Anna caught onto this and hesitated, glancing behind her. She said something to Delilah, and Delilah nodded, immediately going to the people who had begun to stare and asking them to move along.

It helped a great deal more than I was willing to admit. Without the eyes and voices of the others to distract me, I was able to focus better on Anna as she smiled reassuringly at me. "It's alright, Elsa," she was saying. "It's alright. There's no one here but me. Just look at me." She placed her hands on my arms, and I let her. "I'm going to take you to a dressing room, okay? It's just gonna be you and me. No one else."

I nodded numbly and allowed her to guide me away from my corner. The materials she had gathered remained on the shelf, forgotten. When in the dressing room, it became even easier to breathe because, despite it being a more closed space, there was absolutely no one else around. Just Anna. And I trusted Anna. That much I knew.

"Breathe. There you go," she grinned, placing her hands on my shoulders and gently rubbing them. I could only stare at her and try to keep air flowing in and out of my lungs, my tongue far too heavy for any words to be made. "There's my brave sister. You're alright. Just try to keep breathing for me. There's no one else here, I promise. It's just you and me."

Again, I nodded, though what I was nodding at, I wasn't sure. My hands jerked and I clenched and opened them over and over, slowly feeling the blood return to them. Although my magic had never acted around in front of Anna before, I was still concerned that there would be ice covering the walls. There wasn't, and a breath of relief rushed out of me.

I swallowed hard, my mouth finally feeling functional. "Thank you…" I whispered, looking intently into Anna's eyes.

She smiled wide and pulled me in for a quick hug. "You never have to thank me, Elsa," she giggled.

"I don't know how I got this far without you," I admitted with a shy grin.

"You're not gonna have to do it ever again," she promised. "Now, I'm gonna go grab the stuff that I had found, and we're gonna find you a costume for Friday. Does that sound okay?"

Once more, I nodded to her, and she brushed her knuckles against my chin – in that classic move that I always did for her – before leaving the dressing room. I took the time while she was gone to center myself again. I really hated busy places.

When Anna returned, she kicked at the door to let me know to open it. I did, realizing that her armful of materials barred her from being able to open it herself. She set them down and stared at me in shock for a minute.

"It opened…" I heard her mutter under her breath, but she shook her head and turned back to her haul before I could really process it. "Anyway, as I said before, I found a bunch of potential stuff here that we could use." She pulled out a simple green dress and pushed it towards me. "Here, try this on."

I hesitated, shooting her an uneasy glance. She turned around and faced the corner, allowing me privacy as I changed.

After I had put the green dress on, Anna and I looked into the full-length mirror. I grimaced. "I don't think green is my color," I told her honestly.

"Psh, you'd look good in anything," she said with a wave of her hand. "If you don't like it, though, I found a blue one that might be in your size." She handed the blue one to me and then turned back to the corner.

I liked the blue one a lot better, I decided when I had changed into it. The look on Anna's face indicated that she agreed. Blue was my favorite color, so I wasn't surprised. This one just happened to be a nice, light blue – almost like ice, I thought, and for once, I didn't feel upset at the thought.

"I think blue is your color, though," Anna giggled. I nodded mutely, examining the sparkles subtly inlaid into the material. "I think I have just the thing to go with it…" Anna murmured to herself as she began to sift through the pile again.

Staring at the dress, I wondered what my overall costume could possibly be. All we had was the blue dress – and, of course, whatever it was that Anna was thinking of.

She pulled out a stretch of fabric and stood behind me, holding it over my shoulders. It was long and shimmery and translucent. And a pale morning blue. I breathed out as I took in the full effect of it. I turned around quickly and met Anna's gaze for a moment before holding the cape material in my hands.

I wondered, ever so briefly, if I'd be able to imbue it with snowflakes. That would look nice, I thought. It dawned on me what I had been thinking – using my curse so carelessly – and I dropped the cape. Anna caught it and sent me a questioning glance.

"It's fine," I told her against my better judgment.

She smiled and put aside for now. "I know a bit of sewing – my adopted mom taught me. I can put the cape on the dress. You can be a… uh… A snow queen!" she gasped, and then giggled. "Just like what Zachary calls you. We'll show him, huh?"

In spite of how ironic and awful it sounded, I nodded, unable to say no to my little sister. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to work up the courage to say what was on my mind. It wasn't until after I had divested myself of the pretty blue dress that I managed to make my mouth work.

"I don't know if I want to go trick-or-treating."

Anna gaped at me and she bore an expression as if I had just said Christmas was cancelled. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice sad.

I bit my lip, suddenly unable to meet her gaze. "I'm twenty-one, Anna. I don't know if I have the _confidence_ to go out and… I mean, everyone will see me, and they'll think I'm too old, and I don't know if I can handle that or if I'll have a meltdown in the middle of it all."

She was quiet for a minute, thinking about it, and then a smile graced her features again. "Well, that's okay! We'll just have to do something else with your costume, then!"

"Like what?" I questioned, almost afraid of her answer (and for good reason).

"Like… Go to a costume party!"

With an excited squeal, Anna threw her arms around me, practically bouncing in her spot as I looked on in horror.

Carefully, I placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back so she'd meet my gaze. "Anna," I said slowly. "I just had a meltdown because there were too many people in a _thrift store_ and someone was hitting on me. And you want to take me to a _party_? You do see how that is exponentially worse, right?"

She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "Not the kind of party I'll take you to. I wouldn't put you in danger. A couple of my senior section leaders from band are having a small little thing on Halloween night. There won't be more than twenty or thirty people there. There _will_ be alcohol, but you don't have to drink any – I know I won't – and no one's going to pressure you to do anything, especially not with me around! I'm gonna keep an eye on you all night and the moment I see the signs, I'll take you aside and help you calm down. And if you ever want to leave, just tell me and I'll take you back home! Oh, Elsa, it'll be so much _fun_! We can invite Graham if you want him there – I'm sure they won't mind; a lot of them are music majors, too, so they probably know him already. Doesn't that sound fun?"

She finally stopped her rambling and offered me a hopeful look. I gave a small shake of my head, trying to wrap it around the request. She was patient, waiting for me to process everything she had just said. This was not a new thing for us.

"…I guess," I answered after over a full minute had passed. "I just don't want – "

"Do you trust me?"

I blinked at her blatant and rather silly question. "Yes. Yes, of course, yes. With all my heart."

She beamed at that and grabbed my hands. "Then trust me when I say that you will enjoy it. It'll be so lowkey – nothing like your typical college party. Just a fun little thing. Again, if you don't enjoy it, I'll take you right home and I won't make you go to any more. Okay?"

"…Okay."

* * *

That evening found Anna and I sitting in my apartment, across the table from Kristoff, Graham and Christy. This was a new development over the past few weeks – game night on Sundays. It had first began when Abbie started having us open rather than close, and then Graham wasn't doing well at one point. Somehow, we had all ended up here to cheer him up. We did it again the next week, and then the next.

And now today. An unshaken, simple routine.

We were currently bent over a game of Monopoly. Christy was effortlessly crushing the rest of us as Kristoff consoled Anna and Graham and I shared amused looks.

Christy, it turned out, was very, very good at Monopoly. And other strategic games. Really, anything she played. Anna sometimes got a bit upset about it, but I could tell that she was never actually mad at Christy. She just got minor game rage.

"How about we play something without a winner?" Graham suggested after Christy ran Anna bankrupt.

She chuckled and began helping me collect some of the pieces and put them away, everyone silently agreeing that Christy had won and finishing it was somewhat pointless anyway. "I'm fine playing anything. Does anyone have any suggestions?" she asked.

"Truth or dare!" Anna gasped, clapping her hands together wildly. She bumped her shoulder against Kristoff's. "I can't wait to divest you of your deepest, darkest secrets!"

He laughed and shook his head. "Whatever you say, Feistypants."

She stuck her tongue out at him before turning to me. "Are you okay with truth or dare, Elsa?"

I shrugged and folded up the Monopoly board. "Sure. As long as there's an escape route for uncomfortable questions and stuff."

"I think we can swing that," Graham grinned.

Once the Monopoly game was cleared away, we all migrated to the living room and took our positions, scattered about. Anna, Christy, and I took the couch and forced the boys to sit on the floor – after me adamantly telling Graham to _get off of my coffee table_.

Curious by our move, Olaf jumped up onto the coffee table and sniffed at Christy.

"So, he can sit on there but not me?"

I smirked at Graham's indignant remark. "Of course. He's special."

"Oh, oh!" Anna exclaimed. "You guys haven't met Marshmallow yet, have you?"

"Marshmallow?"

I gave a roll of my eyes. "Yes, it's this mangy beast of a cat currently occupying my bathroom. If any of you deign to use it, you must do so with a natural grump watching you," I explained.

Kristoff grinned. "Anna named him, didn't he?" he guessed, earning himself a swat from the redhead in question.

"Of course."

"Alright, let's set out some ground rules for this truth or dare," Graham announced, directing the conversation. "First – you are free to ask whatever question or give any dare, and the victim is allowed to deny it and choose the other option. However, they _must_ go with the other option _unless_ three out of the five of us decide that it is needlessly cruel or inappropriate. Everything is fair game otherwise, though."

We all murmured our agreement, and Anna volunteered to go first, as the one who suggested the game. "Christy," she called. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"You've hinted at it in the past, but I've always kind of wondered. Do you have a tattoo?" Anna asked.

"Yes."

Anna and Graham shared similar gasps. "Show us!" Graham insisted.

"Nuh-uh," Christy grinned teasingly. "I already answered my question, and it's not your turn."

Graham grumbled to himself. "Just you wait…"

"Kristoff," Christy declared. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," he answered, shooting Anna a cheeky grin.

"Aww, I dare you to kiss your girl," Christy giggled.

Smirking, Kristoff moved closer to the couch. Anna's face had grown very, very red. He asked her if it was okay and she nodded. He cupped her cheek gently and leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. It was short and chaste, but both of them were blushing very heavily by the time he pulled back.

Graham and Christy whooped and I grinned, shaking my head at the fact that my little sister couldn't keep a smile off of her face. I made kissy faces at her teasingly and she lightly batted at my arm.

"Elsa."

I was drawn out of my thoughts by Kristoff's voice. He laughed at my stunned expression.

"Truth," I said before he could ask.

"Is that your natural hair color?"

I rolled my eyes at his cheesy question. "Yes. Completely natural." I glanced at Graham. "Truth or dare, Graham?"

"Dare."

"Swallow a spoonful of hot sauce," I said with a devilish smirk, knowing full well that Graham had very little tolerance for spicy stuff.

He did, his face turning bright red and tears spilling out of the corner of his eyes. "Not cool, Else," he cried, and then turned his face to the ceiling and sighed. "Worth it… Christy! I choose you!"

"Truth," she said, causing him to let out a low growl.

"What's your tattoo of?"

"A heart. Anna. Truth or dare?"

"Truth?"

"Worst fear."

"Doors."

I choked at that, nearly spitting out the sip I had been taking of water. Anna wore a concerned frown as she reached over to pat my back, but I jerked away, standing up abruptly and heading out of the living room.

Doors. _Doors_. Her worst fear was doors, and there was little wonder why.

I vaguely heard Graham praising her for having such a meaningful worst fear (not knowing our history, of course) but tried to ignore it as I headed into the bathroom, coughing. Marshmallow gave a broken meow and tried to rub against me while growling, but I ignored him for the most part. I coughed into the sink until I had mostly recovered.

Furiously, I wiped away the evidence of tears that had slipped out of my eyes and then washed my face. When I had composed myself enough to be out in public again, I returned to the living room, taking up my seat at the edge of the couch.

They had continued the truth or dare, and now it seemed that Christy was daring Graham to do something – I didn't pay attention. Anna shot me a questioning, worried look and I just shook my head. I allowed it when she reached for my hand and held it tightly in hers.

"Elsa," Graham said once he had finished whatever dare he was doing.

"Truth."

He regarded me pensively for a second. "Are you aro? I mean, I know you're ace because of your ring, but I've always kind of wondered what your romantic orientation is."

Anna's grip on my hand twitched and it looked like she was about to speak out against the question. Truth be told, I didn't mind talking about it. Not with them. It didn't make sense, but then again, I didn't try to figure it out. "Yes," I answered. "I am aromantic as well."

"You're ace?" Christy asked, furrowing her brow. "What about when you have to kiss Nate a bunch during As Long As You're Mine in _Wicked_? Is that uncomfortable?"

"Asexual, yes. Sex-repulsed, no. I'm rather indifferent to it. I don't feel the attraction myself, but I don't care about kissing for the most part. Nate's also pretty respectful and he's not going to take advantage of the situation or anything." Realizing it was my turn again, I turned to Kristoff. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

I put on a mischievous grin. "I've asked you before, but it's been weeks since then and your answer might have changed. What are your intentions with my sister?"

Kristoff smiled genuinely at Anna. "To love her," he answered simply.

"Aww," Christy swooned, the back of her hand placed against her forehead. Once again, Anna's face was colored with a raging blush.

We continued on for a bit longer, enjoying learning little things about each other. I carefully categorized every fact I learned about the others and stored them away in my memory for future reference. I was quite proud of my memory, you know. It was rather expansive, and it was very rare that I forgot things about people unless I was trying to do so.

At one point, Anna had leaned against me, keeping her head against my shoulder. It was very different from when she had tried it in the dining hall months ago. I was different. I actually liked it, the way that she trusted me so much. I couldn't understand it, but I liked it.

The rest of the evening went by very easily and quickly. When it got too late, the others started leaving and Anna and I cleaned up any mess there might have been before retiring as well.

* * *

I had fallen asleep rather easily, exhausted by the events of the day. For once, I wasn't plagued by nightmares. I had done my best to learn how to set them aside during the day. If I ignored them, they'd go away, even as the fire one became more and more frequent and the strange voices continued to haunt it.

When I woke up from nightmares, it was always with no more than a jolt and a small gasp. I never flailed. I never screamed. I never cried out. I might've created some ice, but that was a risk I took, night after night, with Anna in close proximity, simply because nothing had happened yet and I was thinking that maybe it was okay for me to love her again.

It was a series of whimpers and cries that woke me up that night. I stirred in confusion, opening my eyes and blinking sleepily. There was another whimper and I shifted on my blow-up mattress in confusion.

It took me a minute to register that Anna was moving fitfully on the couch.

"No… No, no…" she was half-sobbing. "Don't leave… No… Door… Can't lose you again…"

I bit my lip, trying to fight down the wave of guilt that washed over me. I sat up and closed my eyes, breathing deeply for a moment. I worked up the courage to actually do something when I heard her mumble again and I threw the blanket off of me.

"Anna?" I said hesitantly as I stood before the couch. There were tears carving rivers on her cheeks and my chest ached for her. "Anna. Anna, wake up." She remained asleep, fitfully tossing and turning. I inhaled and then reached out, placing my hand on her shoulder and giving her a small shake. "Wake up." When she still didn't, I had to withdraw to focus on my breathing, which was slowly growing out of hand. I didn't know what to do and I suddenly felt so useless as I watched my little sister suffer a nightmare – one that was surely about me and the door that I always slammed in her face.

Trying to keep back my own tears, I extended my shaky hand and tried to nudge her awake again. "Anna… Anna, wake up…"

"No!" she shouted, thrashing about now. Her hand hit my chest and I flinched, stumbling back. "No, no! Come back!" she cried.

I clenched my jaw and fought back the sudden fear that made an appearance at the violent act. It didn't hurt. Not really, anyway. The hit itself was enough to scare me, though, and I had to steady myself before stepping forward again. "Anna, please wake up…" I begged, my voice cracking as I shook her more fervently now. _You're not breathing right._

Finally, she let out a scream and jerked violently. Her eyes flew open and she saw me, standing there with tears in my eyes. "E-Elsa!" she rasped, her voice hoarse. "What's wrong? What happened? What do you need?" Always the instant caretaker. Setting her own fears aside to address what seemed to be wrong with me.

Shaking my head, I forced air into my lungs. "You… You were having a… nightmare…" I told her between my short gasps. "I was… worried… for you…" Then, I did something unexpected. I reached forward and grabbed my sister, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Anna let out a small squeak of surprise before hugging back. After a minute, I felt her start to break down. It started with hesitant sniffles and quickly turned into full-blown sobs. I rubbed her back, keeping her as close as I dared. Her grip on me was weak, and I had no doubt she'd been jerking and thrashing far before she woke me.

"Shh… Shh… It's alright," I murmured as I reached one hand up and stroked the back of her head. "Here, I'm going to move us a little bit, okay?" I had been standing, but I nudged Anna aside and laid sideways on the couch, pulling her onto my lap so nearly her whole body was flush against mine. I kept one hand on her back and the other in her hair, trying to calm her down.

"Is this… Is this okay?" she managed between sobs.

I smiled into her hair, closing my eyes and breathing in her familiar scent. "This is okay. I promise, this is okay. You're okay…"

"You… You were…" Anna tried, and then choked and shook her head, pressing her face further into my neck. "You were in the room… a-and… you told me to go away again… I… I couldn't go away… n-not after… everything… And then… And then you… you got hurt… and I couldn't… reach you…"

"Shh," I hushed her gently, tightening my grip on her. "It's alright, Anna… I'm here. I'm here, and I'm never going to leave you again."

"Do you promise?" she asked, sniffling and pulling back just enough to meet my eyes.

I knew that there was no possible way I could promise that. There was no possible way I could keep it. I didn't know what the future would bring. I didn't know if the flames would melt me. If they would burn her. All I knew was that I loved my little sister and although there was no way I could possibly be sure my promise would be kept, I let myself dream of a different life. One without unpredictable ice powers and fire dreams and isolation and autism and everything else that was wrong with me.

"I promise."


	13. Chapter 12: Monster

**A/N: Haha! Bet you guys weren't expecting to see me today... I got so excited for this chapter that I wrote it all after my last exam. I'm not going to ramble before this one, I promise. Just...**

**Mild tw for underage drinking - it's very, very briefly mentioned.**

Thursday evening was when I heard a knock on my apartment door.

I'd been working on my diction homework and humming through a few of the songs from _Wicked_, since the performance was in six weeks. Anna was at band rehearsal, though she was becoming less busy with marching band as football season started drawing to its close. It was more often now that she had rehearsals cancelled and Saturdays open.

Don't get me wrong, football season was still somewhat strong. Mountain Spring University had a very good football team. However, the band knew both of their shows by now and didn't have much more rehearsing to do. Besides, we were only a couple games away from the start of playoffs or finals or whatever it was – I don't know, I'm not really into sports.

I glanced up from my homework when I heard the knock. Furrowing my brow in confusion, I set it aside and got up from where I had been kneeling beside my coffee table. I brushed the imaginary dust off of my knees before going over to the door.

Had Anna gotten out of practice early? Maybe she forgot her key. It wouldn't be the first time. I didn't bother to look through the peephole before opening it.

My eyes popped open wide and my jaw dropped at the familiar face standing outside. "Mr. C-Carver," I greeted him as normally as I could.

"Hello, Elsa," he said with a pleasant smile, though I knew that what he had come here to talk about was far from pleasant. "May I come in?"

It was a social nicety – that much I knew. I couldn't simply bar him from entering my home. Well, I could, but it wouldn't do any good. I swallowed hard and nodded, standing aside so that he could get through the doorway. I silently thanked whatever entity had its eye on me that Anna wasn't here for this.

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" I asked, if only to get him into a good mood.

"No, thank you," he answered politely as he took a seat on my couch.

Taking a deep breath, I worked up the courage to sit on the opposite side of him. "What are you doing here, Mr. Carver?"

"You and I both know why I'm here, Elsa," he pointed out and I sighed in defeat. "Dr. Morrison tells me you haven't been to a session in six weeks. You also haven't been refilling your anxiety medication. You know why you need these, don't you?"

"…Yes."

"I'm here to enquire as to why you've been skipping them. They were both part of the conditions that you explicitly agreed to in voice and in writing upon being released from the mental ward of the hospital."

My throat felt dry and I looked around my apartment, trying to find some sort of escape. Olaf was trying to get Marshmallow (who had, indeed, gotten a clean bill of health at the vet a couple of days ago) to play. I tried to focus on that rather than the question at hand until I felt comfortable enough to answer it.

Mr. Carver was patient about it, and merely waited for me to compose myself.

"I just… I felt like I didn't need them anymore," I said after a while. "My, um, my sister came into town and… And she's been living with me. She helps me deal with that stuff. She calms me down when I start freaking out or whatever."

With a sigh, Mr. Carver took his glasses off and wiped them on his shirt. "I know it may seem like that's okay, but the courts ruled that you need professional help. Unless your sister is a registered psychiatrist, she cannot take the place of Dr. Morrison. You need the therapy and medication to keep you from having any more violent outbursts."

"It only happened once!" I exclaimed, feeling fear begin to grip me. "Only once, and I have no recollection of it! Surely one instance of what I must point out was _self-defense_ can't ruin my life like this?"

"This matter is not up for debate, Elsa. The courts have already ruled on this issue, and there have been no developments since. I'm on your side, but this is simply not how the system works. You agreed to the conditions laid out. Perhaps you don't belong in the mental ward – it's not for me to say – and if you don't want to go back there, you must adhere to the agreement. Do you understand?"

I nodded wordlessly, staring at my hands now to try to distract myself from the authority he held over me and how terrifying it was.

"Okay," I said quietly. "Okay, I'll go. I'll take my meds. Whatever. Just don't take me away from my sister."

* * *

Friday evening was when all hell broke loose.

Not at first, of course.

Anna helped me put together the rest of my costume for the Halloween party – namely, grabbing a sort of crown from one of her previous costumes and taking me to a store, where we bought small heels that would really tie it all together.

Earlier in the week, I had given in and decorated my cape with snowflakes against my better judgment. When Anna asked about it, I told her that I had bought them and glued them on in my spare time. The effect they had on the cape was astounding. No longer was the cape simply a garment – it was a testament to my position as the 'Snow Queen' I was dressing as.

As Anna changed into her own costume – which I hadn't seen yet because she simply wouldn't let me – I fixed my hair in the bathroom. I kept it in my signature messy braid, feeling no need to mess with it if it would work.

After a moment's hesitation, I ran my hand down my braid, producing small snowflakes and letting them glimmer, as crystals would, down the length of it. Satisfied with the outcome, I placed my crown on, but then quickly decided I didn't like it and set it aside. Maybe if I had my hair up in a braided bun, but I didn't rather like that, either.

I heard a couple of thuds from the living room, followed by Anna mumbling something under her breath, and I smiled in spite of myself. I slipped my shoes on before heading out to see her.

She looked rather gorgeous, wearing a simple but elegant green dress. She had a coiled something against her hip and a small dragon plush sewn onto her right shoulder. Her hair was done up in a bun.

I giggled as I took her in. "You look beautiful, Anna," I told her earnestly with a smile. "Can I ask what you're supposed to be?"

"I'm a dragon-training medieval princess!" she exclaimed, turning around. "My adopted mom sewed it all together." She finally stopped to look at me and her jaw dropped at the full effect of my regalia. "Whoa, Elsa, you look… Amazing!"

"Thank you," I chuckled, stepping closer to her and once again tucking back that notorious lock of hair that never stayed in her braids. An idea struck me and I gasped, grabbing her hands. "You should let me do your makeup!"

Anna's eyes widened. "Oh, that doesn't really seem necessary – I mean, I've never had my makeup done before, and I'm not really the 'makeup' kind of person and – "

"Just a little bit?" I asked, pouting out my lower lip before she could continue rambling and make us miss the party altogether.

"Fine," she relented, and I grinned, pulling her towards the bathroom so that we could have better light.

Twenty minutes later, we were ready to leave. I had done Anna's makeup so it was more like accents than anything else – a bit of eyeliner, a small hint of blush, lip gloss, etc. Just a little to make her natural beauty pop. When she looked in the mirror and gaped, I knew that my work was done.

In truth, I was almost excited at the prospect of going to a party. It was an absolute nightmare of mine, don't get me wrong, but the way Anna had described this one – low-key – made it a bit better. After all, I trusted her. I knew that she wouldn't bring me into anything terrible. Not when she seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

Although she had said she wouldn't be drinking any alcohol, I offered to drive, if only to keep _myself_ from drinking alcohol. I wasn't opposed to a glass every now and then, but I feared drinking too much and losing control, especially in front of others.

The drive to the designated house was about five minutes, leaving me very little time to talk myself out of it. I parked alongside the curb and breathed deeply, steadying myself.

"You got this," Anna said with a grin. "I'll be right by your side, all night. Promise."

Nodding, I got out and then slammed my fist against the passenger door to get it to open and let Anna out. She took my hand and I allowed it as we walked up to the front door, appreciating the encouragement.

We could hear music sounding from inside, but it was quiet enough that Anna was convinced we'd still be able to hear ourselves think. I handed over my keys to the collector – to make sure no one drives home drunk, Anna had explained – and braced myself for entry. There were a few people milling about on the front lawn with bottles in their hands, and it only made me more anxious for what would be inside.

Anna opened the door, and I almost gaped at how few people there were.

Granted, it _was_ a party, and there were still at least a couple dozen, but compared to the stories I'd heard and movies I'd seen, this was practically nothing. Anna noticed my surprise and nudged me with her shoulder.

"Come on," she giggled, leading me further into the fray.

Several people (from the flute section, I presumed) greeted Anna and hugged her and welcomed her, and when she introduced me, there was no disdain anywhere. In fact, they were all pretty nice and didn't pressure me into talking or anything. I stayed glued to Anna's side, and no one told me I couldn't.

"Anna! Else! I didn't know you guys were coming!"

We turned around as Graham spotted us. I couldn't help a grin at the elaborate Beethoven costume he was wearing.

"Nice costume," Anna said with a laugh, appraising him critically.

He put an arm around my shoulder, alcohol clear on his breath, and I wrinkled my nose against the smell, but wasn't otherwise put off by his closeness. After all, I knew Graham. I maybe wouldn't call him (or anyone else) a friend, but… I knew him.

"I wanted to dress up as my hero." He glanced at me and smirked. "Snow Queen? Nice. You fit it, you know. Tell me, how'd you get to feel even colder than you normally do?"

Alarms went off in my head and I glanced around desperately for signs of ice before realizing that he was referring to the snow in my hair. I dipped out from under his arm so that I wouldn't get caught and batted him away. "Back, fiend, or I shall order your execution," I teased, causing him to hold up his hands in surrender. "Besides, I always feel cold."

"Aww, no, you don't! You're always _warm_!" Anna insisted, taking her hand away so she could wrap her arms around my midsection.

Laughing, I pushed her away. "Yeah, right. You might need to get your head checked."

"It's not a bad thing," Graham said, and then offered his drink out to me. "C'mon, Else. It's your favorite."

"I drink only in _private_, Graham, you know that," I reminded him as I pushed the glass away.

"Oh, this is private! What, only, like, twenty people or something. That's as private as a party will get."

Shaking my head, I shared an amused look with Anna. "Point of reason – I don't drink at parties."

"What about you?" he asked Anna.

She pursed her lips and shook her head vehemently. "No. I do not want alcohol. Maybe I'll try it when I'm older, but it's a bad habit, and I don't want to expose myself to it. So, no. I'll be remaining pure tonight."

Graham scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. "Anna, this is your freshman year. You've gotta live! What's life without a little bit of vodka then and again? This is your year for experimentation. Try a bit of everything so you can know what you like later."

Anna glanced at me questioningly and I shrugged helpfully. It didn't matter to me whether she tried it or not. She hesitated and then carefully took the glass from Graham, as if simply touching it would burn her. Something occurred to me and I placed a finger on the rim before she could bring it to her lips.

"If this was anyone other than Graham or me offering this to you, Anna, you say _no thank you_. People are not trustworthy. You don't know what someone could have slipped into it."

She nodded, wide-eyed, and then I let go of the vodka, letting her take a delicate sip. I had to grab the glass to keep it from falling as she swallowed, made a face, and then started coughing. I smirked and handed it back to Graham, pounding her lightly on the back.

"You actually like that stuff, Elsa?" she asked incredulously after she had recomposed herself.

I laughed and shared a look with Graham. "It's an acquired taste. Are you okay?"

She nodded, coughing again and glaring at the glass. "Never again," she vowed. She leaned up against me, smiling. "This is nice, though. Being here with you. I've been to parties before – some a lot bigger than this one – but I've never had you here. You make it even more awesomer."

Raising an eyebrow in amusement, I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed it a little. "So, what does one do at these functions?"

Graham pointed towards the living room, where they'd pushed the couches back and brought a table into the middle of it. Someone was currently using a hairbrush as a fake microphone and singing along to a karaoke version of a pop song, being played over the tv's speakers.

"That's what people do. Sing. Dance. Have fun."

I watched them hesitantly for a minute, drawing closer to Anna. It was somewhat distasteful, and I didn't know whether to be amused or secondhandedly embarrassed.

Anna grabbed my arm and began dragging me towards the table. "Come on, Elsa! You should sing something!"

Letting out a small squeak of surprise, I jerked back, trying to extricate myself from her grip. It didn't help that she was physically stronger than I was. "No, no, it's really okay!" I tried to say, bracing my feet against the carpet to keep from being pulled further. "I'd prefer not to!"

She stopped and rounded on me, crossing her arms over her chest. "You perform with your voice all the time, though! How about I sing with you? Will that make you feel better?"

I hesitated, my eyes flicking to where the person had begun to dance and jump on the table. My discomfort was clearly present on my face because Anna tried another avenue.

"You don't have to do that. You don't have to dance," she said reassuringly. "I just want you to sing with me. If you really don't want to, you don't have to, but I'd like it."

Sighing in defeat, I met her gaze. "Okay," I agreed. "One song."

Squealing, she bounced and hugged me tightly. She navigated us towards the table just as the previous person was getting down from it. Anna took the hairbrush from her and hoisted herself up onto the table. She held her hand out to me and I bit my lip, glancing around. "Elsa," she said gently, recapturing my attention. I nodded and took her hand, letting her help me up onto the table. "We've got this," she told me with a smile before turning her attention back to everyone at the party.

* * *

An hour passed, and I found that I was not at all panicking at the party like I had been expecting. In fact, I was very much enjoying myself.

After the karaoke, in which the other partygoers demanded an encore from Anna and I, we had gone down and started talking to some of her flute friends. I was feeling much more comfortable around these people – no one here wanted to hurt me. No one was attacking me, and no one was judging me. It was just me and Anna and fellow music enthusiasts.

I had become a bit overheated at one point and decided to step outside for a few minutes. I told Anna that it was alright for her to stay and I'd be back soon.

Standing now in the backyard, I took in a deep breath. The chilly air was soothing to me. In spite of myself, I smiled and stared up at the stars. As I leaned against the deck, I couldn't help but wonder – again, not for the first time – whether I was committing some sort of crime by being this happy.

People at the party loved both my and Anna's costumes, and frequently commented on them. I mostly smiled awkwardly, but Anna was able to accept them with much more social grace (for, Heaven knew, she had very little grace elsewise.)

Making sure no one was looking my way, I lifted my hands before my face and created a few snowflakes, letting them fall harmlessly to the floor. There were no outbursts. There were no issues. Just a few small snowflakes. I was completely in control, and I felt a surge of adrenaline rush through me at the thought.

With my airways clearer now, I slipped back into the house. A pleasant smile stayed on my face as I scanned the small crowd for hints of ginger hair.

The smile dropped suddenly and completely when I located her, right across from a familiar snarky face.

_Maggie._

I didn't care what they were saying. I didn't care about the context. As far as I could tell, Maggie had practically cornered Anna. I didn't care if she'd been there the whole time or came recently. I didn't care about who invited her. Anna was saying something, annoyance clear on her face in the way her brow furrowed slightly and her cheekbones were high. She tried to dip past Maggie, but then Maggie said something that caused her to stop and face her again, arms crossed over her chest.

A fire ignited itself in my belly and I saw red tinge the corners of my vision. Not my sister. She could mess with me all she wanted, but not my sister.

I don't remember making it over to where they were, on the other side of the living room. I don't remember shouldering past people to get there before anything could happen. I don't remember accidentally knocking a glass out of someone's hand.

All I remember is seeing Anna turn away and Maggie reach out to grab her arm. I didn't need to see any more.

I stormed over to them, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. Any serenity I had previously attained was long gone as I tried to fight the urge to blast an icicle into Maggie's stupid, smug face. She noticed me and opened her mouth to say something, all with that signature smirk, but I wouldn't allow it.

"Stay the _fuck_ away from her, you sadistic fucking bitch!" I shouted, and for a moment, she faltered.

Her eyes flicked to the side and then landed on me again. "Well, well, look who finally grew a pair," she purred. "What are you gonna do? You gonna hit me? Punish me like the bad, mean girl I am?"

"_You don't touch her!"_ I screamed, shoving her roughly so that her back hit the wall. A hint of fear passed over her face, but it was brief enough that I was unsure of whether it was really there. I was vaguely aware of Anna trying to grab my hand and bring me away from there, pleading with me to let it go, but the blood was rushing in my ears and my mind was buzzing and the rage blocked out anything else. I didn't see that everyone had stopped their partying and turned to stare. I didn't hear that the music had disappeared. All I was aware of was Maggie.

"You don't look at her. You don't talk to her. You don't come _near_ her." I leaned in close, placing my hands on the wall on either side of Maggie's head. The fear was evident now, though she was visible trying to fight it back. "You don't touch my little sister. If I see you within twenty feet of her ever again, I won't hesitate to fucking _impale_ you. That's a _promise_."

"Elsa!" Anna shouted, finally registering in my mind. She grabbed my shoulder and I jerked away as if I'd been burned. I realized what I did and stared at her with wide, terrified eyes.

And then I ran.

I took my keys from the bowl and got into my car and drove as fast as I possibly dared. My breathing was erratic, air being sucked into my lungs and quickly expelled with no sense of rhyme or rhythm. I didn't care. _You're not breathing right._ I didn't care. Tears had begun leaking out of my eyes, but I didn't bother to try to figure out when they'd started. I didn't care. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I get as far away as possible.

The ice was very close to the surface. In support of my rage, it had leapt to my defense, and my body physically ached and pulsed with the power of it. I needed to get to a safe spot. If I was going to submit, then I needed to do it where no one else was present. That was the _only_ thought running through my head.

The drive to the abandoned half-constructed mall was a blur. It could have been five minutes or it could have been twenty, but like before, it didn't matter to me. I parked haphazardly and stumbled out of my truck, hissing at the sudden pain in my chest.

I made it maybe twenty feet before falling to my knees as my magic exploded out of me. I screamed – an animalistic sort of cry that didn't sound like it came from me, that of a voice being ripped painfully from a throat – as the ice overtook me. I could feel it burning me – _burning _me – but I didn't care. It hurt so much, but I didn't think anything of it.

_Can't run, can't stop, can't breathe, can't live, and I can't die._

_Conceal, don't feel, don't feel._

_Get back into the cage_.

The skies around me were growing darker, those same stars that I had admired not twenty minutes ago now being clouded by my anger. And why shouldn't I be angry? The thought caused me to wince as I scrambled to my feet and looked around, breathing heavily.

What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just keep it all in? All of the rage at the world, at everyone who would hurt me. Was I supposed to just sit on the ground and nurse my wounds, all alone? What does a caged predator do?

I let out a shout after realizing that no one was there to hear or see me. If I let it go, no one would see me. I could just let out all of the anger and no one would know.

Feeling a bit more of the clarity that I had lacked a minute ago, I summoned several icicles and then promptly shattered them, sending small shards everywhere. Some of them even shot far enough from the power to cut me, but I didn't care. It didn't matter. I had been suppressing the magic long enough, and it was tired of it. It wanted out. What else could I do but allow it the control it demanded?

Wind began whipping through the empty parking lot, my cape billowing behind me. I let it, even helping to direct it at some points. Up, down, up, left, down, up, right, left, right, down, up, left – it didn't matter. I just let it tear up the asphalt far away from me. I helped it wreak the destruction that it so desperately wanted.

What else does a monster do but destroy?

_I've unleashed a monster_.

It was clear as day. The worst part was that, for once, I didn't care. I let the fury grab the reins and guide me forward. It wasn't fair that I always had to suppress it. It wasn't fair that I was never understood – that I was never able to understand. It wasn't fair that I constantly had to keep control. It wasn't fair that I couldn't do what I wanted and be who I wanted to be. It wasn't fair that I spent thirteen years by myself. It wasn't fair that I couldn't keep anyone close.

Humans are built with a distinct sense of fairness, and the one thing that I understood now, more than anything, was that mine had been seriously violated, over and over.

So, I let it go. I let the storm inside me rage. I created sculptures of ice. Some resembled actual people, like Graham and Abbie and Christy and Kristoff and Mama and Papa and _Anna_, and some didn't. It didn't matter. They all shattered just the same. Why would a monster care about who it is they're destroying? That's a trick question. They wouldn't. I didn't.

My entire body ached, but I kept pushing, desperate to find some sort of escape. I couldn't _do_ it anymore. I couldn't go through the flames because I was too much of a fucking coward and I couldn't let anyone in for much of the same.

Even now, as I created chaos in this half-finished structure, somewhere no one would be able to see or find me, I couldn't help but wonder whether I'd made a terrible mistake in letting Anna get close.

"You want to know what I'm capable of? You want to know why I should be locked up and alone, shackled and chained in a prison cell?" I screamed up at the sky, raising my hands and forming millions of tiny, razor-sharp crystals, hovering them dangerously. "You want to know why I forget how to breathe? You want to know why it's best for everyone if I keep myself apart from others?"

I brought my hands down, and the crystals followed, plummeting to the ground at practically the speed of light. The sounds of shattering were deafening, and in lieu of them, I didn't hear the other car approach and park next to mine. I didn't hear the door open and slam closed.

Still enraged, I crafted within my hands a tiny ice figurine of Anna and I smashed it to the ground. I then brought my hands up and surrounded myself in a circle of spikes. "You want to know what I'm capable of!?" I shouted again, adrenaline rushing through my body and keeping me afloat when the magic inside was threatening to overwhelm me.

"_Elsa?_"

I didn't stop to think whose voice it was. I didn't stop to think about what it even said. My reaction was instantaneous as I whirled towards it, my palm already extended and sending an icicle right at its source.

It wasn't until a split second later that I realized, but it was too late to stop the deadly instrument.

"_ANNA!"_

**A/N: What will happen? I guess you'll have to wait until chapter thirteen...**


	14. Chapter 13: Better than Dead

**A/N: Very sorry this is so late, guys. Part of it is because this was a difficult (and heavy) chapter to write, and I had to be delicate with it, and part of it is because I didn't really get many reviews last chapter, so I wasn't necessarily motivated to write it and puzzle it out.**

_"__Catch me! Again!"_

_"__Wait! Slow down! ANNA!_"

_"__Elsa, what have you done?"_

In a split second, I had done something irreversible. I had shot an icicle at my sister. It didn't matter to me that it had missed her by an inch, just scraping her ear before flying harmlessly past her. No. All that mattered was that I had almost killed my baby sister – again.

My hands flew up to my mouth and I let out a strangled sound. Trying to put as much distance between us as possible, I stumbled back, tripping over a pile of ice shards and landing on my rear. It didn't matter. I picked myself up, ignoring the cuts on my arms and the fact that the razor-sharp pieces shredded the fabric of my sleeves. My snow queen dress was now tainted red, and it seemed fitting to me.

Anna brought a hand up to her ear and winced at the small cut there before deciding it wasn't important. "Elsa?" she asked again, her voice a mixture of emotions that I couldn't pick apart. She took a step towards me.

That motivated me to keep walking backwards. I held my trembling hands out in front of me, trying to stop her. "S-stay aw-way," I commanded, my voice quivering from the sudden fear.

Once again, Anna tried to step forward, and I felt a surge of panic overtake me. Ice sprouted out from my feet, covering an already-frosted ground in another layer.

"Stay away, Anna!" I shouted with more confidence this time. "Please! I don't want to hurt you again. Just… Just stay back…"

If she noticed me say 'again', she didn't mention it. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was desperately trying to blink them back. "You're not going to hurt me," she said carefully, slowly. "You're my sister. You'd never hurt me."

"Then what do you call the fucking _icicle_ I just shot at you!?" I screamed, feeling the air around me get even colder. The wind was picking up, too, and snowflakes were formed with it, beginning to swirl around me. "Two inches to the left, and you'd be dead!"

"You didn't do that on purpose!" she insisted, taking another step. "You _wouldn't_ do it on purpose! Please, Elsa, just calm down. You're not breathing right. Try to breathe for me, please!"

Angrily, I turned and crossed my arms tightly over my chest, no longer able to look at her. "I _can't_!" I cried, briskly walking away again and trying to ignore the wind and snow which was beginning to swirl around the parking lot. "I forget how," I added, quieter.

I could track where she was by the crunching sounds of her shoes on my piles of ice shards. When she got too close again, I whirled around, meeting her gaze imploringly. "Please, Anna," I whispered, my throat too tight for me to raise the volume much higher. "You need to stay away. I know you think you can fix everything, but you can't. You can't fix me."

Desperation flashed across her face and she tried to wipe away her tears. She was quickly becoming distressed that her normal tactics for calming me down were only making things worse.

"I-it's okay, Elsa. It's okay. Just stop this storm – stop this storm and let me hug you. E-everything will be better, I promise. Just let me in!"

I bit my lip, realizing right then exactly what I had to do.

There was only one way to keep her safe. I didn't like it. I hated it, in fact. It would destroy me to shut her out again, but just like before, if it was the only way she'd be okay… It would break her heart. It would crush her.

Why had I been so foolish? Why had I let her in? Monsters didn't deserve friends, and they didn't deserve family.

Papa had once told me that it was the fool that truly deserved to be alone. The fool was the man who never thought things through. He was the one who hurt people because he didn't consider the consequences. The fool was a monster – a perfect, innocent monster, in and of himself. The fool was the man who disregarded the danger he posed and tried to actually live, ultimately hurting everyone he'd ever loved and who'd ever loved him.

The fool is the young girl with ice powers who carelessly covered a room in snow for the purpose of play – the girl who then shot her magic by accident into her baby sister's head. Reckless.

The fool is the young woman who believed that she was anything more than a cold vessel of rage and fear – the woman who would stab a man in the chest without even knowing it, who would shoot an icicle at her baby sister's head without even realizing it was her baby sister. Selfish.

I just had to put my walls back up. I had to isolate myself again because then, maybe the world would be safe. Just like before, I had to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and create a shape that might actually resemble what it's supposed to be. I wouldn't be able to function if Anna was hurt.

I could put myself aside if I knew that Anna was going to be okay. I could shatter myself like the sculptures, as long as Anna was okay. If she were gone, then there would be no name for my heart to say.

_Anna. Anna._ Th-thump. _Anna._

It was so painfully clear, and I was certain that I had zoned out, because when everything came back into focus, Anna was a lot closer than I remembered. I took a step back instinctually, trying to put more distance between us. The hope that had been on her face flickered, and then disappeared completely.

The storm had paused, it seemed. The snowflakes hung in the air, suspended. I exhaled slowly, the constant thumping of my heart in my ears just another reminder of why this was so important. The world had come back into clear, sharp focus, and all I could see was Anna in the middle of it. She said something, but I didn't hear it. I wasn't even sure if I was breathing at all, and quite frankly, I didn't care. I had to protect her. I had to protect her from me.

"I want you moved out of my apartment tomorrow."

Anna inhaled sharply and I refused to meet her gaze – partially because I knew I wouldn't be able to. She took a step back, hurt, and then rubbed her sleeve against her face to dry it. When her arm was back down by her side, she took a deep breath. Let it out. Back in. Back out. As if she were trying to steady herself.

"Elsa, you can't seriously mean…" she said after a few moments, but her voice cracked horribly and she had to swallow hard. Every word she said was like a knife in my heart, but I knew that I had to stick by my resolve. "But what about… What about Trish?"

With great effort, I shrugged nonchalantly. There were still specks of snow in the air, but they weren't moving. Not when I had shut down my emotions so suddenly and so violently, all with the sound of my heart's voice in my ears.

"You'll figure it out," I said. "You're a strong girl."

Anna bit her lip and shook her head. She was trembling from head-to-toe, and her eyes were filled with despair and betrayal. "This can't be happening…" she murmured under her breath, almost too quiet for me to hear. "Elsa, please," she raised her voice a little now. "Please, you can't do this. Not again. You can't just lead me on like you have and then shut me out again!"

I looked around, my eyes landing anywhere but on Anna. It was hard to maintain my cool exterior with her looking so desperate and upset. "I don't want you to speak to me again. I want you to stay away."

"But… But why?" she croaked. "Because of the snow? I don't care about the snow! You haven't hurt me before, and I know you're not going to start now. What other possible reason could you have for ruining something so _good_? Something so amazing?"

"I don't care about you."

There was a dull ache in my chest as I said those horrible, horrible words, but I guessed it was nothing compared to what Anna must be feeling. That was okay. She'd heal. She'd done it before. She could do it again. I didn't know if I could heal, but again, that was okay. I didn't need to heal. I just needed her to. If the best way for her to be safe was to be away from me, then I would do everything in my power to ensure that that happened.

How stupid must I have been, to think that I could actually have friends and family?

I didn't pay attention to Anna's reaction. I was hyperaware of everything else, but I blocked her out as I turned and walked briskly away, my arms crossed over my chest. After a few minutes, I heard her walk away. I heard her get in the car she had arrived in. I heard her leave.

I remained put.

Eventually, I fell to my knees, not caring about the shards on the ground that cut into my delicate flesh. I was empty, completely numb. I had voided myself of emotions so that I was nothing but a shell of a person, surrounded by soft white specks in the air.

_Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel._ That's what Papa had said, isn't it? He was such a wise man. I don't think I ever appreciated that about him before he and Mama got into their accident. She was smart, too. They knew how to deal with me, in a way that I had never come to understand or appreciate.

_'__We'll draw the blinds. Enroll her in online school. We'll limit her contact with people, and keep her powers hidden from everyone. Including Anna."_

What a smart, smart man. Why had I been so completely stupid? Why had I actually begun to doubt that they knew what was best? I had dishonored them by letting people get close. I was a traitor of the most heinous sort.

_Dante's ninth circle of hell is reserved for traitors like you._

I never did deserve anything more. Someone who just hurts other people, over and over – she didn't deserve anything more. The fool deserves nothing more. I am one and all – the fool, the monster, the liar, the traitor, the neglector, the devil. It seemed that there was no one that was out of the woods, so to speak, when it came to my reign of destructiveness.

Unlimited. I was unlimited in my fury. In my rage. In my path of pain and sorrow. I had to get back into the cage, because that was the only way I could end my cruelties. It was okay. I could pick up the pieces. I could deal with all of that tomorrow. Today, though… Today, I was going to succumb to this strange clarity, sitting on my knees in the ice fragments, breathing slowly under the pale moonlight.

I remained put.

* * *

When I had gotten back to my apartment, nearing noon, Anna's stuff was gone. The manifestations of my powers in that parking lot had evaporated away to nothingness. Things were back to normal, back to how they were four months ago, as if the last four months hadn't existed at all.

It was Sunday morning, and I was laying on my inflatable mattress. I didn't want to touch the couch – it had been contaminated now. If I touched it, then it would bring back a flood of memories, and I was having a hard enough time dealing with what I'd done.

I was restless, and I quickly sat up with a sigh. Marshmallow meowed and nudged my hand with his nose, causing me to withdraw with a sharp inhale. My hands were dangerous. I couldn't let anyone touch them. How had I forgotten?

I set my jaw and swung my legs off of the side of the mattress. My stomach complained for food, but I ignored it. I didn't care. I drifted down the hallway towards the bedroom at the end of it, my hand hesitating on the doorknob. I closed my eyes and steeled myself, half-expecting for there for be a fire behind the door. Half-hoping.

Of course, there wasn't.

My room looked exactly as it was when I left it, almost a year and a half ago, and exactly how it was a week ago when I dug my old tapes out to show Anna on the anniversary of our parents' deaths.

Was that only last week?

It didn't matter.

I gravitated towards the dresser against the far wall, opening the bottom drawer. From within it, I brought out a box and set it on top of the bed. I had vowed to myself that I'd never open this box again, but, well… That was a ridiculous promise. I should have known better.

I don't remember reaching into my bra and withdrawing the key that I always stored in there. It was just suddenly in my hand, and then in the lock. I turned it, pausing only for a second before opening the box.

My heart forgot how to beat as I took in the sight of the box's interior. Inside the container was pretty much everything I had had up until The Incident when I was eight. And my gloves. Those were in there, too.

Before reaching for those, though, I grabbed the worn old penguin plushie, staring down at him intensely. "Sir Jorgenbjorgen…" I whispered, running my thumb and forefinger over the yarn on the top of his head. With a pained wince, I set him back inside and grabbed the simple silver and blue brooch that was underneath him. "Mama's brooch…" I put that back into the box, finally landing my gaze on the pale blue satin gloves.

With a sigh, I withdrew them. "My old friends." If I did, indeed, ever have friends, then these were it. I chewed my lip for a moment before closing the box again and slipping the key back into my bra.

I grabbed the gloves and slowly slid my hands inside, breathing out at the familiar feeling of them.

There was a meow from my doorway and I glance sharply towards it, seeing Olaf cautiously sniff his surroundings. That was another issue entirely.

With my hands now secured in gloves, I closed the door behind me after nudging Olaf out of the way. I tried not to think as I grabbed my keys off of the counter and drove to the nearest supermarket.

My phone had been buzzing pretty much all day with calls and texts from Anna and Graham and Christy, but I ignored them. I didn't even glance at the texts and voicemails before deleting them. I couldn't keep anyone close.

"Elsa?"

I turned from where I had been examining one of the commercial cat carriers from the pet aisle of the supermarket. There was that one girl – the one from the thrift store. What was her name? Delilah? Yeah, that sounded right. Delilah.

There was concern in her big, green eyes. "Are you alright? It's me, Delilah. From the thrift store?" Ten points to Elsa. "I've been a bit worried about you – I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable there."

"It's alright," I said.

"Is your sister here?"

I returned my gaze to the cat carriers, running my gloved thumb idly down one of them. "No," I answered, my voice sounding as if it was coming from somewhere else.

Delilah shifted her weight nervously. Her gaze landed on the cat carrier I was studying. "Are you getting a cat?"

"No," I repeated, a bit slower this time. A dull ache blossomed in my chest and I did my best to ignore it. "Would you like one?" I asked after a minute.

She stared at me in a mixture of shock and confusion. "Wh-what? A cat?"

"Yeah. I'm getting rid of mine."

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing's wrong with them," I told her in a slow voice. "They are perfectly good cats. Very sweet. I'm getting rid of them. I can't keep them. Would you like one? Or both?"

She gave a small shake of her head. "I-I can't get a cat… My roommate is allergic. I… I appreciate the offer, though," she replied in a small voice.

I stared at her for a moment, and then nodded. I grabbed two of the carriers and began walking towards the register, effectively ending the conversation. I could hear Delilah sigh in frustration behind me, but I didn't care. It didn't _matter_.

I didn't feel aware of much as I purchased the carriers and drove back to my apartment. I put myself aside. I didn't let the pain in, because if I did, the sheer amount of it could cause me to cover the entire country in an unending winter.

The next half hour was a blur as I corralled Olaf and Marshmallow into their carriers without actually touching them with my hands. Olaf was fairly easy – he loved exploring new places, so I was able to quickly trap him inside. Marshmallow, however, proved to be a bit more difficult, and I was only able to get him to go in willingly when I put a piece of chicken inside.

I loaded the two carriers into the passenger seat of my truck, ignoring Marshmallow's pitiful cries. I was very good at ignoring those that I loved, you know. There was nothing I was better at.

I inserted the address that I had stored away somewhere in my memory into the GPS on my phone. I didn't remember the way there – not after so long – but I didn't need to remember the way there with the technology of the modern world.

After pulling up into a parking lot, I grabbed the carriers and approached the correct apartment door. I set the restless cats on the ground and knocked on the door.

It opened after a minute, and Graham looked at me in surprise. "Else? What are you doing here? I've been calling you all day."

Rather than respond, I bent down to grab the carriers and then shoved past Graham, forcing my way into his apartment. I set the carriers on his carpet and then stood up straight, crossing my arms and leveling my gaze at him.

"What? What are you doing?"

I gestured half-assedly towards the cats, who seemed to meow on cue. "Leaving them here," I said simply.

He frowned, shaking his head. "Anna said you completely lost it the night before last. Why haven't you been answering your phone? Why are you trying to leave your cats here?"

"Because I don't want them anymore."

"You're being ridiculous, Elsa. What am I supposed to do with them?" he questioned, a mix between confusion and anger written on his face. It was enough to make me look away.

Sighing, I began to feel a bit of my resolve break, especially as Olaf meowed and reached a black and white paw outside the carrier, grasping at straws. "God, I don't know, Graham!" I shouted, taking a step away from him. "Honestly, I don't fucking care, either! Put them back out onto the streets. Give them to a fucking rescue. I don't care. I just don't want them."

Every word I said was like another knife in my mangled, rotten mess of a heart. I had only had Marshmallow for about a week, but it was almost as if he'd always been there. Every night since we got him checked out at the vet, he'd spent curled up on me and purring.

And Olaf…

For years, Olaf had been my only friend. He was even named as a testament to the love I felt for my sister. Losing him was like losing a large chunk of myself. But I wasn't going to risk freezing him. I had been so reckless, but no longer. I loved him far too much.

That was what love was after all, right? Sometimes you had to hurt them in order to save them, and sometimes, you had to tear yourself to shreds to keep them safe. That's what I'd been doing for the past thirteen years, and I was foolish to think that the circumstances would have changed – that I, myself, would have possibly ever been deserving of love in return.

_What are you, six? Don't let such silly notions distract you. It's dangerous to dream, and wishing will only wound the heart._

Ironically, I heard the lyrics of one of my songs from _Wicked_ blend with my inner musings of self-hatred.

The song itself, titled 'I'm Not That Girl', is sung by Elphaba as she realizes that she couldn't ever receive the affections of Fiyero, who she likes. She's green. She's different. _I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl_, she'll sing. I'll sing.

That very well may end up being my best song yet, with how much raw emotion I can put into it now.

"Is this how it's going to be, then?"

I was drawn back into reality by Graham's quiet, bitter question. I met his gaze and saw the tension deep within his dark eyes. There was so much hurt there, too, but that was good. That meant that he'd be safe. If I could scare him away, keep him away from me…

Then he wouldn't be turned into a human popsicle.

That's what I was trying to avoid, anyway.

I pursed my lips, suddenly unable to give him the answer he was looking for. I didn't even try to speak again, merely stalked past him, back towards the front door of his apartment. He moved to block me, but I had slipped out, not wanting to be stopped.

One day… One day, maybe, they'd understand. Everyone that I had to hurt. Maybe they'd understand.

* * *

Work that evening had been just about as smooth as the first couple of shifts I had had with Anna, back in August – that is, full of tension and us ignoring each other. She tried to talk to me a couple times, usually about small things, like our MUS203 homework or my recital coming up, but I never engaged. In fact, I spent the entirety of my shift without acknowledging her even once. I didn't even look at her.

She was hurt. I knew she was hurt, but there was nothing I could do. It was for the best. Hurt was better than dead.

Class in the morning didn't go much better. Both Anna and Graham had gotten there early, and they beckoned for me to sit next to them, leaving my seat open and everything, but I didn't even spare them a glance as I went to the back corner of the opposite side of the room. I was zoned out for most of the class, not sketching and not hearing a word that Dr. Rockingham said.

What was worse was the fact that every time I saw Anna, her eyes were red and puffy, as if she'd been crying.

I always worked Monday evenings, and although Anna wasn't there, I was still high-strung as I made it back to my apartment afterwards. It all felt _wrong_. I had let myself try something amazing, and now, it was so hard to go back to being the lonely girl I used to be.

I turned the light on in my apartment and glared at the couch, which was suddenly starting to tick me off for reasons I could not describe, but for a hint, it's four letters, and it starts with 'a' and ends with 'a'.

Letting out a frustrated growl, I marched over to the couch and braced my gloved hands against an end of it. I began pushing it out of its spot, towards the door. I wasn't expecting for it to be as heavy as it was, though, and barely managed to move it a few inches before my feet slipped. I tried to catch myself, but somehow ended up landing awkwardly on my left foot.

Pain shot up through my ankle and I bit down hard on my tongue to keep myself from crying out. With wide eyes, I stared down at my ankle, barely able to process the pain. I shot a nasty look at the couch, which had caused me to injure myself now. I pushed myself up from the ground, wincing as some of my weight went onto my injured ankle. I tried to keep as much of it on my uninjured leg as I rounded the couch to try a different method.

This time, I hooked my hands underneath the other end of the couch and tried to pull it towards the door. It was still _really_ heavy, and I'm not the most physically strong person, so it took a while, and by the time I got it out the door, my arms and ankle were screaming at me. Still, I pulled it to the side of the curb to get it out of the way.

With the couch now extricated from my apartment, I was able to breathe a little better in there.

At least, until I saw the mug that Anna always used, sitting on the counter. And the blanket and pillow that she always used, folded neatly near the wall. And my hairbrush that she would always use. And the fuzzy socks of mine that she always borrowed. And…

I didn't even think as I began gathering it all into trash bags and bringing them out to the dumpster. My mind was completely clear, focused so fully on trying to clean my apartment of any trace of her because I _couldn't handle_ having them there.

_It's not fair_, I cried internally. _It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair._

When had the world ever given a shit about what was fair, though?

There was a knock on my door and I paused, half-expecting it to be Anna. It was too loud. Too rough. It couldn't have been her. Who would be at my door at half past midnight?

My curiosity eventually won over and I glanced through the peephole, my breath catching in my throat as I saw Kristoff out there. With trembling hands, I opened it, looking out at him blankly.

He looked… in a word, pissed. "What the _fuck_, Elsa?" he demanded immediately, stepping in the doorway so I couldn't just close the door on him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I tried my best to remain passive, leaning heavily on my uninjured right foot and crossing my arms over my chest. "What do you want?" I spat in spite of the fear building beneath the surface. It occurred to me, once again, just how _big_ Kristoff was…

"What do I want? I want you to stop being such a frigid bitch! You broke her heart, Elsa! How can you even live with yourself?"

Rolling my eyes in a forced sort of casualness, I offered up a shrug. "I didn't want her around anymore," I said, taking all of my willpower not to choke on the lies. "She's loud and annoying."

He gave a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his messy blond hair. "Anna is the most beautiful, pure person in the world and _you know it_. She forgave you for shutting her out for thirteen years – she forgave you at the drop of a hat, and you just go around, and you shut her out again. You just hurt her again. Don't you feel any sort of remorse for that?"

"No."

He gritted his teeth and looked around my apartment, as if finally taking in the fact that I had just gotten rid of half of my stuff. "Where did your stuff go?" he asked, his voice changing from anger to confusion. "Where are your cats?"

I looked into my apartment, if only to avoid looking at him. "I got rid of them. I get rid of things I don't want." _Like her_. I couldn't make the words get past my throat, but I was fairly certain he got the gist.

That ignited the spark again and he took a threatening step towards me, causing me to automatically try to step back. My left ankle gave out on me, though, and I had to catch myself with my right, all while glaring levelly at him.

"You're such a heartless bitch, you know that? How can you possibly hurt someone that good? Why do you have to be so… so…" he let out a noise of frustration, and then threw out his hand – likely in a gesture, but I didn't read it as such.

In spite of myself, I let out a small whimper and threw my arms up in front of my face to protect it from the blow that I was sure would come. When it didn't, I lowered them slightly, narrowing my eyes at him.

My reaction seemed to have lessened his anger to a degree, though. At least, enough for it to be a smoldering ember rather than a raging fire. "I told you," he said, his voice cracking. "I told you, back in Harvey's that day, that she has a big heart, and I was worried people would take advantage of it. I never expected for it to be you."

With that, he turned and stalked out of the apartment, not even bothering to close the door.

I sniffled a couple times, furiously trying to keep back the tears, but it was no use, and I ended up collapsing onto my inflatable mattress and sobbing heavily, my arms wrapped tightly around myself.

It's for the best, I reminded myself.

It's for Anna.

**A/N: Please leave a review below!**


	15. Chapter 14: Silent Heart

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, my lovelies! I'm sorry this chapter is a day late - I wasn't quite happy enough with it yesterday to post it. I did get a head start on next chapter, which will be a kinda heavy one.**

"Welcome back, Elsa. It's good to see you again. How are you feeling today, may I ask?"

"You just did," I grumbled, rather than give my signature response to Dr. Morrison. This was the first therapy session I'd showed up to in at least 6-8 weeks – I lost count. She was surprised by my change in tone, I could tell.

I sat down in the same beige armchair, pulling my legs up onto it and drawing them close. I had determined that my ankle was sprained rather than broken, for I could not detect any breaks or anything when I felt it, and I had been trying my best to hide my limp. If Dr. Morrison noticed, she didn't mention it.

"It's certainly been a while. How have things been?"

I shrugged halfheartedly, tugging my gloves a little tighter onto my hands. How could I possibly describe the last couple months? I didn't think I could, even if I wanted to – which I didn't.

"Mr. Carver told me the reason you said for missing your sessions, but I'd rather like to hear it from you instead, if that's alright?"

"Didn't need them," I mumbled. "Don't need them."

Dr. Morrison sighed and put her clipboard down so she could lean closer to me. "I heard there was an incident at a party last Friday night. Would you mind telling me about it?"

"I would," I said, but quickly gave in with a wince. "I went to a party with my sister. Maggie was there, and she… I don't know, cornered her or something. I just got mad. I didn't hurt her."

"But you threatened her?"

I let out a small noise of irritation and ran my hand over my braid. "I-I don't know… Yeah. Y-yeah, I threatened her. It's just empty words, though, you know? I mean… She… She had my sister cornered. What was I supposed to do?"

Dr. Morrison nodded with that peculiar expression that I hated. "How have things been since then? How did your sister react?"

"I don't know. I haven't been talking to her."

"Why haven't you been talking to her?"

The air was quickly becoming devoid of oxygen and my magic brewed underneath the surface, restless. I stood up and began limp-pacing, not even trying to hide it, and keeping my arms wrapped tightly around myself. Dr. Morrison hid the flicker of surprise on her face rather well. I had never paced during a session before.

"Because I'm dangerous! I am the cold! The cold is me! I _told_ you that I was reckless when I was younger and it almost got her killed, and I was reckless on Friday night, and it almost got her killed again! I love her too much to let her get hurt by me…"

"Alright, Elsa. It's alright. Calm down and take a deep breath," she said slowly. _You're not breathing right_. I stopped and gripped the back of the chair tightly, closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing. "There you go. Now, I have a question for you. Are you up for answering a question, Elsa?"

I wrinkled my nose in frustration and laid myself across the armchair, putting one hand over my eyes and gesturing half-assedly with the other for her to continue.

"What do you think love is?"

For a long time, I didn't respond. I didn't even think. I just tried to force air in and out of my lungs and keep the ice at bay. I didn't know what I'd do if my powers acted out in front of Dr. Morrison. Part of me tiredly argued that it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore at this point.

But what Dr. Morrison was asking… That was a good question.

I'd never considered what 'love' actually could be. It was such a simple word – loosely thrown about, even by me. I loved Anna. I knew that. I loved my parents. I knew that. My parents loved me. I knew that, too. What would all of this connection mean, then?

"Love is… putting others' needs before yours," I settled on. "That's why I have to shut everyone out. To protect them. Even if it kills me inside, it's more important that they're safe from me, because… Because I love them. Anna. Graham. _Fuck_, my cats – I gave my cats away. I gave my Olaf away, because I don't want to hurt him."

"Why is it that you think you're so dangerous?"

I lifted my hand and raised an unimpressed eyebrow at her. "You mean, besides the fact that you all force me into these therapy sessions for some sort of violent act I supposedly committed?"

"You never showed any remorse for the attack," Dr. Morrison reminded me.

"Maybe because I didn't do it. Maybe because the guy was a bastard. Maybe because he hit me every day. Maybe because he locked me in the trunk of a car for two days straight after I accidentally broke a plate. I hated the man with every fiber of my being, but I didn't do it. Does a tiger feel guilty when it finds another predator's kill? Why would I?"

"You didn't answer my question, Elsa. Why is it that you think you're dangerous? If you don't think you stabbed George Streiss three years ago, then why do you think you're dangerous?"

I clenched my jaw, staring down at my gloved hands. My fingers curled themselves into fists and I lowered my head, refusing to meet Dr. Morrison's gaze. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't just tell her. It wouldn't be that simple. It couldn't.

The taste of iron filled my mouth and I realized that I'd been biting down hard on my tongue. I raised my head again, just enough to see her out of the corner of my eye. "Dr. Morrison," I began carefully, my voice a bit higher-pitched than before. "You've sworn an oath, haven't you? You can't tell anyone what I tell you. Is that correct?"

"Correct. Your word is protected under doctor-patient confidentiality. You are mandated to attend these sessions, but the courts cannot legally ask me what it is that you tell me, and ethically, I won't divulge anything you say to a third party."

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. I got up and crossed over to her door, making sure that it was locked. When I sat back down, I tugged off one of my gloves and scooted my chair closer to Dr. Morrison's desk.

"You see, the reason why I felt the need to shut everyone out – why I have continuously done so since I was little – why I was locked in a room at eight years old in the first place – why I'm dangerous – is because I can do this."

And then, I willingly summoned a few snowflakes from the palm of my hand, letting them fall harmlessly into a small pile on Dr. Morrison's desk. I moved my hand a couple inches and created a small sculpture of ice right next to it.

Her expression was unreadable as she stared at my crafts, and then back up at me. I slouched back in the chair and returned my glove to its rightful place before throwing my hands up in the air.

"I've been trying to tell you that I'm the cold. It wasn't an expression. You wanted to know why I think I'm dangerous. I could freeze someone into a sculpture, that's why. I can create deadly icicles with a wave of my hand. My magic gets out of control, you know, when my emotions aren't in check. I don't… You're not going to tell anyone about this, are you?"

Her eyes were wide, but she shook her head. She looked more shaken than I had ever seen her before – normally, she wore this façade of calmness and collection. She was a professional. If this was the first time she had ever seen magic, I wouldn't be surprised.

I sighed and looked away, working my jaw for a moment. "It all came into focus. I lost it, and then it all came into focus. Perfect clarity. There are people that deserve the world. Like Anna. She deserves everything good. She deserves love. Me, though?" I scoffed and stared down at my gloves. "I'm not one of those people."

Dr. Morrison opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, clearly unable to find the right words to say to me. After a minute, she cleared her throat and tried again. "I think… I think we're done for the day, Elsa. You've opened up a lot today, more so than you have over three years of therapy with me. I want to help you, but I'm going to need some time to process this, and… think about what it'll mean."

"Y-yeah…" I agreed anxiously. "That makes sense, just… I-I'll see you next Tuesday, then?"

She smiled – the genuine kind that she always gave me, but this one seemed… warmer, somehow, though. "Of course. I'll see you next Tuesday, Elsa."

* * *

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you?"

I glanced up from where I was idly wiping down the counter and met Abbie's dark gaze. She quirked an eyebrow questioningly, and I quickly looked back down. I lifted my shoulders in a halfhearted shrug. When she reached out and took my rag from me, I let it slide, stepping around her to grab a different one from the sink in the back.

Abbie sighed, casting a quick look out the window to the dark night and then following me. "Come on, Elsa. Don't say that nothing is wrong, because I'd like to think that after three years, I know you a bit better than that."

She followed me to the back, but I refused to acknowledge her. I busied myself with properly soaping and wetting the rag. I couldn't deal with this. Not today. Not ever, really. I had made the executive decision to distance myself from the world again, and I had no intentions of going back on it.

"Or just straight ignore me. Why would I expect anything different?" she muttered bitterly as she trailed me back up to the front and began closing down one of the registers. "I mean, I know you have issues. I know about your autism. I've never cared about that. I'd just like it if you'd try to talk to me after three years of us working together. I don't really have many other friends, you know. I thought that I could count you as one."

_You're my boss_, I mused to myself. _I have no friends._ Still, there was an aching feeling in my chest and I had to keep my head down because I couldn't stand to look at her.

_Swear me off_, I urged silently. _Maybe you'll be safe if you swear me off. I can't stand to hurt you any more than I could Anna. Please, just… Make it easier on me._

"I confided in you. You helped me through a tough time, about a year ago. I don't know where I'd be without you. I don't know if Thomas would have been taken away from me. You helped me, and I want to be able to help you. I can't do that if you don't open up, though. It's hard, I know, but it's just me, Elsa. It's just me. You can tell me anything. I just need you to talk to me. I know you can."

_Just do it. Just swear me off…_

She sighed and I saw her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. "I don't know what to do with you, Elsa," she admitted. "I can't very well make you talk to me. It just hurts that you don't think you can trust me, after all of this time. In spite of my frustrations, however… You're kinda my heart. I've been trying to look out for you, but you never let me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I just… I don't know how much longer I can put up with your bullshit angst."

_I just want to keep everyone safe…_

* * *

Two weeks after the night I swore off everyone in my life was the day of my recital. I stood backstage, taking deep breaths and trying to center myself. I had performed before – several times, in fact. This, though… This was nerve-wracking.

I was performing eight pieces. Four, then an intermission, and then the last four. My final piece was the one that I had stressed over picking at first, since the final piece is often the one that people most remember. The others were somewhat insignificant – "Seguidilla" by Bizet, "Konchakovna's Cavatina" by Borodin, "Abendempfindung" by Mozart… They weren't my crowning piece.

"Nacqui All'Affanno, Non Piu Mesta" by Rossini. Of course, I'm not expecting any of you to know Italian. I only know a portion of it myself because of how many diction classes I've taken and how many famed composers came from the country.

However, I shall not be translating this piece for you. I shall not even sing the words for you. The meaning of the piece is my own secret. My own lament, in a way. It's how I knew that it was going to be the piece I would end with. It would be _my_ piece. When I picked it, though… I was in a far better position than I was the night of the recital. It's a poem about hope and recovery, and in light of the past couple of weeks – of the darkness that I had enveloped myself in – it was almost bittersweet.

I stood before the mirror in my dressing room, just ten minutes before I'd be going on. My hands were shaking as I undid and then carefully redid my braid, over and over. I wasn't really looking at my reflection – I knew I would hate what I saw.

I'd have to admit that I haven't really taken the best care of myself the past couple of weeks. Both food and sleep had become… less of a priority. It didn't help that, when I did sleep, I was plagued by the cursed nightmares, recurring with an almost admirable dedication. Sometimes they were slightly different – strains of the same virus, in a way. More often than not, though, they were the exact same. Every single time. They all ended with Anna burning and me melting.

_"…__cog in the machine…"_

_"…__can't lose you again…"_

_"…__86.4…heating pad…"_

Clips. Snippets. Slivers. Hints. Incoherent. Unimportant. Unnecessary. Unconditional.

There was a knock on the door, and then Dr. Jacobs entered. I know I haven't mentioned her in a while, and the human memory is truly not the best, so I don't mind reminding you all that Dr. Jacobs was my mezzo-soprano professor. She ran the mezzo-soprano studio at Mountain Spring University. She was a fantastic woman, in both personality and voice. She knew about my disability, too, of course, but she had never, not once, treated me any differently.

"Are you ready?" she asked in a soft voice, coming up next to me. I felt her hand ghost over my shoulder and I tensed slightly, still staring at the mirror. "You look lovely."

Objectively, yes, I did. I had spent hours doing up my makeup, and then redid my braid enough times for it to be absolutely perfect. I had mastered covering up my limp, too, even as the pain got worse with the neglect of the injury. I was wearing a pretty midnight blue dress that had a leg slit and black tights underneath (partially, I admit, to hide the sprain of my ankle).

I had even gotten custom-made elbow-length black satin gloves.

"Just remember to breathe, okay?" Dr. Jacobs reminded me gently. "It's a scary performance – everyone is here to see you. Don't let the fear control you, though. Remember what I told you. The best way to get over performance anxiety is to ground yourself in the fear and establish your place. If you mess up, you keep going."

She carefully turned me so I was facing her, keeping her hands on my shoulders. I found that the touch was not altogether unwelcome. I was completely numb, but it was a lot easier to focus on her kind face.

"You are one of the brightest, most strong-willed individuals I have ever had the pleasure of teaching, Elsa. Nothing that happens or doesn't happen tonight will change that. As I said, it's a scary performance, but I have faith that you will perform exceptionally. You've never shown anything less. No matter what happens tonight, I will see you Wednesday for studio and then Thursday for your next lesson. Alright?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. Dr. Jacobs enveloped me in a hug and I almost collapsed against her right then and there. I had to blink hard to keep in the tears that threatened to fall as I tentatively returned the hug, simply because I needed it. It wasn't as warm as one from Anna, but after two weeks without a hug… It was enough to soothe my nerves a bit.

But I had spent hours (and a fair amount of money) on my makeup for today, as I mentioned before, and I absolutely refused to let some silly emotions and tears ruin it. _Conceal, don't feel. Don't let it show_.

After a minute, Dr. Jacobs pulled back and gently brushed back that one stubborn piece of hair near the front of my bangs that never remained pushed back for long.

"You'll do great," Dr. Jacobs promised, and then headed out of the dressing room.

I faced my mirror again and sighed. Just like any other performance, right? I had performed many times before, but I was convinced that the performance anxiety would never go away – not completely, anyway. Even professionals got nervous for their performances. It's not an easy thing, showing off all that you've worked towards to a large crowd of people.

I knew that in my chosen profession, I was going to have to do it a lot. Performing in a musical was different than performing solo, though, because at least then, I'm following a story and a character.

A worker came to get me and escorted me up to the stage, where I stood behind the curtain. I heard Dr. Jacobs step up in front of the curtain and announce me. My blood was rushing in my ears, and I kept my eyes closed and focused on my breathing – on keeping it flowing and steady. When the curtain opened, so did my eyes.

_Heavens_, there was a lot of people. Like. There was a _lot_ of people. More than I'd ever performed solo in front of before.

There was so much space around me, so much space in between me and the audience, and I still failed to find any oxygen. I was standing stock-still, staring out at the rows and rows of indeterminable faces, even as the piano intro for my first piece started up. _You're not breathing right_. Try to breathe.

I was scanning the crowd without even realizing it, but my gaze came to an abrupt stop as I saw, within the first few rows, a series of too-familiar faces. And that's when I really forgot how to breathe.

Anna was there.

Anna had _come_. I hadn't asked her to, but she did. She was there. She was watching me with a small, sad smile on her face. When our gazes locked, she gave a tiny, encouraging nod. Graham was there, too. And Kristoff, and Abbie (with Thomas), and Christy. All I could focus on, though, was Anna. She had come. Even when I had torn her heart out of her chest and stomped all over it, she had taken time out of her likely otherwise busy day to support me.

That hurt, so much. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights, but then Anna's smile widened a little, even if it didn't quite reach her eyes, and she nodded again. And I somehow managed to find a sliver of courage. At least, enough to start singing right on time.

I blew threw the pieces, one right after another. I didn't feel any pain. My ankle was protesting from me standing on it for so long, and in spite of the fact that I almost felt like I was going to pass out from it, I didn't feel any pain.

That small amount of courage was enough to get me through to the intermission. I went backstage again and quickly collapsed into my seat in my dressing room. I gave a breathy laugh, putting my head in my hands (while being careful not to screw up my makeup). I still couldn't make it past the fact that Anna, and everyone else to boot, was sitting out in the audience, here to see me. To support me.

I didn't deserve it. This bubbling feeling of euphoria – I didn't deserve it. Not after how I treated them – how I still treat them. How I'll treat them tomorrow. How I'll treat them, and everyone else, for the rest of my life. I was an ungrateful monster, but for once, I didn't let that get to me. I tried to focus on that feeling of happiness that overwhelmed me when I saw Anna's face, and I let that take the forefront of my mind.

My hands were shaking, and I smiled wider than I had in weeks. When the feeling finally died down to a dull contentment, I took my hands away and looked back into the mirror, finding that I did not completely hate the face staring back at me.

Except I did. Because all of those amazing, wonderful people who had come to support her? She hurt them. Constantly. Daily. And she'd continue to do so.

Just like that, the happiness was gone.

I sighed and looked away. The pain in my ankle was acting up, and I took it delicately in my hands, folding my left leg over my right. The swelling had flared up considerably through my standing evenly on it for thirty minutes.

As my hands brought it further up my right thigh, I had to bite back a small cry of pain. Slowly, I removed one of my gloves and pressed it to the fabric covering the ankle. I let the temperature of my hand drop considerably, exhaling in relief as the cold helped soothe some of the raging fire in the injury. I knew that, when I stripped myself of my tights later, there would be a goddamn rainbow of a bruise covering it.

There was a knock at my door and I jumped, quickly putting my leg back down and returning my glove to its rightful place. I didn't even notice the rhythmic five-beat pattern of the knocking, or the fact that I knew it all too well. "Come in," I called, expecting for it to be Dr. Jacobs, visiting to give me another pep talk.

I didn't look up to see who it was as I looked into the mirror again and began to lightly touch up my makeup (feeling very grateful that I had thought to bring in my makeup kit). There was about ten minutes until I would be going back on, so I silently prayed for Dr. Jacobs to make it quick and did my best to appear disinterested and confident.

"…You sounded lovely."

I, uh. I almost ruined my makeup with how hard my hand jerked upon hearing Anna's small voice. Luckily, my hand had been far enough from my face that the mascara brush had not ended up marring my cheek.

Very quickly, I closed the cap on the mascara and put it away. I retrieved the eyeliner from inside the makeup kit and leaned in close to the mirror to put another layer on.

"Thank you," I said after a minute, though my voice did not sound like it was mine.

Anna appeared in the mirror and I paused, glancing up at her reflection. She looked nervous – and God, she looked thin, too. And tired. As if she wasn't eating or sleeping well, either. I don't think I'd actually properly looked at her in two weeks.

"You look like crap," I said before I could stop myself, and then winced. She blushed, looking away from her own reflection and down at her hands again. "I didn't mean that like…" I sighed, giving up on my eyeliner and putting that away, too. "When's the last time you've eaten?"

"You're looking like something worse than crap, most days," she retorted then, surprising me. "When the last time _you've_ eaten?" she spat my own question back to me.

I smirked dryly and offered a shrug. "Touché."

She swallowed hard. Her face raised again to meet the questioning gaze of my reflection, and then she bravely took a step forward – a step closer.

Immediately, I stood up, too impulsive for me to have even thought about the pain it would cause my ankle. I stumbled a little, but managed to catch myself pretty quickly, though I was leaning heavily on my right side.

Anna had been taken by surprise. She stared at me with wide eyes, one hand raised slightly as if she had started to reach out for me and then stopped. A look of annoyance crossed her face. "How'd you manage to hurt yourself? I swear, you can't be alone for even two minutes, or you'll manage to – "

"Hurt someone?" I interrupted, feeling a certain fire inside of me. "Yeah. That's what Papa said, too."

"I was _going_ to say 'hurt _yourself_'," Anna huffed.

"If I recall correctly, you've sustained far more unintentionally self-inflicted scraped knees and broken arms than I ever have. Don't talk to me about being left alone, Miss I-Just-Wanted-To-Pet-The-Squirrel-And-I-Didn't-Mean-To-Fall-Out-Of-The-Tree-And-Fracture-My-Leg."

Anna stared at me blankly for a minute, and then her lips twitched. She quickly broke into a grin and shook her head at me. "I didn't think you remembered that," she giggled.

"Of course I do," I said, a little defensively. "You only complained to my door about it for a week straight because Mama and Papa banned you from climbing any more trees. My point still stands, though."

She rolled her eyes. "Touché," she parroted me from earlier. The smile remained on her lips for a minute, and I almost felt the ghost of one tugging at mine, but then we both grew somber again. "Elsa, I…" she began, her voice a little strained. She sighed. "I think we need to – "

_Talk_. I couldn't. I couldn't talk to her. Even letting her in here, letting her get this close, was dangerous to her. I very well could have killed her if my emotions got too out of hand. The fact that I hadn't felt the ice trying to escape even once didn't matter. All that mattered is what _could_ have happened.

Luckily, before she finished her sentence, there was a knock on the door and I abruptly started heading towards it. "You should take your seat again," I threw back over my shoulder in a cold voice. "That's my cue to go back on." I left without another word being able to be said on either side, promptly ignoring the small noise of frustration that Anna let out.

Once back on stage, I had managed to block it all out. I sang and I ignored everyone and everything besides.

As I sang out my last song, "Nacqui All'Affanno, Non Piu Mesta", I felt more mocked by it than anything else. It was fitting, wasn't it? Absolutely fitting that a piece of redemption and the finding of happiness would be the final piece in my performance.

Just like I told Dr. Morrison, I'm not meant for all of that. I never was, and I never will be. The sooner I made peace with that, the easier it would be… It was just so hard.

**A/N: As always, thanks for reading and please leave a review below! :)**


	16. Chapter 15: Through the Flames

**A/N: Hello, my lovelies. Thank you all so much for your reviews! I'm not going to say much to preface this chapter, but it is a rather heavy one, so... See y'all on the other side, I guess?**

_I couldn't breathe. I tried to scream, but my throat was filled with soot, and I was barely able to make more than a strangled sort of sigh. It was the same as every time I'd had this dream before, but that didn't make it any less terrifying. It didn't make me braver. In fact, in the dream, I couldn't even recall that I'd had it before._

_There was fire all around me, and the pressure of the heat closing in on me was suffocating, more so than the ash and smoke in the air. The flames lapped greedily at my feet and I desperately tried to draw them closer to me as to save them from melting._

_When ice is subjected to the heat, it melts. It turns to water. It's simple, basic science. As the physical embodiment of the cold, I was most vulnerable to heat over anything else. A bullet could tear through me, sure, but the heat could melt me down to my bones._

_The fire roared higher and I flinched, trying to press my back further against the wall. I whimpered pathetically as I looked around, desperate for an exit. My eyes darted around the bedroom. There was the door, of course – after all, it was really just a bedroom – but the door was on the other side of the flames, and there would be no way for me to get out without getting burned._

_So I sat in my corner. I curled up as tight as I could and tried to block it all out, even as the flames got closer and closer. My skin began to itch and I tried to scratch feverishly at my face, feeling the blood pour down it._

_"…__stronger than this…"_

_"…__heating pad…"_

_"…__can't lose you again…"_

_"…__twenty-one credit semester…"_

_"…__86.4 degrees…"_

_The voices that constantly haunted me returned with a furious determination. I screamed and covered my ears with my hands. They grew louder, more desperate, and I tried to claw off my ears, if only to find some purchase – some escape. Anything to keep me from completely losing my mind. What little I had left of it, anyway._

_"__Elsa!"_

_I jerked – that voice was far closer, and far too human, as opposed to the demonic whispers of the others. My eyes zeroed in on Anna, standing in the doorway. She located me and didn't hesitate before running into the fire._

_I wanted to call out for her to stay away because I was dangerous, but I was too scared and too desperate for freedom from this hell. Besides that, my throat felt like it was filled with sand, and when I opened my mouth, blood bubbled up within it, dribbling down my chin. I choked on the stuff, sobbing silently._

_Anna cried out and fell to the floor, but instead of it being a burning wood plank that hit her this time, it was a bullet. There was a figure standing in the doorway, holding up the smoking gun, but I couldn't make out any of its features._

_"__Anna!" I screamed and raised my hands to shoot some ice at the figure in spite of my own fear. My ice wouldn't show, though. No icicles shot out. No blast of magic. I was helpless. Useless. As Anna slowly bled out on the floor, her blood forming rivers that slithered towards me like snakes underneath the flames, there was nothing I could do but watch and slowly melt._

I woke up like I always do – with a small jolt. I was trembling, staring up at the rime-coated ceiling with wide eyes and trying to convince myself that it really was just a dream. I tried to focus on the air moving in and out of my lungs rather than the horrible images of the dream.

There was no Olaf there to comfort me. That was one thing that I had to get used to. He was always there in the past, even when my fire dream was at its absolute worst, about a year and a half ago. I was waking up shaking every night, but Olaf was over there.

I never woke Anna up when she was living with me – I was always too afraid of accidentally freezing her. I did, however, take some relief in the steady sound of her snoring. Losing that, too, was something that I had to get used to.

With a groan, I sat up, rubbing my gloved hands over my face. By the state of my apartment, the gloves were not enough to keep my magic at bay when I was having the dream. That was okay. I was the only one here, after all, and if it was possible for me to freeze my own heart, it probably would have happened by now.

It was late enough in the morning that I could get away with actually getting up and trying to function. I performed my morning routine as I always did, minus the part where I would feed the cats that I do not have. With my routine, I could pretend that I was okay.

There were no classes on a Sunday morning, so the music building was pretty vacant when I arrived. I killed the engine in my truck and tucked my keys into the bag I had brought.

Finding an empty practice room was very easy since, as I said, there was hardly anyone there at all. I couldn't very well deal with the restless energy inside of me, but I could prepare for my performance as Elphaba in about a month.

I spent longer than usual on my warm-ups, feeling the need to center myself before getting into it. I performed my own accompaniment on the piano as I ran through the scales before tonicizing the key of my first piece for _Wicked_.

I didn't make it long before there was a knock on the door.

With a flinch, I stopped, staring at the door curiously. The practice rooms in MSU's music building basement didn't have windows, so I couldn't very well see who was out there (if anyone at all, as I wasn't opposed to the idea that I had imagined it) without opening it. I refused to do that, instead deigning to ignore the noise.

I continued practicing, and after a couple more minutes passed, I really was convinced that I had imagined the knock. After all, there was no one here, so why would someone be trying to get me to open up my practice room? There was no way someone actually –

_Knock, knock, knock._

Again, I jerked and stared at it in confusion for a moment. Whoever was out there, it wasn't Anna. I knew it wasn't Anna because she always knocked in a particular rhythm. It was her signature knock. It was the knock she would do on my door every day for the four years of my isolation that we actually occupied the same house.

Was it Graham? No, I had a feeling he'd be a bit more urgent about it. He was not the most patient person, you know.

Eventually, my curiosity won out, and I moved over to the door to open it. No sooner than I had opened it did a blur of ginger bolt into the room past me.

Anna shut the door and locked it again, leaning up against it and crossing her arms over her chest. She looked somewhat pissed off.

My mouth hung open in shock for a moment. Fear shot through me, and almost immediately, ice began to coat the baseboards of the walls. "You tricked me!" I cried. "Get out of here! You have to go!"

She clenched her jaw and defiantly stood straighter. "No," she said. "We need to talk, Elsa, and I'm not going to let you push me away anymore."

"So, you invade my practice room!?"

"How else was I going to get you one-on-one, where you couldn't simply walk away from me?"

Trapped now in this small room, I was distinctly aware of the oxygen leaving the air. I bit my lip and stumbled back until I hit the piano, accidentally striking a few of the keys with my rear. I stepped aside so I was in the small space between the piano and the wall, trying to get as far away from Anna as I could.

"Stay away from me!" I cautioned, holding my gloved hands out placatingly in front of me. "Please, Anna, you can't get close."

In spite of my warnings, she took a step closer to me, her own hands held out in front of her. "Why? Because of the snow? You'd never hurt me, Elsa. You're not going to hurt me."

"I've done it before!" I insisted. "Why do you think I got isolated in the first place?"

I could see the questions brewing behind her eyes, and she hesitated, but quickly cast it aside. "That doesn't matter right now, Elsa. Just _talk_ to me. You can leave afterwards, and keep shutting me out, whatever! I just… I need you to talk to me. Just once, please. Just try."

I began to hyperventilate, pulling my hands close to my body and tugging roughly at my braid in distress. All I could picture was a small, redheaded girl with a newly-crafted white stripe in her hair, curled up and unconscious in my lap. "Anna, I can't…" I whimpered, my voice strangled. "I can't…"

Something in her gaze softened and she stepped back. Her hands twisted together in front of her as she looked on guiltily. "Elsa, hey, I didn't…" she swallowed hard. "I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking... I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to scare you… O-or trigger a meltdown… Just… Just try to breathe for me… You're not breathing right…"

"Well, what the fuck did you think would happen?" I shouted, and then slowly slid down the wall. I pulled my legs up close to my body and held my fisted hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut tight.

All I could think of was being trapped in small spaces just like this – ones with no light and no one around to hear me scream.

Anna seemed to realize how triggering the situation was for me and how much of a mistake she had made in trapping me here as I heard her own breathing quicken and tears began to carve pathways down her delicate cheeks. She knelt down before me. "Elsa… Listen to me, Elsa. It's okay. There's air all around you. Try to breathe. I'm right here. You're not alone – I promise you're not alone. It's just you and me. I'm the only one here. I need you to try to breathe for me."

I let out a choked noise, but it was getting slightly easier to breathe. I opened my eyes to stare into her guilty expression.

"I'm so sorry, Elsa… I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you… I just… I just wanted answers. I was so angry, I wasn't _thinking_. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you… Shh, it's alright… It's just you and me here, I promise. You're not alone."

When air was traveling normally through my throat again, she let out a small sigh of relief. "I'm sorry. I can… I can go…" she decided, and then stood up and brushed imaginary dust off of her jeans. She turned back towards the door and managed to get one step in before I spoke up.

"I can't _talk_," I moaned. "You know I can't talk. N-not about… Important stuff… I can't do social situations, and I just… I can't talk… My mind doesn't…"

"I know," she said softly, turning to face me again. "Can you listen? You don't have to talk. I'll do the talking. I just need you to listen. Do you think you can do that for me?"

Numbly, I nodded, not able to coerce my body into doing or saying anything more. I felt nonfunctional and limp, like a raggedy old doll being thrown around and manipulated and not being able to do anything about it.

Anna knelt before me again, this time leaving a bit more room. "You feel like you have to protect me, Elsa, but you forget that I've lived a whole eighteen years up until now. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I can handle myself. I'm also not going to let you shut me out like you did when I was five. Not after everything we've been through these past few months."

"Why?" I croaked pathetically.

"Because I love you," she answered without hesitation, a gentle smile on her face. "And I don't mean that because you're my sister – I don't love you oblig… obli… obligation-ally"

"Obligatorily," I murmured.

"Yeah, that. I don't love you obligatorially," she tried, and I gave a small smile as she butchered the word again. "I don't love you because you're my sister – I love you because you're _you_. All of you. I don't love you _in spite of_ your autism, I love you _and_ your autism. Same thing with your anxiety, and your ice magic. I mean… My sister has ice magic. Magic! How cool is that?"

I found that my smile was growing a little to match hers. It quickly fell, though. "But I could hurt you…" I reminded her.

"You're not going to."

"But I have before!" I cried, and then quieted almost immediately. I reached a trembling hand towards her and ever so lightly ghosted it over the stripe of white in her hair. "This was _me_. I did this."

Anna stopped breathing. She withdrew, ever so slightly, her eyes wide in shock. She slowly brought a hand up to touch the familiar skunk stripe. Her lack of response unsettled me. I was certain I'd just ruined everything. Certain that she hated me – finally, truly hated me. I brought my knees closer and tucked my hands against my stomach. I stared down at them, bracing myself for my sister's harsh words that were sure to come.

I certainly wasn't expecting for her to hug me.

All of a sudden, she was sobbing against me. I tensed in surprise, and then shifted so my legs were tucked underneath me and carefully wrapped my arms around her, making sure that my hands were not actually touching her.

"Anna?" I asked carefully.

She shook her head against me, also shifting so she was pressed more fully against my body. For a while, neither of us said anything. I just tried to hold her as best I allowed, fighting that voice in my mind that insisted I had to push her away because quite frankly, I didn't _want_ to, and she had me trapped in a corner, anyway. I wasn't too proud to admit that she was physically stronger than I was.

When her sobs had turned into mere hiccups, she pulled back to look at me through watery eyes that held an insane amount of emotion. "Thirteen years," she murmured. "Thirteen years, and I had you right here, the whole time…" she lightly touched the familiar skunk stripe in her hair.

My eyes widened in disbelief. "Anna, I literally just told you that I've hurt you with my magic before, and all you care about is the fact that it left you with a physical mark?"

"I mean… You didn't do it on purpose, right?"

"Well, no, it was an accident while we were playing, but…"

"Then it's not your fault."

All I could do was stare at her. I shook my head, trying to figure out if I heard her right. "Anna, you almost died. If Mama and Papa hadn't found some witch doctor that was able to save you and wipe your memory of my magic, then you would have. I'm dangerous, can't you see that? Mama and Papa understood. That's why they locked me in my room."

She frowned, cocking her head a little. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she held back. She completely detached from me and bit her lip anxiously. After a minute, she sighed and apparently gave in to whatever battle she was having inside.

"I… I knew about the magic."

"…What?" I said, rather intelligibly, I might add.

She sighed again and met my gaze guiltily. "I… Well… When I was living at your apartment, you know, there were a… few instances… where I would wake up because it was, well, cold. You were always tossing and turning, and there was ice on the walls. I didn't want to wake you o-or mention it because… I didn't want to ruin what we had. I'm maybe not the smartest person, but I was able to make some possible connections. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to, you know, violate your privacy or whatever. I was just going to wait until you trusted me enough to tell me."

I had drawn my legs back up to my chest, curling in on myself in shame. "I… I wasn't going to…" I admitted, my voice much more hoarse than it had been a minute ago. "Why did you… I mean, why did you say something? In the parking lot?" I couldn't help but ask.

"You scared me," she said in a small voice. "I was worried you'd hurt yourself – you were just so _angry_ and I didn't… I didn't want you to get hurt."

The words she was saying – I heard them, but they weren't quite processing in my mind. I swallowed hard and stood up abruptly. I stepped past her, hesitating before opening the door to the practice room.

"…Elsa?"

Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I glanced back towards Anna. "I, uh… I need a bit of time to think… I'll see you at Morning Rush later," I murmured, and then slipped out the door before she could say anything else.

* * *

In spite of the fact that I had implied I'd think about what Anna had told me, I did my very best _not_ to think about it throughout the day, because I didn't know _what_ to think. She had seen my magic without me even knowing. It was, in fact, a violation of my privacy.

Instead, I tried to think back to my therapy session with Dr. Morrison, two weeks ago, when I had revealed my powers to her. She had been understandably shaken about it – learning about the existence of magic in an otherwise magic-less world would be rather groundbreaking, I'd imagine. I couldn't even imagine how Anna must have reacted when she first saw it…

I'm still not sure what exactly had compelled me to show her. You all (imaginary audience of mine) have heard me complain, time and time again, about how much I hated how "shrinky" Dr. Morrison could be, and how she made me just _talk_ when I didn't want to.

However… Whatever it is that made me show her, I didn't regret it. I did, for the first week, but my next session was a lot better than I could have ever expected. Dr. Morrison actually _understood_ everything, and I felt like I could trust her a lot more now that she knew my secret and didn't judge me – only tried to help me. She was right. After three years of therapy with her, I hadn't opened up nearly as much as I did when I showed her my powers.

I wasn't at all prepared for how much of a relief it was to show someone, on my terms, and have them only try to help me deal with it.

Papa and Mama had always taught me to conceal. Not to feel. Dr. Morrison encouraged me to feel, and to explain what I felt, so that she could, in turn, help me come to grips with what I felt. It was… extremely helpful.

Letting out a sigh, I gave my head a small shake to clear it and focused more fully on crafting the lattes I was working on for the group of customers that had come in recently. I handed them off to Abbie and she called them out, allowing me to get to work on the next drink, for the order Anna was currently taking.

For what it's worth, Anna hadn't tried to get me to talk about our conversation earlier. She sent me glances every now and then, sometimes hiding her pain and sometimes letting it show. I tried to ignore it.

"You sounded wonderful the other night, Elsa," Abbie said quietly after we had cleared the line. She leaned against a counter and rubbed her hands together in front of her. "Thomas loved it. 'Abendempfindung' is his favorite word now, German or not."

I smiled in spite of myself as I wiped down one of the counters. "Thank you," I told her earnestly.

She gently brushed my shoulder with her hand. "I'm gonna go re-organize the walk-in freezer. Our new manager did not sort Friday's shipment correctly," she rolled her eyes and headed to the back of the store.

Once again, I was left alone with Anna. She cast me another glance, which I ignored, before cleaning the wads of paper out from behind the register. There was a group of customers chatting at the table in the far corner, but they were the only ones currently in the lobby.

I busied myself by wiping down the nozzle of one of our machines, not even looking up when the bell on the door jingled.

"Hi, welcome to Morning Rush," I heard Anna say. "What can I get for you today?"

I wasn't paying full attention, so I didn't manage to catch when her breath hitched in her throat. I did, however, manage to hear what the 'customer' said to her.

"Put the money in the bag, and no one gets hurt."

My blood ran cold, and I turned slowly towards the front of the store. Anna was standing stock-still, her eyes wide as she stared at the man in the dark jacket. The man who had a gun pointed right at her.

He shoved a bag onto the counter, but she didn't move. She was frozen in her spot, fear evident on her face.

"Go on, now, put the money in the bag!" he shouted, and it spurred her into action, fiddling with her machine with shaky hands.

Slowly, I walked up to the front counter and met his gaze. I wasn't going to let Anna face him alone. "Sir, please…" I murmured, but he just scowled at me.

"You! Are you a manager?"

"Yes," I lied.

He gestured to the sack on the counter with the gun before returning his aim to Anna. "Open the safe. Put everything in. Don't play dumb with me either, I know you've got a safe."

I swallowed hard and nodded. I happened to notice a couple customers from the table in the corner standing behind the man. They looked as if they were about to seize him, but they were waiting for my okay. I shook my head almost imperceptibly before dropping to my knees and beginning to fiddle with the safe.

Beside me, Anna's legs were quivering, and I took in a deep breath as I watched her. A burst of anger shot through me – he had a gun on my sister. A gun. Was pointed at her. I clenched my jaw as I opened the safe and carefully extracted the wads of money inside. Abbie was still in the walk-in, and I was somewhat glad – I wasn't willing to risk letting her son be motherless.

I knew, suddenly, what I had to do.

The fire. It was fear. The fire from the dream was fear. _Fear will be your enemy_. Isn't that what they said? I could let my fear hurt Anna, or I could overcome it. Either way, if I just sat there and let it fester, it would destroy both of us. I had to face it. I had to risk letting myself be hurt – risk letting others close – or else we'd both suffer.

_No way out except through the flames_.

I stood up abruptly, my speed catching the attention of the robber. His gun moved over to me, like I wanted.

"No quick movements!" he growled, and then shoved the bag closer to me with his free hand.

Compliantly, I put the wad of cash from the safe into the sack right after Anna finished emptying her cash drawer into it. I caught the eye of one of the men standing cautiously behind the gunman, still ready to seize him. His look turned questioning and I gave a tiny nod.

The moment one of the customers laid a hand on the robber, the gun went off.

"_ELSA!_"

The customers managed to grab the robber and take the gun from him, one of them hitting him in the head with the butt of it to knock him out. The look of surprise on the robber's face was somewhat priceless.

I had stumbled a little as a sudden pressure hit me, but I was too interested in what was going on to notice anything else. I turned my head to meet Anna's frantic, terrified gaze.

And then my legs gave out on me.

She caught me before I fell and carefully lowered me down to the ground. I frowned down at my chest, which was sporting a rather spectacular hole that was gushing blood.

"Oh," I said softly as my body began to shake.

"Elsa… Elsa, no…" she whimpered, tears immediately beginning to coat her cheeks.

Abbie rushed to the front of the store, taking in the sight with wide, terrified eyes. She cursed heavily. "I'm calling an ambulance. Keep pressure on the wound," she instructed Anna, and then pulled out her phone and went to the back of the store again.

Anna nodded shakily, keeping one hand pressed against the hole in my chest and the other cradling my head. She had me laying in her lap, and I wasn't sure if she was trembling more than I was. "Elsa, no… No… I-I know it hurts, but I have to keep the pressure on it… Just… Just st-stay with me, help is on the way…"

"D-d-doesn't… D-doesn't hurt…" I stammered out, even as blood filled my mouth and my body felt nonfunctional and heavy all of a sudden.

"Shh… Shh, it's okay… It's okay, I've got you… There's an ambulance on the way, just… Just hush…" Tears were beginning to fall off of Anna's face and land on my cheeks. I found that my own eyes were surprisingly dry.

I tugged one of my gloves off and slowly raised my bare hand so it touched her cheek, wiping away the tears. "You w-worry… too m-much…" I murmured through my wheezing breaths. "Don't… Don't worry s-so much…"

"You have to stop _talking_, Elsa," she pleaded, though her head leaned into my touch slightly. "I… I just got you back, I can't lose you again!"

"Y-you'll be okay," I told her with my best attempt at a smile. I was gradually growing weaker, though, and I could feel my consciousness constantly threatening to slip. I could vaguely make out Abbie saying something, but my eyes and ears were locked on Anna. I became aware of the blood that was coating her front as she hugged me. "Oh, no… Y-your uniform is all r-ruined… I-I'm s-sorry…"

"Just _shut up_, Elsa!" she cried. "You have to… You have to stop talking…"

"Why?"

She gave a small sob and held me even closer to her, which resulted in her putting more pressure on my wound. It didn't feel like I thought it would. The pain wasn't sharp – rather, it burned. It burned like a thousand hells trying to break out of my chest.

"You have to save your energy… Please, stop talking for me… Just… Just try to stay conscious… Stay with me, Elsa…"

I moved my head slightly, trying to take in everything around me. Abbie was still talking fervently into a phone, though I had a feeling she wasn't talking to the police anymore. Was that my phone being held up to her ear? I strained to be able to see, but my vision was growing blurry, and the only concrete thing I could focus on was Anna.

It was odd. So often, my mind resembled the sound of nails on a chalkboard, or a fork in a garbage disposal, or a helicopter flying too close to the ground. I didn't get 'quiet moments'. My mind never rested. However, laying here in Anna's lap with a gaping bullet hole in my chest, I found that there was a strange clarity in my mind. A sort of lucidity that was so rare for me. There was no scratching, or buzzing, or whirring. Just a gentle current of thought.

My silence didn't last long as something occurred to me.

"A-Anna," I said to get her attention, which was a moot action since her attention was already fully on me. I heard sirens off in the distance, getting closer, and I tried to swallow past the sandpaper of my throat. My mouth was filled with blood, but it felt like my throat was drier than a desert. "Y-you have… f-flute juries… coming up…" I began, then had to swallow again to get my voice to continue to work. "They're g-gonna be… s-scary… but they… d-don't define… y-you…"

A look of pure confusion crossed her face, and then it was replaced with annoyance. "Elsa, stop!" she pleaded. "You're b-bleeding to death in my arms… My upcoming juries are _not_ important…"

"Th-they are to m-me…" I argued defensively, albeit rather weakly. My hand was still on her face, and I tenderly brushed my thumb over her cheek. "I love you," I whispered. "Don't f-forget that, okay?"

"I l-love you, too… Y-you're not g-going anywhere, Elsa… Just hold on a l-little longer, the ambulance is almost here… C-can't you hear it? Can't you hear it, Elsa?"

I couldn't. Not with the ringing that started up in my ears. I felt her reposition me and then smooth back my bangs with one of her hands, her soft skin feeling nice against the burning in my forehead. My vision was growing steadily fuzzier, and even Anna was beginning to go out of focus as I struggled for consciousness. I was aware of the ceiling lights above us beginning to glow brighter with each passing second.

"I love you," I repeated, and then everything went dark.


	17. Chapter 16: Unconscious Ramblings

I would like to begin the next part of this story with a few reminders and, perhaps, explanations. So far into my tale, it's understandable that not everyone can remember what I've mentioned so early in it.

Specifically: This is not a story about tragedy.

I know you may not believe me, considering the fact that right now, I've just been shot in the chest (technically the bullet went into my heart, but you know, who's paying attention at this point.) I need you to trust, though, that I would not lie to you. My story is not one about tragedy.

_What is it about, then, Elsa?_

Oh, I don't know… It's a lot. There's a lot going on here. I've had a bit of a life, as I'm sure you can see. I was never very good at figuring out how to react, and I've screwed up a lot. If it weren't for the good grace of other people, I'm fairly certain I would have ended up old and alone with ten cats and a sewing hobby, just trying to find some way to numb the pain. Or, in my case, I might have completely lost it and froze the entire world.

Where am I right now, you ask? I'm getting to that. I've got a bit more story to tell.

Now, this next part is going to seem a bit weird, and my take on it, looking back on it now, is that it was nothing more than the senseless ramblings of my unconscious, dying mind. I am, in no way, asserting anything about purgatories or life after death. I know nothing about that. All I know is the following hallucinations, for lack of a better word.

* * *

The next thing I remember after blacking out is waking up in a familiar-looking living room. There was a worn, tan couch against a wall, opposite the unnecessarily large television. There was a bookcase with romance novels on the lower shelves and mystery novels on the higher ones – just like they always organized it. A few toys and dolls were scattered across the floor, but without any children present, the room seemed empty.

I exhaled slowly, turning around and trying to take everything in. There – that was the waterfall painting that was always just a couple degrees off, and right next to it, the line of family pictures, dating from before we were even born. It was exactly like it was back then, except for the front door, which was mysteriously missing and replaced with wall.

This was the house that Anna and I had grown up in.

Weird, right?

Yeah. I thought so, too.

"Elsa?"

I tensed in my spot, trying to figure if I'd heard right. I slowly turned around, taking in the sight of my mother, exactly as I remembered her, standing not even five feet away from me. My breath hitched in my throat and I shook my head slowly. "Mama?"

She smiled widely and rushed forward, wrapping her arms around me. I felt numb, strangely so, but I was able to feel the warmth of her hug.

I swallowed hard and pushed back. "I'm hallucinating, aren't I?" I asked in understanding. "Y-you're not really here. I mean… I'm not really here. This is just… This is just my mind trying to make sense of things, isn't it?"

A brief look of confusion crossed her face, that familiar crease forming between her eyebrows. "It might be," she answered after a minute. "Or it could be something divine."

"I don't believe in the divine," I pointed out with a roll of my eyes. "You're a manifestation of my mind, so you already know that." I sighed and sat down on the couch, gently running my bare fingers down the arm of it. "I was shot. I didn't even realize it at first."

"If I am a manifestation of your mind, then I already know that," Mama parroted.

I glanced down my shirt with a frown. The bullet hole was still there, gaping and unnatural against my skin, but I didn't feel any pain. Rather, a sort of discomfort around that area. I gently fingered around it, and then shook my head.

"Right. So, I'll just have to leave this hallucination. Then, I can wake up in my hospital bed and see Anna again and everything will be fine."

"There's no door," Mama said helpfully.

I shot her a look. "Yes, I realize that. Maybe I'll just break down the walls or something. Or… Oh," I smacked myself in the forehead. "I have ice powers! Surely, those should be good for something. Like, getting me out of strange memories my mind creates."

I lifted my hands and tried to channel the magic within me. When they didn't immediately come to my beck and call, my frown returned. I examined my hands before again pointing them towards the wall where the front door should be and trying to summon icicles. Just like before, it didn't work.

With a noise of utter frustration, I turned back to my mother, who was perching delicately on the edge of the couch. "Why aren't they working!?" I demanded.

"I don't know. I'm just a manifestation of your unconscious mind, aren't I?" she asked with a soft smile.

"I hate this," I muttered in defeat, running my hands over my braid – which was, thankfully, still there. "I'm not understanding, and I don't like it when I don't understand things…"

Mama quickly stood up and walked over to me. "I know, I know," she cooed as she took my face in her hands and rubbed my cheeks. "I know, my baby. You never did. It's alright, it's all very confusing, and I don't have the answers you want."

I bit my lip, feeling tears spring to my eyes. Even though I knew that she was just a hallucination, she looked and sounded and felt so _real_… I hadn't felt her touch since I was eight years old – I had completely shut down when they isolated me. I wouldn't let anyone get close. Especially not anyone I cared about.

"My precious girl… Your father and I are so proud of you, do you know that? You've grown up so well, and in spite of everything we put you through – in spite of all of our mistakes, you still love so strongly."

As I listened to her soft words, my eyes closed and I leaned in to her touch. I had to pull away afterwards lest I give in, walking away and wrapping my arms around my stomach.

"The things you're saying… They're things I want to hear. That's why you're saying them." I pointed to my head briefly before returning my hands to my sides. "You're up there. This is all up there. You're just telling me the things that I wish I was able to hear you say while you were still alive. That's the only thing that makes sense."

Her shoulders drooped and she cocked her head to the side. "If you say so. You were always a lot smarter than anyone gave you credit for."

"You… You mentioned Papa. Is he here, too?"

"He will be. You're not ready yet."

"Yeah, that's not cryptic _at all_," I remarked, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at her.

She began to laugh, shaking her head a little. Anna looked so much like her – their hair color was perhaps the only difference between them. "You're just like him. He always had that dry, sarcastic sense of humor, too."

I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could, the television crackled. I jumped, staring at it with wide eyes as the screen turned to static. I sent a panicked look at my mother before stepping further away from the tv, even as the speakers began spilling vague voices.

_"__She's at 86.4 degrees, with temperature dropping steadily. We need to get her into surgery, stat… Doctor, she's past hypothermic. We might lose her… Put a heating pad on the surgery table… Our first priority is getting the bullet out…"_

And then, they stopped and the television turned off again.

"What the _fuck_ was that!?" I exclaimed.

My mother offered a small shrug. "If your theory about this being all in your head is true, then perhaps that was things you're hearing that your brain is putting into this hallucination."

"Yes, thank you for pointing out the obvious," I muttered.

"Well, you asked."

"Since you seem to think you know everything, then perhaps you can help me figure out a way to get out of here? I really do have to get back to Anna, you see. We'd just started being a bit comfortable around each other again, and if I haven't died yet, then I'd like to see if I actually can control my curse around her."

"You can."

I stopped and looked at her in surprise. "What do you mean? Of course, I can't. I'm going to _try_, though, and that's what's important. I kind of have to be alive to do it."

"You already can," Mama repeated with a small smile. She approached me again and placed her hands on my arms. "Didn't you ever wonder why you didn't have any outbursts in front of her until she caught you by surprise?"

"More than once."

She raised one hand to brush back my bangs. "Your father and I could never get within five feet of you without your magic acting up. You were so afraid of us…"

"I wasn't afraid _of_ you, I was afraid of _hurting_ you," I corrected.

"Yes, well… The point still stands. You were terrified around us, but you began to pull inside yourself when you had to attend public school again. _You_ became your room. You distanced yourself so that no one could come into your room."

"This isn't explaining why I didn't freeze Anna, even when she lived with me for two months."

"I'm getting to that," she rolled her eyes, a playful smile on her face. "You had already learned how to pull inside yourself by the time she came back into your life, so your fear became a part of you. When she was close, you had internalized the fear so much that the overwhelming sense of love you felt for her overpowered it. The love was so strong that, even if you did form ice out of fear, the love thawed it."

My eyes were wide with shock and confusion. "What… H-how do you _know_ that, though?"

She hesitated, glancing down the hallway that led to the three bedrooms in the house – one that she and Papa shared, one that Anna and I shared, and the guest bedroom, which became my new prison after I almost killed Anna. There was a bright light at the beginning of the hallway, so I couldn't see into it, despite knowing what was down there.

I stopped breathing when Papa walked in from the hallway.

He, too, looked just like I remembered him. "Hello, Elsa," he said warmly as he approached me and immediately enveloped me in a hug.

"Papa…" I whimpered against him, shaking my head. I didn't understand.

"It's alright, my precious," he reassured me as he pulled back to get a better look at me. "You don't have to hide away anymore."

I bit my lip, casting my gaze aside. "None of this makes sense…" I sighed.

The television crackled again, and the speakers once again sparked to life.

_"__Come on, Elsa, you know you're stronger than this. What's a little bullet gonna do to you? You're stronger than this. You're practically invincible, right? Just come back to us."_

Just as quickly as it had started, it ended. I frowned, trying to process the voice which sounded vaguely like Abbie. It was then that I became aware of a burning discomfort along my back and I twitched, trying to get it off.

"The heating pad…" I murmured under my breath. It didn't hurt, not really – nothing seemed to specifically hurt in this place – but it was certainly uncomfortable, and the discomfort was growing stronger.

I squirmed and ran to the wall where the door should be. "Anna…" I groaned as I banged my fists against it. "Make it stop…"

My father laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "It's alright," he said again. "Just try to calm down. She'll take care of you."

"Just like she always did…" I turned around and pressed my back to the wall, letting the cool feeling of it soothe me a bit. "I want some answers, from both of you."

"I'm so sorry, Elsa," Papa shook his head, cupping one of my cheeks. "I'm so sorry we didn't see it earlier. We were just trying to do what was right, but we suppressed you instead, and it wasn't right. We should have realized what the answer was. The moment we locked you away was the moment the fear won."

"But you're so strong that it wasn't victorious for long," Mama added as she came up behind him.

I hesitated before stepping away from them, once again hugging myself as I walked further into the living room. Something still wasn't quite adding up. "That's a nice theory, of course," I told them, "but it doesn't explain why I went so long without almost hurting her again. I mean, I certainly did feel fear during that time. She helped me during a lot of melt downs, but I never once had an outburst of ice, even when I was scared."

"Because you love her."

Frustrated, I ran a hand over my braid again, tugging the end of it roughly. I didn't know how to word the issue that I found. My parents shared a look, and then Papa took a step closer to me.

"It's alright, Elsa. You're alright. Keep breathing, like we always did together. You remember that? You remember our breathing exercise?"

"I'm not having a melt down," I sighed. "Papa, this is all in my head. I'm not even technically breathing right now. I'm just trying to figure out… What seems wrong about what you're saying. It's almost, like… I don't believe it."

"What don't you believe about it?" Mama asked as she also stepped forward.

I paused, turning my gaze to the ceiling. "I mean… The implications that fear and love are polar opposites. That they're mutually exclusive. It doesn't make sense. They're interwoven. I can love Anna and still be afraid of hurting her. If what you're saying about love being the 'answer' – a totally cheesy idea, by the way – is true, well… 'Love' is not a clean thing. It's complicated, and messy, and fear plays a big part in it. You guys are wrong again. There is no 'answer'."

Papa and Mama shared another look. "You might be right," Mama said softly.

"We searched so long for an answer about you," Papa murmured. "We just wanted to help you. We went about it wrong, but we had good intentions."

"Yes, well, you know what they say the road to hell is paved with."

I was vaguely aware of the fact that the uncomfortable pressure on my back – the heating pad – had been removed, and I silently thanked Anna, for I knew that she had to be the reason why they took it away. I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for her to try to convince a bunch of quacks with doctoral degrees to take the heating pad away from the person who appeared to be freezing to death.

_Those quacks are the reason why you're still alive_, a small voice muttered in my ear, and I had to give it some credit.

"…There's no answer to my powers, but maybe there's an answer to what the fuck is going on in this hallucination." I pointed to the television and glared at my parents. "A few minutes ago, we heard doctors rushing me into surgery. Not much longer, and I hear Abbie talking to me? I'm pretty sure she's not in the surgery room."

"Time is moving differently here," Mama offered up meekly. "Your brain is moving slowly. Days might have passed, we don't know."

I clenched my jaw, feeling a certain fire within me at that. "Okay…" I breathed. "It's been nice chatting, imaginary Mama and Papa in my brain's hallucination, but I have to get back to _real_ Anna in the _real_ world. Besides, I have a performance as my dream role in about a month, and like Abbie said, I'll be damned if I let a little bullet stop me."

Again, I turned back to the wall, positioning my hands on it and trying to push. Just as I expected, it didn't do anything. I frowned and tried again to summon my ice powers, but it seemed as if they didn't exist in my mind's unconscious rambling, or whatever this was. I wondered, briefly, if that's why they never worked in my dream.

"Elsa…" Mama said softly. She laid a hand on my shoulder and tried to gently pull me away from the wall. "It's not up to you, my precious girl. Your life is on the line. Even if you want to return, your body may not wake up. I know you want to fix things, but there isn't anything that any of us could do right now."

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. "So… what? We just wait?" I asked irritably.

"That seems to be all we can do," Papa confirmed sympathetically.

After a minute, I removed my hands from my face. I sat on the edge of the couch and regarded my deceased parents warily. "Now, I know that you both are part of my hallucination, and you don't know anything more than I know, but I can't help it. I have to ask… Did you actually love me?" The panicked, confused glance they shared caused me to backtrack. "I mean… I _think_ you did, but… I don't see why. I wasn't ever the ideal child, in any way."

"Oh, Elsa…" Mama sighed. She bit her lip in the same way Anna and I always did, and then rushed forward and enveloped me in a hug. "Of course, we love you. Don't you ever think those awful things again, my snowflake."

Papa joined in the hug, gently holding the both of us. "You were a wonderful daughter, Elsa."

I pulled back enough to look at them in shock. "But even with my… My ice powers that I couldn't control? And my autism?" I asked.

"They are part of you, and we love _you_, just like Anna does," Mama insisted. She smiled and kissed my forehead, and I felt like a child again. "You're our daughter, and we wouldn't have asked for you any other way."

I lifted my face and hastily blinked back tears. (How was I even able to cry in this hallucination, anyway? That made very little sense, but hey, nothing here made sense.) "Why didn't you guys get me diagnosed earlier? Why wait until I was nine?"

At this, Mama and Papa hesitated, exchanging a quick glance. I could see him cock his head questioningly, and then she nodded and gestured for him to answer. I knew that it was all in my head, but _god_, they were just like I remembered them… Always checking in with each other, always doing things together. If they ever had issues (and they did, at times, like any couple), they sorted it out diplomatically.

Papa sighed and settled onto the couch next to me. He took one of my hands in both of his and held it close to his body. "The truth is, we were… Well, a bit scared," he admitted. "You were our first child, and you were, indeed, very special. You developed very differently than Anna did, much slower, but we didn't know that at the time. We suspected that something wasn't right, but we didn't want to hear the truth, I think, which was a mistake, because we could have helped you more if we'd known. We were just trying to deal with your ice powers on their own."

"…But it was so obvious that something was wrong with me," I told them with a frown. "My… My dissociation. The fact that I didn't say any actual words until I was three. My rocking."

Immediately, Mama shook her head. "_Nothing_ was wrong with you, precious girl. Perish the thought," she joked with a grin. "We were honestly mostly worried about how others would treat you if you did have some sort of specialty in that regards. And then Anna came and we got busier…"

"Anna wasn't planned?"

They shared another look, hesitant again. "Anna wasn't planned," Mama repeated slowly.

Wow, my mind was getting real creative here, wasn't it? Because… Because this was all in my head… Right?

My heart had begun pounding in my ears and I furrowed my brow. "But… You _were_ planning on having another kid, weren't you?"

"We, uh… We had always said we wanted a small family," Papa tried to explain. "Two kids seemed ideal, but we were… We were happy with just you."

I didn't buy it. Not for a minute. I snatched my hand back from him and stood up abruptly. I began pacing across the living room, tugging on my braid again in distress. "So… So you weren't going to have another kid because I was so fucked up?" I managed to ask through the thickness in my throat.

"Elsa, no, it wasn't like that," Mama tried to interject, but I was too upset.

"Anna wouldn't have even existed because I was so different," I stated (for it was, to me, a statement at this point) as I clenched and unclenched one of my hands over and over. "Because I was so… Awful. What was it, then? You were going to get sterilized or something, and they said you were pregnant? A nice little 'surprise'? Were you worried she'd be fucked up, too?"

Mama bit her lip again, and Papa looked like he was going to say something, but neither of them did, only watching me as my pacing grew more agitated.

"You know, Anna is the most pure and _good_ person in the whole fucking universe! I can't believe this… I can't believe I almost screwed up her life _again_, and quite literally this time…"

"Elsa," Papa said quickly. "Elsa, you need to calm down. You need to try to control it. Conceal it, don't feel it, don't let it show. Like we practiced."

The discomfort in my chest was growing more obnoxious, and as my anger mounted, the lights from the windows grew brighter. I could hear my own heart beating – it just about encompassed my whole body. It was slow and tired and it just wanted to rest – why couldn't it rest?

The brightness from the windows swarmed the room, and all I could see was white.

* * *

_"…__She's in V-Tach!...Fire up the defibrillator…Clear…Damn it…Clear…"_

_"__Else, this is just another cog in the machine. I've seen you survive a twenty-one credit semester – I know you can survive this, too. You just have to look for the exit."_

When I came to, I was once again in the living room of the house I had grown up in. I sat up from my position, laying on the couch, and narrowed my eyes at the speakers for the television. That was Graham's voice. I thought he hated me… Huh.

He had every reason to, you know, after I dumped my cats at his apartment and left without another word. I had been actively avoiding him almost as much as I had been avoiding Anna, and I couldn't help but feel guilty, since I knew he was at a difficult time in his life. One of the only people he'd ever depended upon would no longer recognize him all the time. The absolute last thing he needed was for me to go ballistics like I did and ignore him.

I sighed and stood up. "I'm trying, Graham…" I muttered under my breath as I looked around the house again. There was still no door where there should be one, and my parents had disappeared. I chewed on my lip in contemplation as I tried to follow his advice and find the exit.

Graham always had the best advice to give. He was a mess of a person (perhaps more than myself, at times) and he didn't like talking about emotional stuff, but he could usually figure out what to say in a given situation to help whoever it was he was talking to. That was a feat that I had always kind of envied. He was a pretty sarcastic guy, which is why we got along so well, but unlike me, he blossomed in social events and scenarios.

I would have taken that bullet for him, too, or even Abbie. Maybe even Christy, I don't know – I was a self-sacrificial piece of crap, so anyone I know is kind of fair game. I was so terrified of getting hurt, but I knew that if it came down to one bullet going into either one of them or me, I'd choose to protect them, time and time again.

I had told Dr. Morrison that love was putting others' needs before your own, and I don't think I'd ever said a truer thing.

My eyes swept the room again, trying to find any sort of difference from last time. They landed on the hallway, which seemed clearer now than it had been before, as if I was able to enter it now and not before.

_Aha!_

Ten points to Elsa!

I didn't hesitate before heading into the hallway. It was just like I remembered, with picture frames along the wall and the four doors (three bedrooms and a bath) lining it. I entered the room that I had been put in after The Incident and frowned to myself as I realized how empty it was. None of my stuff was there…

Back in the hallway now, my heart skipped a beat as I realized why. The door to Anna's room? It wasn't just her room. It was the room we shared. Pre-Incident. I recognized the cute little nametags she'd made and put on it – the nametags that had been taken down when we were separated. She had tried plastering mine onto my new door, but I'd been too distraught to allow it to stay.

No. I couldn't go in there. I couldn't face that. Clenching my jaw, I turned away. If it was the exit… No. If it wasn't the exit, then I'd just be tormented. I couldn't risk that…

Once again, the tv's speakers crackled, and although I wasn't in the living room, I could hear it, loud and clear.

_"__Elsa… Elsa, please… Please come back to me… They say they don't know if you're ever going to wake up – your heart has stopped twice now… I don't know what I'd do if you died, Elsa, I… I just got you back, you can't die on me! I won't allow it! I just… I just really need you to come back to me… You're my big sister, and I love you so much, and I can't lose you again… Please don't leave me…"_

"Never," I growled upon hearing Anna's desperate voice, and within seconds, I had opened the door, and everything had gone white again.

* * *

The first thing I was aware of was a steady beeping, somewhere to my right. The lights above me were very bright as they pierced my eyelids, and at first, I panicked, fearing that I had made the wrong decision and ended up actually dying. It was only when I noticed a hand clutching mine that I was reassured.

I slowly opened my eyes, looking around the plain hospital room with mild curiosity. I wasn't back in the living room. That was good. There was also a searing pain in my chest. That sucked, but was also good, because it meant that I was, indeed, conscious and no longer in a hallucination.

There was a soft rumbling sound off to my left and I glanced over to where Anna was uncomfortably half-laying in a blue armchair. I smiled a little in spite of myself. She was usually never this quiet when she snored. Sometimes, she'd been known to snore loud enough to wake herself up. It was amusing, to say the least.

I could feel my heart pumping languidly in my chest and I let my gaze travel down to our intertwined fingers. Mine involuntarily twitched, and I silently prayed it wouldn't wake her up since she certainly looked like she needed the sleep, but of course, no such luck.

The tiny movement caused her to stir. She groaned and used her free hand to rub at her eyes tiredly. She stretched and I had to wince at the sounds of her back cracking. How uncomfortable _was_ that chair?

Then, she froze as she realized I was staring at her, my head still back against the pillows and a small smile on my face.

"…Elsa? You're awake?" she whispered, a grin instantly overtaking her features as she snapped to attention.

"Hey, Sunshine," I greeted her.

**A/N: Please leave a review below! :)**


	18. Chapter 17: Shot Through the Heart

**A/N: Thank you all so very much for your wonderful reviews - they made me very happy to read!**

**Um, yeah... I'm not gonna ramble, but this chapter is mostly dialogue, and it's _packed_ with some pretty intense emotions, so, uh...Consider yourself warned, I guess.**

After I woke up, Anna got several nurses to come in and check my vitals and everything, and then she glued herself back to my bedside. Her hand didn't leave mine, and she looked, constantly, like she wanted to hug me, but she was holding herself back in respect for the hole in my chest.

"Alright, dear, everything looks to be in order. I must admit, we weren't expecting you to wake up so soon with the sort of damage your body sustained," a nurse said to me as she helped me sit up a little bit. "A doctor will be coming in shortly to explain the extent of your injuries to you, okay?"

I nodded, and she left without another word.

Anna's grip on my hand tightened and she scooted her armchair even closer. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

I groaned and closed my eyes. "I hate that question," I muttered.

The truth of the matter was that I felt like shit, quite frankly. I was a bit sluggish, and my chest hurt like hell. It also happened to hurt every time I breathed, and my back felt a little uncomfortable – singed?

Anna smiled sympathetically and ran her thumb over the back of my hand idly. "I know, I'm sorry. How about… Rate how you feel, on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best and one being the worst. Keep in mind that, if you say ten, I'll know you're lying."

I gave a breathy laugh, and then winced at the pain it caused me. "How will you know?" I questioned teasingly.

"Because you got shot two days ago," she deadpanned.

"Irrelevant," I dismissed with a wave of my hand, grinning at the blank look she gave me. I swear, it sometimes felt like she knew me better than I knew myself. With a sigh, I cast my gaze up towards the ceiling. She wasn't going to take my deflection as a solid answer.

I could say I felt pretty good – maybe an eight or so, just to keep her from worrying more. Or I could tell the truth and tell her that I was at a solid four, maybe four and a half. She'd like it if I told the truth, but then she'd get more worried, and I suspected that she'd worried quite a bit over the past couple of days.

She really didn't look good. It wouldn't be a far stretch, I think, to say that she'd been practically living in that stiff blue armchair since the moment I was released from surgery. There were dark circles under her eyes, which were slightly red from tears that she had shed. Her skin was even a bit paler than normal.

I couldn't make her worry more. I couldn't put more burden on her or make her more upset. It already hurt that she had put herself into so much pain already for me – I couldn't make her wreck herself with even more concern. I just didn't want to lie to her anymore…

A middle ground. I needed a middle ground – somewhere I wasn't lying, but wasn't telling the whole truth, either. Luckily, I was very good at deflecting things I didn't want to face with the power of humor.

"Angelic," I sighed dramatically.

She furrowed her brow in confusion. "Angelic? You feel angelic? Does that mean, like, dead? Or very much alive? Where does that even fall on the one to ten scale?"

I glanced down at my chest, where I could see the edges of a bandage poking out underneath my thin hospital nightgown. I grinned while biting my lip cheekily as I slowly met her gaze again. "I'm hole-y," I explained.

She looked puzzled for a moment, and then the joke registered in her head and she lightly cuffed me over the head. "Alright, _George_," she teased. I knew she'd get my Harry Potter reference, after all. "It's 'saint-like', not 'angelic', you uncultured person," she added with a joking smirk.

"Maybe I just preferred 'angelic'," I said defensively.

"Whatever," she laughed. "I see you're apparently feeling well enough to subject everyone to your sense of humor."

"Always – drier than the Sahara desert and ten times as persistent," I chuckled, and then cocked my head to the side as a thought occurred to me. "Did you know that 'Sahara' means 'desert'? It's literally called the desert desert."

Anna raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching in amusement. "You're awfully talkative for someone whose heart stopped twice within the last couple of days," she pointed out with a grin.

"Guess I'm just happy to be alive, then," I tried to shrug, but the pain caused me to stop and let out a small hiss. There was immediately concern on Anna's face and I gave her a shaky smile to let her know I was okay.

Restless all of a sudden, I took my hand from hers and braced both underneath me, trying to push myself up into a straighter position in spite of the agony it put my chest through – even using my arms was painful, and maybe that would make sense to a doctor, but it certainly didn't to me.

Anna frowned and quickly placed her hands on my shoulders, trying to carefully push me back down onto the bed. "Are you crazy? You can't get up yet, Elsa. What do you think you're doing?"

I stopped and met her gaze. "I'm gonna walk it off," I said, which only seemed to frustrate her more.

"Elsa, you just had a bullet tear through your _heart_. Like, your actual, beating heart. This is not something you can just 'walk off'. This is the type of thing that's gonna keep you recovering for _months_."

"Months!?" I yelled indignantly, staring at her with my jaw dropped. "But I have a performance in just four weeks! I'm not gonna give this up, Anna."

"You can't perform like this," Anna argued.

"I won't – I'll have four weeks to recover first, don't worry. This is my _dream role_; I'm not gonna let a little piece of metal stop me from performing it."

She sighed and pushed me back down onto the bed. She took my hand again and began to once again rub the back of it with her thumb. "I know, Elsa, I know. The main thing I need you to focus on right now, though, is healing and getting better."

Our conversation was interrupted as the door to the hospital room opened and a man with a white coat on and a clipboard in his hand entered. He smiled warmly upon seeing me awake and functional.

"Hello, Miss Voll," he greeted me pleasantly. "My name is Dr. Cadbury. I have to admit, I was surprised when my nurse said you'd woken up so soon. May I ask how you're feeling?"

"You may not. I don't like that question," I answered defiantly. I didn't particularly like people in white coats who thought they knew everything when they didn't.

Anna blushed and tightened her grip on my hand. "Elsa! You can't say that sort of stuff!" she chastised.

"Why not?"

Dr. Cadbury, for his part, merely laughed at my rudeness. "That's quite alright. I imagine it's a question you get asked a lot nowadays, isn't it?"

"You have no idea," I rolled my eyes.

"She's feeling well enough to be her normal, sarcastic self if that's what you're asking," Anna explained to the doctor.

"I'm alive. I don't really know what more you want me to say. That's about as good as one can hope for after being shot through the heart, right?"

Dr. Cadbury nodded sympathetically and began flipping through his clipboard. "There are a few concerns we had. The bullet shattered your sternum, which is the long, flat bone that connects your ribs in the center of your chest, and then it ripped through your aorta. A person whose aorta is severed can die of blood loss within two minutes of the aorta being severed. The fact that you survived a full ten minutes before we were able to clamp it shut and staunch the blood flow is… Astounding. In my twenty years as a heart surgeon, I've only seen two other people survive a severed aorta, and in their cases, someone actually reached into their chest cavity and clamped it shut with their fingers, which your sister here said she did not do."

My head was swimming with all of the new information. I shook it, trying to comprehend everything he'd just said. "So, I shouldn't be alive?" I clarified.

"By all accounts, no. However, we did find something peculiar during the surgery…" He reached into the pocket of his coat and took out a small, clear container. Inside of it was two parts of a broken ring. "This was around the artery, holding it together. It seems to be made out of ice, but how it got there, and why it hasn't melted still, two days later, is beyond us."

I felt my breath quicken slightly and I sent a panicked glance at Anna, who looked unsettled by the information, as well. I'd had many irrational nightmares about top secret organizations wanting to exploit my magic. I mean, I'd seen enough media.

"Your body temperature was very low on top of that, and when we put you on a heating pad, your skin reacted badly, as if it had given you a minor sunburn. Your heart was also much colder than it should have been."

I met his gaze evenly, trying to control my breathing. "Okay," I forced out.

"Is this… Well, is this expected?"

"Yes."

Dr. Cadbury nodded and he looked confused still, but he didn't press with any further questions. "I… I assumed so. When your sister started screaming at us like a lunatic to remove the heating pad, it made a bit of sense – or, as much as it could, I suppose. I wanted you to know that I've stricken those particular details from the records."

I sighed in relief, closing my eyes and letting my head fall back against the pillow. I felt Anna readjust her grip on my hand in reassurance. "Thank you," I murmured. "I don't really… I don't want that getting out."

"I understand. Now, back to the matter of your injuries. It hurts to breathe, doesn't it?"

"…Yes."

Anna cast me a worried look. "You didn't tell me that," she stated in an almost accusatory tone.

I chewed on my lip anxiously, staring at Dr. Cadbury rather than meet Anna's gaze. Dr. Cadbury continued on. "That's because of your shattered sternum. Now, unfortunately, since the sternum is such a central part of your torso, it might hurt for you to move your arms, too."

"When can I leave?"

He looked taken aback by my question. "Although I wouldn't suggest you leave for at least a week or two so that your body can rest and heal, you're not technically a prisoner. You should be fully healed within three to six months, more if you strain yourself. Speaking of, your left ankle is sprained, and it doesn't look too recent."

"…Two weeks ago, right?" I sighed.

"That sounds about right, yes. How'd you sprain it?"

I avoided Anna's watchful, concerned gaze. "Moving my couch. I slipped or something, I don't know."

"Well, you certainly haven't been taking care of it if its current state is any indication. When you do end up being released, with a set of instructions for how to take care of your major injuries, we can also supply you with a set of crutches to keep some of the pressure off of your ankle."

"Er… no," I shook my head, smirking a little. "I'm not going to be using crutches."

"_Elsa_," Anna hissed, and then smiled to Dr. Cadbury. "She'll take care of it. I'll make sure."

Nodding in satisfaction, Dr. Cadbury excused himself and left the room, leaving me alone with Anna again. For some reason, I didn't feel as secure this time as I did before. It was something in the way that Anna was looking at me that caused me to keep my gaze away.

A wave of exhaustion washed over me and I rested my head against the pillows, closing my eyes. Anna didn't say anything, but I could sense the words brewing in her mind and the tension in the air. She normally didn't hesitate to say what was on her mind unless she was afraid of me, like she was back near when she first came back into my life, and I was unsure of a lot of things, but I was fairly certain that she wasn't afraid of me anymore.

There was still a small voice in my head that insisted that I needed to keep her away from me – I needed to protect her – but I was far too goddamn tired and confused and weak to even think about trying to push her away while I could still hardly even get up. Besides, what I had heard from Mama and Papa in my hallucination… There may have been _some_ truth, _some_ sense to it, more than I was willing to give credit for.

I heard Anna take a breath to speak, but then the door to the room swung open hard enough to hit the wall. My eyes snapped open, taking in the sight of Graham, his expression unreadable, fighting against a couple nurses that were trying to hold him back.

"Else, I came as soon as I heard you were awake," he told me, trying to shove off the nurses.

"Sir, ICU is for family only," a nurse argued.

I waved my hand dismissively. "It's alright, let him in."

The nurses glanced at me uncertainly, and then stepped back and left the room again.

"That was quite the entrance," Anna noted with a touch of humor.

Graham gave a short, breathy laugh as he stepped forward to the side of the bed, glancing at Anna briefly. "I have a flair for the dramatics, I suppose. Anna, you should go get something to eat."

She furrowed her brow in confusion, but it disappeared almost immediately. "I-I don't… I don't want to leave her," she admitted.

"Hello. Right here. Alive and awake still, thank you very much," I cut in with a roll of my eyes. "I'll be fine, Anna. Go get some food – when's the last time you've eaten?"

A blush crawled over her freckled cheeks and she mumbled some sort of excuse. She gave my hand a promising squeeze before getting up and hesitating in the doorway for a moment before shaking her head and leaving.

"So, uh, where's the gunshot wound?" Graham asked me in a weird tone of voice. "Which side, I mean?"

I eyed him curiously. "It's in the center, actually. Neither side."

"Oh, good, good…" he muttered. He ran his fingers over one of the extra pillows on the bed before abruptly taking it and whacking me over the head with it.

"Hey!" I cried out indignantly, feeling a spike of fear that the heart monitor easily picked up on.

"You fucking _terrified_ me, Elsa!" he shouted, the pillow now held in front of him. His knuckles were practically white from how tightly he was holding it. "I thought you were this unstoppable, invincible _force_, and then you were being dragged through the hospital on this stretcher, and there was so much _blood_, and you were _so fucking pale_ – like, way paler than normal, and your skin was like _ice_, and for the first time in the four years I've known you, you actually seemed _mortal_, and that was so fucking _earth-shattering_…"

I had my head dipped to avoid meeting his eyes for the entirety of his ranting, and when I finally did look at him, he had tears streaming down his face. I wasn't surprised to find my own cheeks wet as I stared at him shamefully, my shoulders hunched around me in spite of the pain it caused to my injury.

He dropped the pillow, and in a flash, he had rushed forward and wrapped surprisingly strong arms around me.

"Ow, ow, Graham – that's still sore," I argued weakly, and his grip loosened a little, but it didn't disappear completely.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he whispered into my hair. He finally pulled back and met my gaze intensely. "Even with the way you fucking flipped out a couple weeks ago, even with everything you've been doing to everyone, for whatever reason… I realized how much I didn't want to lose you. You're… God, you're the closest thing to a friend I have, Else."

My throat had turned raw and dry, and I swallowed hard to try to get rid of the lump in it. "But you… You have so many friends…" I managed.

"I have people that I know, yes. I wouldn't call a single one of them a friend, though. Not a single one of them knows the things you know about me. Not a single one of them has been there for me in the ways that you have. Even when you don't think you're doing things right, which is most of the time, just _being there_ helps, and that's something you've always been able to provide, no matter what you've been going through. You mean so much more to people than you acknowledge. When your boss called me on your phone, I fucking lost it. I had been about to perform at a concert, but I dropped everything and came to the hospital. I couldn't lose you."

I bit my lip, my shoulders silently shaking at the raw emotion he was pouring out to me. Graham _never_ talked about how he felt. Not like this. Not with the way his mother would beat him every time he said anything at all to her when he was little, before CPS took him away from her.

There were times, over the past few years, when he would call me in the middle of the night because he needed a distraction. I never pried, but he usually told me _something_ about why by the time we were done talking. Nothing… Nothing this intense, though… He tried to remain factual. He'd say what happened, but he never opened up. He never let his emotions flow. That's what made the whole scenario so much more terrifying, because I knew that this wasn't something he could fake. This was _real_.

I couldn't find any words in my throat, so instead, I bore the pain it caused me and leaned forward to hug him. It was gentler than the one he had initiated, but still powerful. I realized that we'd never hugged before today. That seemed like a damn shame. I held him for a few minutes, any fear of accidentally freezing him having fled my mind.

"I'm sorry," I said, because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

He pulled back again, wiping furiously at his eyes. "It's okay," he murmured, and then sniffled. "It's okay. You're still alive. You're still here. Somehow, even though a bullet went through one of your major arteries, you're still alive." He shot me a cheeky sort of grin. "I suppose you really are invincible, aren't you?"

"Oh no, you've discovered my secret," I returned playfully.

We were quiet for a moment, no longer looking at each other. I let my gaze rest on my hands, which were folded neatly in my lap again, and his wandered around the room. He sighed. "I don't really believe it, by the way."

"Hm? Believe what?"

"That you're immortal. Sometimes, I think you're the most human person on this planet."

I gave a small grunt, feeling myself close back up. "You take that back," I demanded, but it lacked any sort of severity. He merely grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze before changing the subject again.

"I've talked to all of your professors and gotten any work from the last couple days. Any online assignments have been extended for you, and I got notes and slides from the lectures you've missed. They were all very understanding about your absence, of course."

"I'd hope I'd have a good enough excuse. What's the saying? 'Unless you're on your deathbed'?" I joked.

He chuckled, looking at me again with a soft smile. "Yeah. Something like that. Of course, it was a little surprising, since in the school of music, our motto is 'walk it off – you've got classes to attend' but hey, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, right?"

"I tried to tell Anna that I'd just 'walk it off' but she didn't seem to like that."

"It's her first semester. Give her a couple more and she'll get it," he laughed. "I also have your cats still. Not at my apartment, of course – the complex doesn't allow any – but my grandma's been taking care of them. It's good for her, I think, to have them around since Pops has been in the elderly home. I might get her one or two of her own. Considering you haven't been pushing everyone away yet, I'm assuming you're going to want them back?"

I blinked at him once, twice. Then, a smile tugged at my lips and I shook my head. "Why haven't I married you yet?" I asked teasingly.

He grinned at that. "I'm not a one-date kinda guy, Else. You gotta romance me a bit first. In case you were wondering, I like soft candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach. I can become _insanely_ jealous at the drop of a hat, and I love puppies, so that's a good Valentine's Day gift – take notes."

"Oh, that's right. Cause you're an ass."

"A professional ass, thank you very much," he said with a grin. The door opened again, and Anna hesitantly stepped in, holding a tray of undoubtedly subpar food from the hospital cafeteria. "That's my cue, I think. I'll give Double Trouble some privacy now. See you in a bit, Else," he said before leaning over and gently brushing his lips against my forehead.

I closed my eyes, letting myself actually enjoy the feeling, and when I opened them again, Graham had gone, and Anna was sitting in her blue armchair again and picking at her food distastefully with one hand as the other reached for mine.

"It's getting a bit late," I noted as I glanced at the clock on the wall. "Why don't you go back to your dorm and get some rest after you eat?"

She clenched her jaw and shook her head, not meeting my gaze. She looked like she was holding back, and I was a bit afraid of what she'd say if she did open up. "I don't want to leave you," was all she said.

Something occurred to me and I lowered my head a little in shame. "You… You haven't been sleeping in your dorm at all, have you? You've been here since…" She nodded her confirmation. A new kind of pain gripped me and I shut my eyes and pushed my head back against the pillows as it washed over me.

My little sister had been neglecting herself – nay, practically _torturing_ herself – just because of me. Because she didn't want to leave me. I wouldn't have been surprised if this measly tray of food had been one of the first things she'd had to eat since the shooting, and her back had sounded so horrible when she cracked it earlier, and… And it was because I was here, hurt. It was my fault that she was hurting herself like this.

"Anna, you're killing me…" I moaned, my eyebrows drawing together over my closed lids.

"How?" she asked, and her voice sounded airy and far-off.

"You're hurting yourself because of me, Anna. You… You're not sleeping well, and I can tell that chair is _awful_. You definitely haven't been eating well, either. You have bags under your eyes and your braids are a mess. It… It actually, physically pains me to see you like this."

She bit her lip and slowly raised her head to look at me. I opened my eyes and immediately wished I didn't when I saw the intensity in her gaze. "You shouldn't have done it," she mumbled.

"What?"

"You shouldn't have done it!" she repeated, louder this time. She nearly knocked the tray off of her own lap and quickly set it aside on a nearby table so she could stand. "God, Elsa, you… You could have been killed, and there was no reason for it, none! The gun was aimed at me. _Me_. I was the one at the register. It should have stayed _on me_. He wasn't going to shoot if we just… If we just gave him the money…"

"You know what, Anna? Maybe you're right," I shot back. "Maybe there was a way that that could have ended without anyone getting hurt, but I wasn't about to take the chance of that bullet going into you. If it were you lying in this hospital bed – or worse, a grave – I don't know what the fuck I'd do. I told you before how completely _devoted_ to you I am, and that hasn't changed, even if I'm constantly afraid that I'm going to hit you in the head or the heart with my powers like I did when we were little. I did exactly what I wanted to do."

"I would have done the same for you," she argued.

I scoffed and looked away, working my jaw for a moment. "That's exactly why I had to," I said, softer now.

"Elsa, don't you know how _guilty_ that makes me feel? I-I mean, what if you'd died? It would have been my fault!"

My gaze sharply returned to her, and I found that she was staring at her hands regretfully. "Look at me, Anna," I insisted, and waited until she did before continuing. "If I had died, it would have been no one's fault but my own. Do you understand that? I made the choice, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, no pun intended."

There were tears shining in her eyes, and I silently cursed their existence. "…But why didn't you let me take it? Why did you have to?"

"Because I can't bear to live in a world without you," I answered without hesitation. "Whose name will my heart say if you're gone? I would sacrifice myself for you, over and over. I would put myself on a spike and leave myself to eternal damnation if it meant you were safe. I love you more than anything in the world, Anna. I always have… It kills me that you're not taking care of yourself, and I'm too weak right now to do it for you. _Please_, sleep in an actual bed tonight. For me."

Her shoulders were shaking, and she squeezed my hand and sat back down. "…Okay," she murmured.

* * *

Shortly after Anna had left, my exhaustion finally caught up with me and I was out like a light. After all, it had been one hell of a day. Who knew that sustaining a major injury would cause me to be so tired? I mean, I'd been hurt before, yeah, loads of times. Whether it was bruising or broken bones or cigarette burns, there had always been _something_ wrong with me. I don't think my life had ever truly been in danger, though. Well, maybe once, but the scenario had not ended with me nearly bleeding out, so it was different.

It was around one in the morning when I woke up to a soft whining sound beside my bed. I had half a mind to ignore it, but the other half was paranoid, so I cracked open an eye, frowning as I saw Anna, sitting in the same damn chair she had been in before, shifting to find a better position.

"That's not where you're supposed to be," I mumbled as I opened my other eye.

She froze, having been caught, and met my gaze hesitantly. "I… I know… I tried to sleep in my dorm bed, but I just…" she sniffled, and I realized she'd been crying. "I-I had a bad dream, and I had to make sure that you were still… That you were still here…"

I softened instantly. I didn't know what to say to that at first, but then an idea popped into my head and I carefully shifted to the right side of my bed. "…Anna, come here," I instructed.

Her eyes widened as she realized what I meant. "I… But won't that make you uncomfortable?" she asked uncertainly.

"Come here, silly girl," I repeated, and this time she gave in, carefully situating herself on the bed next to me. I guided her head so it was laying against my left shoulder, being careful of the tubes in my left arm. "Can you hear my heart?" I questioned.

"No. Elsa, please, I don't want to hurt you…"

"You won't, I promise," I murmured, and then moved her head closer to the center of my chest in spite of the pain it caused me. "Can you hear my heart?"

"…Yes."

I smiled, stroking the back of her head. "What's it saying?"

She didn't answer, but I felt her lips tug into a smile against me. I carefully moved her back towards my left side as to relieve some of the pressure on my wound, and she didn't hesitate this time before snuggling fully against me. _Anna,_ I could hear my heart sing. _Anna._ It was always her. It was all for her.

Within minutes, she had fallen back asleep, and I followed shortly after, one arm wrapped around her and holding her close to me, my other hand clasped in hers, and a blissful smile on my face.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave a review below!**


	19. Chapter 18: Overbearing Mother Hen

**A/N: Professors: Hahaha we're gonna make every single one of our end-of-unit/chapter exams on the same week and then the next week is midterms week so you'll have virtually no time to study for those on top of the end of unit ones oh and also we each have an essay due next week so better get ready and make sure you're doing the unending amounts of readings and hw for the classes we have in between exams since we're gonna keep learning new material until it kills us! :)**

**...I'm a fucking ZOMBIE. I am living off POPTARTS and NOODLES and I don't remember the last time I got a full eight hours of sleep.**

**I'm so sorry this is so late, guys, and I gotta admit, it's probably not even my best work. I have had literally no time to write recently and last night I finally sat down like fuck it, I'm gonna get this chapter written. Up through next week, chapters might be later than every other day, and I'm sincerely sorry about it, but I'm paying a fuckload of money for these classes and I gotta kinda focus on 'em.**

**That being said, I don't have the next part of this story 100% planned out so if anyone has any questions they'd like answered or ideas or whatever (however big or small), please feel free to leave a review about it. I have general ideas but I've never been good at planning too far ahead beyond a certain point. Keep in mind that some questions you may have, I may already plan to answer in the future (including a LOT regarding certain motivations and important plotpoints)**

When I woke up, it was far too early for me to be awake. I noticed a nurse shuffling around my room, checking on my vitals. She smiled at me and I let it go, snuggling back down in my bed. I was aware of Anna's warm weight against me and nuzzled my face against her hair before succumbing to sleep again.

It was nearing eleven by the time I woke next. Normally, I was a bit of an early riser (you kind of have to be when you work at a coffee shop), but I constantly felt so exhausted now. I took in a deep breath, frowning at the pain it caused me, and wearily tried to blink back the sleep, figuring I should probably wake up and face the day.

Anna was still laying against me, but she had shifted so her back was pressed to me. She was holding one of my hands up in front of her face and examining it closely. I watched as she traced her thumb over the lines on the hand and wove her own fingers through mine. I was mildly intrigued by the contrast of our skin colors – my own pale complexion against her more pinkish tone.

"What are you doing?" I asked in amusement.

She startled a little at my sudden question, but quickly settled back down, still studying my hand closely. "Thinking," she mumbled in a drowsy voice, and then yawned.

"What are you thinking about?"

"…_You_," she stated, and then pressed her head more firmly against my left shoulder. She was warm, and it felt so nice to have her so close.

"Then why are you holding my hand hostage?"

She hesitated, and then sighed. "I was just… I was thinking about how amazing it is that you can create ice and snow with this. You can literally control _the weather_. I'm kind of really sad that I didn't know about it before the past couple of months. That I didn't know about it after you went into your room."

"That was why," I said quietly, glancing at a far-off spot on the wall. "I used to think it was pretty amazing, too. I loved using my powers. Mama and Papa once told me that that's how I communicated before you were born."

"Why before I was born?" she questioned in a puzzled tone.

I grinned in spite of myself. "Why, that's when I said my first word. I was a very dissociative child because of my autism, not that we knew that back then. Your name was my first word. Of course, I don't remember it all that much, but after I was isolated, I tried to remember everything about you that I could. I wrote it all down in this little book that I called 'The Anna Journal'."

She giggled, and although I couldn't actually see her face from our positions, I could imagine the bright smile she was wearing. "Do you still have it?"

"Of course. It's locked away in a special place."

With a hum of contentment, she pressed my hand to her own chest so I could feel her heartbeat and held hers over it. "It really is amazing, though, what you can do. The ice on the walls whenever you were having a nightmare always looked so elaborate, and then in the parking lot… I mean, I was a bit anxious because you were so angry about something, but still, the things that I saw you do were… Well, beautiful."

"Beautiful," I parroted in a murmur. It had been a long time since someone had referred to my magic as such.

Suddenly, she let out a giggle, her grip on my hand tightening. "I was going to wait until the first snow before bombarding you with questions about building a snowman, but now I know I don't have to wait that long."

"I can't make it snow in the hospital room, Anna. I mean, I _could_, but that's a bit, uh… Dangerous?"

She lightly swatted at my stomach with her free hand. "I didn't mean _here_, you butthead. Once you're out of the hospital, in a couple weeks or so."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek thoughtfully for a moment. "Actually, I was thinking about leaving tomorrow," I admitted.

Anna's reaction was instantaneous. She bolted upright, accidentally elbowing me in the ribs and causing me to wince, and stared at me with a look of horror. "No. No way. You almost died three days ago, Elsa, I won't allow you to almost kill yourself again by leaving before you're recovered enough."

I rolled my eyes at her dramatics. "Come on, Anna. I'm dying here in this bed. It reminds me of being confined to my room and I don't like it. Some painkillers, a brace for my ankle, and some instructions on how _not_ to screw up my body even more, and I should be good. I don't really see what the big deal is."

"I don't like that idea…"

"I know," I sighed. "I'll go crazy if I'm kept in here much longer, though. I was thinking you could maybe help me move around a bit today so we can make sure I'm good to go tomorrow."

She bit her lip and shook her head. "Are you going to start shutting everyone out again once you're out?" she asked in a timid voice.

I hesitated, turning my gaze to the ceiling, searching for an answer. A small voice in the back of my head insisted that I'd have to. If I wanted to keep people safe, I'd have to isolate myself again. The memories of my hallucination and my conversations the previous day battled with the voice, going back and forth in my mind.

Anna tensed at my silence, her teal eyes becoming desperate as they searched for an answer. I reached my arm out and turned her back over, helping her settle against my side again. I gently ran my thumb up and down her arm to center myself in the real world rather than lose myself completely in my internal battle. I could feel her slowly begin to tremble as she undoubtedly feared the worst.

"I love you," was all I managed to say after a while.

She nuzzled her head against my shoulder, and I could feel her silent tears seep through my nightgown. "That doesn't answer the question," she mumbled.

"…I want to protect you," I tried again. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But when you shut me out, it _does_ hurt me. If you just let me in…"

"It's more complicated than that," I protested weakly.

She continued to shake, and I tried to tighten my grip on her because it killed me to make her cry. "It doesn't have to be," she murmured.

"Except it does, Anna. When I can impale someone with an icicle or turn them into a popsicle with a simple flick of my wrist, I can't be careless. I can do a lot of amazing things with my powers, sure, but I can also do a lot of dangerous things with them. It's not black and white. It's messy and complicated and I can't allow anyone to get close because I can't control it very well."

"You allowed me to get close," she pointed out faintly.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Yeah, I did. And I wondered every day if it was a mistake. When I almost hit you with an icicle, I was sure that I had made a mistake. My psyche is so fucked up that, even if I wanted to try to let people get close, I wouldn't be able to get past the voice in my head that calls me a monster."

She inhaled sharply and pulled back to stare at me with shocked, disbelieving eyes. "Elsa…" she whimpered, shaking her head. "You can't really believe that?"

"I don't know what I believe," I confessed. "I just get _scared_ and then I close my eyes and I see your small, cold, unconscious body in my arms again, and then Papa's yelling at me and Mama's crying, and then the strange man that somehow saved your life is telling me about how dangerous I can be, and Papa vows to isolate me until I learn to control it, but then… Then I never did."

"But you did. Sure you had an outburst in some random, abandoned parking lot, but Elsa, I saw you have a lot of melt downs and not once did your magic get away from you," she pointed out.

I raised an eyebrow. "Thanks for reminding me how fucked up I am," I remarked dryly.

She winced. "I-I didn't mean that like… I just meant… N-not that you're, uh, messed up, just that I've, you know, I've been there and…"

"It's alright, Anna. I know what you meant. I don't… I don't know how to respond, though."

"That's okay. You don't have to. I just don't _ever_ want you to think you're a monster again, okay? Don't you _ever_ think that again. You're my big sister, and you have too big of a heart to be monster. Do you understand?"

Numbly, I nodded as I tried to blink back the tears. Anna smiled sadly and then hugged me gently, careful of my wound.

"It doesn't change that easily," I pointed out faintly.

"I'm not one to give up," she giggled as she pulled back.

"Well yes, _that_ has been made perfectly clear," I smirked. "I'm assuming even if I wanted to shut you out again, you simply wouldn't let me, and I'm not necessarily at my strongest."

She grinned cheekily. "Yeah, I probably wouldn't. I'm stubborn that way, you know. Why were you moving your couch?"

I narrowed my eyes. Of course, she caught that. I didn't really want to answer, so I did what I did best – deflect. "Don't you have class or something you're skipping right now?"

"Professors are pretty understanding when I tell them that my sister sustained a major injury and I need to be there for her. Plus, I have friends in each class that take pretty decent notes. It's not a big deal."

I shook my head, not liking what she was saying in the slightest. It was her first semester… She couldn't let it be set back like this. "Anna," I sighed. "Please go to class. I'll be fine, I promise. I'm doing a lot better already and I don't want to be the reason your GPA lowers."

She straightened a little, and I recognized that look on her face. It was scared. It was almost shy (not that Anna herself was _ever_ shy). It looked almost as if she was too afraid to speak up and say what she wanted.

That thought was like a bullet to my heart (haha), and I reached out to draw her close once again. "I'm sorry," I murmured immediately. "I'm sorry, you don't have to go." I felt her begin to shake with sobs again, and I just tried to tighten my grip on her, holding her head against my shoulder.

There was so much more that I wanted to say, but I couldn't, for the life of me, make my tongue work again, so I could only hold her as she worked through whatever her own problems for once.

* * *

Anna had only gotten up and left the room when I began complaining about the fact that there was literally no food in my stomach. I was on an IV drip that was pumping nutrients into my body, yeah, but it didn't change the fact that my actual stomach was empty, and therefore, the hunger pangs persisted.

Alone now, it didn't take long before I grew restless. It was nearing evening now, and the nurses had been popping in periodically throughout the day to check on me and make sure I was okay. It was a bit irritating, admittedly, but Anna kept me from snapping at everyone who stepped through the door.

There was an uneasy feeling in my stomach as I tried to ignore all of the possible consequences of my injuries. However much I tried to act otherwise, my whole life had been upturned, in a way.

I tried to play it down, but the fact of the matter was that my body had taken a pretty hefty hit and it wouldn't be able to just go back to doing what it was doing before within a week. The worst part was that I couldn't just put my life on hold.

I couldn't just not work because I still had bills to pay – including what was no doubt going to be a pretty big medical bill. I had gotten by so far by working diligently and letting my school be paid mostly by grants and scholarships. I was in my seventh semester, and I had never, not once, missed a single class, because keeping my scholarships was important. Now, I had missed half a week's worth of classes, and even if I wanted to go to class tomorrow or the next day, I knew that I just wouldn't physically be able to, and I _hated_ that.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to steady myself. When I opened them again, I had made up my mind. I just had to catch up as best as I could. I used my arms to push me closer to the edge of the bed, even though just using my arms hurt my chest – because of my shattered sternum, if I remembered correctly.

Carefully, I swung my legs off, trembling slightly as I lowered my weight onto them. My sprained ankle cried out unhappily, but I persisted, tentatively putting a bit of pressure on it. I stood up, still clinging to the bed with needles sticking out of my left arm. I debated tearing them out, but quickly realized that that would not be a good idea. I just… wouldn't go far.

My broken breastbone screamed at me as I stood up straight and let go of the bed, trying to square my shoulders and hide my grimace at the same time, even though there was no one else in the room.

My body felt heavy and weak and not at all like my own. I chewed on my lip to distract myself as I hesitantly took a step forward. My legs wobbled uncertainly, but remained upright for the most part. I took another step, and then even dared to try to take another.

'Try' being the operative word because my left ankle gave out on me and I fell to the ground, just barely managing to catch myself on the blue armchair, which had been pushed back to the wall. As I reached out to brace myself on it so as to not get a faceful of _carpet_, the needles in my arm and the tape holding them in place were roughly yanked out, causing me to hiss in pain.

"_Elsa!_" Anna yelped as she rushed back into the door, nearly spilling the bowl of soup she had acquired. She carefully placed it on a tray and approached me, where I was still half-kneeling on the ground.

My face burned, and I purposefully kept it away from her so she couldn't see. She began muttering reprimands for getting out of bed as she extended her hands to help me back up, but the moment she touched me, I recoiled.

I sat back on my rear and glared up at her, having to manually force air in and out of my lungs. I saw the hurt on her face, and the anger, and it only fueled my own anger. I steadied myself against the bed and used it to push my shaky legs back into a stand. Leaning back against the bed now, I crossed my arms over my chest and diverted my gaze.

"Elsa," she said again, quieter now. "You're not ready. You're not recovered enough to be walking around. I know you don't like laying in that bed all day, but you're _hurt_, and you need to give your body time to recover. Now, stop this stubbornness and get back in the fucking bed."

My eyes sharply darted back to her as she uttered that word. I'd never, _ever_ heard Anna curse before… Her voice had been gentle and light, but that word, along with the redness of her face and the hardness of her gaze, betrayed her. She was really quite pissed off. More so than she had been before in front of me, even when I shut her out or Maggie said some stupid stuff that set her off. No. She had never been this angry with me, and it _terrified_ me.

I didn't do very good with others' anger. That's why she had scared me when she confronted Maggie, because just the sheer rage radiating off of her had shaken me to my core. In my experience, when people got angry with me, or in general, _I got hurt_. That's what would happen with George fucking Streiss, the foster father who I had been accused and partially convicted of stabbing three or so years ago. I'd see that familiar twitch of his right eye that showed just how pissed he was with me, and then, his fists would be pummeling my side.

That's why, when she took a step towards me, anger still coming off of her in waves, I whimpered and fell back onto the bed, my arms immediately shooting up to cover my face and my body caving in on itself in spite of the pain it caused to my injuries.

My eyes screwed tightly shut and I held my breath, waiting for the inevitable strike. I heard Anna's breath hitch in her throat, and then her footsteps approached, much softer now.

"Elsa…" she murmured. "Elsa, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. Won't you look at me?"

I shook my head vigorously, and then flinched as I felt her hands lay gently on my shoulders. "I'm not going to hurt you," she repeated slowly. "Just because I'm upset with you doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you. It just means that I love you and I can't stand seeing you hurt yourself like this."

Eventually, I opened my eyes, my arms lowering slightly, and I met her teary, guilt-ridden teal gaze. I sucked air into my lungs, forcing my arms to permanently retire back down to my sides. "Stop treating me like a child," I managed through gritted teeth.

Annoyance flickered across her face. "Stop acting like a child."

"Stop acting like a martyr."

She grimaced, meeting my glower. "You're the one that literally got shot through the heart unnecessarily just because you didn't want the gun on me," she pointed out.

"And yet, this is more about you than me," I retorted, finding a tiny bit of confidence in the words I had been meaning to tell her for a long time now. "I may have taken an actual bullet, but you're the more self-sacrificial of the two of us. Just think about how truly awful care you've been taking of yourself because you wanted to be there for me. Me, who was in a _coma_. I didn't need you by my side all the time. You've been missing classes because of me, and the reality of it is that I –"

I stopped, my throat closing up abruptly. I let out a low growl, urging my body to _function_, but it had shut down with no warning. Frustrated, I balled my hands into fists and screwed my eyes shut as I began pounding my own head with my fists, willing something to click. Anna let out an uneasy, choked noise as she watched my sudden and inexplicable meltdown.

I opened my mouth, trying to get something out, rather unsuccessfully I might add. I found myself rocking in my spot, something that I hadn't done since I was little. Anna tentatively reached towards me and climbed onto the bed next to me. She laid a comforting arm over my shoulders, and while I flinched at first, I let it stay.

Finally, after some time, my body felt semi-functional again, and I took a deep breath. "I… I _don't_ need you h-hovering over me…" I muttered. "It's overwhelming and t-triggering… I can't… I can't handle it…"

"I don't want to leave you," was her meek reply, one that I'd heard several times now.

I pulled my hands away from my face as soon as I felt comfortable enough to do so and met Anna's gaze hesitantly. "I'm not asking you to. I'm just asking for some space."

She nodded numbly and swallowed hard. She was trembling like a leaf, and for a moment, I feared she'd fall right over. Her eyes closed, but tears still slipped out of them. "So… So y-you don't n-need me… at all?"

I couldn't take it anymore at that point. I scooted a bit closer to her and extended a hand to tenderly wipe her cheeks. "I didn't say that," I sighed. "I just said I don't need you as much as you think I do. I do still need you. I love you, Anna. I-I was… I mean, I was hoping you'd move back in with me."

Her eyes opened again, and they were much brighter than before. "Yes! Yes, of course, I will, Elsa… You don't even have to ask!"

She leaned in to hug me carefully, and I chuckled in spite of myself. "Just don't become an overbearing mother hen. Boundaries, right?"

"Boundaries," she agreed with a smile. I noticed her pause then, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.

"What is it?" I asked, only hesitating for a moment before reaching out and brushing imaginary dust off of her shoulder.

For a moment, it seemed like she wouldn't respond, at war with herself. She eventually gave in with a sigh. "What are your… I mean, what do you usually do for Thanksgiving?"

I frowned, pondering the question. "Nothing special, really. I usually go to Abbie's and hang out with her and Thomas. She'll make some traditional Indian dishes that she learned from her grandparents while I stick to making, like… Mashed potatoes… Oh! I also make pinnekjøtt – I don't care if it's technically a Christmas dish – and I have Mama's recipe memorized by heart."

Anna's jaw fell so far, I was surprised it didn't hit the bed. "You have Mama's pinnekjøtt recipe!?" she cried out.

I giggled and leaned away, since she looked about two seconds away from tackling me. "Maybe… Why do you ask about my Thanksgiving plans?"

Her cheeks colored and she looked away, suddenly nervous again. "Well… I was wondering if, maybe… Since Thanksgiving is in a week and you're determined to be out of the hospital by then, which I still think is a bad idea, but I've come to understand that I don't really think I could sway you one way or another at this point, and you don't want me to hover, so I'm just gonna have to deal with it and try to make sure you don't potentially _kill_ yourself by trying to get back to work immediately, which I know you will, and I would honestly be surprised if you hadn't texted Abbie already about being on next week's schedule – " It was my turn to blush since I had, indeed, texted her the day before. She had been too busy with Thomas and making sure my shifts were covered this week to be able to visit me at a time I'd be awake.

Anna was still going, even when I spaced back into the conversation.

"…And I mean, if she has any sense at all, she'd know _not_ to put you on the schedule, but I guess, at the same time, I get that bills need to be paid, and we've both been missing our shifts, and you know, that can't really be easy on her, so I guess I wouldn't blame her if she did put you back on the schedule already – plus, you can _probably_ work register or something, if we just get you a stool, as long as you're not doing anything too strenuous, you should be fine, and – "

"Anna," I interrupted her softly. She stopped immediately and caught my pointed look, her face once again reddening.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I noticed her hands ball into fists as she tried to work up the courage to say whatever was on her mind. I waited patiently, watching her intently, even as I had to suppress a yawn at a sudden wave of fatigue.

"…_Iwayoutocomanewthmyfaly!"_

I blinked once, twice, trying to process what she had said. All that ended up coming out of my mouth was a rather intelligible, "…what?"

She sighed, opening her eyes and meeting my gaze pleadingly. "I want you to come and eat with my family," she said, much slower and more controlled now. "M-my adopted family, I mean… In fact… Well, there's no classes next week for Thanksgiving, since we didn't have a fall break, so I was wondering if you would… You know… Stay the week in Tourrence with them… with me?"

I stared at her blankly, my mouth dry. "I don't know if I could afford it…" I admitted. "I mean… I'd love to come meet your adopted family, Anna, I just don't know if… If I could afford to miss another week of work, with my diminished-due-to-insurance-but-still-undoubtedly-huge medical bills and my rent."

Her face fell in an instant, all hopefulness gone. "Oh… Oh, well… Th-that's okay…"

"I think… I think I might be able to do it, though," I continued, simply because I couldn't stand to see the rejection in her eyes, and _shit_, I'd do my best to bring the sun down to the earth with my bare hands if it meant she would be happy.

…Bad analogy, Elsa. That was not nearly as eloquent as I was hoping it would be. I never claimed to be a poet.

Still, the joy that lit her face was plenty enough to bring a smile back to my own. She ended up going back to her armchair and bringing the tray of now-cool soup to me. I insisted she shared it with me, since she hadn't gotten anything for herself.

We talked a bit while we ate, but for the most part, we just enjoyed each other's company and mulled over the conversations and emotions of the day. I knew that things wouldn't instantly patch themselves up between us – we'd had a major rift rise between us ever since she found out about my powers and I almost killed her again.

Nothing healed overnight. I learned that the hard way. The worst part was that I couldn't always _talk_ to her, but she was so blessedly patient with me… I began to feel a glimmer of faith that things might end up being okay.

I had told Dr. Morrison that I was the type of person who just didn't deserve love, but for the first time, I was beginning to wonder if I had been mistaken.

**A/N: Sorry if that was, like, not good ahah. Please leave a review below anyway for me? :)**


	20. Chapter 19: Go Forth

**A/N: Hello, my lovelies. Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews and wishes for good luck on my midterms haha. This is the big week so I don't know when I'll be able to post again, but I guarantee it'll be up by Saturday at the latest!**

For the record, I thought it was hilarious when that one nurse turned a new shade of red that I had never quite seen before. A little scary, too, yeah, but I had Anna by my side.

She thought it was hilarious, too, and throughout the argument with the nurse (in which Anna actually sided with me about leaving the hospital four days despite not liking it herself), we both had to try to hide our giggles as the nurse's face went through the whole rouge spectrum. The looks Anna and I would exchange did not help in the slightest.

Why was Anna helping me leave the hospital so early?

I might've promised I'd let her take care of me. Not hover – we talked it out and established a very defined difference between taking care of me and acting like I was an infant. Letting me lean on her when I got too weak to walk – that would be taking care of me. Trying to literally spoon-feed me – that would be hovering. And yes, she did attempt that. She conceded that she did sometimes act like a martyr to avoid her own problems and I conceded that I might, _sometimes_, act maybe just a _tad_ bit childish.

Thursday night was spent with a small 'party' celebrating my 'release'. Notice the air quotations, because party translates to a few people at my apartment who hadn't been able to visit me in the hospital, and rather than me having been released, it felt more like a jailbreak. It was almost thrilling. I didn't think I'd ever forget the horror on everyone's faces.

As per my promise to Anna, when we got back to my apartment, I let her guide me down to my air mattress. She did ask where half of my stuff went, and I muttered something about having thrown it all away. And she left it at that.

Er, so I wished. She did, in fact, grill me about my weeks of self-isolation following the Halloween party. There was a couple of times that we almost fought again but ended up realizing that that wouldn't get us anywhere and instead just talked. I told her what I was comfortable saying, and she eventually learned to not press too hard.

One thing that was amazing was that my gloves had been removed and put into my personal effects, and not once did I have a voice in my head urging me to put them back on. I hated my gloves…

It was Friday morning, and Anna was slowly, sluggishly moving about the apartment, getting herself ready. Although we had both officially decided to ditch all of our classes for the week, I insisted that I had to talk to the director of MSU's _Wicked_ before Thanksgiving break, and while Anna was initially opposed, she relented after some time with the condition that she comes with me. She had decided to go to her flute lesson, too, which just happened to be right after the director's office hours.

I was bent over on the edge of the inflatable mattress (which we had shared last night), tying the laces of my right sneaker and securing the bulky brace on my left foot. The position was uncomfortable and made it even harder to breathe.

Anna sifted through the bottles in my medicine cupboard. "One day," she declared, "you're going to tell me what each one of these is. I haven't even heard of most of them."

I rolled my eyes and didn't honor that with a verbal reply, but I did thank her when she brought over all of the appropriate medications with a glass of water. I was still taking my regular agoraphobia and anxiety meds (though the former of which had gotten significantly better with having Anna around, and I wondered if I even needed it anymore), but now I had the addition of painkillers to keep me from feeling the full agony of having a bullet literally shatter a main bone and tear through my heart. Like I was feeling now.

After downing the pills, and almost choking on the sheer amount (maybe I should've done one at a time, but it's too late to reconcile that), I let out a small groan. "Hate that…" I muttered under my breath.

Anna was quiet as she sat down next to me to put her own shoes on. I watched her hesitantly for a moment. I hated how sad she always looked nowadays. What I hated more, though, was the fact that I was certain I was at the heart of her sadness.

We would need some time for things to fully recover. It had been a rough week… A rough month, really. You know what? Fuck it. It had been a rough _year_.

I didn't need much further contemplation before deciding that I wanted to see her smile again. Within seconds, I had braced my right foot on the floor and leaned over, digging my fingers into her sides.

Anna shrieked in surprise, jerkily trying to get away from me as I launched a full-blown tickling on her. She screeched with laughter, trying to push me back. I pinned her to the bed, grinning as I unleashed my relentless attack.

"El… Elsa!" she cried between her giggles. "St… St… Stop! That… hahaha… That t-tickles!"

"That's the point, ya stinker!" I laughed.

In spite of her cries, I refused to stop, continuing to wiggle my fingers against her sides. Her initial carefulness around my injuries faded away as she was overcome with giggles, no longer thinking quite straight. She desperately tried to get away from me, but I had her stuck underneath me and didn't allow her to get far.

"Elsa! Can't… breathe!" she gasped, tears streaming down her face. She was desperately trying to suck air in, and only once her face was nearing the redness of the nurse at the hospital did I let up.

I rolled off of her, riding down off of my own laughter. The tickle idea may not have been the _best_ idea, since laughter was contagious, and I had ended up giggling through the entire thing, and once I stopped, I felt the full force of the pressure it had had on my chest.

"Ow, shit, _fuck_…" I growled, pressing a hand to my chest. Anna sat up, letting out a few remaining chuckles.

"You're the stinker. I can't even tickle you back – how unfair is that?" she complained, and I stuck my tongue out at her.

It didn't last long, though, and we ended up grinning at each other. "Do you feel better, at least?"

"Yeah," she said, her smile growing. She reached over and drew me in for a loose, tender hug. "Thanks, Elsa."

"Anything for you, Sunshine."

* * *

It would be an understatement to say that the director of MSU's _Wicked_ production, Dr. Lopez, was surprised to see me. I had emailed him beforehand about it, but he still seemed shocked when I stepped into his office.

Walking through the music building and up the flight of stairs to the second floor was awkward and uncomfortable for me, and I was certain that I wouldn't have been able to do it if Anna wasn't at my side, clutching my hand. Since I was a senior who had performed as a lead or prominent role in several musicals throughout the years, a majority of the music majors at least knew _of_ me. And they had pretty much all heard about what happened on Sunday, if their constant glances towards me were any indication.

"Elsa!" Dr. Lopez greeted me in surprise when I walked into his office. "It's good to see you!"

Christy was there, and so was Nate (the actor for Fiyero), and my understudy, Nami. Everyone's eyes were immediately on me, and I felt my cheeks heat up a little. Nami had been lounging in the chair across from Dr. Lopez, but when I entered, she immediately stood up and offered it to me.

Not wanting to be pitied or made into a charity, I waved my hand dismissively. My legs did feel a bit like twigs, though, so I leaned against the wall for support and crossed my arms over my stomach. No one said anything, so I raised and eyebrow and shrugged. "Don't let me stop you."

"We're just happy to see you okay, I guess," Nate offered with a breathy sort of laugh, to which the others nodded.

"Well, you know me. 'Nobody, in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring me down'," I recited one of my lines from Defying Gravity with a grin. The joke was not entirely well-received, for only Christy cracked a smirk, the others still looking concerned. "Oh, come on. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"I don't think any of us were expecting to see you out of the hospital so soon. Are you sure it's safe to be… here?" Dr. Lopez asked.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged again. "I wasn't a prisoner. I'm still going to perform in three weeks."

That was only met with more silence, at least until Christy chuckled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Of course, you are, Elsa. Nothing can keep you down, after all. I'm pretty sure death came to take you and you just glared at it and said 'no'."

"Maybe," I replied with a teasing grin.

"Did the doctors clear you to perform in three weeks?" Dr. Lopez questioned hesitantly.

"Nope. Does it matter?"

"Technically, no… But you should probably listen to them."

I sighed and rolled my eyes again. "I mean, probably, yeah, but I've gotten this far without them. Look, this is, like, my dream role. I know that sounds stupid and childish, but I'm going to perform it. Maybe not all five times that MSU is putting it on, but at least the first one. This is a big deal to me, and I worked my ass off to get this role, so I'm sorry if I'm not going to let a little matter of near-death stop me."

Christy laughed, shaking her head, and slowly began to clap. "Elsa Voll, everyone – the most stubborn bitch there ever was." I didn't take offense, instead smiling genuinely at her. "I say, if she wants to perform, she's made a pretty good case."

Dr. Lopez shot a look at Nami, who still looked undecided, but eventually let out a breath and shook her head. "She's crazy," she told the director. "Absolutely crazy. Who am I to stand in the way of such an MSU legend, though?"

Now, Dr. Lopez looked a bit more defeated, but he still glanced at Nate, probably hoping someone would be on his side, even if they were outnumbered already by the rest of us.

Nate held up his hands in defense. "Hey, I'm not taking sides here. If she wants to work herself to her grave, I don't think I could stop her anyway. None of us could. I think it would be quite an accomplishment to show everyone that, even if she gets shot, she just gets up, brushes off the dust, and does her job. The show must go on, right?"

"Fine," Dr. Lopez breathed, and I grinned at all of them. "But the moment you feel weak or pained or whatever, Elsa, you _let us know_. We'll have Nami already greenified to take over should you have to duck out in the middle of a show. Do you understand?"

"Aye, aye, captain," I joked and gave a mock salute.

"We'll just have to go easier during As Long As You're Mine," Nate pointed out.

I narrowed my eyes at him in spite of my elation at Dr. Lopez's relent. "Not at all. When we get to that scene, you kiss me like you mean it," I teased.

"Like two lovers, recently reunited and just trying to spend as much time together as possible before things all go to shit," Christy sighed, pretending to swoon into Nami, who caught her with a laugh.

"As things do," I nodded.

"Tell me, Eponine," Nate said suddenly. "After you got shot, did you sing A Little Fall of Rain?"

The reference to last year's spring musical – Les Miserables, where I had played Eponine and Nate had played Marius – made me grin. "No… Damn, that's an opportunity missed. I should have."

"I don't think I'll ever forget holding you in my arms as you died… five times. Your acting was so realistic," he laughed.

"I try," I gave a mock bow.

We discussed a few more things, and then Christy and I walked out, the other two lingering to ask Dr. Lopez something else.

Anna had already gone into her lesson by the time I was out, so Christy and I took up the empty couch in the second floor seating area, the same one that I had heard Zachary feeding lies about me to Anna on, some millennia ago (or so it felt).

"So, how are things?" she asked, and I was grateful that she didn't ask how _I_ was.

Still, I shrugged and picked at a loose thread on my old worn t-shirt. "I mean, I got shot less than a week ago, but things are actually… Kind of shitless? I'm talking to people again, at least."

"I've noticed," she remarked, and then grinned cheekily in response to my scoff. "I'm not gonna ask what happened, but I _did_ hear about the party. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine… I kind of… I got scared. About sort of stupid stuff. I can't really be specific, but there's very good reason why I got scared – there's just also very good reason why I shouldn't have gotten scared. I don't really let people in. Anna's the one that came in and literally tore down my walls, brick by brick. I was doing fine before."

"Are you doing worse now than you were before?"

I hesitated, and then shook my head. "No. I don't think so, at least. I'd like to think that being more open is a good thing."

"Sometimes, it helps to just… talk about stuff," Christy suggested. "I lost my twin brother five or so years ago, and I was pretty fucking furious. I didn't think anyone understood the sort of pain that I was feeling. No one _could_ understand. My mother sat me down at one point, though, and she said that she wasn't going to leave until I talked to her. That pissed me off, but in hindsight, it was good, because I felt a lot better afterwards."

I nodded, part of me wanting to reach out in condolence for her brother, but the other part of me being too awkward and anxious to do so. After all, I didn't know Christy as well as Anna or Graham or Abbie. Instead, I settled for just scooting an inch or so closer. "I'm sorry," was all I could get past the lump in my throat.

"It's in the past," she reassured me with a smile. "I'm never going to be _over_ it, necessarily, but I understand that he wouldn't want me to spend every minute of every day grieving over him. I learned to celebrate him as well."

Then, she pulled down the front of her shirt, showing me her tattoo, which rested just under the left side of her collarbone. It was a heart, like she had told Graham so long ago in that game of truth or dare. It was a bright shade of red with a single word written inside in black cursive – 'Samuel'.

"Don't tell Graham – I want to keep him guessing," she giggled.

"I won't, promise."

She put the collar of her shirt back in place and leaned back, closing her eyes contentedly. "Life isn't about tragedy. It's about how we deal with tragedy. I admire you for that. You can't let misfortune hold you back from your dreams. You just gotta… I don't know, go forth. Move on. Say 'I'm here, and I'm not leaving'."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I didn't say anything at all, and if it bugged her, she didn't comment on it. We sat in silence for a few minutes, her deep in contemplation or whatever and me still picking at that thread as I waited for Anna.

I only looked up when I saw feet stop right in front of me.

When I looked up, I was _not_ expecting to see Maggie standing above me, looking a bit different than normal. It was hard to describe, but I could tell that she definitely looked tired, dark circles under her eyes and her short mousy brown hair messy.

"Elsa," she said quietly. "I… I heard what happened."

In spite of my injuries, I curled in on myself a little. I felt Christy's concerned gaze, but kept my own on Maggie, just in case she tried anything. I had never been the physically strongest person, and I never had the best constitution, but now, I was even weaker than before. If she grabbed me and tossed me in a trash can like she did when we were in middle and high school, I didn't know if I'd be able to get out of it.

Of course, she didn't. Probably because of her graduate position that I figured she _did_ care about. That was the thing about Maggie, you know. She could get away with the riskiest shit just because no one had the guts to call her out on it. She was too…intimidating. It was hard to exchange two words with her without realizing how dominant her personality was.

That also made seeing her now, in this weird – dare I say, almost hesitant – state, so much more jarring. Her hand was tightly clutching the strap of her bag, and she seemed to be trying to find words to say.

"…Are you okay?"

What she eventually settled on shocked all present, I think. I narrowed my gaze at her, trying to figure out what game she was playing. Instinctually, one of my hands came up to rub lightly at my wound, my other arm wrapped securely around my stomach.

I waited in bated silence for Maggie to say something else, but she just kept staring at me with that strange look – was she nervous? She wasn't meeting my gaze – rather, staring at one of my shoulders, as if she _couldn't_ meet my gaze. It was so, so strange, and I felt a bubble of resentment within me. How dare she?

"Why do you care?" I bit, though I lost my confidence halfway through and directed my gaze at my lap.

The words had an instantaneous effect on her. She straightened her posture, smoothed back her hair, and glared at me. "I don't. Shut up." She looked like she wanted to say more, but that same nervousness flicked across her face one more time before it set again, and she turned and walked briskly away.

I shared a confused look with Christy, but then Anna came out of her lesson right after, so we were forced to just leave it be.

* * *

With the somewhat impromptu trip to Tourrence coming up – which Anna and I were leaving for Sunday morning – I had to quickly try to sort out a few things and make sure I _could_ go. One of which was talking to Mr. Carver for permission to miss my therapy session on Tuesday.

I had never actually been to Tourrence, being from Evansy, myself, but I knew that it was one of the more rural towns. It was about a two-hour drive from Crewsbury, so there was very little chance I'd be willing to pay the gas money to come back up for my therapy.

Luckily, Mr. Carver was not an unreasonable man. He understood the situation and gave me permission to skip just this once (my previous skip, where I had been _in a_ _coma_, was okay, too, for obvious reasons), as long as I cleared it with Dr. Morrison. Which I did shortly after. I also asked her for a favor when I came back…

I think I've mentioned this before, but I'd become more trusting with Dr. Morrison over the past few weeks than I had in the past few _years_ that she'd been my therapist. As she had promised, she didn't tell anyone about my magic, and now that she knew, our conversation was a bit more open and honest. I still sometimes fought opening up and talking, but once she got me talking, I was more at peace with it, if that makes sense? We mostly used metaphors to refer to my powers (since I don't trust Big Brother; call me paranoid, but when your deepest, darkest secrets get into government hands, don't come crying to me), but the difference was that she actually understood the metaphors. When I called myself 'the cold', it wasn't an unhealthy coping mechanism, it was an unhealthy self-deprecation, and that helped her help me.

I knew that we'd have a lot to talk about when I came back from Tourrence, but it could wait. There were other things that were more important, after all.

Another thing that I had had to do was contact Graham and make sure his grandma was okay with taking care of my cats for another week. I missed them, so much, but I knew that it wouldn't be good for them to bring them back home and then immediately leave them with someone else for a week.

Graham said it was okay. He'd be working on getting his grandma a cat or two of her own over the week away from MSU. I'd just have to wait to see my babies again. I could do that. After all, I had done a lot of waiting in my life.

"We're taking my car," Anna declared as she struggled with closing an overstuffed suitcase. "No offense."

I smirked and crossed over to her, gently nudging her aside so I could work with the suitcase. "No wonder you can't close this thing. Didn't anyone teach you how to fold?" I teased. She blushed and mumbled something under her breath. With a laugh, I set to work taking out all of the clothing she had shoved inside and beginning to fold them.

"Oh, whatever did I do without you?" Anna remarked with a roll of her eyes.

"Is that sarcasm I hear? Am I truly beginning to rub off on you?"

She grinned cheekily and bumped my shoulder with hers. "That's not such a bad thing, maybe," she giggled. "I can't wait for you to meet my family. I'm… a bit nervous, too."

"You don't talk about them a lot," I pointed out.

"Well, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I got adopted and you didn't, and I feel… I don't know, guilty about it. Especially since you've mentioned having bad fosters…"

I closed her suitcase and turned to face her, leaning most of my weight on the counter since I still couldn't stand for very long on my own. "Anna, you know that's not your fault. I was dissociative and anxious and fearful. It's not your fault. You can love your family and mention them and be happy about them. I've made peace with that part of my past. It's all over."

"You won't get uncomfortable?"

"I mean, knowing me, I probably _will_, just not so much for the reasons you're thinking," I chuckled. It was kind of a lie. I knew that it likely would get to me, just a little bit. Being around an actual family for the first time since I was eight years old would be overwhelming, but just like every time before, I put aside my own worries and fears for the sake of my sister.

A small yawn overtook me then, and since I had been standing for a while, I went back to the inflatable mattress and sat down on it. There was a very good chance I'd fall asleep in the car, but I tried to pretend I was stubborn enough to avoid it.

My suitcase and bag were already packed and by the door, so we were just waiting on Miss Procrastination in order to get going. She was checking every nook and cranny in the apartment.

"I always end up leaving _something_ behind, you know," she was saying. "I shouldn't even be that worried about it, since we're going to my adopted parents' house, and they'll have anything I somehow end up forgetting, but I really hate that feeling where you, like, realized you forgot something. I'm eighteen years old – I should be put-together enough to remember everything I need for a trip, shouldn't I?"

"There's a fatal flaw to your reasoning. Adults are no more put-together than anyone else. You just learn to be very good at hiding it. That being said, are you ready yet, Your Highness?"

She shook her head with a grin. "Yes, Your Majesty. What about you? Got your meds? Pillow? Hairbrush, toothbrush? Makeup? Anything else you could –"

"Anna," I interrupted her in an exasperated tone. "You're doing it again." 'It' being treating me like a child.

I understood, she wanted to make sure I was alright or whatever, but we'd really been trying to work on her not hovering.

"Sorry," she squeaked, her cheeks reddening.

I smiled to let her know that I wasn't upset about it. When she brought her bags with her towards the door, I finally stood back up. Anna took my bag, and in consideration for my promise to not strain myself a full week after getting shot, I allowed it, but made sure I at least carried my suitcase and opened the door for her to haul everything else.

When all of our luggage was packed into the backseat and trunk of her car, we took up our spots in the front. I leaned across the center console to grin at her before we left. "Ready?" I asked.

She let out a small giggle and tapped my nose. "I'm only as ready as you are."

"That's not fair," I argued, but I was chuckling as I settled back in my seat. To relieve any pressure on my chest which could become uncomfortable after two hours of driving, I tilted the seat back a little and let out a small sigh.

I didn't know what the following week would bring… but I told myself that I was ready for whatever would come my way, as long as I had my baby sister by my side.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, and please leave a review below! You know you want to ;)**


	21. Chapter 20: Welcome to Tourrence

**A/N: I, uh... I really have no excuse as to why this has taken so long. After midterms, I started spring break, and am visiting family 2500 miles away from home. I kinda lost my motivation for this chapter, mostly because this one is... largely uneventful. Next chapter will be more eventful. It _should_ also be up on Saturday. Sunday at the latest since Saturday is my birthday, so it's a pretty busy day.**

**Anyway, I'm gonna try this thing that a lot of authors do where I actually reply to y'all that review with an account? So, keep an eye out for that, I guess :)**

"Welcome to Tourrence."

I glanced out the window of Anna's car, frowning a little as I took in the bland landscape. Tourrence appeared to be made up solely of farms and ranch houses. I suppressed a yawn, having just recently woken up. As I had expected (yet still tried to escape), I had fallen asleep within the first thirty minutes of the drive.

The stupid fucking injuries that my body had sustained meant that it was now much more fond of sleep than it had been before.

The doctors had explained that it had something to do with the healing properties of sleep, and the fact that my body was simply unable to go as strongly as it had before. Those made some sense, yeah, but it didn't make me any happier about the fact. If anything, I hated it more because it implied that I was weak. And I did not like being called weak. (I still don't, but we're not talking about my current state!)

"There's a lot of tan and dull green," I noted as I watched the fields pass.

"I like to think of it as 'perspectively pretty'."

"That's not a word," I chuckled.

Anna rolled her eyes and reached over to lightly hit my shoulder. "Whatever you say, Miss Dictionary dot com. It's home."

I hummed softly and let my forehead touch the cool window. I was trying not to freak out at the prospect of meeting Anna's family, because as we drew closer, it became more and more evident. I wasn't really good at meeting people in general – meeting the people that would have adopted me if only they could find me? That… That was awkward.

No. It was more than awkward. It was, like, awkward to the bajillionth degree.

Yes, I _know_ that's not a word! Maybe Anna rubs off on me, too, who knows? It feels like it should be a word, so there. Lots of things that don't feel like they should be words are, such as propinquity and slumgullion and mugwump, so… So… If I want to make a word, and it feels right, I should be able to.

Fuck, Anna _has_ rubbed off on me, hasn't she? Here I am, doing what I had just scolded her for doing. What has the world come to?

"'I wouldn't call this place a happy end, but I been 'round the block and just came back again. A small town like ours ain't much, but sometimes home is where your ass ends up,'" I sang with a grin.

Anna shot me a confused look. "What musical is that?"

"Waitress. It's a fantastic musical, very underrated. I wanna play Jenna someday, too."

"Do you just have a long list of roles that you want to play at some point?" Anna teased.

"Pretty much, yeah."

It got quiet again as we pulled up in front of a house. It wasn't _huge_, but it was bigger than the other ranches I had seen while she was driving. In fact, this was the first two-story building I had seen in Tourrence so far.

"Home sweet home," Anna said with a nervous giggle. She killed the engine and got out, not wasting time before going to the back and starting to extricate our luggage.

I found myself frozen, gripped by a sudden and inexplicable fear. I had one hand on the seatbelt release, and I tried to press it, but I couldn't command my hand to move.

_Just do it. Just get out. Come on, you idiot, this is just Anna's family. There's nothing to be afraid of. Coward. No wonder they didn't adopt you._

…Shit. Turned out, I did end up having a few awful feelings about that. I closed my eyes and tried to will myself to move, but it wasn't working. Eventually, Anna seemed to notice my paralyzed state, and she opened my door.

"Elsa? Is everything alright?"

I breathed out sharply and shook my head. "Fine, it's fine," I mumbled, my hand finally pressing the seatbelt release. I stepped outside, unable to stop myself from wrapping my arms around my stomach once I was out.

Anna bit her lip, suddenly hesitant. "You, uh… You don't have to do this, Elsa. Really, it's okay… I can just… drive you back, or whatever…"

Guilt washed over me, and I stepped closer to her, taking one hand from my side and resting it on her shoulder. "I know, Anna. I want to do this. I promise, I do. It's just not easy… I might need you to be patient with me?"

"That was never one of my virtues," she said jokingly, and I managed a smile. "I suppose I can try for you, though. I don't have much better to do, you know."

"Gee, thanks," I chuckled, pulling her in for a brief hug.

Not wanting to waste any more time (and with the consideration of the skies growing darker and threatening rain), Anna and I grabbed the bags and began hauling them towards the house. She carried more than I did, but I carried what I could. Or, what she allowed me to carry.

She didn't even get to finish her rhythmic knock on the front door when it swung open. A largish woman with dark hair pulled into a bun stood on the other side. "Is that my Anna?" she gasped, rushing forward and hugging Anna.

Giggling, Anna hugged her back before pulling away. "I'm happy to see you, too, Mom. This is – "

She didn't even get to finish gesturing to me before the woman cut her off. "This must be Elsa, then!" she gushed, not wasting a second before pulling me into a bone-crushing embrace.

I tensed immediately, my breath leaving my body and pure agony blossoming from my chest. My eyes flicked towards Anna in panic, silently begging for her to help me. I couldn't bring in a single breath – it hurt too much, and I was far too shocked, anyway.

"Mom!" Anna cried, running forward to try to pull the strong woman off of me. "Stop, stop, she's still hurt!"

The woman pulled back, her face a bit red. "Sorry about that, dear. I got excited. How was it you got hurt again?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer, hugging my stomach tightly. Anna placed a hand on my shoulder and turned to face her adopted mother. "Like I said, she got mugged a week ago. Her ribs are just bruised," she explained.

My gaze flickered over to Anna. I scrutinized her, trying to figure out why she had lied. Why would she lie about the extent of my injuries? Unless… Unless she was trying to protect my privacy? Regardless, I felt a rush of warmth, and smiled gratefully at her. "I-it's okay," I quietly stammered out to the larger woman. "I'm mostly healed by now."

The woman beamed, the guilt mostly leaving her face. "Well, come on in, then, before it starts to rain!" she insisted, ushering the both of us inside.

"Are you alright, really?" Anna murmured to me.

Each breath was exponentially more painful than before, but it was getting better once the pressure had left. "I'm fine, promise."

The house was actually much bigger than I had been expecting. The first floor alone had a living room, kitchen, office, bathroom, and two bedrooms. Anna pointed out that one belonged to her adopted older brother, who I'd meet later, and the other had been converted into an at-home gym of sorts.

Upstairs had four bedrooms – one for their parents, one for Anna, one for her other brother, and a guest room, in which I would be staying – as well as a bathroom. Anna placed our bags in our respective rooms before escorting me back downstairs.

Her parents were in the kitchen, her adopted mother talking to her adopted father as he mixed together a dip of some sort.

"Hello," he greeted me warmly. He was a… _big_ man. Like. Maybe bigger than Kristoff, I don't know. I practically shrunk against Anna's side, but if he noticed, he didn't say anything about it. "I've heard a lot about you, Elsa. It's good to meet you." He wiped his hands on a towel, and then extended a giant paw towards me. "Robert."

I stared at the thing in fear and took a small step back. "E-Elsa," I stammered out, even though he had just demonstrated knowing my name already.

Luckily, he didn't seem to take offense to my fear and instead returned his attention to the dip.

Anna gave a small tug on my hand. "Come on, I want to introduce you to my brothers," she murmured, and I allowed her to pull me along. "My family can be a bit insensitive at times maybe, but they mean well. They're unapologetic, but really sweet. If they ever make you uncomfortable or anything, feel free to say something. I-I mean, I know you don't like speaking up about that sort of thing, but they'll really accommodate or whatever! Like I said, they mean well, and – "

"Anna," I interrupted gently. We were stopped at the end of the hallway downstairs, about to knock on her older brother's door. "It's alright," I told her with a smile.

She gave me a tight, yet relieved, grin before knocking on the door. "Kevin? I'm coming in with a friend, okay?" She didn't wait for an answer before opening it slowly.

There was a young man, looking to be around my age, sitting at a desk. He was drawing something on a paper, and when Anna beckoned for me to follow her in, it was cautiously.

"Hey, Kev. I brought a friend. Do you want to meet her?" she asked sweetly.

He glanced at her, brown eyes peeking out from behind a mop of dark hair. He chewed on a pen cap as he looked at me, and then back at Anna. After a minute, he nodded once before returning to his paper.

I took a slow step forward at Anna's insistence. "Hello, Kevin," I said, as carefully as I could. "My name is Elsa. What are you drawing?"

He cast me a hesitant glance before pulling back from his desk so I could see the paper… and the intricately drawn snowflake on it.

I smiled in spite of myself. "That looks really nice, Kevin. Do you like snowflakes?"

He nodded shyly. "Forty-six," he said, his speech slow and slurred.

"Forty-six?"

One of his hands gestured towards me. "Forty-six," he repeated. I glanced down at my shirt with a confused frown, and then realized what he meant.

The shirt that I was wearing. It was one that Anna had picked up for me at a thrift store just the other day. It was mostly white, but it had a vertical stripe of blue near the top that had snowflakes on it. It had been a bit of a joke from Anna, but I actually liked it – something that only made her more pleased that she had gotten it for me.

It dawned on me that he had counted the number of snowflakes on my shirt at an almost impossible speed. "You counted that that fast?"

He nodded again, staring back down at his paper.

"That's amazing," I told him with a small laugh. "I'll never forget how many now. Forty-six snowflakes. Thank you, Kevin. I was wondering how many there were, you know." I noticed Anna beaming at me, and I sent her a weird look. "What?"

She merely shook her head, the smile not leaving her face.

"Thank you… Elsa…" Kevin said, not meeting my gaze but smiling all the same.

When he returned to his drawing, Anna took my hand again and pulled me out of the room after saying goodbye to her brother. "He needs a bit of help, mentally," she explained after we had left his room. "We still love him just the same, though."

"Is that why you're so overbearing to me sometimes?"

She averted her gaze, a light blush present on her cheeks as we headed up the stairs to meet her other brother. "It might have something to do with it," she admitted. "Among other things. One of them, namely, being the fact that you like to, I don't know, jump in front of guns."

The joke was dark, yeah, but the look on Anna's face was teasing. I chuckled and bumped her shoulder with mine. "Hush, you. That was only once," I teased back.

"Once is enough."

She didn't even knock before entering her younger brother's room. He was sitting on his bed, reading a book, and he didn't even get to look up before Anna tackled him, messing up his hair. "Got you, weirdo!" she cried as he protested and fought against her.

Anna was relentless, keeping her hold on him strong.

Eventually, he managed to wrestle her away from him. "Not cool, sis!" he shouted, though there was a smirk on his face. "I was reading, you know."

Anna just laughed as he put his book away safely on its shelf. "Ash, I'd like you to meet my sister, Elsa," she introduced me while throwing out an arm in my direction in a grand gesture.

He adjusted his glasses on his nose before peering over at me, standing alone in the doorway. "Hello," he greeted me civilly. "You're Anna's sister?"

"Uh… Yeah," I managed as I took a couple steps forward.

"I'm so sorry."

"Hey!" Anna yelped, punching him in the shoulder. She caught me grinning and pointed an accusatory finger at me. "You shut up."

"I wasn't saying anything," I protested as I held my hands up in surrender.

"You were thinking it!"

Anna had practically done a complete one-eighty since coming into her younger brother's room. She was acting like her normal, energetic, lovable self again. It only made it clearer how much she tended to restrain herself around me. The thought almost physically hurt me to think.

I mean, I understood perfectly well why she wasn't jumping all over me currently, but that still didn't mean I liked it.

Having seen both of her relationships with her brothers at this point, it made a lot of sense. She got to be herself around this one – Ash? – and she learned restraint around Kevin. And then she demonstrated both with me.

Suddenly, Anna seemed far older and far more mature than I had taken her to be before.

"You know what, Ashton?" Anna said, rubbing her chin in faux contemplation. "I think I like Elsa more than you."

"Was that a question?" I asked, placing my hand to my chest in an offended gesture. "I feel betrayed."

"Oh, whatever, theater major."

Ashton rolled his eyes, clearly used to Anna's teasing. "Maybe that will buy me some peace and quiet every now and then," he said in a droll tone.

Anna scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You haven't seen me for five months, dude!"

"The most peaceful five months of my life."

If someone were to talk to _me_ that way, so insistently, I probably would have shut off long before now, but Anna seemed to recognize that he didn't mean what he was saying. She got off his bed and went over to his bookshelf, taking books out and examining them before haphazardly putting them back in the wrong places.

"Hey, hey, I have a system!" Ashton cried, scrambling off of his bed. He shoved Anna aside and quickly began fixing her mess. "Everything has a place, Anna, and everything should be in its place. Not everyone can live in an absolute pigsty, like you."

"Aww, you love me, though," Anna giggled as she wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug.

He tensed briefly before relaxing into it. "Do I? I suppose I do."

Anna pulled away from him and came back to my side. "Come on, Elsa. Let's go check on dinner. I'm so starved, I could eat a horse!"

"I don't think that would taste very good," I commented as I let her turn me back towards the door.

"Actually, I was hoping I could talk to you alone, Elsa?"

I stopped, frowning a little in confusion as I glanced back towards Ashton. Anna sent me a questioning glance, and I nodded. "O-okay."

"I'll be in the kitchen when you're done," Anna said before smiling reassuringly and slipping past me.

I was left alone with Ashton. I never liked being alone with people I didn't know, and I had to constantly remind myself that this was someone that Anna knew and trusted. He wasn't going to hurt me. At least, he _shouldn't_ try to hurt me, since Anna trusted him. Then again, Anna was never the most rational when it came to that sort of thing… But if he was going to hurt her, he would have done it by now.

Focusing on my breathing helped soothe my sudden anxiety, and I leaned against Ashton's doorway. "What did you need?" I asked as normally as I could.

He hesitated, glancing down at my hands, which were folded in front of me, and then back up to my face. "You're… like me, aren't you?"

For a moment, I was confused by what he meant, and then it dawned on me that he was idly twisting a black ring around his right middle finger, not dissimilar to mine. It was something that I would do, too, when I was thinking about my asexuality or anxious in general.

I remembered Anna telling me she had an ace brother, all of those months ago at Morning Rush. It was the first shift we had closing together alone. I had completely forgotten about it when she invited me to stay the week in Tourrence.

My left hand's fingers immediately went to my own ring, toying with it lightly.

"…Yeah," I managed to say past the lump in my throat.

It was hard to tell, because he was actively trying to hide it, but he looked almost scared. A protective (big sibling?) instinct kicked in, and I softened, walking in and sitting down on the edge of his bed. I patted it, and after a minute, he sat down, too, a respectable distance away from me.

"I'm ace, too," I said, if only to reassure him further. "What did you want to ask me?"

He sighed and stared down at his hands. "…How did you know?"

"Well, I first thought I might be ace or something when I had to practically make out with the 'hottest', nicest guy in school and didn't feel anything. We were in a musical together – _Into the Woods_. I played the baker's wife and he played the prince, and if you've ever watched it, there's a scene where they meet in the woods and he had to pretty much seduce me. Every other girl in the grade was obsessed with this guy. I thought, you know, I'd surely have to like him, too, especially if I was going to kiss him. It didn't happen, of course. I didn't feel attracted to him at all. I didn't know what ace was back then, but I knew that something was different. A bit more experimentation, and some web-searching, and I figured it was as good a title as anything. It put me at ease a bit just to have _something_ to call myself."

He still wasn't looking at me, but there was a tiny smile on his face. It dissipated after a moment, and he looked somewhat glum again. To distract himself, I thought, he grabbed a cloth from the shelf beside his bed and began cleaning his glasses.

"…Did you think you were broken?"

The question came out of nowhere, but I wasn't necessarily surprised by it. I realized, years later, how scared he had sounded when he uttered it. It was only in retrospect that I thought about how much anyone else in his family would overreact if he had asked them that. Especially Anna.

After all, Anna had pretty much lost her shit when I mentioned thinking I was a monster on occasion. I've been known, at times, to call myself broken, as well, but it was this very discovery of my asexuality that led to the spiraling chain of events in which I realized that I _wasn't_ broken. Since then, that thought only crossed my mind at my truly low points – like when I almost hit my sister with an icicle.

"Do _you_ think you're broken?" I countered.

Ashton grimaced as he placed his glasses back on his nose. "Sometimes," he admitted quietly.

"Sometimes," I agreed. "Sometimes, I did, too."

"You don't anymore?"

"No."

"…How did you stop?"

"I realized that people are more than fuck machines."

He glanced towards me in surprise. "…Come again?" he asked in bewilderment.

"That's one of the common aphobic things, right? That we're biologically hardwired to have sex and reproduce, and so, aces aren't even human?" I pointed out, and then laughed bitterly. "Maybe animals are just fuck machines, I don't know, but humans are so much more. Someone can live a happy, fulfilling life without ever feeling sexual attraction. Some ace people even enjoy sex, and they choose to partake in it – they just don't feel the attraction. Sex is overglorified in today's society. It's not at all necessary to function, and if you can function, you are certainly not broken."

"I don't mind it with other people – I just become repulsed when it comes to me participating. I thought that surely, it meant something was wrong with me…"

"Ashton Blackwood, if you can live, then you're not broken. No one's broken – just a little bent sometimes." I actually worked up the courage to reach over and pat his knee, earning myself a grateful glance.

He ran a hand through his blond hair nervously. "Fuck, you're good…" he muttered.

I giggled and shook my head. "Anna could give me a run for my money, trust me. The only difference is she gets far more emotional than I do."

"I can see the resemblance," he joked, and then smiled genuinely. "Thank you, though, Elsa."

I stood and gave a mock salute. "Anytime," I told him, and then walked out of the room and down the stairs with more confidence than I had had thus far in this unfamiliar home.

* * *

My phone read 2:28 am.

I groaned and rolled over in the small twin bed that was in the guest room – or, my room for this next week. A bad dream had woken me up about an hour ago, and try as I might, I was too scared to even think about closing my eyes again.

It wasn't the fire dream. No. I hadn't had that one since getting shot. This one was perhaps even worse.

George Streiss was in it. That foster father who had abused me? The one who would treat me like shit, and be so very manipulating and terrifying all the while? The one with dark, brooding eyes that still haunted me? That one.

That wasn't exactly new – I had had several nightmares with him over the years. No, the new part – the one that made my blood run cold and forced me into a helpless, small little ball on my bed – was the fact that Anna was there, too, and he was running his disgusting hands up her arms, and she wasn't even aware of it. Only when he held a knife to her throat did she start begging and screaming for me to save her.

I tried. I did try. It was almost like I was tied up or something, I don't know. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even breathe. I could only watch helplessly as that awful man tortured her.

There was ice covering my walls when I woke up, but I had since been able to thaw it (a neat little trick I had been working on). It still amazed me every time it worked.

I jerked, suddenly feeling the inexplicable urge to check on Anna. For some sense of security, though, I braided my hair before leaving my room. My feet practically ghosted the floor as I tiptoed out of my room and across the hall towards hers. I hesitated briefly before knocking, able to appreciate the sad irony of the situation.

The door wasn't closed, so my knocking caused it to open slightly with a creaking noise. I stared at Anna, beginning to shift in her bed, and quickly lost my nerve. I debated running for a moment before deciding it was a good idea.

"Elsa?" Anna mumbled drowsily as she saw me turn to leave.

I paused, fiddling with the ends of my braid.

"Elsa, what do you need?"

I turned to face her again, trying and failing to keep my face blank. "I-I just wanted to… I mean… N-nothing… Don't worry about it, Anna. Go back to sleep."

She frowned as she rubbed at one of her eyes. "No, something's wrong," she said, and then yawned widely. "C'mere." She gestured for me to come closer, but I hesitated again, staring out the doorway. "Come here, Elsa," she said again, this time enunciating.

I let out a small, choked noise and gave in. I crawled onto her bed next to her but kept a few feet away, shame washing over me. I was twenty-one years old – almost twenty-two. I shouldn't need to run away to my younger sister's bed every time I had a bad dream.

"What's wrong?" she asked again, her tone tender. "Did you have a nightmare?"

Not wanting to show my fear, I shook my head fervently. Unfortunately, the tears that had begun carving paths down my cheeks told a different story. It went without saying that this was the first time I had slept anywhere besides my apartment or the hospital in several years.

Anna reached a hand out and gently cupped my chin, lifting my face to meet hers. "Do you want to stay here tonight? My bed's plenty big enough, you know. I don't mind at all."

I swallowed hard, staring at a far-off spot on the wall. I couldn't meet her soft, concerned gaze. I couldn't bring myself to meet it. Instead, I focused on the wall and gave a tiny nod.

Not needing further encouragement, Anna hooked an arm around my shoulders and drew me closer. I allowed it as she laid back and pulled me tight against her. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding when my head rested on her chest and I could hear her heart beating away in her chest, strong and steady.

The tears continued to fall, soaking the front of her nightgown. I didn't bother to stop them. I trembled with emotion and fear, and Anna didn't try to get me to talk about it – she just held me close to her and murmured soft words into my hair.

"Thank you…" I managed after a while, my tears finally beginning to abate.

Although I wasn't looking at her, I could hear her smile in her voice. "Anything for you, stinker," she teased.

I laughed quietly at that, and it wasn't long before I drifted off into a peaceful sleep again, feeling safe and warm.

**A/N: Please leave a review below!**


	22. Chapter 21: Sis-tuition

**A/N: Sorry this is so late. Because of the virus, there's been a lot of changes in my real life, and I'm rather not a fan of change. I'm gonna work on getting back on schedule. My university is going online for the rest of the semester, which means I'm also going to be working 30+ hours a week now that I'm back home. It might take some time to get back on schedule, but I'm gonna try.**

**Additionally, I'm going to be partaking in the Kingdom of Covid Frozen Angst Challenge from vuelie on tumblr for the next few days. I found it actually helps me get motivation for this story, so although it'll take a bit of time, doing those one-shots will help, I think. I'm about to post the first one, so feel free to go ahead and read it if you want!**

"Anna, where are you taking me?"

"Hush! We're almost there!"

I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time that day. It was the day before Thanksgiving, and so far, the week had gone pretty well. I mostly stuck by Anna's side, but I was getting more comfortable with her family.

Except for her adoptive father, Robert. He was still incredibly scary, and I think he realized that, because he made sure to keep a safe distance from me.

Anna had dragged me out of bed at five o'clock this morning – and, trust me, I was as surprised as you are that she was actually awake and functional at that time, since it was difficult to get her out of bed at all before noon or so, most days.

"Did you even sleep last night?" I asked.

"Shh!"

I shook my head with an amused smile. That explained it. Anna would crash later, and knowing her, she would crash _hard_. It was rare that her energy ran out, but when it did, it was like she was suddenly dead to the world. I had every intention of being there when she crashed, since it was now hard for me to go eight hours without getting incredibly tired. Hence why I was taking a nap pretty much every day.

Fucking bullet wound.

Anyway, I'm not going to go on complaining your ear off when there's clearly story to be told.

Namely, wherever the fuck Anna was taking me.

She had been very, very cryptic when she woke me up and rushed me out the door as quickly as she could. I had asked her a million times where she was taking me, but Anna did like her showy reveals and mysteries. And to think, she calls _me_ dramatic.

Okay, maybe I am. A little bit.

I'm getting off-track again, sorry. We had taken her car a couple miles away from the house and then parked it on the side of a dead road. Propelled by Anna, I entered the grassy fields beside the road. The grass was high enough to practically reach my waist, and this time, I'm not exaggerating. They were some tall weeds.

"I know you're probably getting tired, but I promise, we _are_ almost there."

I stopped and crossed my arms in annoyance. "I'm not tired," I argued defensively as she whirled around to face me.

"Okay, whatever, just come on. Please?" she begged.

"As long as you take a solid nap after this, Anna. I mean it."

She giggled and nodded. "I think I can do that," she agreed, once again taking my hand and pulling me forward.

We must have been walking for at least twenty minutes through the field, even as the grass thinned a bit and we began climbing over hills. I will admit that I got a _bit_ tired, but honestly, I was fully planning on napping with Anna, so I wasn't stressed about it.

Anna led me up one final hill – much bigger than the others we'd ascended.

At the top, we had a clear view of almost the entirety of Tourrence. I exhaled and tightened my grip on her hand as I took it all in. Out in the distance, the sun was just beginning to ascend into the sky, being prodded awake by the mountaintops, much in the way that I was prodded awake by my sister.

The sky was filled with streaks of different shades of blue and very, very faint pink and orange near where the sun was peeking out. The buildings of central Tourrence were cast in a dim light, no streetlamps in sight between them. It was all more beautiful than I think I had ever seen the sky before – and ever would again.

As the sun slowly chased away the moon and stars, I found that my eyes had grown wet. Anna gently tugged me down, and we both sat atop the steep hill, looking out over the valley. I felt Anna lean against me, and then I felt my arm mindlessly go around her.

"Do you like it?" she questioned meekly, and her voice actually seemed kind of nervous, as if she was expecting me not to like it.

I turned my head and pressed a kiss to the side of her head, letting it linger. I couldn't make my tongue work, so I tightened my grip and left it at that, hoping she understood what I was feeling despite my inability to articulate it.

When she sighed and shifted closer to me so her head was pressed into my neck, I thought that I might've succeeded in communicating that I liked it.

Or maybe Anna had just gotten very good at reading me. It was hard to tell.

A small voice in the back of my head told me that it didn't matter. That was a funny thought to me, since my mind was so overactive that everything seemed to matter, all the time. Except when I was shutting down, but I wasn't shutting down right now. That was something that I was able to say with confidence.

Maybe Anna just had sister intuition, like she had said so long ago. Sis-tuition, she had called it, right?

In spite of myself, a small bubble of laughter burst forth, causing Anna to pull back and send me an inquisitive look.

"Sorry, I just… Sis-tuition. I remember that."

She giggled and quickly settled back against me. "Yeah. I like to think I know you better than you know yourself."

"Probably," I conceded with a grin.

"Are you okay?" she asked then, surprising me.

"I'm… better than okay, I think. I… My mind is really loud, sometimes. Most of the time. It can get really overwhelming. It keeps going, you know, despite how hard I try to stop it. That's why I get these awful ideas of being a monster. Because I can't stop it from going that far. With you, though…" I sighed and nuzzled the top of her head. "You make the voices quiet down a bit. You make it a little easier to function."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and turned her head so her nose was touching my collarbone. "That's all I want," she murmured as her grip tightened a little.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding and closed my eyes. "I'm going to protect you, Anna," I whispered then, for no clear reason at all. "No matter what happens. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

* * *

"Some wine, Elsa?"

I glanced up at Robert, but only managed to meet his gaze for a second before diverting mine. "One glass, please," I answered.

He brought a glass of red wine to the table and placed it before my spot. I was standing behind the counter with Anna's mother, using tongs to move the pinnekjøtt ribs from the rack to an empty plate. Anna had pretty much demanded I make it, even though it is _technically_ a Christmas dish.

I had very little doubt that she'd make me cook it up for Christmas dinner, too.

Anna and Ashton were sitting at the table, ladling mashed potatoes onto their plates. Robert disappeared down the hallway to get Kevin, his seat at the table already prepared for him.

"You know, Anna was the cutest little kid," her mother was saying.

"Please. I was a tornado with pigtails," Anna giggled.

"She would always bring wounded animals into the house and try to save them. I always wondered how the animals got wounded in the first place, but she never had a straight answer regarding that."

I grinned, sparing a glance towards Anna while still being aware of the very hot rack before me. "You should have seen her when she was really little. I don't think there was a single window in the house that she hadn't broken by the age of five."

"Balls or bats?"

"Her head, usually."

"That explains a lot," Ashton commented while churning his potatoes with a spoon.

Their mother only laughed good-naturedly as Anna sputtered inarticulately. "I'll have you know, _sir_, that Elsa thinks I'm very smart!"

Once the pinnekjøtt was transferred to its plate, I crossed over to Anna and planted a kiss on the top of her head from behind while simultaneously putting the dish on the table. "You are incredibly smart, Anna. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

She beamed, and it was enough to make my heart soar. I loved causing her to smile. I had caused her a lot of pain and heartbreak in the past, so actually making her happy was something that I didn't think I'd ever get tired of.

"Kristoff thinks I'm smart, too. He'll tease me when I get things wrong, but he always does it jokingly. I know he doesn't actually think I'm dumb. He tells me every day how amazing he thinks I am, and… I just can't help but wonder how I got so lucky to have him," Anna began to ramble.

I sat down next to her and let her plop some potatoes onto my plate. "He threatened me."

She immediately stopped and stared at me with wide eyes. There were a lot of emotions swimming through them, but I couldn't quite pick any of them out.

"Well, not _threatened_ me, per se…" Bad word choice. Bad Elsa. "But after… Halloween. He came to my apartment and he was furious. I just… I kind of took it as threatening when it wasn't because he's… He's huge, Anna. Like. _Muscles_, you know?"

Her worried look melted into a smile and she giggled. "He is pretty buff," she admitted. "Its sweet that he tried to defend me, though…"

"Well, I'm glad you got someone good for you," her mother cut in. "After He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, you deserve someone who really cares about you."

"He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?" I asked with a curious glance at Anna.

She seemed to shrink away from my gaze, quickly dropping the lamb rib that had been in her hand. "Uh… An ex… He wasn't really good for me. He cheated on me a lot, and he only liked me as arm candy."

My fork fell from my hands, and I saw red tinge the edge of my vision. "Anna," I said carefully. "Give me his name. Address. My little sister doesn't get treated like that."

"No, no, it's alright," she sighed, reaching for my hand.

I withdrew before she could grab it, feeling the ice get dangerously close to the surface. It occurred to me that the conjoining kitchen and dining room had grown very quiet, and heat crept up the back of my neck, sharply contrasting the cold in my fingertips.

Desperate to keep as much dignity in front of Anna's family as I could, I cleared my throat and stood up. "I, uh… I'll be right back," I managed before practically running out of the room.

I fled up the stairs, slamming the door of Anna's room behind me. I didn't know why I had gone to her room instead of the guest room that I was staying in, but it could have to do with the fact that I had spent more nights of the week thus far in Anna's room than my own.

My hands clenched before me and I tried to calm myself by counting the seashells in Anna's collection. I didn't want to make a scene, not here, not now. I _couldn't_ make a scene. I had to calm myself down before I turned the entire house into a fucking ice palace.

Frost creeped up the walls, causing me to hold my hands closer to myself and let out a small whimper.

I just couldn't handle it. The fact that someone had hurt Anna – _my_ Anna – because I hadn't been there to protect her. Someone cruel, someone who very much deserved an icicle in his chest, had hurt my baby sister, and what did I do? Nothing. I cowered in a foster home, trying to forget the sound of my sister's voice because it was too painful to deal with.

I was so selfish. I didn't ever stop to think about how it would pain her. I was so wrapped up in my own tragedy (and I use that word sparingly, as I detest it so) that I tried to block out the desperation in her voice when she'd knock on my door and beg to build a snowman.

_Knock, knock, kn-knock, knock._

Immediately, I jerked farther from the door, staring at it in horror. "Elsa?" came Anna's small voice. "Are you in here? Please let me in. I just want to talk to you. It's okay, I promise."

I hesitated, glancing around at the ice covering the walls and edges of the floor. I had to remind myself that I promised Anna I'd try to let her in – and besides, this was her room. Taking a deep breath to steel myself, I went over to the door and opened it.

Anna stared in with wide eyes. When she noticed the ice on the walls, she quickly shuffled in and closed the door behind her. "Elsa," she said slowly, taking my arm and guiding me over to the bed. "What's wrong? Was it something I said?"

I opened my mouth and tried to respond, but no noise came out. She began rubbing my arms, and I focused on that rather than the obvious fact that I was a complete and utter disaster in anything I tried to do.

I wasn't a good sister. I wasn't a good friend. I wasn't a good daughter. What was I good at?

Hurting people.

Clenching my jaw, I leaned forward into Anna and willed the churning of my mind away. She was murmuring soft words, and I zeroed in on that and her touch, letting it ground me a little.

"It's Thanksgiving, Anna," I managed to choke out.

She gave a small hum. "It is."

"It's Thanksgiving, and we haven't shared one in thirteen years."

"I know. It's okay."

"But it's not!" I protested as I pulled back, leaving her grasp. "It's not okay! I abandoned you because I was _scared_, but I always just assumed you'd be okay. That you'd toughen up. That you'd have enough other good people in your life, and maybe you'd just forget about me."

Her brow furrowed in concern. "I'd never forget about you, Elsa. You're my _sister_."

"That's not the point," I said with an exasperated sigh. I couldn't seem to make my tongue say the words I wanted to say, and it was stressing me out. I drew my elbows closer to myself and tugged on my braid with one hand, the other balling into a fist and covering my right eye. I was hardly aware of the snow beginning to swirl around the room.

Anna placed her hand on one of my knees and began rubbing that due to the lack of arm available. "Then tell me what the point is. Take as much time as you need."

I closed my eyes and counted backwards from ten. When I reached zero, I had found that the snow had stopped midair and hung there, awaiting instruction that I was too rattled to give it.

"The point is," I began, and then took another deep breath to steel myself. "I am your big sister. I am supposed to be there to protect you. I wasn't, because I was following our parents' orders, and now, on Thanksgiving Day, I question them, and it feels like I'm betraying them in some way. You got hurt, and I wasn't there to protect you. You're supposed to bring out the best in people, and I got so scared of that, I wouldn't let you near, because I feared there was no 'best' in me. I am what I am. There's no changing that."

"You've brought out the best in me," Anna said meekly.

"No, Anna, I haven't. You bring out the best in people, and I bring out the worst. I have fear. That's it. When people are in a situation where they can have power over a fearful person, sometimes they do it. They might not be terrible people in and of themselves, but when they get near me, it's suddenly… flying fists and harsh words. That's the best I can figure it, anyway…"

Anna's eyes were brimming with tears. She didn't hesitate before reaching over and drawing me into a hug. "It's Thanksgiving," she pointed out quietly, for the fourth or fifth time this conversation. "Please come down and eat with us. No one in this house will hurt you. I promise. Do you trust me?"

I didn't even pause before nodding, for my throat had closed up and my tongue felt heavy and lame in my mouth.

She took my hand and gently began leading me out of the room. I spared a glance inside before leaving and observed that the ice had completely gone away.

When we sat back down at the table, no one said anything about my disappearance. They just continued chatting about whatever they were talking about before – which, as it seemed, was the new ice-skating rink up in Edenberg.

"Oh, absolutely, we must go up there over the summer," Anna's mother was saying. "It's a heck of a drive, for sure, all the way up to Edenberg, but I know how my little Anna-bug loves the ice and snow."

"I'm regretting coming back down," Anna sighed dramatically, but she shot me a smirk.

I'm not the best at reading facial expressions, but I know my Anna better than I know anyone else, and I'm pretty sure she was trying to communicate the fact that she was glad she had a personal ice machine at her ready.

I tried not to focus on the conversation, as I was still a little shaken up about He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, and instead worked on my meal. I had grabbed some turkey as well as a couple of my pinnekjøtt ribs to complement my mashed potatoes.

"These are very good, Elsa," Ashton commented as he finished off one of the ribs. "Fuck Norway for hiding them away."

"Language," his mother chided.

He rolled his eyes. "Screw Norway for hiding them away."

"It was our Mama's recipe," I told them. "I was making pinnekjøtt with her since I was six. I had her write it down when I was eight so that I could have it with me. Unfortunately, it got lost in the move to America, but I had it committed to memory by then."

"Hey," Anna said suddenly. "Why didn't she let me cook with her?"

I fought to hold back a grin. "Because you had the grace of a one-legged cat, Anna."

Her father let out a hearty chuckle. "I don't doubt that," he teased lightly.

"That's not fair. What other recipes do you have?"

"Fårikål. Lefsa. Lutefisk, of course. Fiskeboller med hvit saus. Maybe some more, I don't remember."

Anna's jaw dropped. "That's it. I'm making you my own personal chef over winter break." She paused, thinking for a moment. "You know what I _do_ know how to make, though? Pølse med Lompe."

For those of you non-Norwegians, Pølse med Lompe is basically Norwegian hotdogs.

I raised an amused eyebrow. "Oh, Anna, you're a master of the culinary arts," I teased.

"Bow down before my glory."

We went back to our meal, sometimes making idle chatter again. Kevin had been sat down at his spot before Anna and I came back, and he was mostly quiet, picking at his food. Whenever I caught him looking at me, I gave him an encouraging smile, but he always diverted his gaze back down to his plate immediately and stabbed it with his fork, one hand fiddling with something underneath the table.

"Kevin, buddy?" Robert said after some time. "Didn't you have something you wanted to give Elsa?"

He glanced at his father and nodded, then shook his head, and then nodded again, all while not looking at me.

I'll admit, my curiosity was somewhat piqued.

"What is it, Kevin?" I asked softly. "What do you have?"

He dropped his fork and lifted what he had been fingering all meal with both hands. It seemed to be a sloppily folded piece of paper. He hesitated, scrunching his nose up as he stared at it, and then slid it across the table towards me.

I took the paper and carefully unfolding it, pausing to look at what was inside.

It was a snowflake, not unlike the one that I had seen him drawing on Sunday, but still different, as if he understood that no two snowflakes were exactly the same. It was very intricate and very symmetrical, and he had attempted to write my name at the top, but it looked like he was better with small strokes of a pen than bigger ones, for the handiwork on my name was a bit jagged and imprecise.

Still, I couldn't help but smile as I looked at the picture. I reached out a hand and gently rested it on Kevin's. "Thank you, Kevin," I said sincerely.

He beamed and looked away, idly twisting his fingers together. When his father gently patted his shoulder and pointed at his plate again, Kevin took the instruction and set back to work on his food.

Anna leaned over and looked at the picture. "I think he likes you," she giggled quietly into my ear.

I rolled my eyes and pushed her away, folding the paper again and placing it securely in the pocket of my jeans. I gave it a little pat before returning to my own meal.

The rest of the meal went off without so much as a bump. I was even engaging in the conversation, to an extent, and not only when it was about Anna. It was easier to engage when it was about her, true, but I was really trying, and the smiles on Anna's face when I'd actually talk to her family unprompted were enough to keep me trying.

The only other time I nearly panicked – and very well would have if not for Anna and the glass of wine warming my stomach – was when we had migrated to the living room. Her father had turned on the news, and it just so happened that they were discussing something from Evansy.

"You're from Evansy, Elsa, aren't you?" Anna asked, as if to add insult to injury.

I was unable to hold back a wince. I had vowed never to go back to Evansy – there were far too many bad memories there. School was a shitshow. Most of my foster families were a shitshow. If I thought being isolated at age eight in my parents' comfy house was bad, being in America after Aunt Gerda died was far, far worse.

It was like I had told Anna. I had a tendency to bring out the worst in people.

"…The appeal for the case of George Streiss this past Monday ended with a shortening of his sentence. As of today, his release from Evansy Federal Prison into a probationary period is set for January 27th of next year. Almost four years ago, he was sent to prison with a sentence of six years on charges for continuous child abuse. The child, whose identity will remain anonymous, had recently turned eighteen when they were convicted of stabbing George Streiss in self-defense. The medical professionals were able to stabilize him before sending him to the prison. Furthermore…"

I couldn't understand much of what they said next because of the blood rushing in my ears. I unconsciously scooted closer to Anna and screwed my eyes shut and tried to keep air moving in and out of my lungs.

It was okay. It would be okay. I could deal with that later. It was a holiday. I shouldn't have to deal with George fucking Streiss on a holiday.

For once, it worked. Mostly because Anna was nearby, and her family turned on a game that we all took turns playing, and the wine from earlier was sending a small buzz through my mind. I wasn't great at the game, but I wasn't bad, either. I was a lot newer to it than they were. I think Anna let me win a couple times, though, which was a bit annoying, but I was able to step back and appreciate the thought.

When we returned to her room, Anna was about to leave for the bathroom so she could change when I was overcome with emotion that I couldn't quite describe.

I hugged her from behind out of nowhere with an iron-clad grip, not caring about the pain it caused me. Anna let out a surprised squeak and tried to dislodge my arms, but I refused to budge, even a little.

I was shaking as I hugged her, my head bent down and my cheek pressing against her back.

"Whoa, okay, Elsa, hang on," she said, struggling with me for a minute. I slackened my grip a tiny bit, and it allowed her to turn around in my arms so she could hug me back properly. "What happened? What's wrong?"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. She was always the instant caretaker. No matter what she was feeling or what she wanted, she was immediately there and ready to take care of whoever needed her at that moment.

She tried to bring my head down to her chest, but I refused and instead placed it on top of hers so that she was pressed against me. After all, I wasn't sure exactly what I was feeling that was so overwhelming, but I was aware that it wasn't bad.

My throat was thick with tears, and that made absolutely zero sense, but by that point, I was really tired from the day, and didn't have the strength to fight it.

"Thank you," I managed to whisper. "Thank you for sharing all of this with me."

It went without saying that I hadn't had any sort of real familial interaction since I was eight years old. I didn't care about that, for once. All I cared about was the fact that, even after all of this time and everything I'd put her through, my little sister was still there for me. She was still looking out for me. I felt safe with her, and at that point, that was all that mattered.


End file.
